the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Five Things You Don’t Know About Me


What do you do if you are asked to do a meme from a blogger you don’t really know very well?   Normally, I have no problem blowing off one of you if you ask me to do a meme.  But it is rude to do that to a stranger.  I mean, if I invited you over for dinner, I could serve you some burgers, but if some newcomer stopped over unexpectedly, I would feel obligated to use the fine china.

So, here are five things you don’t know about me.  My mother is in town and I’m busy entertaining her, so I am giving very few details to you in this meme, which I sort of like, because it keeps me more mysterious, like the Phantom of the Opera, and I know secretive men with “dark secrets” are a big turn on for women.

Thank you, Tim, for tagging me. (I think)

1)  After college, I applied to become a Reform Rabbi, but my heart wasn’t in it since I wasn’t even sure God existed, so I went to film school in Los Angeles instead, which is a little bit like going from heaven to hell.

2)  I have been asked by three women to marry them so they can get green cards.   (not Sophia!)

3)  My favorite meal is scrambled eggs and toast.

4)  I have surprising good graphic art/computer skills for someone who can’t draw a straight line.

5)  I once roomed with the runner up of the Miss Virginia competition.

I become anxious having to pick five people to do this meme, which is clearly something I need to work on when I finally go into therapy, but here it goes:  Margaret, Dating Dummy, Emma, Serena, Jennie.


  1. margaret

    Was there a question about believing in god on the Rabbi application?
    When are we going to see some of your graphic art skills on this blog?
    Did you design your masthead?
    What did your penis think of the green card seeking women?
    Before or after the competition?

    I need details, Mr Phantom… because I’m sure to spill my details

  2. Elisabeth

    I once roomed with the runner up of the Miss Virginia competition.

    Love this meme, Neil, but forgive me if I find this one just a tad lame. You should have written: I once roomed, and partied wildly with Tara Conner.

    And yes, I am totally crushed that you did not tag me (but I’ll get over it. Sigh!)

  3. CrankMama

    But what I want to know is how fast do you … type?

  4. Neil

    Crankmama, that photo really is one of my worst choices — especially since I am an awful typist. I make so many mistakes. I once applyed for a temp job where they gave me a typing test. They would take away a word per minute for each typing mistake. I ended up with something like 10wpm. Thank god for spellchecker, the greatest invention since the light bulb.

    I just couldn’t figure out what photo goes with this post. A big #5? A photo of Miss Virginia? Maybe this is why I hate memes. No opportunities for photos.

    If you have a better idea, I’ll switch the photo later.

  5. Brooke

    I had scrambled eggs and toast for breakfast. I kid you not.

  6. Neil

    Margaret —

    The Reform movement is the liberal wing of Judaism. I wouldn’t be surprised if half of the reform rabbis weren’t too sure about God.

    Graphic Art Skills — Didn’t you ever see that photo of me where I whitened my teeth using Photoshop?

    Masthead — When you say “design,” do you mean stole elements from other places and combined them in a new way? If so, yes.

    Green card women — There are one or two stories to be told, but mostly I think these nice women asked me because I was “safe”, it being years before I let my Penis rule my life. Now no one dares ask me anymore.

    Runner-up — This is after the competition. And bringing this back to my Reform Rabbi question, she was proof that there is no God: How could someone so beautiful be so dull…

  7. Churlita

    I loved your five things. You should have tagged your penis. I would’ve loved to have read his five things.

    I’ve been asked by guys to marry them so they could get a green card too. It made me feel really special…NOT.

  8. kristen

    I thought you hated memes! But I love reading them and so, I’m glad you played. Very interesting I might add….especially the rabbi part.

  9. Neil

    Kristen — I do hate memes, but the blogger who tagged me seems to work in “staffing,” so maybe by doing this meme he will hook me up with a high-paying job. I ain’t stupid.

  10. Non-Highlighted Heather

    Oh my gosh, I saw the coolest thing today. It’s a toaster that cooks an egg and makes your toast at the same time. I love eggs and toast whether they’re scrambled, poached, basted, fried, or soft boiled. I must have this toaster.

  11. Mist 1

    Did you drink with Miss Virginia when she was underage? Did The Donald forgive you?

  12. wendy

    I ate scrambled eggs, toast and prime rib…yum….and strangely enough, I wanted to be a nun for a long time…Until I realized that being a nun BLOWS…If I was jewish, maybe I could have been a rabbi??…

  13. Chantel

    Neil I’m practically an athiest and my sister almost became a Nun. We might have a bit more in common than we thought.

  14. Two Roads

    Scrambled – is that hard or soft? two or three eggs? whole eggs or just egg whites? With or without pepper? Directly on the toast or beside the toast so that you use the toast to push the eggs onto your fork? Toast – white, wheat, rye or sourdough? With or without butter or margarine? Toasted on both sides or only on the tops?

    When you say favorite meal does that mean that you would fix or order this meal breakfast, lunch, dinner or midnight snack?

    It’s probably one of the few meals I can actually enjoy an ice cold glass of milk as the accompanying beverage.

    Bon Apetit!

  15. deezee

    thank you so much for not tagging me. now we can remain friends.

  16. Pearl

    Neil, I think you should write a screenplay about a Reform rabbi who goes in search of God. Sort of a twist on WAITING FOR GODOT.

    Which sounds better? “This is my son, Neil, the rabbi” or “This is my son, Neil, the not-working-right-now (again!) writer”??

  17. Postmodern Sass

    Hot damn! Why didn’t I think of that before? Neil, will you marry me?

  18. Noel

    Earlier this year a comedian asked me to write a song for him and suggested several titles. One was “Cole Slaw, a Pickle, and You” or something like that. I ended up writing a ditty called “Scrambled Eggs and Toast” which he liked very much. But, he confessed, “I don’t like scrambled eggs and toast; can’t even watch anybody eating it.” Which led me to admit I can’t stand eggs myself. Nice to know SOMEbody appreciates it.

  19. Miss Syl

    My favorite meal is scrambled eggs and toast.

    Add baked beans to that, and you’re at least half of the population of England.

  20. Neil

    This Miss Virgina runner-up — it was at least 12 years ago…

  21. Bice

    I know secretive men with “dark secrets” are a big turn on for women.

    I don’t even tell myself half the stuff I know for this very reason.

  22. Scarlet

    I love eggs AND memes.

  23. wordgirl

    I’ve never had someone ask me to marry him to get a green card, but I did have a guy ask me to have sex with him because he was pretty sure he was gay but he wanted to be completely sure. I said “no”.

  24. V-Grrrl

    Ha, ha, ha. I’m imagining Wordgirl having sex with the guy and suffering the humiliation of him saying, “Yuck! Forget it! I’d rather do Clay Aiken.”

    This will have me giggling for days.

  25. Mr. Fabulous

    You are not in therapy YET?

    Dear Lord…

  26. mrsmogul

    From Rabbi to Film school eh? I was either going to film school or going to be a nun (LOL just kidding) it was either fashion designer…or go to advertising.

  27. BA

    “because it keeps me more mysterious, like the Phantom of the Opera”

    Number 6 is that you’re wearing a broken dish on your face, isn’t it?

    And as a Southerner who also loves scrambled eggs, I must recommend putting Tobasco in the eggs as you scramble them, to the point that they have a tinge of red. Sooooo goooood!

  28. Zoely

    sigh…not tagged by Neil…does it get any worse??
    and btw secretive men? so yesterday.

  29. emma

    Okay sweetie, since you tagged me I’m going to do it.

  30. Dating Dummy

    I’ll put up my five for the new year Neil. Hope you have a great new year. 🙂

  31. Karla

    How do you meet all these foreign women? Do you hang out in immigrant singles bars?

  32. teahouseblossom

    That’s pretty funny..

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Social media & sharing icons powered by UltimatelySocial