the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Penis and Vajayjay


She looked down at me, but could only see the top of my head, resting comfortably between her legs.  She moaned as the rest of my face was deep inside, pleasuring her vajayjay.

Not a very good beginning to my latest erotic story, is it?!   I’m so out of it.   Until I saw this article yesterday in the New York Times, I had never heard of the word “vajayjay.”  Apparently, this euphemism for vagina got “her” start on a TV show.

It began on Feb. 12, 2006, when viewers of the ABC series “Grey’s Anatomy” heard the character Miranda Bailey, a pregnant doctor who had gone into labor, admonish a male intern, “Stop looking at my vajayjay.”

Now do you understand why the TV writers are on strike?  Without them, we would still be crude and calling it a p***y?

Oprah then used the term on her show, catapulting the term into the public domain like Jerry Seinfeld’s wife’s lame cooking book.

As you all know, I write about my Penis a lot.  I actually use the word “Penis.”  That’s what it is called in the English language.  If I want to be a little saucy, I might say c**k, but I tend to use asterisks.  I’m very prim and proper at heart.  I’m not a believer in letting it all “hang out.”  I’d prefer a burlesque show to a strip joint.  I’d rather keep the non-asterisks for private, like for those special moments when the women is quietly murmuring, “Give me your f**king c**k!  Harder!”  I believe in keeping some of the mystery out of the public realm.

If Penis = Vagina, c**k = p***y.  Vagina might be a tad clinical to some, mostly because it isn’t truly the interesting part of the anatomy, or specific enough.  Althoug most women hate it, I personally like the word pussy (there, I said it!) because it is sexy, and women are mysterious, like cats.

Whatever the term, I really really hate “vajayjay.”  It reminds me of childish terms like wee-wee for the penis   Women, please — do not use the term in the bedroom.  Any man will lose his will to live if he hears you scream, “I love the way your wee-wee feels in my vajayjay.”

Neil’s Penis:  Please, No!!!!


  1. fringes

    I have adopted the word vajayjay as my own. I heard Perez Hilton use it on a commercial a few months ago and loved it. It’s cutely lyrical euphemism, not meant to be erotic at all. I’d think someone with a talking penis would be more open-minded to such things.

  2. Neil

    Fringes —

    Sorry, the new me doesn’t cave in to others just to be nice. I’m confident in my feelings:

    Penis = Vagina
    Cock = Pussy
    Wee-wee = Vajayjay

    And months ago?! Where have I been? I really never heard this until yesterday. I need to get US Magazine.

  3. Paige Stanton

    Seriously you had me with the World’s Largest Pumpkin pie. You are hilarious. I always have a laugh. I’ve been lurking around wanting to comment but I don’t know what to say. Quite frankly I’m a little intimidated. And you always have 35 comments so I don’t feel like mine is really very important. But I’m putting it all out there today I thought this was a great post, I just about snorted my White Peony tea!

  4. Neil

    Paige… Paige…Paige — intimidated? By what? Stop being such a Vajayjay!

  5. wendy

    Never again Neil…I call mine my girl..when I’m in polite company..usually on a horse.. when these things come” poor girl….”

    And NEVER the “C” word….off limits.

  6. lotus07

    It is the evolution of genital slang….I am so glad we got past “Man Hole”, “Cock-Pocket” and “Axe Wound”…..

  7. Erin

    My husband laughs at me because I don’t use any word at all. (well sometimes I say Hoo-Ha just to be funny) but mostly in polite conversation I refer to it with a shameful little two note hum. “I didn’t feel like wearing panties today, but I did anyway because I’m wearing a dress and I don’t want anyone to accidently see my hmmm-hmmm.”

  8. Neil

    Do you girls talk this way to each other, too?! I think I might write a post challenging you all to write a Talking Vagina post so you can all come out of your shell!

  9. churlita

    My parents were the types that encouraged us to use the proper terms for our genitalia. I love colorful euphemisms however, but I’m not so into TV slang.

    I guess it all depends on my mood when I talk about what my sister calls “my girl thang”.

  10. 180/360

    I like to call mine “my noche,” which is both funny and a little sexy.

  11. Tuck

    If Penis = Vagina, c**k = p***y! Wow, I’m ready for my SEX-SATS. Thanks, Neil.

  12. Kyra

    I don’t call it anything either. Truthfully, it’s never really a topic of dicsussion like it is for men. Men imagine that part of their body to be seperate from themselves. Women are more “whole” I think. We embrace our split personalities fully, without atributing them to a body part. 😉

    In the bedroom there too many other fun things to whisper sexily about, so the term never really come up except from my husband. On that, he is of the same mind as you on the names.

  13. Miss Syl

    The sad thing is, they probably wrote that ridiculous euphemism into Gray’s Anatomy because they were afraid of getting sued by the FCC for using the actual medical terminology. As a writer, the thought of scripting a DOCTOR as using the term “vajayjay” for her genitals is simply ludicrous.

    As for the term itself, I guess it’s funny for a snarky, roll-your-eyes kind of thing, like if you’re imitating a Jerry-Springer-crowd-member type attitude or something. But in bed? No way. And definitely not as a serious term.

  14. Not Fainthearted

    Gee, Neil. After the last couple of posts (specifically the 1:6 ratio post) I thought we’d never see eye-to-eye on sexual issues again. But I’m right in step with you on this one.

    I’ll use the vajayjay when I’m trying to be purposefully funny, other than that, I think it’s weird.

    Also? if penis=vagina, cock=pussy and wee-wee=vajayjay, what’s the male equivalent of c***? I’ve been wracking my brain for a whole minute and can’t think of the male abusive equivalent…

    maybe I need more coffee.

  15. Neil

    NotFainthearted — Jeez, I’m not sure there is an equivalent. That word has such angry connotations to it now, I don’t even think of it as connected to anything sex-related.

    Kyra — That is very interesting. It never occurred to me. Men do tend to think of their penis as something outside of themselves at times. And maybe it isn’t the same for women…

  16. Catherine

    I was hoping to hear more “No! You’re wrong! I love the term pussy! It’s cute and soft but also hott and sexy! It is private-sounding!” from your female peeps, but I guess the day is still young.

    I love it, and I can barely tolerate even looking at these other crappy euphemisms. Ugh, spare me. Couldn’t agree with you more, except that I also occasionally like “Prick” for penis.

  17. Neil

    Tuck — But there will be essay questions as well…

  18. nabbalicious

    I refer to it as “hoo-ha.” A friend of mine calls it her “woo-woo.” But really, in less polite company, “pussy” suits me just fine! Vajayjay is just wrong. It sounds to me like it should be followed by “you go, girl!” or something equally retarded.

  19. Paul

    Another classic post!
    I have an amusing story about friends of mine and something that was cried out during frantic love making …. but its a bit too saucy to leave publicly!

  20. Dagny

    I like to think of vajayjay as the proper term to use in public.

  21. melanie

    i couldn’t get past the first paragraph. i started fantasizing about johnny depp and my vajayjay… 😆

  22. Neil

    Sophia sent me this link, saying that the term is almost ten years old!

  23. Neil

    Nabbalicious —

    I’m not crazy about Hoo-ha! It sounds a bit scary, as if it is a venus fly trap setting you up for a not very happy surprise.

  24. Finn

    For me, using any term other than pussy means that I’m not currently engaged in sex.

    In “polite” company, it’s my coochie. Vajayjay would work too.

  25. psychomom

    I like to keep my “cookie” traditional so I call her “Biscochito” or “Panocha”.

  26. laura

    i used vajajay in a post one time, simply because i think the word itself is hilarious… and the comments i got… well, really only one. but anyway, i have no problem using the terms vagina or even to some exten C*NT. (the asterisk is particularly hard to pronouce, but i muddle through). Also, i sell sex toys, so i have to be creative or i end up sounding like the school nurse in health class. “Insert into your vagina”. Personally, i also like ‘fagina’ and ‘vagine’. but pussy is my fave

  27. Neil

    Psychomom — “Caliente Panocha!” A useful term in Los Angeles…

  28. By Jane

    This is really something you should work on in therapy. Your therapist has taught you about process versus content, I presume? What you have here, process-wise (as it were!), is a man willfully denying a woman’s rights and needs to name herself because doing her so has infantalizing connotations for him that may disturb his sexual prowess. Got that?!

  29. fringes

    In the Times article, Shonda Rhimes said she didn’t originate it and the term doesn’t “belong” to the show. When a word is brought out of obscurity, the credit goes to the one who made it popular or who “coined” it since it is nearly impossible to credit the anonymous originators.

    I, for one, got no credit for being the first one ever to say “been there, done that”.

  30. Neil

    By Jane — We aren’t even close to talking about that yet!

    Fringes — I tried to coin the term “Been there, let’s do it again!” but it never really took off.

  31. pocketCT

    Any word when said with that just right tone in bed can be sexy. However, I am having trouble picturing that word, even growled out or sweet & breathy, in a way that wouldn’t make me just crack up.

  32. Eileen

    How do you feel about the term hoo-ha?

  33. OMSH

    Many of my female family members (aunts, not children) call theirs a “Chachi” – which is disturbing because I don’t want Joanie lovin’ on my Chachi.

    I’ve heard “Lucy” too – and well, there’s another sitcom.

    We just say vagina if I need to talk to my girls about something serious. My husband uses correct words IF we aren’t in bed, but I don’t think “vagina” sound incredibly sexy. I’d agree that Pussy certainly is.

    Vajayjay sounds like pig latin or something.

    WAIT! Are you calling me fat?!

    heh heh

    That first photo sort of .. um … wow, it’s sexy.

  34. V-Grrrl

    Did Wendy really say: “I call mine my girl..when I’m in polite company..usually on a horse.. when these things come” poor girl….”

    How sad that her girl complains when she’s riding her stallion. It’s just…sad.

    Wendy, your girl should love it when you “ride” the “horse.” I recommend therapy. Ask Neil for a good therapist.

    I think my vajayjay should have a real name, like Sally. You know, “Lay down Sally/Rest you in my arms/Don’t you think you’d want someone to talk to/”

    But maybe “Layla” would be better, you know, for when I’ve got him on his knees.

    Yeah, I love Eric Clapton y’all.

  35. Bre

    Ugh. Vajayjay grates on my nerves. Tyra Banks used it in some context (either Top Model or on her talk show) and it bugged the crap out of me. Seriously, are we not grown up enough to talk like adults?

  36. Akaky

    What about V-J Day? Should we celebrate that now?

  37. Neil

    Shonda Rhimes, Oprah, Tyra — does this mean I’m going to have to use a whole new sexual vocabulary to woo a black woman into bed?

  38. better safe than sorry

    i heard it on greys and thought it was stupid that a doctor was using that term. doctors and nurses don’t go around making up cute little words, shame on those writers.
    i don’t call mine anything and when i had to refer to it when my kids were younger, i called it a private part, when my gf (who is a nurse) told me that i should be using the proper name (penis/vagina) because my kids were little and that was the time to use the proper name because they wouldn’t be embarrassed by it and then i made the switch and it’s never been a big deal since then.

  39. Dave2

    I now call a woman’s vajayjay’s her “Lohan”… since Lindsey is famous for flashing it everywhere she goes, I figure it’s the perfect terminology.

  40. teebopop

    In our family, it was pee-pee tail and Virginia – which ended up changing to Who-Who.

    I’ve never been able to utter the “C” word (male or female parts). I don’t know why. I’m definitely not inhibited. I think that it just so debasing and derogatory. Even to say the words they are harsh, almost guttural in verbiage so as to make it sound dirty. And I don’t think there’s anything dirty about the human body so I just never could get those words out.

  41. Artful Kisser

    Have never heard vajayjay before, but hate infantile words used for womens genitalia. In girlie company we say “vadge” or “snatch”, but we’re also pretty fond of the word c**t. It’s strong and forceful and most of all versatile. But of course, context is everything.

  42. teahouseblossom

    Vajayjay is too a tongue twister.

    And I remember reading somewhere once that English has the most horrendous and ugly words for the female genitalia, which is a beautiful thing. In certain Asian languages, it is called something that literally translates into something like “the enchanted pavillion of the golden pagoda.” Much nicer.

  43. LetterB

    I’ve never liked “vagina” because, as the article notes, it’s an incomplete term and that kind of thing bugs me. Even though I am not a hippy, I like the term “yoni” bandied about by the natural childbirth set which is sanskrit for the whole kit and kaboodle – vagina and vulva. Yoni is a nice alternative because it’s neither cutesy or clinical and it’s an actual term, not a euphemism. It’s what I use and also what I taught my son to say. Which is a good thing since today he asked his Bubbie very earnestly if she had one.

  44. elle

    that term is so old its not even funny. Its not a “new” thing, its only new to middle america now – its a Miami thang

  45. mckay

    LOL at that last line!!

    i’m prim and proper about names, too. personally, i like it like the elvis song…a little less talk a little more action, please.

  46. Neil

    Teahouseblossom — I love that Asian euphemism. Now we know why there are so many Chinese babies born in the world. What woman can say no to man who asks, “Beautiful one, please let me visit your enchanted pavilion of the golden pagoda?”

    LetterB — I like “Yoni” too. It is very feminine. Although it might be a little too close to Yanni for my taste.

  47. Jody

    Love button – and if you are out of practice you can discreetly practice on the Blackberry Pearl.

  48. SJ

    I think the male equivalent of “cunt” would be “prick.” Both are terms mostly used as insults – rarely in reference to body parts. There’s also “dick,” but that gets used a lot by guys for their own penis.

    I love the word “pussy,” it’s very sexy. To me, the most disgusting word in the English language is “twat.” It sounds .. nasty and smelly.

    P.S. Jody, “love button” is the clitoris, not the vagina. At least, MINE is.

  49. Inarticulate Fumblings

    Great post… and I’m so with you when you say people should not use childish terms for their genitalia.

    Here would be the translation of your last sentence in the terms my parents used:

    “I love the way your wiener feels in my peach.”


  50. plain jane

    I tend to like the clinical terms because they don’t have a bunch of baggage attached to them. But as an old hippie, I use yoni in more casual conversation.

    I despise vajayjay. I think I heard about the Gray’s Anatomy connection on a spoof on John Stewart or the Colbert Report, which made Gray’s Anatomy seem as stupid as the term.

    I agree that prick = cunt is close, although the connotation isn’t quite as vicious.

    And Neil…of course men think of their penis as outside of themselves, it is!

  51. BarbaraFomCalifornia

    Very interesting words and imagery.

    I too have a penis post now.

  52. Jody

    SJ, I prefer cutting right to the heart of the matter – without the Love Button the vajayjay is just another accessory.


  53. Kelly

    That is too funny!

  54. ACG

    my feeling is that if you can’t use the grown up words, you aren’t allowed to used it for the fun stuff!

    what strikes me as the oddest part of this, it was a medical show that coined this incredibly childish term.

  55. V-Grrrl


    The Lohan is hilarious!

  56. aka_monty

    I’m with my pal Finn: I use coochie.
    Now, wouldn’t pe-nay-nay = vajayjay?

  57. Nina

    Akeeyu at herveryown uses “vicuna” – I find that similar to veejayjay but not quite so crazy. P***Y has never been ok with me. On the other hand d**k works fine and so does “wan*er”.

    Not saying that helps or anything.

  58. panthergirl

    I think there is some cuntroversy (pffft) about where this term really originated. I think it was *first* used on “Scrubs”. But I’ll have to do some reseach!

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