Neil
Current Los Angeles Resident
New York City, December 4th, 2006
Tag: New York (Page 5 of 5)
The secret is out: Here is why New York bloggers are so successful at getting book deals.
1) They take this “Learning Annex” Free Class I saw advertised on every block in the Upper West Side – “Make Serious WEB MONEY. Turn your computer into a CASH MACHINE!”
2) They blog in their bikini by the pool.  Wait…wait… wait… is this cover left over from when they taught the course in Los Angeles?
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I’m off to New York. I’m very excited because I will finally have the opportunity to see IN PERSON the famous Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Can you believe I grew up in New York and never went to that amazing fun-filled parade?Â
A Chorus Line! Diana Degarmo! Al Roker! Santa Claus ho-ho-ho-ing and handing out Macy’s credit cards!
What? The parade was YESTERDAY? OY!Â
Well, I guess I’ll just spend my time in New York standing in line for a bagel.
(normally, I wouldn’t have written such a stupid post, but I’m doing that damn NamBloPoMo, and had to write something just to impress the girls.)Â
A Year Ago on Citizen of the Month:Â Oh no, am I a Racist Blogger?
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So let’s see, the Pet Shop Boys, Vince Gill, and a chamber concert all in one week? Dude, my life is so boring. We’ve done Girl Scouts, Boy Scouts, the Book Fair, and Drama Club this week. Sigh.
— V-Grrrl, commenting on yesterday’s post
When I was a teenager, my father gave me two pieces of advice on how to deal with women:
1)Â Never hurt a woman.
I still don’t really know if he meant physically, emotionally, or spiritually.
2)Â Take your wife out on weekends.
This completely went over my head when he first told me this piece of wisdom. Tickets for the weekend was a central concept to my father’s vision of marriage. My father was always getting theater and concert tickets “for Elaine” (my mother).  Even though he always said he was getting it “for her,” I think he got them equally for himself. My father was the type of person who could never admit doing anything for himself. It always had to be for someone else.Â
My father was also obsessive-compulsive, so he had a huge bulletin board in his bedroom where he would micro-organize all his tickets to concerts, shows, and events. He believed that if you bought tickets ahead of time, this would force you to go out, even if you got lazy at the last moment. He would sometimes subscribe to a theater season a year ahead of time, so he always knew he had something to go to every weekend, and didn’t have to worry about it. Box offices throughout New York City would know his name when he called up, because he would send his check in the mail before the season actually began. He subscribed to the Roundabout Theater, Circle in the Square, Lincoln Center, Queens College Concert Series, Theater in the Park, and several others, including discount Broadway show tickets from the Theater Development Fund.Â
My parents would go out practically every weekend, frequently taking me along. There were times when it was clear that no one wanted to go, but we went anyway because we “had the tickets.”  It was my family’s version of being forced to go to church on Sunday morning. We would travel two hours into Manhattan during a snow storm to see a poorly-reviewed version of an Ibsen play (awkwardly updated to 1920’s Chicago) just because the tickets hung on the bulletin board and the date was penciled in on the large calendar my father kept next to the bulletin board. My friends would be drinking beer outside on Saturday night while I would be dragged to hear Chopin with my parents. I frequently fell asleep during these concerts and my mother would elbow me so I wouldn’t snore.
I realize that when I described my parents on this blog in the past, I created a picture akin to the parents of Seinfeld — real Jewish outer borough types. That IS an accurate description of them. But there was one big difference, My father had an obsession with high culture. Where did it come from? — I have NO IDEA, but it was important that we immersed ourselves in it. If my mother didn’t have a sense of humor about some of the boring stuff we saw, I would have turned into a hopeless prig.
Years later, though, much of my father’s wisdom has started to make sense — especially about the importance of going out.  In the two weeks since she came back from New York, Sophia and I have gone to three concerts, a Broadway musical, and a movie. Like my father, we bought the tickets early enough to force ourselves to go out. We knew that if we waited until the last minute, one of us (usually me) would start copping out, wanting to watch “Dancing with the Stars” instead. But to be honest, going out is pretty tiring, especially to someone like me, who is happy enough just sitting at the computer, blogging.  Tonight we didn’t go anywhere, which was pretty nice.  After we watched — what else? — “Dancing with the Stars” (dancer Cheryl Burke is so cute!), Sophia turned to me and said, “Remember, tomorrow we’re going to the Improv with Danny.”
“Do we have to?” I sighed.
“Yes,” she answered. We already have the tickets.”
Some things never change.
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When you meet another blogger on his home turf, it is a good idea to meet him in a establishment that mirrors the blogger’s unique personality.
Sophia and I met the sophisticated Tatyana at the Cafe Sabarsky.  Housed within Museum Mile’s Neue Galerie, the restaurant is patterned after the old-style Viennese kaffeehaus. We talked about architecture, politics, and why Austrian cafes serve coffee with a glass of water and metal spoon on top of the glass.Â
(The answer: Viennese tradition bids to serve a glass of water together with the coffee, although this is coming out of use in our hectic days. Originally the water was served as an excuse for the customer to keep his seat even when he had finished his coffee, to be able to read the newspapers provided in the café, or to have lengthy discussions. The latter was important because the “Kaffeehaus” in Vienna was used as a meeting point for writers, artists, etc.)
The next night, we met the mysterious Retropolitan at the Cabana Cafe, a restaurant designed to look like a cafe in pre-Castro Havana. We talked about 1940’s radio shows, Retropolitan’s perfect radio voice, and the hardships of breaking up with a significant other.
The next day, I met the very professional and talented Amanda at a hip business-lunch cafe near Union Square.  We talked about our blogging “styles,” writing, and relationships. Â
One caveat:
1)Â Tatyana gave her cellphone number to Sophia, but not to me.
2) Retropolitan, on leaving us, said, “It was a nice to meet you, Neil. It was ESPECIALLY wonderful to meet you, Sophia.”
3) Amanda, on hearing that I alone was coming to see her, “What a disappointment! I was hoping to meet Sophia.”
Do you see a trend here?  Next time, maybe I’ll just send Sophia with a cardboard cut-out of myself.
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Sophia and I are going to be in NYC in about two weeks, so I look forward to meeting some of you in the NY area. Seeing that staying in Flushing all that time may get claustrophobic after a while, I’d like to also get away for three-four days to a cabin or rental on a lake or river somewhere on the East Coast. Any suggestions — maybe in upstate New York or the Berkshires?”
On Saturday, writer and blogger Billy Mermit is offering a seminar at UCLA titled "Exploring the Core Elements of Storytelling in Film and Fiction." which will deal with the similarities and differences of "story" in movies and literature. It sounds like an exciting seminar. While thinking about the subject matter last night, it occurred to me that one difference is obvious — the writer of fiction must use the written word to convey EVERYTHING, while a filmmaker has many tools, such as visuals and music to manipulate the audience. We all know the cliche "a picture is worth a thousand words." One glance of a movie actor can equal ten pages of description. Visual content seems to always do a better job in capturing our attention. As an example — yesterday, I spent a good amount of time writing my "sexology" post. I spent one minute uploading the photo of the "penis bed." Can you guess which was talked about twice as much in the comments?
Some of you are amazingly good writers. You convey all of your emotions and information through Words. You create imagery and poetry through the English language.
I’m a lazy writer. Words frequently fail me. That’s why I reach for every trick in the book — photos, songs, cheap sex jokes.
Some of my favorite blogger-writers are meeting in New York this weekend for TequilaCon 06. I’ve been excited about this event for over a month. Even though I already have an airline ticket, I unfortunately needed to cancel my trip, since I have some pressing matters I need to deal with in Los Angeles.
I am very disappointed about not going to New York this weekend and meeting some of you. I hope those who attend will think of me as there in spirit. I hope everyone has a great time in New York. I wish I could better communicate my emotions to you, but, as usual, I can’t find the words. So, I guess I’ll need another way of showing you my love — through the magic of tap dancing.
ORCHESTRA STARTS PLAYING.
I rip off my clothes to reveal a tuxedo underneath. Sophia throws me a top hat and cane. I jump on top of my bed. The entire bed levitates and a staircase folds out in front of me, covered with flickering lights A neon "New York City Skyline" descends in the background. I start to SING:
Come and meet those dancing feet,
On the avenue I’m taking you to,
Forty-Second Street.
Hear the beat of dancing feet,
It’s the song I love the melody of,
Forty-Second Street.
Tap Tap Tap Tap
Tap Tap Tap Tap
Tap Tap
Tap Tap
Tap
Tap
Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap
Tap Tap Tap Tap
Skid Row in downtown Los Angeles is one of its most shameful spots. Thousands of homeless roam the streets in this scary 50 square block section of the city. But finally, Los Angeles city officials are tackling this problem. A delegation of Los Angeles leaders, including representatives from downtown Los Angeles’ business, law enforcement, and political organizations, travelled to New York’s Times Square on a "fact-finding mission."
New York famously cleaned up Times Square in the 1990s. More than $1 billion has been poured into the area for shelters, housing and cleanup. Times Square saw a 68% decrease in crime between 1992 and 2005. Once a cluster of sex shows and run-down buildings, it is now a bustling city center and tourist destination.
Can Skid Row learn from Times Square? This 30-member delegation wanted to find out.
Of course, there are huge differences in these two areas. New York’s Times Square has been world-famous for a hundred-odd years and is located in the middle of the city. Skid Row is in an grungy dangerous part of town that Angelenos wouldn’t travel to for any reason, even if Pamela Anderson announced she was going to strip naked there on Friday night.
Some wondered if the trip was really necessary at all. After all, isn’t the man who "cleaned up" Times Square, former NYPD head William J. Bratton, now the Chief of Police of the LAPD? Why not just take him out for lunch here in LA and ask him? Why travel 3000 miles and spend our city’s dollars?
But City Council members were adamant that this trip was necessary in order to learn what New Yorkers do right — and to find solutions to Los Angeles’ homeless problem.
I feel honored here at Citizen of the Month to be able to sit down with several members of the delegation, to discuss their trip — and what it could mean for Los Angeles.
Councilman Ed Cheatem (D) said,
"My assignment was to see as many Broadway shows around Times Square as possible. I was especially impressed by the enthusiastic crowd at "Spamalot." If Los Angeles was able to build several Broadway-sized theaters on Skid Row, imagine how that would help clean up the area?"
Asst. Police Commissioner Manuel Dinero disagreed.
"I saw "Spamalot" and wasn’t impressed. The biggest problem facing Skid Row in Los Angeles is the lack of fine eating establishments, like they have here on Times Square. I chose to eat dinner 3-4 times at Becco on West 45th Street. To taste Lidia Bastianich’s Antipasto Misto, an assortment of marinated and grilled vegetables with assorted seafood, was a real eye-opener. If we were to open an establishment like this in skid row, I would think our problem would be solved. Most homeless people cannot afford to eat in a restaurant like this, so they would just move away to a place like Riverside or Oxnard."
Not everything for the delegation revolved around education and "fact-finding." After all, they were in the "city that never sleeps."
State Senator Igor Misleadi said,
"I’m sure the taxpayers understand that part of our mission in New York was to behave like a typical upscale tourist, in order to learn ways to improve our Skid Row as a tourist destination."
It was State Senator Misleadi himself who chose the fashionable W Hotel, Times Square, as their home base.
"We definitely need one of these on Skid Row!" said downtown LA real estate developer Will Steel.
While most of the group went out "clubbing" during their second night in New York, Los Angeles Administrative Officer David Embezzlo and former Council Supervisor Mario Fraude, remained in the hotel, continuing with their work. As part of their research, they asked two high-priced hookers to come to their rooms. They were eager to learn what differentiates upscale New York hookers from the prostitutes on Los Angeles’ Skid Row. Knowing that finding streetwalkers is impossible in visitor-friendly Times Square, they chose instead to deal with an escort service that operated from the Upper East Side.
Supervisor Fraude spoke about his findings:
"The fact that these women had to travel to Times Square did nothing to hamper their abilities to perform their services. I was very impressed. The obvious difference between these upscale New York hookers and their Skid Row counterparts is that these New Yorkers were much more attractive. I also felt less fear of catching some disease. Although their prices were a tad high for a typical county supervisor’s salary, I would say that a New York hooker puts a great deal more effort into her blowjob than the typical prostitute on Skid Row."
Administrative Officer Embezzlo agreed.
"I really learned a lot during this "fact-finding mission" to New York. I’m hoping we gain as many insights during our upcoming "research" trip to Paris."
My new Los Angeles blogging pal, Sanora, at Bad Maria has a problem. Her husband and she have been invited to a catered BBQ on Sunday, and the invitation says "California Casual attire." She’s a pretty down-to-earth gal, and is worried about what that means.
Does anyone know what "California" casual means? Is it one step up from casual or since we all wear jeans for the most part, one step down? I’m very confused by the term and if they were closer friends, I would call them up and say "what would be appropriate attire for this little catered BBQ soiree?" But I want to appear like hubby and I are down with all the frou-frou terminology and can show up, correctly attired, when invited.
Can anyone from California give her some advice?
I offered her some help, but she rejected me, saying I was too "trendy" for her. The truth is I’m a real trendsetter when it comes to fashion, always wearing the latest Fall fashion that I see at New York’s Fashion Week.
In fact, Sophia and I will be attending the same BBQ as Sanora, and we already bought some new hip clothes for the event. We each bought two outfits. Any advice on which is better for an outdoor BBQ?
FOR SOPHIA
FOR NEIL
By the way, on my second outfit, I’m not sure about that chain hanging from the pocket. What do you think? Also, can anyone recommend a good bikini wax place near West Hollywood?
Thanks for all your help!
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