Oh, Zeus

zeus.jpg

According to the BBC

Followers of the 12 Greek Gods, who, according to mythology, ruled the Ancient World from Mount Olympus, have cast a thunderbolt at their Orthodox opponents.

After successfully staging a landmark ceremony at the Temple of Olympian Zeus in Athens, their leader pledged to fight for the right to conduct baptisms, marriages, and funerals according to the rites of the ancient religion.

“We are a legitimate religion. But the authorities don’t let us do this, but we shall claim this right through the European Union,” said Doretta Peppa, the high priestess, who led the prayers next to the 15 remaining columns of the temple.

“It is time we reclaimed our religion from the misrepresentations of the modern world,” announced Ms. Peppa. “First there were all those bad Hercules movies,  then the second banana in the Rocky films was named “Apollo” Creed, and the worst offense — there wasn’t one, but TWO cheesy “Poseidon” Adventures.  How would you like it if we named Zeus’ nerdy little cousin one of your Gods?  How about Jesus or Muhammed?  I didn’t think so.”

Followers of 12 Greek Gods have quickly organized, and the temple has already created a popular “Sisterhood” and a “Men’s Club.”  Sisterhood President, Aire Stophelese, has called for February to be “Social Action Month,” in which they will refuse to sleep with their husbands until all unfinished chores are finished in the house.

The revival of this ancient religion has angered many in the Greek Orthodox church, which strongly disapproves of what it regards as paganism.  Schisms have also developed between friends and families with differing views on the religion. 

Tensions remain particularly high in the Pusadapolis family.  This Sunday, as Eddie Pusadapolis and his mother, Aegina, sent prayers to Mount Olympus, Eddie’s father, Spridon, attended his Greek Orthodox church, as he does every week. 

“They have been brainwashed by a dangerous cult,” insists Spriridon.  “There is only one true God!”

“I don’t care what my father says,” retorts Eddie Pusadapolis.  “Who does he think he is? A king?!  Sometimes I wish I could just kill him and marry my own mother!” he continued, as he lovingly took his mother’s hand and helped her up the steps to the Temple mount.

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34 Responses to Oh, Zeus

  1. Leezer says:

    Neil:
    Boy you have really outdone yourself this time. Is there seriously a religion called the 12 Greek Gods? And the name Pusadapolis sounds familiar. Was she that young blonde woman who was on The View but then was fired?

  2. Eileen Dover says:

    Mmmmmm.

    Social Action Month is my idea of fun!

  3. Lisa says:

    Good old Eddie Pusadapolis. I wonder if he knows that mourning becomes Electra?

  4. Neil says:

    Ha! Thank you, Lisa. I have proved Sophia wrong. She said no one will get it.

  5. Heather B. says:

    Prometheus would never play second fiddle. Nor would he ever make a movie ridiculing the marriage practices of his people, except for Zeus of course. He’d embrace young Eddie though.

  6. If Euripedes pants, then you gotta buy ‘em.

  7. Lisa says:

    Oh, Neil, not to denigrate your choice of location, but Sophia probably thinks that because you live in SoCal.

  8. Churlita says:

    Is this some kind of theatery O’Neill take? Because the Oedipus and Lysistrata references were making me feel like I was back in my freshman survey class in college.

  9. Neil says:

    Hey, I didn’t read this stuff until Sophomore year!

  10. Miss Syl says:

    Eddie P. better watch his mouth. If his dad ever converts, he would have a case for swallowing him alive.

  11. Jazz says:

    Maybe someone should break it to Eddie that ancient Greeks didn’t run around marrying their mothers.

  12. Alissa says:

    It all goes back to incest. Every time.

  13. plain jane says:

    Well I don’t get it, but then I don’t have enormous breasts so that is to be expected.

  14. reese says:

    I can’t shake him loving taking his mother’s hand after that statement, ::shutter::.

  15. reese says:

    Or do I mean ::shudder:: LMAO, I need coffee.

  16. Finn says:

    “Aire Stophelese”

    You don’t sleep much do you? You just stay up all night thinking up this stuff.

  17. M.A. says:

    Oh, Neil. Aeschylus?

  18. Dagny says:

    I thought that all women practice Social Action Month at some time in their lives.

  19. Hey, I’ve been celebrating Social Action month for years. Holy Aphrodite, I’ve been cultwashed too!

  20. Katie says:

    Give poor Eddie a break, he didn’t *know* it was his mom at the time…
    And if the members of 12 Greek Gods look anything like Harry Hamlin in “Clash of the Titans”, then Ye Gods! I’d think about converting. Though that would be an awful lot of stairs to climb just to go to temple.

  21. Neil says:

    Hilary Swank: “And the winner for the blog post clearly written to show “girls who read books” that this writer went to college and can come up with sophomoric gags, but hopefully amuse his readers enough so one day, if he ever really needs it, he could get into their pants:

    “Oh, Zeus!””

    Neil: “Thank you. Thank you. What an honor. I’d like to thank Katie for reminding me about “Clash of the Titans.” However, I do have a fondness for “Jason and the Argonauts.” I’d like to thank my mother, Sophia, the blogging community, and God… well, actually all Twelve of them.”

  22. Excuse me, I was looking for Neil’s blog? Not high school literature class ;-)

  23. Neil says:

    Lisa, I’m done with this being a “tits and ass” blog. From now on, it is all about educating the next generation about the Classics. Next up: “What was so “hot” about the Renaissance?”

  24. buzzgirl says:

    Cute! But maybe Eddie should spell his name “Oeddie”? :)

  25. Dana says:

    Oh, Neil, I suggest jocasta blind eye on all their petty sectarian conflict. It’s nothing but a case of you-rippa-deze, eye-rippa-doze.

  26. Neil says:

    Dana — No way did you make that one up! That is too clever.

  27. this one didn’t work for me today, too much like school.

  28. Pants says:

    And I thought the Mormons were weird.

  29. Amy K says:

    What is hot about the Renaissance are nude statues such as Michelangelo’s David. :) And Shakespeare’s sonnets. You have to admit that Luther having the balls to put the 95 theses up was pretty hot, too.

    Neil: I, being an English teacher, take offense to the complaints of the Philistines! Lovely post, Professor!

  30. Janet says:

    If I die and I find myself in front of Zeus, I will be kicking myself for all those times I dressed up as a retarded Hera for Halloween.

    Well, actually, no matter who I end up standing in front of, I will be kicking myself. Maybe cults are the only safe way to die.

  31. Vaxalon says:

    At its core, every religion is silly.

    Even the atheists.

    Anyone making fun of these folks is launching missiles from their glass silos.

  32. Neil says:

    Vaxalon – Excellent point. I was less making fun of these people, than thinking they were pretty cool (except the wearing of the skirts). All religions are weird. There’s nothing crazier than the story of Noah’s Ark.

  33. fringes says:

    You were not making fun of them, you were making fun with them. Geez, there is a difference.

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