the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Three Tidbits from This Morning


8AM —

Every morning, when I turn my IM on, I see Alissa online, probably from her office.  She can see me online at the same time.  For weeks, we just stared at each other, neither wanting to bother the other.  I knew she was there and she knew that I was there.  Eventually, it just made me feel uncomfortable.  It was time to take some action —

Neil (via IM):  “Alissa, we have to do something about this.  We both see each other.  We both know we’re online.  It just seems rude to not say anything.  Isn’t there some sort of IM etiquette that we can follow?”

Alissa:  “I don’t think so.”

We came up with a plan.  We decided it was OK to say “Hello… but now I’m going to ignore you,” the online equivalent of the friendly, but superficial “hello” you might get from someone in the office.

It works for us.  I think we should all use this technique when we go on IM.  Isn’t it better to say, “Hi, but I’m now going to ignore you,” rather than just ignoring someone in silence?

8:30AM —

While in Starbucks this morning, I sat next to two guys reading the sports section of the LA Times… about Barry Bonds.   Dodger Stadium has been sold out this week because the Giants are in town and Barry Bonds is just one home run away from tying the record of Hank Aaron.  But so far, Bonds hasn’t hit any home runs in Los Angeles.

Guy #1:   “I think the Dodgers are doing it on purpose… throwing bad pitches at him.”
Guy #2:   “Yeah?”
Guy#1:    “It is Major League Baseball. The guys in power don’t want Barry Bonds to succeed. They don’t want him to hit a home run.”
Guy #2:   “The steroids thing?”
Guy#1:   “Nah. It’s because he’s black. And they don’t want to a black man to be the record-holder.”

9AM —

I think it is apparent that I’m a little down over my situation with Sophia.  I’ve been trying to think positive thoughts, like in “The Secret,” hoping that laws of attraction will bring me some good news.  When I came back from Starbucks, I heard Sophia calling to me from upstairs:

“Neil, you got a call from CBS!”

“CBS?!” I asked myself,  “What could this mean?  Is CBS reading my blog and now they want to offer me a sitcom based on my life?  Do they want to hire me to be a writer?  As a producer?  Do they want to sponsor BlogHim and make it into a reality show, with me as the host?

I ran upstairs, three steps at a time, reaching Sophia in five seconds flat. I was out of breath.

“CBS called?  What did they say?  What did they want?!”

“CBS called?” asked Sophia. “No.  I said CVS called.  Your cholesterol medicine is ready.”

A Year Ago on Citizen of the Month:  Los Angeles: The Glamorous Life


  1. buzzgirl

    Oh, man. That’s hilarious about Major League Baseball not wanting a black record holder! Please tell me the doofus who said that was white.

  2. sizzle

    i think you’re on to something with this IM business. i always mark myself busy but usually i am just working. ha.

  3. alissa

    It feels nice to know I have someone there to talk to every morning, even if you are actively ignoring me. I know in my time of need, I can reach out to you.

    Ok, back to ignoring….

  4. Woman with Kids

    Oh, that’s a pisser… Perhaps you can do a reality show for CVS, “Watch as our ten contestants have to survive on only the items stocked on our shelves… The CVS Survivor Show!”

  5. Lisa

    It’s a good thing I don’t have your IM cuz I’m a great ignorer. The MLB record – uh, yeah! Whatever. Morons.

  6. Ariel

    Hurray for carrot tops, great pic! Sorry to hear you seem a bit down in the dumps – unfortunately I have been so busy that I am not exactly sure what is going on anymore… but clearly there is something happening in your life that is making you need cholesterol meds. Lay off the donuts already and start strutting your stuff to Abba again! It’s good exercise.

  7. Caitlinator

    Yo, you want an in at CBS, I can get you one. Pop me a line.

  8. Nance

    The steroids thing? Nah. The black thing? Nah. The “because he’s an asshole and a reprehensible human being thing?” Yeah.

  9. Finn

    You wanna know what the secret is? Write a book packed with a bunch of bullshit and make people believe it will change their lives. Sit back and watch the money roll in…

  10. kanani

    Ya, Neil…. I just love your posts. CBS? Hmmm… about a Neil version of “24?”

  11. mrsatroxi

    Normally I adore a redhead, but that kid’s tongue is creeping me out.

  12. Non-Highlighted Heather

    Not many people know this, but Hank Aaron was actually Irish.

  13. churlita

    You do a lot before 9 a.m. If you worked in an office, you would have spent that time avoiding doing anything productive.

  14. butterfly

    Seriously, redhead kid…what is UP with the tongue? It’s like that creepy lady with the ice cube in the Amaretto di Saronno commercial — she practically gives a BJ to the ice cube while trying to flirt with the Jon Bon Jovi look-a-like bartender. I guess this kid has “mom” issues — “oh, Oedie (Eddie) stop flirting with Mommy and drink your juice!” lol

  15. melanie

    IM Etiquette, now there is a working title if i ever heard one.

    Politics and baseball. I don’t think so.

    I love the CVS bit. N, don’t feel down, you got a new haircut, and your cholesterol is finally getting its props. Life in LA is a circus and you get to be the clown! lucky dawg.

  16. By Jane

    So who’s Alissa? And what’s the situation with Sophia? And CVS isn’t CBS? No shit.

  17. Postmodern Sass

    What’s “The Secret?” What’s the secret?

  18. Christa

    You do realize that Hank Aaron was Black, don’t you?

  19. Pearl

    Neil, I was hoping CBS truly called you… Oh well.
    But I think a show about you and your life would be better geared toward FOX television. “A Day in the Life of Neil the Blogger” sounds like it could fit a 7:30 p.m. time slot.

  20. Neil

    By Jane — Alissa is a real hottie who lives in Detroit. Alas, she’s getting married soon.

    Postmodern — Where have you been? Don’t you watch Oprah? Google “The Secret.”

    Christa — Hank Aaron was black? Hank Aaron?! It is such a Jewish name!

    Pearl — FOX sounds perfect. We can call it “Do You Think You Can Kvetch?”

  21. Marilyn

    I’m sorry…I know I shouldn’t laugh (re CVS)… 🙂

  22. Neil

    Marilyn — I put the link there in case people didn’t know what CVS was. I think it is nationwide now, right? They ate up every other pharmacy in town.

  23. AscenderRisesAbove

    that is one creepy child in that photo; it was hard to get past him to read the text.
    My daughter was at the Dodgers game; box seats, the first game she has seen. Had a great time sitting two seats away from Ron Howard; and if she would have thrown something she could have hit LLKoolJay on the head. She said that everyone booed when Bonds came up to bat and she was surprised that he looked so old. Who knew steroids did that to a person. (the looking old – not the booing)

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