the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Britney Spears’ Fans, Come Home!

Have you noticed me acting cocky with you lately?  Like I’m better than you.  Like I spit on your measly little blogs.  There is a reason for that.  My readership has quadrupled lately.  Thousands of new readers have jumped aboard the “Citizen of the Month” train. Even though I’m not sure how to read my Google Analytics, the graphs have gotten so large, I had to buy a 27 inch monitor.  I’ve been trying not to let all this love get to my head, but it is difficult.  I try to be modest, but how can you be when YOU ARE A BLOGGING GOD?

Of course, none of this has to do with my writing.  It has to do with ONE photo of Britney Spears I posted several months ago.  

brit21.jpg 

This photo has been linked and linked and linked countless times.  I have no idea how this occurred, because I’m assuming the photo is on several, much more popular sites.  It is hotlinked on several Myspace accounts.  There are several “Britney Spears” websites that seem to be built around this photo.  So many people come to my blog searching for this photo via Google images that it has made my Sitemeter “free stats” useless, because they only show you the last 100 hits, and all the hits come from Google Images.

As much as I enjoyed the attention, I was starting to feel like a phony.   Do people really love ME, or do they JUST love this photo of Britney Spears not wearing her underwear?  And honesty, if I posted a photo of me not wearing my underwear, would I get the same amount of traffic?  I don’t really care about Britney Spears myself.  Why should I be the beneficiary of this traffic?  Clearly, therapy had made me introspective.

I thought about deleting the photo, just to create a level playing field with the rest of you “mortal” bloggers, but therapy has taught me that I don’t need to be “liked” to be respected.  Then, I had a “light-bulb” moment that would solve the problem in an instant.  What if I just changed the name of the photo on my server, which would — in one swoop — sabotoge every link, hotlink, and even Google Images site itself — because they would all be pointing to an image that has disappeared?!   This blog could go back to what it was intended to be — a place for serious discussion, not a repository of sleazy photos of grade B celebrities.

Yesterday, I changed the name of the photo on my old Britney Spears post from Britney.jpg to Britney2.jpg.   Today, I looked at my stats.   The ploy had worked.  In one day, I lost 2000 readers. 

Yes, I am very smart. 

 Uh —

(sleazy Britney Spears fans — come back.   Help me!  Link to it freely!   Give me back my blogging prowess!   I was a superstar.   Now, I’ve lost my mojo!) 

29 Comments

  1. lizardek

    Way to whore for your blog, Neil! 😀 Work it, baby!

  2. Not Fainthearted

    I don’t really know what to say about this post, but since it’s all about being a link whore, I guess having a comment in the first 5 is all about that too.

    Rock on, Neilochka!

  3. Tuck

    While I’m not endorsing you post a photo of yourself not wearing underwear (why ruin my fantasy), I highly sugggest you consider a brazilian before doing so (to boost those stats).

  4. LVGurl

    I appreciate your integrity! 😉

    But isn’t it funny how a slew of anonymous page loads can lift one’s blogging self-esteem? Even if they never come back?

  5. Neil

    Lvgurl — Yes, it is especially pathetic when you realize that they aren’t even reading the post. Now I understand all those people who come for “zero seconds.”

  6. teahouseblossom

    Hey, do I count as one of your *real* fans? I actually do link to you and read you for your witty writing and fantastic cerebral content.

    The photos of celebrity hoo-has is just a collateral benefit.

  7. Eileen

    It makes me sad beyond belief that Britney is so popular. sigh.

  8. plain jane

    I know your strategy Neil. Tonight Britney is opening the MTV music awards and you just want to snag everyone who googles Britney.

  9. MammaLoves

    Shit! I was just here for the Britney pics.

  10. Bre

    Your site apparently had the same experience that Britney herself did – skyrocketing to super stardom only to nosedive back down with us normal folk

  11. BA

    Nice to know your hard work is appreciated by so many Brit fans, eh Neil?

  12. patois

    You’ll always be a blogging god, underwear or not.

  13. V-Grrrl

    So this is why I’m not a blogging goddess–no nude celebrity photos.

    Grabbing a Sharpie to inscribe a big L on my forehead now…

  14. sassy

    What about switching the photo of Britney with a real one of yourself not wearing drawers? Then you’re SURE to skyrocket to google stardom.

  15. brettdl

    In the early days of my wife’s blog she became a search pornstar. Why?

    Because she wrote about breastfeeding, home disrepair and loneliness in the Inland Empire. At least one of our “guest” visitors hung around despite finding a parenting blog instead of a porno blog. (And several bought very interesting items from Amazon on my wife’s kidlit blog.)

    See, it’s just marketing Neil. Getting a 1 percent increase in “real” readership is considered a great accomplishment!

  16. pocketCT

    I would have definitely replaced the picture with something else. Perhaps a picture of Barney, something from Star Trek or a picture of a fig. I’m sure people would way rather be surprised by that than a broken image. It would be even better if you did the same pose holding a phone and getting out of a car – commando or not. It isn’t too late either. Then people may follow the link to the site to see who the jokester is and you get new readers.

  17. Postmodern Sass

    Yeah, I noticed the same thing, though not on such an astronomical scale. Frankly, I’m annoyed, not pleased, when my last 100 hits come from someone searching for keywords that happen to be in one of my images. It reminds me of 1995, when every teensie website that sold postcards or candles put the word “sex” in their metatags. Like, seriously, what does that accomplish? People search for sex, find a candle site and go, oh yes, that’s what I was looking for, I’d just forgotten!

    Rename your images with non-sequitors, and enjoy seeing who your real readers are.

  18. t

    My stats (pathic little wasted husks of nothing compared with your robust manly hit count, I’m sure) DOUBLED after I posted one picture of Lucille Ball.

    Freaking LUCY?

    Geez.

  19. tiff

    That “T” up there is me. I gots me a case of pre-enteration on the auto form fill thingie.

  20. savia

    On a totally different note, I use a free stat tool, too but mine lets you see the last 500 hits instead of just 100. In case you’re interested – http://www.statcounter.com 🙂

  21. Jennifer

    I ache for you because you can stand alone on your own talent. You don’t need to hitch yourself to Brittney Spears’ star. Forge your own destiny, man, for the love of God!! Or, if that doesn’t work, try to get suggestive pictures of Lindsay Lohan to post.

  22. scarlet hip

    Congratulations. You’re one step closer to hitting bottom.

  23. melanie

    I am with scarlet on this one. its tragic to see a superhero who gets his cape caught in the door of the limo. 😉

  24. Jenny from Chicago

    Bastard. I wish I’d thought of that….is it too late?

  25. metalia

    WTF? I came herre 2 c the kewl pix of Brtnayz’ Notorious V.A.G.!! LOL LOL!!!! Where r the picturz!!!???LOL!!!!

    (I’m sorry, but I simply HAD to. Please forgive me. ;))

  26. jacqui

    You know, when they spoke about the gash on the shuttle, I thought for sure, that somehow, someway the infamous Brit had snuck on board.
    JB

  27. Fitèna

    lol! You are your old same self am glad to see!!! Am with Sassy on this, you should have posted a pic of yourself instead… 🙂

  28. mary

    When that happens to me (not quite on that god-like level), I just delete the picture. Ha! I’m evil!

    P.S. The two most popular images were Scott Van Pelt and Ron Darling. Don’t come to my blog if you don’t know who they are because those pics are GONE, my friend. 😉

  29. Roonie

    I come for the one, the only, the Neil.

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