the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

My Zelnorm Tummy






What am I doing wrong?  Everyone on TV using Zelnorm seems to get such flat stomachs.  I’ve been taking it for three months now to get that "six-pack abs" look, and I still get sand kicked in my face at the beach.  This product sucks!


  1. The Retropolitan

    More leafy greens, Neil. Leafy greens are key.

  2. jenny

    But have you been writing inspirational sayings on your belly w/ a Sharpie? I think that’s the key.

  3. justrun

    Maybe you’re just not lifting up your shirt in front of the right cameras.

  4. Pearl

    Ah, Neil…you’re (still) “full of it”!!

  5. Kevin

    Marketing gimmick, m’man. Nobody has abs that perfect. All Photoshop.

  6. amanda

    how is that zelnorm…so funny that you should post about it, because i was thinking of “asking my doctor” about it. (also, did you notice that they are all women, neil?)

  7. AWE

    You have to eat the package that it comes in to get the full effect.

  8. Heather B.

    heh…you’re full of shit.

    But I’m sure you’ve never heard that one before.

  9. M.A.

    Sit ups, dude. Sit ups.

  10. Lynn

    Remember, Neil, the mirror adds 10 pounds. Oh wait … um … never mind.

  11. LisaBinDaCity


  12. ashbloem

    Wait. I thought you already HAVE six-pack abs?

    You are ruining my fantasy here, Neil.

  13. kris

    I can’t help you with that, but my crunchmaster seems to be helping with my IBS.

  14. Scarlet

    Did you write on your stomach while looking in the mirror? Backwards writing only works for ambulances. No wonder they kicked sand in your face!

  15. Dagny

    Those ads drive me nuts. All you need are the aforementioned leafy greens and perhaps some green tea.

  16. Neil

    At first, I thought you were telling me that leafy greens would help me strengthen my abs, but now that I looked up what IBS is — (another newly named disease like Acid Reflux) — and I figured it out. I still have green Sno-Balls left over from St. Paddy’s Day. Are they considered “leafy green?”

  17. Wendy

    Funny – it worked for me.

  18. david

    Neil, Zelnorm will help you lose weight, but there is one stipulation:

    You can eat ONLY Zelnorm.

    Also, side effects may include constipation, skin rash, delusions, dizzyness, rancor, and Weight Gain.

    Most effective when used with a sensible diet of Bulimia or Anorexia.

  19. Bre

    Well, I can’t quite understand why you’d want a six-pack when you could have a keg instead, but have you considered drawing one on with that sharpie?

  20. Bill

    Perhaps chilli would help? As for IBS … for the longest time I kept mishearing and couldn’t understand what irritable bowls were. Did they have little audio chips in them so they could cry, “You asshole! How’d you like someone pour hot soup onto your face?! Would you like that, you worthless twit!”

    I’m glad that’s cleared up for me (the misunderstanding that is, not my bum).

  21. Neil

    Why am I somehow regretting that I started this thread? Please go back to the last one where everyone was saying how “classy and smart” the post was!

  22. better safe than sorry

    never heard of it, maybe you’re using it wrong. are you ingesting instead of rubbing on?

  23. Brooke

    I thought Zelnorm was for penis enlargement.

  24. Spirit Of Owl

    Sometimes you have to ask what it is that you want from life. And then you have to ask, what does that take? And then you have to ask how much does that cost physically and financially? And then you have to take a look at a Belgian choc chip ice-cream and ask yourself; where are the spoons around here?

  25. Student Nurse

    *tsk tsk* You forgot to ask the Nurse.

    From my drug book–Common Uses: This medicine is a selective serotonin receptor agonist used to treat irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) in women who have constipation as their main symptom. It may also be used in some patients to treat certain forms of chronic constipation or other conditions

    Might be several problems: First you are not a WOMAN…and I don’t ever recall you discussing constipation as a problem.

    Best type of pill to get the results you are looking for is kinda hard to’s not sold in drug stores …it’s a whopper….

    ..called diet and exercise.

  26. cruisin-mom

    Yuch! I hate that commercial…what’s so great about those tummies, anyhow? I bet your tummy is way better Neil.

  27. Leesa

    Hmm..will your next post be about constipation?

  28. ChickyBabe

    I think you’re supposed to swallow the product not suck it! 😛

  29. Sandra

    You didn’t read the fine print; you have to buy the airbrush for a nominal fee — that takes care of those pesky abs!

  30. Bill

    Wouldn’t it make more sense if they wrote that stuff on their bottoms? (But then, I suppose you couldn’t run ads on the Family Channel.)

  31. Fitèna

    Have you considered trying photoshop instead!? But I already thought you had the abs and all!!!!

    Have a great week end!

  32. The Moviequill

    I keep waiting for a pierced one

  33. DawnKelly

    I second Rep—

    The leafy greens thingy works.

    In fact I sandwich everything I eat with LG’s before and aft.

    It does a colon and gut good….

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