the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

The Creationist Museum of Redondo Beach

The new Creation Museum in Kentucky presents a “walk through history.” Designed by a former Universal Studios exhibit director, this state-of-the-art 60,000 square foot museum brings the pages of the Bible to life, and attempts to show an alternative to the “evolutionary” model of history.

Its main competitor, the new Creationist Museum in Redondo Beach, CA, also focuses on the truth of the entire Bible, and uses the science to proves its validity. The highlight of this exciting museum is the interactive Garden of Eden room, which is so realistic, many visitors say that they feel as if they are walking “right through the Bible.”

eden.jpg

Text from the Creationist Museum of Redondo Beach exhibit catalog:

“And when the woman saw that the tree was pleasant to the eyes, she took of the forbidden fruit thereof, and did eat, and he did eat of her. And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons, but the aprons didn’t stay on for long as man and woman went on their third date, and the moon was bright, and they were bathing in the warm waters of the river, and man could not hide his growing desire for woman, taken of his own rib, and they lay on the grass as one, and they watched what the animals did, and they immediately did the same.

And God looked down and saw that his children were disobeying him and his anger was strong, and God thought of smiting his children until he saw woman atop of man, a lily in her hair, riding him as if he were a wild goat, and he heard his children, together in unison, dedicating their happiness to him by loud shouts of “Oh God, oh God, ohhhh God!” And then, all of God’s anger disappeared, proud of the wonderful summer activity that he had created for those in the Garden, and honored by all the praise that he was receiving.

And this was the birth of Monotheism, the idea of one God.”

Audio from the first LA Bloggers Reading. (thanks Jenn)

28 Comments

  1. question girl

    well then….. (fanning myself)

    when you decide to give up bloging, internet erotica is waiting for you 🙂

    you mom is gonna be so proud of you

  2. kinkminos

    >>>“Oh God, oh God, ohhhh God!”

    I count three gods there; perhaps the gods of
    -love
    -show(j)umping
    -procreation

  3. helen

    Damn, too bad we don’t have the museum in my country. Evangelism would be so easy. lol

  4. Mr. Fabulous

    Was there a lot of wild goat riding back in those days?

  5. Bre

    Is it me, or does Adam look an awful lot like Roger Rees??

  6. Allan

    I like this interpretation much better.

    But now I want a cigarette.

  7. Dagny

    Ooooo. You are going to burn in hell. I’ll have your cocktail waiting for you when you get there.

  8. girlanddog

    Wow, if church were that much fun, I’d be there every day! Hmmm, perhaps you should start your own religion and go door to door spreading your gospel with “The Book of Neil.”

  9. Finn

    Do they have pictures with this narrative? Can you take some?

  10. Elisabeth

    Who ever said that the God of the Bible was malevolent?

    But, Neil… “summer activity”? What about the long winter months?

  11. You can call me, 'Sir'

    I’m a Christian, but tend not to be a narrow-minded moron. Do you realize what a small niche this constitutes these days? It’s sad, really.

  12. Neil

    I’ll say one thing about Adam — he has a great beard.

    By the way, I LOVE the Garden of Eden story. It is so beautiful and filled with meaning. But literally true? Even my sour-faced Hebrew School teacher couldn’t buy that one.

    The Talmud has some really cool and farfetched interpretations of this story, trying to make some “sense” of it.

  13. Not Fainthearted

    I like your version. Very contemporary and contextualized. Excellent.

  14. Churlita

    If only the bible read like that. I’d probably walk around reciting it to anyone who would listen.

  15. sputnik

    Surprising the human race survived at all, what with the little kids getting flattened by the “docile” dinosaur pets all the time.

  16. melanie

    now this is hilarious!!! I must must must get over to Redondo and check this out.

    thanks!

  17. Chloé

    Why is it that these people who read out loud interpretations of the Bible in totally unadapted places (public transportation, university campuses at lunch break, and so on) never ever give this version of the next?

  18. psychomom

    The Smurfs aren’t real?
    Oh God! Oh God! Oh Yaba Daba Doo!

  19. Chloé

    Hmm, that would have been “text”, not “next”.

  20. Pearl

    No comments on the Bible bit. But, Neil, it was so great to hear the audio version of “My Russian Bride.” Your delivery/recitation and the story itself sound like a meld of Jerry Seinfeld/Woody Allen. Great stuff.

  21. Akaky

    I thought everyone knew that the dinosaurs and humans coexisted; how else did Fred Flintstone dig gravel down at the gravel pit? I mean, really?! Jeesh, you’d think some people would know stuff, wouldnt you?

  22. plain jane

    With an religious outlook like that you would put thousands of therapists out of business you know.

    Who knew Adam & Eve looked like brunette versions of Barbie & Ken.

  23. Neil

    If by chance, this post insults anyone’s sensibilities (about Adam and Eve), I’d love to hear from you. Don’t be shy. In fact, I’m thinking of writing a more serious post soon, similar to what I did with gun control and the medical field, but about religion — and talk to YOU. Do any of my readers NOT believe in evolution? You can be Jewish, Christian, Muslim, or whatever…

    Do you believe the Bible was written totally by God?

    Do you believe Adam and Eve really existed? Or is it a metaphor?

    On the other hand, are any of you total atheists? And what makes you SO SURE?

    Even though they tell you “not to talk about religion,” I’m sure people can talk about things in a respectful way, while I make fun of everyone.

    I think there would be a whole lot less war if people talked about stuff like this.

  24. V-Grrrl

    You can count me on your religion post. I’m officially an Episcopalian but the older I get, the more I understand the Unitarians!

  25. Marilyn

    I’m not sure enough of my religious convictions to want to be interviewed and if I had any thoughts in that dirrection your offer to make fun of everyone scared me off… I’ll totally be interested in reading the post when you’ve found a victim er… interviewee.

  26. helen

    OK, I don’t believe in evolution. Not vertical evolution to be precise. Horizontal, yes.

    I believe bible is written by man, inspired by the Holy Spirit. 🙂

  27. Otir

    I had never ever heard of intelligent design before I arrived in the United States (that is relatively recently compared to the age of the world).

    Something that is as unique as baseball, marshmallow, huge portions of impossible to eat subway sandwich can’t be false though, don’t you think?

  28. leiselb

    roll over Billy Graham…

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