Citizen of the Month » Name Your Sandwich at Neilochka’s Virtual Kosher Deli

Name Your Sandwich at Neilochka’s Virtual Kosher Deli

Blonde shiksa enjoying a “Neilochka”

Earlier today, I received a comment on my last post suggesting that it might be easier to earn immortality by having my own sandwich at a Jewish deli rather than creating a drink named a Neilochka. Not a bad idea. After all, half of you didn’t even know that a lemonade/iced tea was called an Arnold Palmer. Clearly, my readers are lushes who only know the names of drinks with vodka or tequila inside.

I love the sandwich idea. It totally fits my “branding.” I love sandwiches. I’m Jewish. And there is something very sexy about a woman eating MY sandwich.

But I’m all about community. In the spirit of the Great Interview Experiment, I believe that Everyone is a Somebody. That’s why, today I am opening Neilochka’s Virtual Kosher Deli. Think of it as a Subway extreme. The options are unlimited. You create your own sandwich — the meat, cheese, or vegetables, the condiments, and the type of bread — and then name it after yourself.

My sandwich, the Neilochka, is fairly simple, which reflects my personality. Corned beef, sauerkraut, spicy wasabi mustard, on rye bread. No cheese or vegetables. Enjoy it for lunch.

What is your sandwich? Write it in the comments.

Smitten? Ariela? Marisa?

Thanks, Girnormous Boobs, for the inspiration. (Uh, you certainly have an interesting name there. Sorry about the matzoh ball joke I made in the comments. Your sandwich should definitely be on a Kaiser roll).

Tags: delis, immortality, sandwiches

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96 Comments so far
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my sandwich is the “Frolicker”:
grilled chicken thinly sliced on lightly toasted sourdough with garlicky mayonnaise, sun-dried tomatoes and crispy lettuce. shoe string fries on the side.

i’m glad to see a pickle with that Neilochka.

The Soupytwist
Hot pastrami with coleslaw and spicy brown mustard on toasted Pumpernickel with a cup of tomato soup.

OMG, I’m so hungry right now.

The RhiRhi:

Sourdough with Cream Cheese, Turkey, Avocado, Tomato and Sprouts. I’m also going to need Salt and Vinegar Chips on the side.

Toasted Russian black bread, thin slices of avocado and tomato with a pinch of flaky sea salt. Sometimes I put a few drops of red wine vinegar on it. Oh, or peanut butter and jelly. I’m not picky, you know, not one bit…

My goodness, I just reread my comment and want to clarify that the peanut butter and jelly would be a separate sandwich. Am utterly nauseated at the thought otherwise.

Tomato, cucumber, broccoli sprouts on whole wheat bread, with either really expensive mustard or olive oil and vinegar (salad on two pieces or bread). I was vegan for a long time and things like mustard become important when you’re eating essentially bunny food.

Mine will be called “The Slight Regret.” Roast beef, pastrami, and pepperoni, with tomatoes, onions, peppers, banana peppers, and a French dressing/horseradish sauce. Honey-nut sub roll.

With onion rings.

God, I am so hungry now and nothing in my house comes even close. My sandwich is a simple hot pastrami on grilled rye with just mustard and mayonaise. My other favorite already has a name Ruben.

Eating my sandwich as we speak. Behold the Kelliqua: Flatbread with a big smear of artichoke/spinach hummus, feta, tomato, artichoke hearts, sprouts, salt and pepper.

With an Arnold Palmer because here in the South that’s the only way to get less sugar in the Sweet Tea.

Turkey, swiss cheese, avocado, tomato and red-pepper mayonaisse on a wheat roll. Best served with a side of cheddar potato chips. See, the turkey is deceptively mild, but the smoothness of the avocado and the bite of the mayo blend with it create quite the mix of personality traits.

The next time I watch that movie, I’ll be thinking of how wonderful the Neilochka is. “I’ll have what she’s having” indeed!

The Miguelina

Chunky chicken salad with grapes, walnuts, and avocado on a toasted croissant.

you sometimes amaze me with your genius.

okay…

The Sarcomical Surprise:
sourdough
solid white tuna
american cheese
dill pickle slices
…all toasted!

beat that!

The “I’mStealin’URSandwich” Sandwich. Because on this diet that I’m on, I’m too hungry to put forth the effort of making my own sandwich.

Frenchy -

Black Forest Ham, peppercini, havarti cheese. Mustard, mayo, served on a baquette.

I’m going to give my sammich a little more thought, but in the meantime I want a bite of Kelliqua’s! Mmm.

Also, does a Neilochka sammy evoke the same response that the blonde shiksa had to hers? I’m just askin’.

I’m going to call this “How ’bout THEM Apples, Jack?!”:

Toasted Onion Bagel
Monterey Jack Cheese
Thinly Sliced Gala Apples
A Slight Essence of Champagne Mustard

(Delivered with fried pickle slices and a grimace.)

The sandwich I invented about 15 years ago is:

Toasted white bread
Yellow mustard
Black olives

I call it the Toasted Poet.

I despise rye bread. For some reason, it completely disgusts me.

For me, some form of a chicken parm sandwich would be ideal. I wonder if a chicken parm bagel sandwich would be any good…

The Whoorl!

Tuna salad - mine includes solid white albacore tuna, chopped red onion, chopped green olives, pepper and a dab of mayo

Served open-faced on an Everything bagel with swiss cheese melted on top. YUM.

Steak Sandwich!

I love tuna, so I think I may have to try the Whoorl.

I’m starving. This post is not helping matters.

The Sizzle Sandwich: Roasted eggplant and peppers drizzled with pesto, melted mozzarella with garlic aioli on toasted focaccia bread.

OK so if I can’t have my vodka it’ll be :

The Sassalicious :

Avocado,
melted gruyere (something French, of course !)
smoked turkey
alfalfa sprouts, &
Mustard.

I have to go now. I just made my own mouth water.

I’m not going to lie. I keep coming back looking for sandwich ideas. I may have to bookmark this post.

[...] is asking for your favourite sandwich. Now I want a sandwich. With [...]

A whole grain, nutty bread with turkey,swiss cheese baby spinach and butter lettuce, roasted red peppers, sprouts, cucumbers, tomatoes, pesto, and a vinaigrette

The communicatrix:

albacore tuna salad (dressed with olive oil, lemon juice, capers and scallions)

SCD-legal almond mini-bread slices, re-baked in low oven (200F) until lightly browned and crisp through

topped with

thinly sliced sharp cheddar

1. Assemble open-faced sandwiches on ToastROven tray.

2. Set to “top broil” until cheese is melted

3. Top with SCD-legal green olive slices

Eat me!

Your sandwich sounds delicious. I don’t really go to Jewish delis, the ones I’ve been to have been too bland for me. Your sandwich does not sound bland in the least.

My sandwich, not for the dieter:

A hearty whole wheat roll, sliced in half and most of the insides scooped out. Filled with a mixture of leftover KFC original recipe cold chicken, skins included, avocado, diced tomato, and cubed mozzarella with a ranch-chipotle sauce. Add about 1/2 bag of Lay’s potato chips and several fresh fans of green-leaf lettuce, put the top on, and brush with oil. Peperoncinis on the side.

The DC…

honey wheat kaiser roll
plain cream cheese
avacado
lettuce
chicken breast
tiny bit of ranch dressing

mmmmm……

I want a corned beef sandwich now.

The LVGurl:
Turkey, ham, salami, roast beef, and pastrami… on a fresh sourdough roll… with mustard, mayo, shredded lettuce, tomato, and pickles.

ohhh goood lord… i have been totally craving sandwhiches lately, and this doesn’t help much! Everyone sounds so delicious!

Mine would be:
Turkey
Ham
Bacon
Spicy Dijon Mustard and Balsamic Mayo
cucumbers tomatoes
sprouts

on freshly baked multi grain foccacia

with
Mixed baby greens
fresh pears
crumbled blue cheese
toasted almonds
with raspberry vinnaigrette.

it shall be named:

I Am the Sandwhich

and you can eat it in the bistro while reading my blog.

Oh boy, a fresh Cheddar and Herb bagel, toasted, with a few slices of vine ripened garden tomato, three slices of marble cheddar cheese, a little dab of Miracle Whip and salt and pepper to taste!

Wow, these sandwiches are really saying a lot about your personalities.

LVGurl — turkey, ham, salami, roast beef and pastrami?! Either you are indecisive or a total slut.

Memarie Lane — What the hell kind of sandwich is that? No wonder why delis are bland to you! That’s like the type of sandwich they would make in an insane asylum! Scoop out the bread? KFC Chicken? Were you raised by wolves?

Lou P — You “despise” rye bread? Maybe you should try the “Memarie Lane sandwich” instead.

Miguelina — That sounds really good, and simple enough that I can make it.

Kristen — I hope you realize that your sandwich is basically olives on toast. Are you very minimalist in everything you do?

Like the looks of your sandwich.

Mine’s on light rye, hazelnut spread (that’s not a come-on), avocado, tomato and fresh basil.

and it would have to be toasted. Would that go without saying?

OMG, I am so hungry now I might mug one of you for those sammies.

The Finn:

Rare roast beef
Sliced Roma tomato
Thinly sliced Vidalia onion
Garlic and herb spreadable cheese (Boursin or Allouette)
on Pesto Cibatta bread

Grilled steak, thinly sliced red onions, blue cheese vinaigrette on ciabatta. Toasted.

The Buzzgirl:

An acceptable variation would be to substitute fontina or gruyere cheese for the blue cheese vinaigrette, but adding white truffle oil.

God, that sounds so good right now - and I just ate lunch!

I’m bookmarking this post for meal ideas.

My sandwich? Hmmm.

9-grain bread toasted. Light herbed cream cheese, lettuce, sliced cucumbers, tomatoes, red onions, sprouts, green peppers. Dill pickle on the side.

Oh my, these sandwiches sound good!

My sandwich is thinly sliced chicken breast, thinly sliced granny smith apples, herbed Boursin cheese, on multi-grain bread.

This is the only way I ever get fruit into my diet.

I call it: The Dingo Ate my Sandwich

Neil- there would still be bread, but it would be scooped so the bread would fit around it, like a sourdough bread bowl. If it seems weird to you, remember- I’m pregnant!

My sammie:

toasted whole grain bread (sans crusts)
cream cheese
thinly sliced apples
thinly sliced english cucumbers

Served with G.U.S. Ginger Ale. Aaaahhh! Refreshing!

The Catheroo:

roasted turkey
pesto mayo
goat cheese
tomatoes
romaine lettuce
on ciabatta

I haven’t found this sandwich anywhere. Will someone make me one? Thanks.

The DiSammich

Slightly warmed roast beef
pesto spread on sourdough bread
havarti

Gotta run…now hungry!

The Bloomwich:

Whitefish salad on egg bread with tomato, cucumber and sweet purple onion. Yummmm…salty and smokey, yet crunchy and delicious!

You put sauerkraut on it and I won’t swallow. Just sayin- bleach.

The Barranti:

American, Provolone, and Swiss, grilled (directly on the grill), on Italian bread with oil-and-vinegar cole slaw and french fries. This is a direct rip-off of my favorite Primanti Bros. sandwich. OMG I wish I were in Pittsburgh right now. I can make this sandwich at home but I already spent my food budget for the week. Also I am too fat.

The Empy (in honor of my beloved grandmother)

toasted Roman Meal bread, crunchy almond butter, and spicy bread & butter pickles. Enjoy with a smile. (Just remember this one thing before you turn away in disgust - peanut butter is not sweet.)

Hmm… this might be tomorrow’s breakfast, just on white bread. Peanut butter & pickle sandwiches have been loved by the women in my family for at least 3 generations. My twist is almond & whole wheat.

Grilled chicken on sourdough with avocados,please with pepper on my paprikash And pie..?

so excited about my sammich I forgot to name it–Paprikash Surprise.

Ok, I’ve got two…

1. Soft warmed pita stuffed with shaved mesquite smoked turky, thin slives of fresh avocado, provalone, bacon and sprouts. It’s delish.

2. Cinnamon raisin babka in a panini with super thin slices of pierre robert brie and crispy slices of green apple. It’s a total taste bud orgasm.

Fresh tomato from the garden
Thick slice of mozzarella cheese
Homemade pesto

Mine is bologna and liverwurst on a chocolate bagel.

Seriously. The THB. The gift that keeps on giving.

Toasted sour dough bread that is then lightly dipped in egg and fried until dry.
Cheddar Cheese, home-made brown sugar based bbq sauce, with a slice of pork roast or meat loaf.

I usually just skip the sandwich and go right for the pickle.

Teahouse — bologna and liverwurst on a chocolate bagel?! I’m going to get tossed out of the Jewish Deli Guild for serving that monstrosity!

I am bookmarking this page for eternity.

Oh, yeah! I’m smitten enough to delurk and give you the Sexy Blogger Award.

Come on by, and:

Get your sexy on
Go ahead, be gone with it

Cajunvegan — Thank you. I appreciate someone who finds sandwiches sexy.

Why did you have to post about a sandwich that sounds so damn good when I’m trying to lose weight??

I’ll name mine the Hurley. It will have cheese, tomato and red pasta sauce.

Heather Hero:

Whole Wheat Kaiser Roll
Fresh turkey breast
Curry mayonnaise
Cranberries
Sprouts
Aged Swiss
Applewood smoked bacon
Avocado
Thin sliced beefsteak tomato
Fresh ground pepper and kosher salt to taste
And a big ass, cold, crunchy, dill on the side.

And yes, my mouth IS big enough for that sandwich.

The V-Grrrl Sandwich

Musician on one side
Writer on the other
V-Grrrl in the Middle
Served on warm sheets

The Dad Sandwich

Rye or pumpernickel bread
Roast Beef (red)
Purple onion
spring mix
thinly-cut avocado slices
tomato
alfalfa or onion sprouts
mayo

Actually, I’ve made that sandwich for Brett, “Dad” and it’s a scrumptious thing indeed. Made one for my younger brother and he had an epiphany that he needed to start dating girls who weren’t cuisine challenged. Married a caterer.

Here’s the Book Slobber (there’s no neat way to eat this):

Thick slices of multi-grain bread
large gobs of vegetarian chopped liver (recipe below)
spring mix
thinly sliced Vidalia onion
sprouts

Veggie Chopped Liver (don’t laugh, this is good. It’s adopted from “Moosewood Cookbook”)

3 cups frozen chopped green beans, microwaved for 12-15 minutes until they’re a yucky dark green, but not dehydrated

1 large yellow onion, chopped and sauteed in olive oil until transparent. Careful not to burn it.

1/2 c. chopped walnuts
2 hard boiled eggs
2 Tablespoons mayo
fistfuls of fresh Italian parsley
salt and pepper to taste
dash of lemon juice to taste

Mix everything in a food processor until it forms a fine paste. Yum!

Our 2Dolphins Tuna Wrap laughs heartily at your paltry excuses for sammiches:

1 pkg Albacore tuna (in the pouch, not can)
2-3 dollops of real mayo
2 spoonfuls of dill relish
1 finely chopped celery stick
Several liberal pinches of finely chopped parsley & chives
Coupla sprinkles of red pepper flakes
Splash (or two) of Tabasco sauce

Serve with shredded sharp Cheddar cheese and shredded romaine or green leaf lettuce on a Mission Carb Balance whole grain tortilla.

High protein. High fiber.

Kick-butt lunch!

I’ll have what she’s having

by the way, when I wrote “Inland Empress” I had a category called “Sandwich Maven”

Here’s the link: http://snipurl.com/235px

I’d never noticed before what a saucy minx V-Grrrl is.

Turkey breast, stuffing, and cranberry sauce on toasted, thick-sliced wheat bread, sprinkled with rosemary.

V-grrrl — Marry me.

Rob O — I like how you say “real” mayo. None of that non-fat fake crap for you!

The Punchline:

Roast beef
Caramelized onion
Fresh Tomato
Roasted garlic
Blue cheese
Provolone

All melted on an awesome french bread.

I don’t have a sandwich. I love a good 3 cheese grilled sandwich on sourdough.

my tuna has white tuna, real mayo, dried onion, parm cheese and apples.

I LOVE EGG salad too! my secret ingredient is horseradish.

The Carpe Diem

you’ll need a pure blue sky;

one crusty baguette;

cheese–some stinky & some creamy;

a handful of fruit;

a nice bottle of wine & some mineral water;

one companion;

and a blanket.

Instructions: gather ingredients quickly, overthinking spoils it. Toss them all together and head directly for the most scenic natural setting you can get to inside an hour.

Ne regrettez rien.

Kyran — There’s no way my kosher deli will have the resources to make that sandwich, unless it is a special take-out deal, but I found that romantic and sexy. Still, no pickle or french fries?

I’ll take a nice, hearty whole-grain bread topped with roasted eggplant, red pepper, cucumbers and hummus. Maybe sprinkle on a little crumbled goat cheese too. I’m not a huge carnivore.

But V-Grrl and Non-Highlighted Heather both had tasty sounding options!

Wendy’s Wicked Ticket

avacado
shrimp..the big good ones..cut into pcs
green onion
little mayo
little lemon juice
little sugar
lots of spice..

all tucked in a nice tight pocket.

pita, that is.

I say keep it simple:

Take 2 pillowy soft buns, insert a flavorful kielbasa, top with a secret sauce and you’re done.

BTW, wow, can’t believe I inspired this here post!

You gonna eat that pickle?

Corned Beef
Pastrami
Spicy Deli Mustard
Lettuce
Tomato
Gruyère
in a baguette and a side of au jus.

I call it the French NYer.

Make mine a Whoorl, but on sourdough
bread instead of a bagel.

The Toronto Twist

A large twister bagel, slightly toasted, w/
whipped cream cheese
sliced tomato
sliced kosher dill
fresh bean sprouts.

Nothing too exciting, just hearty and digestable!

Follow with a tall glass of cold, grapefruit juice.

I would totally eat your sandwich…and wow, that sounds vaguely dirty. In any event, I bring you The Metalia: A salt bagel (toasted twice) with a thin layer of horseradish mustard, topped with one slice of swiss, one slice of cheddar, avocado, a few slivers of red onion, and freshly ground black pepper. It’s my absolute favorite.

I loved this post! I keep coming back to see what everyone else has come up with for sandwhiches! BTW I’ve got an award for you, an award of Excellence. Come check it out if you’re into that kind of thing!

Sorry, I’m slightly distracted by the large pickle in the photo….

My sandwich? I think the Gorilla would be befitting:

French bread
spicy mustard
pepper jack cheese
salami
provolone cheese
banana peppers
peppered turkey
jalepeno peppers
thinly sliced red onions
swiss cheese
smoked ham
olive relish
cherry peppers
bacon
topped with zesty italian dressing

Somehow, I don’t think this is Kosher or would be served in your deli.

and yes, I’ve made this sandwich for my husband. He married me for it.

my god that sam-wich looks very good, i wish to eat it now.

i only learned of the arnold palmer while lunching with business people in las vegas.

Frankly it is hard to beat V-Grrrl’s response but here’s mine anyway!

The 180/360 Italian Club

Parmesan focaccia spread with pesto aioli and layered 3 times with egg crepe, provolone, turkey, bacon, and cheddar.

There’s a receipe for The Therapydoc. Throw away the yokes of three eggs (just do it) and whip them with a little milk, no it doesn’t matter what kind, but it should be kosher. Fry mozzarella in a small none-stick pan, add the whites until they’re looking hard, season with pepper, a little salt, add a slice of rye, preferably a big, one, maybe corn rye even, lightly brown the mozzarella, and flip it to toast the bottom of the bread.

This is the best post I’ve ever seen. Everyone should have a signature sandwich.

Not a lot of flash in my favorite sandwich. Egg salad made with Miracle whip, minced red onions, topped with thinly sliced radishes, and spinach. I usually eat this on a whole wheat tortilla. That will have to be the exciting part.

Neil–Let’s get married and make sandwiches together all our days.

Non-highlighted Heather? You made my day by calling me a saucy minx.

The only way the naming-your-own-sandwich thing is going to work is if you write it in every menu at every deli/restaurant you visit. And, make sure you write the ingredients as well as the price, or know one will take you seriously. And if there is no paper menu, have custom signs printed up which you can post in the windows describing your sandwich/it’s price. Call it Deli Graffiti if you want. Trust me, it’ll work.

Oh, and I’ll have a fried peanut butter/ banana sandwich to go, please.

The Lone Beader has now left this blog.

i think you should forgot about the movie script you’re working on and publish a cookbook instead.

White meat chicken with curry mayo–not too much–celery, and green grapes on a French baguette.

My favorite sandwich: two thick slices of buttermilk bread stuffed with Monterey Jack cheese, avocado slices, mustard, mayo, bean sprouts and maybe a leaf or two of spinach.

fun idea. i guess mine would be gooey soft brie and slightly smooshed raspberries in a croissant. warmed but not toasted. with a chunk of dark chocolate on the side. as for a name. um… the slorgcatcher? i’m really not so good with names.

Neil,

I’m not a minimalist, I’m just poor and lazy.

The Plex Flexico:

Take a VERY fresh pita, lay flat on cutting board. Spread half with Sambal Olek and half with hummus. Lay some falafel balls down and squish with the back of a spoon to flatten, Add a generous amount of cucumbers and tomatoes that have been diced, salted with lemon salt and left overnight in a colander in the fridge, drained well and mixed with a bit of tahineh. Add some strips of turnip pickle (Those violently magenta ones!) and roll up, tucking in one end. Roll in waxed paper and foil and let sit for 2 or 3 minutes for the flavors to blend a bit.

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