Citizen of the Month

the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

An NPR Easter

The announcement came from Rome:  after pressure from the ACLU, the courts had decided that crucifixion was unconstitutional.   Jesus was released and returned to his job as a carpenter, continuing his sermons as a side gig, speaking out on progressive issues important to the local community while raising his blended family.

(Coming soon:  An NPR Passover — where God’s Ten Plagues are held up in court as excessive punishment,  Moses negotiates with the Pharaoh, and the Children of Israel remain in Egypt as immigrant-workers, but with better health insurance.

Postscript:

A man appears at the door.  It is Irving Berlin.

Irving Berlin: What kind of stupid post is this on Easter?

Neil: Irving Berlin?  What are you doing here?

Irving Berlin: I like to show up on every important Christian holiday.

Neil: Why’s that?

Irving Berlin: Well, the last time I came to remind you that shiksas love Jewish men who write Christmas songs.  Today, I’m going to brag about Jewish guys who write Easter songs.

Neil: I never liked “Easter Parade” that much.  Sort of a boring song.

Irving Berlin: F**k you, Neilochka.  Let’s see how you lucky YOU get with non-Jewish girls when you move out of Sophia’s house.

Neil: You know, Irving, would it have killed you to actually write a song for your own people — like a Passover song?  I’ve always found Jewish girls very hot.

Irving Berlin: Yeah, I guess they can be sexy.  But I avoid them because they remind me of my mother.

Neil: That’s silly.

Irving Berlin: You know, Sophia actually looks like your mother when she was younger.

Neil: What are you saying?  That I want to…. my own mother?!

Silence.

Irving Berlin: How’s therapy going, Neilochka?”

Happy Easter!   Here are a few photos from the Easter Parade that Sophia and I took a few years ago —

easter3.jpg

easter5.jpg

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easter1.jpg

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easter6.jpg

easter9.jpg

easter8.jpg

easter4.jpg

20 Comments

  1. LOVE the pictures – you and your S. look very festive and fluttery. And the one of me in the fur coat – what else could I possibly say? A picture is worth…

    More importantly – did you get a card from Jesus re: his carpentry business? Because we have some crown moulding to install, and I always like to hire mispucha.

  2. That’s the almost-best-dressed bag lady I’ve ever seen. But the Pomeranian is a bit too slutty-looking for my liking.
    I love the sepia-toned bottom pic of you two…it’s playful…it’s definitely you. I can’t tell — are your “hats” mating at that moment??

  3. I laughed out loud and the pictures are great! Thanks for the fun.

  4. Hey Neil we were commenting on each others blog at the same time, what does that mean?
    I am not sure, but it must mean something :-).

  5. awesome pictures! The lady in the fur coat cracks me up.

    Hope you had a nice day!

  6. Happy Easter.

    This put a made me laugh, and then cry because it hurts to laugh.

  7. No wonder PETA is against skinning animals if that is what they look like underneath

  8. “Moses negotiates with the Pharaoh, and the Children of Israel remain in Egypt as immigrant-workers, but with better health insurance.”

    This is the funniest damn thing I’ve seen in, oh, who knows how long. Not just because I work as a contractor. I would have been a contract worker in Egypt, totally. “Dude, I really like working with you but the benefits I get from your agency are crap. Can we cut out the middle Pharaoh so I can keep more of my pay?”

    Hahahahaha.

  9. How could you, Mr. Kramer? That picture of me in my silver lam-ay bathing suit was supposed to be between you, me, and a mere two thousand Easter revelers. What will Rabbi Weiner think of me now? Marty, G-d rest his soul, would have never released our private moments into the blogosphere. And how will I ever explain this to Adelaide, my much-younger but oh-so-jealous femme lover?

    Suffice to say, you will never see my boobettas again. Or any other part of my exquisite package.

  10. To owners of the dog in the 2nd to last picture.

    I shake my head at you. You are making it very difficult for your dog to be able to make valid life style choices. Why oh why oh why would you do that?

    Blue and red do not go with orange…

    Oh, and Happy Chocolate Day!

  11. You look so sexy in blue butterfly!

  12. Those pictures are awesome! Also, I really love that you can converse so freely with Irving Berlin. It takes a special kind of fella to do so, I think!

  13. I just watched “Easter Parade” (the movie)for the first time today. Loved it! What can I say, I’m a dork.

    cue music–“That’s why I wish again that I was in Michigan, down on the Farm.”

  14. I love the Easter photos. It looks like quite a parade.

  15. i always watch the credits to see who wrote the music in those old movies, if irving berling wrote it, i know i’m going to love it and i watched that movie yesterday afternoon, just wish it had a stronger ending.
    loving the hats, not so much the pedicure on that poor pup and that bathing suit makes me glad it’s still snowing here today.

  16. Well, happy Easter to you and Sophia both. I hope you got lots of Reese’s Eggs for Easter.

  17. The photos are GREAT!

  18. have never seen anything like that in L.A.

  19. Those hats are fantastic! Thanks for sharing these, Neil.

  20. I did an easter bonnet one year that was an easter basket/azella hat. it rocked.

    fun times neal. that bag lady is scary.

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