Citizen of the Month

the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

L.A. Heat

hot.jpg 

I love when it gets hot in L.A., 100 degrees hot, and the AC conks out for those on the 405, and Jesus Gonzalez climbs from his stalled Toyota truck, sweaty and wet, but happy because his radio still works, and his favorite song blasts on Latino 96.3, and the sisters Johnson — Francee and Frenchie from Compton, CA — exit their Hyundai and dance on the hood, stripped to their bras, and the Goodyear Blimp flies overhead, barely seen because the rising heat fogs up the sky like a steam room. 

“Pump it up, Jesus,” I yell from above. 

I am the pilot of the Goodyear Blimp. I came to L.A. in ’87 from Phoenix, after my bitter divorce.   “Louder!”  I cry, only knowing the song because it is a favorite of Rhonda, the fortyish woman I met at Winchell’s Donuts a few days ago, the woman I left in bed this morning with her nipples still hard, the one I thought about all morning while eating my Egg McMuffin, while reading about the Dodgers, while driving to my job in which I fly the Goodyear Blimp high in the air, over the oven of a city, over the traffic of the 405, over the music blasting from the Toyota truck of Jesus, over the sisters Johnson, dancing in their bras, and while I listen to the beat and the Spanish lyrics that I cannot understand, I swear I can feel Rhonda’s heat still on my fingers.

37 Comments

  1. Whoo-hoo…that is some HOT, convoluted writing. The heat must be getting to you, Neil.

  2. *sob* I want a heatwave… just a little one… actually I’d be happy if it just stopped bleedin’ raining!!!!

  3. That is some lovely writing to have with my coffee. Thanks.

  4. Best line to take out of context:

    “Pump it up, Jesus!”

  5. I gotta go take a shower now. Neil, is that you?

  6. Oh. And I’m stuck so you’re tagged. I know you’re too cool to play along but what the hell.

  7. Ummmm, Neil, I think you need a really long cold shower.

  8. gotta have more from these characters!
    it’s funny, because here, when we have our heatwaves, all i hear is cars honking in traffic.

  9. Non-Highlighted Heather

    July 3, 2007 at 6:50 am

    I see you’re writing for the Politically Incorrect Journal. Did Racial Profilers Digest turn you down again?

  10. Your level of detail is superb! The Egg McMuffin, the sisters Johnson, Rhonda and her nipples. Leave ’em laughing, Neil!

  11. You can call me, 'Sir'

    July 3, 2007 at 7:33 am

    Your writing makes me feel better about my life (I don’t live in L.A., I’m not on fire with the heat and the humidity, my Jesus is better than your Jesus, etc.).

  12. Toyota, Latino 96.3, Hyundai, Goodyear, Winchell’s Donuts, Egg McMuffin, Dodgers. There was quite a bit of product placement in this HOT, HOT story. Make sure you get your percentage.

    Jesus is my first cousin.

  13. I’m not sure what the Iowa version of that would be, but you can be sure there would be more carharts and seed corn caps involved.

  14. Very LA! love the imagery. Been feeling pretty steamy lately myself. 😉

  15. YOWZA.

    i have never coveted the job of “blimp driver” (“flyer”?) but all of a sudden it seems like a great career.

  16. Whoa, that is hot. But were you dreeeping(spanish accent for dripping, you know)? Nice.

  17. I hate it when it is hot. Even though that sounds like a lot of fun, I still hate it when it’s hot. 😉

  18. Oh. My. God. What DID you have for breakfast this morning? I think I need a cold shower after reading that…

  19. Wow, what a post! Glad you visited my blog so I could come back and visit yours!

    Best wishes for a glorious Independence Day!

  20. You’re right. This turned me on.

  21. I am at a complete loss for words…
    But I do like it hot.

  22. I’ve always wondereed, why is it that there are many Latino men named Jesus (Hay-zoos) but no Anglo men named Jesus (Geez-us)?

  23. Sounds like someone is suffering from heat “stroke”. Heh.

    CP

  24. Hell yeah! Great narrative. JP

  25. of all the random posts I’ve read of yours, this is the best one yet.

  26. I thought they shot people for doing that on the freeways, or is that just for driving?

    Great piece.

  27. Outstanding! “Pump it up, Jesus!”

    I wonder if Senor Gonzalez would sit atop his car in the heat here in Vegas… it’s currently hell-fire, dragon’s breath hot at 115 degrees. No erect nips here.

    I “piloted” the Goodyear blimp when I was 17, over the SF Bay. Yeah, I know, I wasn’t the pilot. But the real pilot let me steer that vertical wheel thingy for a good ten minutes.

  28. Neil,

    You’re too sexy for this blog. Love it.

  29. Wow! You totally made me want to move to LA and drive blimps!

  30. I think I have to go have sex now.

  31. Man, I forgot about Winchell’s donuts!

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