Followers of the 12 Greek Gods, who, according to mythology, ruled the Ancient World from Mount Olympus, have cast a thunderbolt at their Orthodox opponents.
After successfully staging a landmark ceremony at the Temple of Olympian Zeus in Athens, their leader pledged to fight for the right to conduct baptisms, marriages, and funerals according to the rites of the ancient religion.
“We are a legitimate religion. But the authorities don’t let us do this, but we shall claim this right through the European Union,” said Doretta Peppa, the high priestess, who led the prayers next to the 15 remaining columns of the temple.
“It is time we reclaimed our religion from the misrepresentations of the modern world,” announced Ms. Peppa. “First there were all those bad Hercules movies, then the second banana in the Rocky films was named “Apollo” Creed, and the worst offense — there wasn’t one, but TWO cheesy “Poseidon” Adventures. How would you like it if we named Zeus’ nerdy little cousin one of your Gods? How about Jesus or Muhammed? I didn’t think so.”
Followers of 12 Greek Gods have quickly organized, and the temple has already created a popular “Sisterhood” and a “Men’s Club.” Sisterhood President, Aire Stophelese, has called for February to be “Social Action Month,” in which they will refuse to sleep with their husbands until all unfinished chores are finished in the house.
The revival of this ancient religion has angered many in the Greek Orthodox church, which strongly disapproves of what it regards as paganism. Schisms have also developed between friends and families with differing views on the religion.
Tensions remain particularly high in the Pusadapolis family. This Sunday, as Eddie Pusadapolis and his mother, Aegina, sent prayers to Mount Olympus, Eddie’s father, Spridon, attended his Greek Orthodox church, as he does every week.
“They have been brainwashed by a dangerous cult,” insists Spriridon. “There is only one true God!”
“I don’t care what my father says,” retorts Eddie Pusadapolis. “Who does he think he is? A king?! Sometimes I wish I could just kill him and marry my own mother!” he continued, as he lovingly took his mother’s hand and helped her up the steps to the Temple mount.