Citizen of the Month

the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Will Paris Hilton Be at LA Bloggers Live?

lablog.jpg 

Is there anything more boring than a blogger? 

Think about it.  Professional writers are dull to begin with.  They sit around all day WRITING. 

Bloggers are even worse because they don’t just write — they are so needy for attention that they WORK FOR NOTHING.  On the social strata, they are several notches lower than the guy who cleans the toilets at LAX.  At least he gets PAID for his work!

Question.  What is MORE painful than reading a blog post on your laptop? 

Answer:  HEARING a blog read out loud at some “hip” lounge!

Of course,  I don’t mean being read by Helen Mirren.  I mean READ by the BLOGGER HIMSELF!  As if a blogger can actually read OR TALK.   In fact, if he were able to talk, would he really be blogging?

Leahpeah has started something called LA BLOGGERS LIVE!   Insanity.  And I don’t even care if Leah is a FOD (Friend of Dooce).  I’m going to say it again.  ONE DUMB IDEA.  Who cares about bloggers?    Especially those phony, fake-boobed Scientology-loving, Kabbalah-string wearing, bad screenplay-writing residents of Los Angeles, the city with the most-unhealthy air in the country, home to Paris Hilton and the worst season of “The Apprentice?”

From the LA Bloggers Live site:

How many times have you wished you could hear your favorite bloggers read live? Bloggers Live! is a combination of Los Angeles bloggers getting together once per month to read a selection of their entries live. Anyone who blogs is encouraged to join the group and sign up to read. Anyone who reads them, blogger or not, is invited to come and listen.

I can’t think of anything more pretentious than “reading” your blog to an audience.  Only a truly narcissistic fool would do something like that. 

So far, the list of those reading on Thursday June 28th at 6:30pm at the Tangier Lounge.($4 cover charge at the door) includes:

Erin from Queen of Spain

Joe from Artlung

Lynda from One Day at a Time

Deezee from Confessional Highway

Neil from Citizen of the Month

Jenn from Aka Jesais

Sign up if you want to  read or come to listen.

Neil’s Penis:  “Will I get to read, too?”

Neil:  “Sorry. Only bloggers.”

41 Comments

  1. And yes, Mom, I will read something positive.

  2. Wait, I’m confused. Are you making fun of yourself?

    I think this is actually a cool idea. To meet the person you read on a daily/weekly/monthly basis. Of course, there are those who like to blog completely anonomously, but anyway…

  3. Ooooh! Cool idea.

    Too bad for Neil’s Penis, though. I mean, he’s a star in his own right. I think that borders on the line of public indecency, but hey, I’d pay four bucks to see that.

  4. Bryna — “Are you making fun of yourself?”

    Not at all. I would never participate in such a ridiculous self-absorbed “reading” of blog posts.

  5. I’m so there if the Penis reads!

    Now that would be worth 4 bucks.

  6. Are you saying that I’m not worth four bucks on my own? Deezee paid forty bucks to hear David Sedaris read at UCLA.

  7. The bigger question: how do we decide what to read??? The pressure, the pressure…

    Come one, come all. We will have fun!

  8. Aw, you know despite my sarcasm, I’m very excited about Leah’s idea. She’s cool.

    Deezee — for me, a lot will depend on if there are children there. I think we get five minutes.

  9. Danny? Crazy Aunt Purl? Whoorl? Hilly? Baby on Bored? Kanani? LA Envie? Lady in the Hills? Abagail? Billy Mernit? Jaime? Pauly D? Ellen? Ally? Leisel? Jack? Kid Sis? James? Schrodinger’s Kitten? Annie? Smart Bohemian? Stacy Elaine? Peggy Archer? Liz Rizzo? LA Daddy? Turn of the Sue? Nicole? Who am I forgetting in the area?

  10. If people are willing to pay to hear a Vagina monologue, I am more than willing to pay to hear “The Penis” read. Equal pay for all organs.

  11. hey neil – there will be no kids. it’s a 21+ establishment. and i’m so glad you are reading! we have room for 4 more readers or so. sign up at the site or email me: leah@leahpeah.com.
    xo

  12. Eww! I’m a narcissist! And I’ve already become a member of LA Bloggers Live! I think me and my penis will be signing up for the 28th, as well!

    (Does this mean that I’m basically paying 4 dollars to talk? My mom will be proud…)

  13. Neil! I’m totally coming! Wooo!

    Also, there is this great cafe around the corner that will be a great, secret after-party location. I’m just sayin’.

  14. Was that comma after great appropriate?

  15. @ LA DADDY – i wish it was truly and really free. i hate that there is a cover charge. but if we get a large amount of people to come, that charge may go away for future readings. fyi – they asked me if i wanted to make it $8 a head and take $4 for myself and i laughed. well, snorted, actually. because that is just dumb.

  16. Leah, will members of SAG, AFTRA, and WGA be getting paid according to union rules?

  17. oh, crap! i knew i was forgetting something! the UUUUUNIOOOOOOONS!

  18. HEY NEIL.
    you callin’ ME a narcissistic fool? I’d stop reading your blog, but you might just say something else about ME, so I guess I will have to return.
    😉

  19. I’m jealous – you guys in LA always do cool stuff and have fun clubs – Stitch & Bitch and Blogger readings by penises. Will you please record your reading and play it back on your blog so those of us who can’t make it can enjoy too? Pretty please?? 🙂

  20. Non-Highlighted Heather

    June 11, 2007 at 4:22 pm

    I’m so there, you narcissistic, poofter, twit.

  21. Alright, I’m getting sick of all the fun in LA. Where’s the fun up here?!?!

  22. I definitely live on the wrong coast.

  23. Heather — You will be there? I probably shouldn’t tell you that after the show I will be staying at the Sunset Marquis with my entourage, room 1012, since I know in the past you had some experiences chasing rock stars after concerts.

    And by entourage, I mean Sophia and my mother.

  24. @ TWO ROADS – there will be a recording of the night for all you people that live too far away to come and see the fun first hand. keep your fingers crossed that we can figure out how to connect all the cables etc.

  25. @Two Roads — of course, this “recording” will be edited just in case any of the bloggers really suck, or get so nervous they pee in their pants.

  26. Is this the same as that live reading that guys like Shane Nickerson and Paul Davidson did last year?

  27. If I weren’t all the way across the country taking dancer kid to see his hero Baryshnikov that night, I’d totally be there. Looking forward to the recording!

  28. Boo. Why can’t it be at a time when I’ll already be in SoCal?

  29. Non-Highlighted Heather

    June 11, 2007 at 6:34 pm

    Chasing???? Pfft. 20 years ago I was one of the hot girls that they’d put at the front of the stage so rock stars like Tony Kiedis could put their tongues in my mouth. Now, when I walk in the Troubador, they say to me, “Uh ma’am, could you stand in the back please? We’re shooting a video and we only want women whose boobs don’t hang past their knees up in front.”

    But yes, I will definitely be there, drinking martinis and making a complete ass of myself. Just like when I post here ‘cept no one can see my martini. xo

  30. This is so Dobie Gillis-Maynard G. Krebs like….Neil you would look really cool in an ascot too!

  31. Two Roads — I’m way too young and hip to know who Dobie Gillis or Maynard G. Krebs are. Were they in the Beatles?

  32. Jenn from Aka Jesais is no narcissistic fool. She’s my friend. And a fellow BlogHer booster.

    PS I feel so cool, recognizing a name on that roster besides yours.

  33. Tamar — A BlogHer booster? Hah! I’m going to so kick her butt with my manly oratory skills on that night, to prove once and for all that women have no real right being on the blogosphere.

  34. Danny needs to read his post on the Tudors. Totally! Here that Danny!

    If I were doing this, I’d send in a body double to read for me. It’s LA–you can always find an actor to take on a part! Play V-Grrrl for me, babe.

    And Neil, shall I send you a beret from Europe so you can cultivate a sense of savoir faire and sophistication? Are you going to show up with a day or two of stubble and strategically placed hair gel so you can look like a heterometro Beatnik?

  35. V-Grrrl — Nah, I’ll probably let Sophia dress me on that day.

  36. “I’m going to so kick her butt with my manly oratory skills on that night…”

    HAH! I sense an oratory smack down comin’ on …
    this blogger reading live thingy will be like child’s play. MY oratory skills are honed monthly at the First Friday Open Mic (http:/firstfridayprose.com)
    so Neil… BRING IT ON!
    and then you can buy me a drink.;-)

  37. Yeah, like I am scared of someone from… San Diego…

  38. Ooh, I want to come but I don’t think I’m ready to read in public yet. Can I hire someone to read for me? How about Dweezil Zappa as Danny Miller?

  39. Danny — What’s the real difference between writing something that hundreds or thousands read or reading something out loud to a small group?

  40. Neil, I’ll answer your question for Danny (Danny, hope you don’t mind). The difference between writing and reading out loud – stage fright.

    Also, you so know who Dobie Gillis is – I know your real age! 🙂

  41. Hi Neil,

    I LOVE the idea of Bloggers Live and am totally in when I can go, but I’m afraid I am buried in script frenzy this month.

    So, so, sadly buried in my pathetic word count.

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