(This is an amazing video! Can you believe that the first time ABBA sang on television it was to belt out “California Here I Come!” on some lame Swedish TV show!)
Finally, men, our chance is here! Like the women in Aristophenes’ Lysistrata, it is time to band together as a gender and make changes to society. Today, the California Supreme Court ruled that same-sex couples DO have a constitutional right to marry. We now have the unique opportunity to put an end to the tyranny of women, with their living room “design” ideas, their need to watch “The Bachelor,” their pricey shoes and most importantly, their selfish refusal to give oral sex to us while we drive down the Santa Monica Freeway.
The answer is clear. We must marry each other. Man to Man. Legally. May I suggest that you board a flight to Los Angeles or San Francisco immediately? We will be waiting for you.
Don’t worry about those pesky rumors of high housing prices in California. There are TONS of foreclosures on the market. Because of the Iraq War, the economy is sinking fast. And since men usually make more money than women, it is economically SMART for two men to marry each other. Why settle for a mate who only makes 77 percent of what a man earns? Think about it. Until now, men have been a bunch of suckers, working our asses off at shitty jobs, holding up the fort for a bunch of female slackers who fool us by smelling nice, like modern day Mata Haris.
Think how simple life can be — man and man. No more fighting over doing the dishes. We just won’t do the dishes! We’ll eat at Taco Bell every night. All this eating out will also have a positive influence on the economy!
The only hurdle, and it is a slight one — is that most men find each other rather repulsive when the clothes come off. As someone who married into a Russian family, I offer a unique solution for this issue — vodka, especially the really cheap brand that tastes like unleaded gasoline. Of course, since we will also be in two-male-income family units, most of us will also have enough expendable income to bring in the hookers.
Thank you, California!
Note: It has come to my attention that this ruling mostly applies to same-sex GAY couples, and was not intended as an easy way for straight men to avoid dealing with the craziness of neurotic straight women. My apologies.