The announcement came from Rome: after pressure from the ACLU, the courts had decided that crucifixion was unconstitutional. Jesus was released and returned to his job as a carpenter, continuing his sermons as a side gig, speaking out on progressive issues important to the local community while raising his blended family.
(Coming soon: An NPR Passover — where God’s Ten Plagues are held up in court as excessive punishment, Moses negotiates with the Pharaoh, and the Children of Israel remain in Egypt as immigrant-workers, but with better health insurance.
A man appears at the door. It is Irving Berlin.
Irving Berlin: What kind of stupid post is this on Easter?
Neil: Irving Berlin? What are you doing here?
Irving Berlin: I like to show up on every important Christian holiday.
Neil: Why’s that?
Irving Berlin: Well, the last time I came to remind you that shiksas love Jewish men who write Christmas songs. Today, I’m going to brag about Jewish guys who write Easter songs.
Neil: I never liked “Easter Parade” that much. Sort of a boring song.
Irving Berlin: F**k you, Neilochka. Let’s see how you lucky YOU get with non-Jewish girls when you move out of Sophia’s house.
Neil: You know, Irving, would it have killed you to actually write a song for your own people — like a Passover song? I’ve always found Jewish girls very hot.
Irving Berlin: Yeah, I guess they can be sexy. But I avoid them because they remind me of my mother.
Neil: That’s silly.
Irving Berlin: You know, Sophia actually looks like your mother when she was younger.
Neil: What are you saying? That I want to…. my own mother?!
Irving Berlin: How’s therapy going, Neilochka?”
Happy Easter! Here are a few photos from the Easter Parade that Sophia and I took a few years ago –