Erica from Sarcastic Fringehead and I have decided to communicate via email using a combination of the old and new — scanned in hand-written notes. I took a handwriting analysis class in college and the way that Erica signs her name clearly tells me that she is a “freak” in bed. Anyone else want to reveal their handwriting?
For some reason, Better Safe Than Sorry copied Erica’s note, then added her own signature at the end, indicating that she is usually the submissive one in her BDSM relationship. The “loops” of her “B”‘s and “T”‘s make me believe that she cheats on her taxes.
#3 — Roadchick
Roadchick is almost too easy to analyze. The way she underlines words for emphasis and her use of exclamation points mean she thinks a lot about one thing — threesomes!
#4 — Deezee
Deezee of Confessional Highway has the handwriting of a Zen master, calm and poetic. The even spacing and the dotted lines show a person who is both emotional, yet focused. Even when she makes a spelling error, she is careful to point it out to the reader, showing strong ethics and concern for the community. The flow of the “z” in Deezee indicates a passionate woman, but forget about ever making love to her on the kitchen table! She is much too much of a neatnik. Look at those anal-compuslve perfect margins!
#5 – Caveat Emptor
Sound the bells, ladies! I think we found the male lover exemplar in Scott of Caveat Emptor. Look at the gentle rhythm of his cursives, and the way he manipulates the “L”s and “O”s with a flick of his pen. Have you ever seen a more sexy LOL? I am so jealous of his skill. My handwriting just flies all over the place, frequently missing the mark. His penmanship just oozes Latin lover, and just reading it reminds me of an old Pointer Sisters song:
I want a man with a slow hand
I want a lover with an easy touch
I want somebody who will spend some time
Not come and go in a heated rush
I want somebody who will understand
When it comes to love, I want a slow hand
(Note: Later on, Sophia called him a cheater. She says it’s Edwardian Script ITC. Typical man!)
#6 — Not Faint Hearted at This Journey (Becky)
Becky’s handwriting flows unevenly, expressing some insecurity about herself. The intensity of the dotted “i”‘s betrays a deep yearning for adventure and sexual freedom, as if she’s a caged tiger needing to be set loose in the jungle. Ironically, the words “high school” appear like one world, indicating a highly sentimental view of the past. Clearly, this is a woman who still remembers her “first time” like it was just yesterday.
#7 — Catharsis Queen
Mo’s handwriting is controlled, but playful. She likes to include little hearts and “love and kisses” symbols, giving her handwriting the style of a young schoolgirl. But the strength of her exclamation points show that she is NO schoolgirl. She is ALL WOMAN. And when she writes “Love Always,” she means “Love Always,” even if that means some day finding a dead animal in your bed for not returning a phone call.
#8 — Leezer
Leezer is a woman of few words. The staccato nature of her consonants and her slanted vowels indicate a woman of action. She doesn’t want talk. She wants ACTION. And she’ll give you ACTION — any place, any time, anywhere!
#9 — Ms. Sizzle
The pleasant curve of the “h” in the word “handwriting” reveals a creative and talented woman who longs for romance, flowers, and long walks on the beach. The precise loops in the word “swell” illustrates a great love for being spanked.
#10 – Paperback Writer
Paperback Writer has what we call in the handwriting analysis business as “comma fever.” Her sentences run on forever, connected with methodically-placed commas. This is a woman that is like the Energizer bunny, filled with energy, but unfortunately, can never be satisfied by one man.
#11 — Hilly of Snackiepoo
Hilly’s note is unique in that the two sentences seem to have been written by two different people. In the first sentence, the script has a great flow, fluency, and vibrancy, but in the second sentence, the lettering is condensed, and filled with intense exclamations. This disparity can mean two things: Hilly is either having PMS or she is a high-maintenance woman who demands a lot of role-playing in the bedroom. God help her husband.
#12 — Gorillabuns
Gorillabuns’ handwriting is very clear and concise, almost architectural in formation. The large spaces between each word reveals a hunger for physical and mental space, almost as if she has young children constantly running around the house needing her attention. The unique ampersand in her note is very telling, indicating a nostalgia for the days before motherhood when there was lovemaking in the house 5-6 times a week, which has now been reduced to a once a month quickie in the closet while the kids are watching Saturday morning cartoons.
#13 — Ash of Stitched in Holland
Expansiveness is the keynote of Ash’s handwriting, and is also the cornerstone for her social relationships. She thrives in company and hates being left alone. Her loops are gentle, almost like the flow of water down a river. Water is important to Ash, and the weak “y”s indicate a woman who is difficult to really know, much as the oceans are dark and mysterious. However, many of her “relationship problems” with her husband can easily be solved with the purchase of a large “water bed,” where Ash can truly be in her element.
#14 — Pearl of Pearlies of Wisdom
Pearl’s handwriting shows a playfulness that is very attractive to the eye The delicate strokes and the even spacing reveals a woman who likes to laugh, takes life lightly, and likes playing practical jokes on people. The elegant signature is different from the rest of handwriting, and shows a strong need for “alone time.” Pearl’s fantasy life is very important to her, particularly the fantasy where her new rabbi turns out to be none other than Fabio.
#15 — Lefty of Long Relief
Lefty’s handwriting is difficult to decipher, and I might need more training for this one. The chaotic space indicates that he is an impulsive man who lives for the moment. Perhaps the most intriguing element of his writing is the secondary comments that he adds to his loops, such as “revenge,” “die die die,” and “torture small animals.” While I’m not sure exactly what the subtext of all this means, it shows that Lefty has many interests and hobbies, and is probably a good friend.
#16 — Charming but Single
Charming’s rapid-fire loops and blunt “t”‘s reveal that, at the time of writing, she was suffering from mild stress. This may be temporary, for example, if she was upset, tired, or working against a deadline. Another possiblilty is extreme arousal, as exemplified by the sensual, curved question mark. Handwriting professionals call this type of arousal “subject transference.” This occurs when a writer becomes very sexually stimulated by writing about a certain subject or person. The result is an intensity of the handwriting that isn’t normally there. Although I am not at liberty to reveal who this note is addressed to, it is apparent that just thinking about this person is bringing this female writer “over the edge.”
#17 — Danny from Jew Eat Yet
Danny’s use of green ink is very interesting, showing ambition and an insatiable need for money and power. The exaggerated spacing between the words is common to many type A-personalities writers who don’t care how many bodies they have to walk over or how many associates they have to stab in the back to get one of their pieces accepted in the New York Times. Danny’s signature contains a tiny bit of Asian typography, signifying Danny’s well-known attraction to the model-thin Thai waitresses at Chan Dara Restaurant in Hollywood.
#18 — Claire from Taller Than Average Tales
In her note, Claire is kind enough to “link” to an exhibit of illustrated letters from the Smithsonian (currently at the Norman Rockwell Museum), but Claire’s handwriting is a fascinating specimen itself. The erratic nature of the slants shows her to be overly-concerned with concealment. She is attempting to cover up, and keep aspects of his personality or private life hidden from view or cloaked in mystery. Ironically, the overly-dramatic loops of the “y”‘s reveal a secret attraction to exhibitionism and nude sunbathing.
(check out some of the cool illustrated letters from the Smithsonian. Thanks, Claire!)