the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Neilochka Girls


While I ignore my female readers for another day, here’s just a little something to remind them that I still care:

Neilochka Girls (mostly stolen from the Beach Boys)

Well, east coast blogging babes
I really dig their writing styles
And the southern gals with their flirty posts
I love to ‘Save’ their HTML files
The mid-west farmer’s daughter’s blogs — they never let me down
And the northern girls with their Flickr sites
Of the parties in their towns.

I wish they all could be neilochka
I wish they all could be neilochka
I wish they all could be neilochka girls

The west coast has the fancy blogs
They’re always so well-designed
And the girls they write so openly
About the time they sixty-nined.

I’ve read a lot of women bloggers
Some think they are "great wits"
But I always rush back to my site
Because my readers have the best tits.

I wish they all could be neilochka
I wish they all could be neilochka
I wish they all could be neilochka girls


  1. Leesa

    Classic, Neil. That song will be in my head all morning now.

  2. He's Dead, Jim!

    So did you come up with this one in the shower? I think you missed a spot.

  3. Laura

    I’m thinking maybe you’ve missed your calling here!! Supahstah…

  4. Melanie

    I feel the urge to re-christen you…in French you would be “Neilou” instead of “Neilochka”. (sorry, Sophia!)

  5. La Dauphine

    Ah! Wonder Woman!! You know JUST what to post to bring a girl back…

  6. LisaBinDaCity

    OY, OY, OY, did I say OY?

    I’m not quite sure which category I fall into though…

  7. Danny

    Your decision to temporarily ignore your female readers is going really well, no one would ever know that you were obsessed with these women!

    Here’s my question of the day: if you and Sophia DO decide to resume your lives as husband and wife (and I still say we deserve more info on that topic), what will happen to all of your blatant online flirting? Will it come crashing to a halt or will she remain amazingly tolerant of your cyber-swinging? I’d hate to see her start slapping Brooke, Tatyana, Atomic Bombshell, Megan, Anonymous City Girl, and all the others upside the head. On the other hand, they all seem to like her as much as they do you, so there shouldn’t be a problem. All I know is it needs to be documented on a new reality show.

    73 comments on your last post and counting? Jesus Christ, I didn’t see that much action on the Red Cross website following Hurricane Katrina!

    P.S. Have you seen Lynda Carter’s new movies? She’s still hot!

  8. kris

    Damn that Lynda Carter. I’m considering wearing that to work on Monday.

    In other news, I’m waiting for your answer to Danny’s question. But since you aren’t reading comments made by my gender, I’m sure glad Danny (NOT DANIELLE, DAMMIT!) asked it.

  9. Tatyana

    Danny, how did I get on this list? Remember 1) I find liberals appaling 2) Neilochka swore he never voted Republican.
    I come here strictly for a girl day/break/5 min.- out. Yeah.

  10. Danny

    I didn’t say you were hot for Neil, Tatyana, just that he was hot for you (and all those other Republican babes with Russian names).

  11. Tatyana

    Puleeze. Who he is NOT hot for?
    [See the lyrical masterpiece above]

    Sophia, once again: you’re a saint.

  12. Nancy French

    Okay, so I think I’m an “east coast” and a “southern” blogger!

  13. Bill

    Mmm … Lynda Carter. You have to love a woman who can spin and change her clothes at the same time. I always wondered, if you stopped her in mid-spin, would she be naked?

    In my dreams, it works that way.

  14. leesepea

    Most importantly, Neilochka, is that some of your readers really ARE California girrrrls…

  15. modigli

    Ah-hahah… I guess a song about bloggers’ “69” and all your readers’ tits is better than an Indian girl named Opening Thighs. Oh boy!!! Is Sophia out again? I can hardly believe she approved this one, Neil! 😉

    BTW, in Spanish you’d be Neilito! Still can’t compare to Neilochka, though.

  16. Pearl

    Are we Canadian gals in a class of our own?! (no “Flickr” for me)

    And now for some unasked-for trivia: I spent 1/2 a year in Israel in the early eighties. “Wonder Woman” used to be on English TV there; in Hebrew the show title was translated as “Aishet Chayil” (which happens to be a very beautiful prayer at the Shabbat table on Friday night, in which the husband/family pay homage to the wife/mother. Yup, guess I’m a “Wonder Woman” in my own right…)

  17. bettyonthebeach

    Awwww…Nielochka…I’m swooning.

  18. Sophia

    I was gone all day. Who approved this message?

    To Danny and Tatyana — Do you know the saying: “barking dogs don’t bite?”

  19. Neil

    Sophia, I just re-read what I wrote. I don’t remember writing something so immature since I was twelve years old.

    I love it! This is my favorite post.

  20. Tovah

    Oy Vey Neil. Oy Vey. Been hanging out with does damn ebony honeys again haven’t ya?

  21. Priss
    Ya low down dirty copycat!

  22. Neil

    Oh, you caught me, Priss. I knew I was stealing this from someone! But yours didn’t have any “tits” in your song, so can you forgive me?

  23. Claven

    Personally, I can ignore Mistah Kottah’s Jew-fro, Cosell’s toupee and Hal Linden’s bare shoulders just to focus on the precious…

  24. boxen

    Geez, that Wonder Woman was a bit of a porker.

  25. Lauren

    Bless you Neil. All is forgiven.

  26. Brooke

    Shameless shameless shameless

  27. Neil

    Boxen, Wonder Woman a porker? You’re not one of those ana girls, are you? I would have given my right arm for a night with Lynda Carter — although I think she’s a born again Christian now, so she’d probably be trying to get me to believe in Jesus as I go down on her.

  28. erin

    I would think that if you had the opportunity to go down on Wonder Woman, your belief in a higher power would be cemented by the experience. In fact, I think we should spread the word to any who is looking for Jesus, that they can find him in between Lynda Carter’s legs…

  29. Neil

    Yes, Erin. That could be classified as an authentic religious experience.

  30. Melissa

    Doesn’t your mother read all of this?

  31. Neil

    Melissa — like your mother never had sex? She’d much rather read about something interesting than the latest Javascript techniques.

  32. Megarita

    dear god.

  33. Irene

    Next year my friends and I have all agreed to go as Super Heros for halloween. I’m wonder woman – Even though your not responding to women – Great Post…

  34. He's dead. Jim!

    Boxen, I checked your site and found that you are female. I am surprised you are so quick to criticize someone so gorgeous (and still so gorgeous) and feminine as Lynda Carter.

  35. Megan

    Oh sweet Jesus.

    How did I get lumped in with the other ladies Neil fawns over? I’m going to pretend he doesn’t notice me.

    I’ll always have a special place in my heart for Wonder Woman, though.

  36. danielle

    So I guess an East Coast turned West Coast turned East Coast blogger, who has lived in the south, has the best of all worlds?

  37. Melissa

    I don’t think my mother wants to read about my mad skills with the cock… no matter how religious my man may find it.

  38. Neil

    Melissa, have you ever asked her? Mother-daughter communication is very important.

  39. Atomic Bombshell

    Thank you for that picture of Linda Carter as Wonder Woman… She is so HOT! …My idol.

  40. Melissa

    Oh, sugar, she still likes to think I’m a virgin… Sometimes it is best to cling to one’s illusions.

  41. akaky

    Mother daughter communication? Neil, you’re starting to get weird on us here. Take a cold shower and have a nap, you’ll feel better, trust me, and these strange thoughts will go away.

  42. Neil

    Melissa, I’ve never ever had anyone call me “sugar” before. You’re now on my blogroll.

  43. Leesa

    Neil, that’s a term of endearment in the south, ya know 🙂 I’m surprised you haven’t been called it before.

  44. Melissa

    Leesa is a Texas girl, she knows. Just wait until I call you sugar butt.

  45. Tatyana

    Next in our program – somebody with uncle in the business leaves a comment @Neilochka calling him Molasses.
    Or Magnolia condensate…

  46. Brooke

    Or Sweet n Low.

  47. Denise

    Your female blog withdrawals are having some interesting side effects.

  48. Elvira Black

    Lynda Carter–isn’t she doing Sleep Number mattress commercials or something now? Well, at least it’s quasi-sex related. Neil, what sleep number are you?

  49. Tanisha

    I haven’t seen you in while. Miss your comments over at my blog and welcome back to the real blogosphere of women bloggers. And yeah Lynda Carter is hot. Some of us have all of the luck

  50. Neil

    Elvira — thanks for the “sleep number” mattress question. Actually before I take a woman to bed with me, I usually try to adjust her side of the bed for her ultimate comfort. If I’m on a date, I usually hand out a written questionnaire during dinner, where I inquire about the woman’s sleep patterns so I can prepare the bed immediately when we get home.

    If anyone is interested in getting into the database ahead of time, you can get your data by filling in the online sleep number form on

    My stats are:

    occasionally tired

    sleep #55

  51. Leesa

    My sleep number is 20 🙂

  52. Neil

    Jeez, Leesa, how does your husband manage with such a crazy sleeper as you? Do you have to knock him out first?

    And by the way, isn’t it Lindsay Wagner aka The Bionic Woman, not Lynda Carter that does the commercials?

  53. Leesa

    Neil, “sugar”…he’s a HEAVY sleeper…and yes it’s Lindsay Wagner that does those commercials.

  54. MA

    I go away for one weekend and I miss all of this. Excellent

  55. bru

    Well done, but one small suggestion so that you can be the best Neil you can be: use plural possesive to describe the blogs of the female offspring of agrarians, as in “farmers’ daughters’ blogs”.

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