the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Category: News and Politics (Page 3 of 13)

Memoirs

There was a recent outcry amongst writers online in reaction to an article in the New York Times Book Review by Neil Genzlinger, which savaged the art of the memoir.

The piece started with fighting words —

“A moment of silence, please, for the lost art of shutting up.  There was a time when you had to earn the right to draft a memoir, by accomplishing something noteworthy or having an extremely unusual experience or being such a brilliant writer that you could turn relatively ordinary occur­rences into a snapshot of a broader historical moment. Anyone who didn’t fit one of those categories was obliged to keep quiet. Unremarkable lives went unremarked upon, the way God intended.”

Now, I’m not immune to a good memoir-writing joke.  It seems as if every other blogger I know has the dream of expanding their story of getting beaten up by Joey McCallister in third grade as a book proposal.  But, in reality, my views on the importance of memoirs is quite different than those of Mr. Genzlinger’s.

I love the personal.  And I think it is the personal that ends up being passed down from generation to generation.  It is the personal that touches us and has the most impact.

I recently had a conversation with a friend about how he uses social media.  He was trained as a journalist, and while not as extreme as Mr. Genzlinger, is not a fan of the incessant personal chatter on blogs and Twitter where women write about their “cats.”   In his eyes, the personal is junk food.  Discussion of news and politics is the real meal.

I disagree with him.   I follow a lot of “media” people on Twitter, and while I love their opinions on current events, I see THEM as the “fast food” — tasty at first, but with no lasting nutritional value.”

Consider the recent revolution in Egypt.  For several days, my Twitter stream was filled with tweets talking about the students and the activists.   It was a historic event.  But like most news stories, it played more like entertainment for us.  Once Mubarak resigned, we all moved on to talking about the Grammy Awards.

Have you noticed that every day there seems to be a new “trend” on Twitter.  I think, for many of us, myself included, we feel obligated to mention, or at least understand these trends, so as to seem as if we aren’t asleep at the wheel, or irrelevant in our media-obsessed society.

How many of you immediately Googled “Mumford and Sons” during the Grammy Awards, just so you didn’t feel like your pop musical history peaked with Duran Duran?

Most of these news and pop culture references are not very important.  It isn’t that the events aren’t important in themselves, but our mention of them is for our own purposes, not for the sake of history.  We are sending the message to the others that we are not stupid and went to college.  We are reminding the others that we have an opinion on what is going on in Egypt and who won the Grammy Awards, so you don’t have to worry about inviting us to a cocktail party and embarrassing you in front of your friends.  After we get that across, the topic is not relevant anymore, so the subject is quickly dropped.  Very few people are talking about the uprisings in Bahrain or Iran… or even Egypt anymore!   Of course, we WILL do that when it starts trending again.

Perhaps this post is not about social media, politics, or even writing.  Maybe it is about getting older, and memory.

The older you get, the more historic events and personalities you can remember, so you begin to notice the repetive nature of the news cycle.  Justin Bieber is the David Cassidy is the Bobby Darren of the previous generation.  Remember that Billy Joel song, “We Didn’t Start the Fire,” where he spits out one historic event after another, important events that are hardly remembered by the next generation.  Of course Watergate and the Cuban Missile Crisis and Monica Lewinsky were big events of that time, something we all talked about, but do we remember any of those conversations?  Can you remember any of the tweets with the #Egypt hashtag from last week?  Most of the tweets were re-tweets or recaps of Breaking News from TV.  We write about these events for the same personal reasons we write about our lunch — we want to put our stamp on the event, to say “we were there,” even if we are home sitting in our living rooms in Ohio.

While political tweets are deemed important, most are forgotten the next day.  Because it is just talk.  But I remember writing of a personal nature.  Because that was lived.  When I meet a blogger in person, I can quote her post about her mother dying, or when she lost a child.  Or the funny story when she finally cleaned the kitchen!  I relate to those stories.   Those moments are so universal, and so specific to the individual, that the imagery becomes the most lasting.  We can get more from reading “The Diary of Anne Frank” than a Pulitzer-Prize winning history of Nazi Germany.  This is how our brains work.

Perhaps this is why a critic like Neil Genzlinger seems so scared of personal memoirs.  He is a trained writer with a job talking about important “stuff.”   Maybe the memoir is considered too feminine, in a patriarchal world, where a person’s importance is tied to their impact on history.  What does a SAHM have to offer the world in a memoir?

Actually, a lot.

In the year 2211, the next generation is going to care more about how the typical person lived their daily life, and how it reflected on the times, than on anyone’s opinion of the long-forgotten news story of the day.

The Silver Rule

I’m sure Martin Luther King Day is going to inspire many posts today, and each one will be different, and reflect the writer’s own interests, whether it be race relations, politics, or religion.

Martin Luther King makes me think of morality.  The civil rights movement of the 1960s was  all about morality, a clear case of right vs. wrong.

Unfortunately, not issue in life is as clear-cut.  Morality is a complicated subject.

I’m not a particularly religious person, but that doesn’t mean I don’t think about religious issues such as morality.  When I write about Jewish subjects, I tend to go for the cultural items — the bagels, the Yiddish words, the mother jokes — but I’m actually quite interested in Jewish religious thought.  I mean I like to mock it, too, because I figure God wouldn’t have given us a sense of humor if he didn’t want us to make fun of Him.

The Golden Rule is considered the basis for most moral thought.

“Do unto others as you want them to do unto you.”

The Golden Rule is as ancient as it is cross-cultural.  The ethic of reciprocity was present in ancient Babylon, Egypt, Persia, India, Greece, Judea, and China.

The Golden Rule is certainly a major part of the Torah.

However, there are two competing version of the Golden Rule, or more accurately, there is a Golden Rule and a Silver Rule.

The Golden Rule is frequently attributed to Jesus, even though it was around for centuries before his birth.

“Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them” (Matthew 7:12).

Christianity adopted the Golden Rule from two passages in Leviticus in the Old Testament.

Leviticus 19:18 —

“Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself”

and Leviticus 19:34

“But the stranger that dwelleth with you shall be unto you as one born among you, and thou shalt love him as thyself; for ye were strangers in the land of Egypt: I am the LORD your God.”

Of course, the Golden Rule is older than both the New Testament AND the Hebrew Bible.  It first appears in Ancient Egypt (c. 2040-1650 BCE) and is even spoken about by Confucius (551-479 B.C.)

Early Christianity was eager to distinguish itself from the Judaism of Jesus, so much of the traditional commandments were seen as unnecessary, including the kosher and circumcision laws.  This was partly to attract new converts.   In order to separate the new religion from the old one, Judaism gets a pretty bad rap in the New Testament, where they are portrayed as a priestly people obsessed with outdated laws and corruption (like a Washington D.C. of the time!), preparing the way for centuries of anti-Semitism.

Since Christianity was presented as a religion of good deeds, it is no surprise that “Do unto others…” became so central to Western culture.

Unfortunately, early Christian leaders, focusing on positive stories like “the Good Samaritan” gave little emphasis to the flip side of the Golden Rule — “The Silver Rule.”

The Silver Rule was already an established part of the teachings of the great rabbis at the time of Jesus.  Hillel, an elder contemporary of Jesus, is have said to have written this famous line in the Talmud, Shabbat 31a, when asked to sum up the entire Torah concisely, as if it were a Twitter update:

“That which is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow. That is the whole Torah; the rest is the explanation; go and learn.”
—Talmud, Shabbat 31a

In effect, don’t do unto others that you wouldn’t want them to do to you.

This Silver Rule was not unique to the rabbis.  It was central to the teachings of Confucius.

“Never impose on others what you would not choose for yourself” (己所不欲,勿施于人)
—Confucius, Analects XV.24

I think I personally follow the Silver Rule more than the Golden Rule.  I’m not sure if this has anything to do with years of Hebrew school or just my personal makeup.  The Golden Rule doesn’t energize my brain.

For example:

If I am walking out of my apartment building, and I see an old woman shuffling behind me, I would hold the door for her.  Why?  Out of instinct.  I don’t need to ponder the Golden Rule.

But let me change the situation:

I am rushing to catch the bus.  I open the door to head out when I see the old woman shuffling behind me.

“Hurry up,” I say to myself as she walks, as slow as molasses.

If I keep holding the door for her, I might miss my bus.

NOW is when I need a internal barometer, a belief statement to help me make this split second decision.

“Do Unto Others…” doesn’t help me.  I’m not being asked to do something positive.  I am wondering if the situation allows me to do something negative.   I need to think about the Silver Rule.

“Don’t Do Unto Others…”

Should I slam the door in this old woman’s face because I want to get to the bus?  Is it worth it?  Would I want this to happen to me, if the situation was reversed?  Won’t she think I’m an asshole?  What if I tell her that I am in a rush, so then she will understand?  Or should I just wait for the next bus?”

A little neurotic?  Maybe?  But if I were living in the South during the 1960’s, many moral questions would be presented to me every day, almost none of them about “doing unto others.”  They would be about “don’t do unto others.”

Why shouldn’t my fellow citizens have the same rights as I do?

The “negative” Silver Rule appeals to me.  It seems to me to have a concreteness necessary to make moral  decisions in the real world where NOT DOING SOMETHING WRONG comes up as frequently as doing something right.   We need to give everyone adequate health care not because I believe you would be kind enough to help me, because knowing you, you’d probably be too busy on Farmville to care, but because I would be outraged if I was in your shoes and couldn’t care for MY family.

Dr. Martin Luther King, like Gandhi, was a big advocate of the Silver Rule.

Violent Language

Even if Sarah Palin’s website didn’t cause Jared Loughner to go out and shoot Representative Gabrielle Gifford in this weekend’s horrific incident, few of us think Palin’s bulls-eye map was a very civilized way of making a political point.

But she has a right to do it.

As a writer, I lean towards freedom of speech and expression.  I don’t know how many times in my lifetime I have seen movies, books, or rock and rap music blamed for every ill in society.  Sarah Palin didn’t cause the killer to plan an assassination.  I don’t respect her use of gun imagery for political gain, but she has legal right, much in the same way that I believe a cartoonist can draw a cartoon of Mohammed without fear of being murdered.  It only becomes illegal when the person really cries fire — or calls for a jihad — or murder.

We are all vying for attention with our words and ideas, both in the old and new media.   Sadly, most of us have become just like Sarah Palin.   We use controversial metaphors in order to gain attention.  It is what sells.  It is what makes us watch and listen.  No one hears you clearly if you debate in a reasoned manner.  I thought this type of journalism might change with the election of the intellectual Obama, but, instead, he is called a wimp if he isn’t fighting like an angry dog.

But if we are going to honestly talk about violence in language and every day discourse, I say we also look at ourselves.  We live in a violent and unstable society, and there is a legitmate need for many of us to express our anger — at our government, our families, and even ourselves.  But are we getting too comfortable employing violent imagery in our writing to grab attention, much like Sarah Palin?

As a little experiment, I did Twitter searches on common phrases I read all the time online:

“I want to shoot someone.”

“I want to punch someone in the face.”

“I want to stab someone.”

And you’d be surprised at how many statements like this are made every MINUTE.  More surprising are the positive responses these statements get in return, usually a lot of laughter and agreement.   Clearly, we understand the context of the statements.  We assume the nice college kid writing “I wants to shoot the guy in the supermarket for talking loudly on his cellphone” isn’t REALLY going to shoot him.   The contrast of the statement and the reality is what makes the statement amusing.

We all enjoy writing “I want to punch that guy in the nose” every once in a while.  I know I do.  It is cathartic.  But I’m afraid that violent-aggressive language has become more of the norm rather than the exception, especially online.  I’m sure we don’t do it consciously.  It is the trickle down effect of a society obsessed with violence.   We find violence more “real” — and cooler — than sense and sensibility.   Hey, we can talk like inner city rappers  (even from our safe suburban homes!)  I would hate to think that this type of writing becomes as common in our society as it is for unstable twenty year olds to walk around with Glock pistols in their pockets.

Keep Those Jerks Gay!

I am furious at Walmart. Livid. Let me explain.

I’m not having an easy time lately. I’m like a wounded animal away from Sophia. Yesterday, I went to the dentist, and arrived too early, so I had to sit in the waiting room for an hour and read the office’s collection of Cosmo magazines.

The trouble began with the hygienist, Natalya (another Russian chick! what is it with these Russian women?!). As she cleared my plaque, I looked into her eyes, which wasn’t difficult since the rest of her face was covered with a gauze-like mask, so I could ONLY see her eyes, and as I gazed into those watery pools of Russian soul, I wondered if she had read the same Cosmo that I just had in the waiting room.

“I wonder if her va-jay-jay is as untamed as the Siberian forest?” I said to myself.

During my wait for her, I perused much more than this one article. I also enjoyed a tutorial on how to best make love on your washing machine.

Coincidentally, washing machines had been on my mind lately, ever since I went to this mommyblogger-type Whirlpool-Maytag luncheon in Manhattan two weeks ago (I was invited! Why?!) , which I completely forgot to blog about until now.

One of the highlights of the afternoon was seeing this $2000 Whirpool washer that came with an included USB cord in the back (Twitter during the wash?).  Imagine the kinky stuff you could do with the Cosmo washing machine sex technique in combination with the USB cord. I can only imagine what is going to be on Facebook in the future.

Before you get too upset with me with the direction of this post, let me assure you that my mind is not only filled with lurid fantasies about unshaven pussies and front loading washers, although there is some funny double entendre there somewhere.

No, I also think about love. I miss being in love. Playing cards with Sophia. Even fighting over doing the dishes. But I need to be careful not to fall in love again too quickly. But that will come. I will be patient. I look to the future with optimism. I don’t need to rush. There are always women out there for me. Wonderful women.  Despite my many insecurities, I feel confident that I could effectively compete with the other men out there looking for the same thing. I understand the concept of the survival of the fittest. Like a peacock, I am readying my multi-colored plume.

And now to Walmart.  It’s simple.

The management consists of a bunch of selfish pricks.  I just read this today — Walmart is starting to stock a dopey religious-oriented book which allegedly cures gays from their homosexuality.

What the f*ck is wrong with you people? I know who you are, Walmart management. You are suburban white men, married with children, living in nice white-picketed homes. But what about me?  Clearly you forgot what it is like to be single, trying to pick up a Marissa Tomei look-alike in a short skirt at the Museum of Modern Art cafeteria during the Matisse exhibit on a Sunday afternoon, not that I would know anything about that first hand!

You ever hear of UNFAIR COMPETITION? Do you think a guy like me has any freakin’ chance with a really SMOKING HOT BABE, when she can go out INSTEAD with a cultured good-looking guy who likes to cook, clean, decorate the house — and has great six-pack-abs to boot — YES, I’m talking about the formerly gay guy who has turned straight after reading your book!

I SAY — KEEP THOSE F**KING gay dudes GAY! Who needs those arrogant assholes with their designer clothes and references to classic American musicals vying for the same women as us, clueless straight guys?  It’s like the New York Yankees playing the New York Mets!  We have no chance in hell to win the game.  Especially in a city like New York.  They even have nicer apartments!  Give these gay guys the skill — and worse — THE URGE — to f*ck our women, and the rest of us might as well just kill ourselves.

STOP WALMART FROM TRYING TO CURE GAY MEN. We do NOT want them competing for our women!  Vote now!  Please, share this on Twitter and Facebook.  Change your avatar to Dark Blue. Wear Dark Blue tomorrow.  Wear Dark Blue to Help Us Protect Straight Men from Gay Men Turned Straight.

Disclaimer: This message has been approved by Straight Men of America Afraid that the Hot Chicks Might Like the Gay Dudes Better Than Us if They Were Cured of Their Homosexuality!


Some van that almost ran me over yesterday in McDonald’s parking lot.

All Jews, Christians, and Muslims Like to Sing

After a long history of being treated like crap around the world, it is nice that Jews finally feel so comfortable in America.  I can even write about Yom Kippur on Twitter and get knowledgeable responses about fasting from non-Jews in Oklahoma!

Because of this, it was sad to me to read in the newspaper that Muslims don’t feel at “home” in America, even those born in this country. After all, how can you feel safe when you have idiots like that pastor in Florida wanting to burn your holy book?

A little aside: I actually lean more conservative than most of my liberal friends in matters involving the “threat of Islamic extremism.”  It’s probably one of the few areas where I disagree with my progressive friends, a few who would rather blame George W. Bush for 9/11 than religious extremists. I’m sure my commitment to Israel colors my view of the Muslim world. You don’t hear much support for Israel from the Muslim world, or even much of an outcry over the blatant Antisemitism in the Arab media.  Have you ever seen some of the stuff printed in Arab newspapers? While most of us were furious over the Florida pastor, I hardly saw any of my friends make a mention the Seattle cartoonist, Molly Norris, who had to go into hiding over threats to her life after a cartoon of Mohammad. 

I don’t trust extremism in any religion, including my own, and it is condescending to excuse it in other religions.

However, this is America, and I’d like to consider this a special place, a giant newer country where the old country hatreds fade into the background as we all become true Americans — which means sitting around at home watching American Idol on TV and getting fat on processed foods.  We don’t burn holy books in America.  That’s being an asshole. And there’s no reason a group shouldn’t be able to build a house of worship wherever they deem fit.

My grandparents came to this country to escape repression and to be part of a melting pot.   And for the most part, that dream has come true.  I think we should all work towards helping Muslims feel at home in America.  Most foreign-born Muslims came here for the same reason anyone does — to escape repression in their own countries, or to make a better life for their families.

We frequently hear the term Judaeo–Christian tradition, but the concept of “monotheism” — the belief in one God in the Abrahamic religions –  is a triad of religions — Judaism, Christianity, and Islam.  Islam, one of the most important and powerful religions in the world, deserves the right to be included on this podium.

That said, I want to take a step towards religious unity here in America, doing it the only way I know how to — through laughter, song, and entertainment!

For the last four years, I have been the impresario of the Annual Blogger Christmahanukwanzaakah Online Holiday Concert!  During this December online concert, bloggers like you present videos, audio recordings, and photographs of holiday cheer — including Christmas carols and Hanukkah songs.  It has been a fun way for Christian and Jewish (and atheist!) bloggers to end the year on a festive note.

Things are going to slightly change this year.  The Fifth Annual concert will see a growth in concept, because I noticed on the calendar that on December 7, 2010  it is Al-Hijra, the Islamic New Year!

The Islamic New Year is a cultural event which Muslims observe on the first day of Muharram, the first month in the Islamic calendar. Many Muslims use the day to remember the significance of this month, and the Hijra, or migration, Islamic prophet Muhammad made it to the city now known as Medina. Recently, in many areas of Muslim population, people have begun exchanging cards and gifts on this day.

Although it is a minor holiday in Islam, let’s be honest — so is Hanukkah in Judaism — but that never stopped American Jews from making it a bigger deal to offset the mega-holiday of Christmas.  And just think how this will bring more money in to the Hallmark company with newly minted Al-Hijira cards!

So, this year, the fifth annual concert will be renamed –  The 2010 Blogger Christmalhijrahanukwanzaakah Online Holiday Concert.

I realize that there is a dearth of good Islamic Al-Hijra songs, but then again, how many good Hanukkah songs are there?  All the smart Jewish songwriters wrote Christmas songs because that’s where the money is!  Luckily, Faiqa is already on board and knows of at least one good Islamic song for the concert.

Now where else are you going to hear Islamic new year songs, the Driedel song, and Silent Night, Holy Night all in one place?

More information — and the sign up sheet — in November.

Note: My apologies to non-Monotheist religions. We still love you, but you will need to create your own concert.

Fat Acceptance Gone Too Far

Lately there have been several posts in which the writers were outraged at this new Fat Acceptance movement.  Really, how dare anyone tell those overweight people that they can be happy with their bodies?

At first, I was defending the right of others to do as they please, but an incident occurred recently that punched me right in the gut, and finally woke me up to the dangers of this ideology.

Last week, I was very excited to attend this meditation retreat at this zen center.  It was a beginner’s class, and I didn’t know much about the discipline.  I met the wonderful instructor and the other eager students.  We were all ready to learn as much as possible.  We climbed the stairs to the upstairs studio, and that’s when I saw him.

He wasn’t just fat.  He was morbidly obese!  It was clear that he rarely exercised, and mostly sat around like a lazy bum.  I’m not sure he even had a job, ever.  Perhaps the worst part of this experience was that the instructor looked up to this dude, as if this fatso with his gut hanging over his pants had any “wisdom” to offer.  The students even bowed to him.   There was a bowl of fruit sitting in front of this blimp of a man, as if that was what he mostly meditated on — his next meal.   Now, I think it’s OK for the overweight to visit Walmart, or even visit the beach WITH a t-shirt on, but when this “Fat Acceptance” starts to infiltrate our world religions, it has gone too far.

Ideology and Realism

Several months ago, I was invited to join a group that wanted to promote more women directors, writers, and female-oriented films in Hollywood.  I signed up, and later day I received an email that I was blocked from the site because the administrators decided that they wanted the site to just be for women bloggers.  I understood the reasons.   I wasn’t hurt or angry, but at the time I didn’t say the obvious — it was a dumb move on a practical level.  I was the one who knew something about Hollywood.  I had contacts.  I had experience writing movie scripts.  And my own personal tastes leaned towards character-oriented films.   I have seen every Meryl Streep movie at least three times, even the bad ones.

In my opinion, the group chose ideology over the real world.  When I first got blocked from the site, I composed a passive aggressive tweet on Twitter that said something like “Eh, screw my romantic comedy.  Time to start that violent thriller about Denzel Washington having to stop a bomb from blowing up the UN.”

Better to go with the demographic that at least talks to me.   And pays more.

+++

Do we realize that a big part of the Democratic loss in Massachusetts is that blue collar and middle-class white men, the “Joe Six Packs” of our country, don’t believe that the Democratic party cares about their interests?

The Suffolk University poll in Massachusetts, which was pretty much on target in the final result, singled out two white working class towns, Gardner and Fitchburg, as bellwethers. Obama won Gardner, where Democrats hold a three-to-one registrations edge, by 59% to 31% in 2008. Brown won it by 56% to 42%. Obama won Fitchburg, with a similar Democratic edge, by 60% to 38% in 2008. Brown won it by 59% to 40%. That suggests a fairly dramatic shift among white working class voters.

Why did this happen?  Why are only the Glenn Becks speaking to this constinuency?  I think Obama’s election was seen by many of us as the end of the Bush era — and the demise of the blue collar guys who shopped at Walmart and flew American flags on their porch.    We were a new, hipper coalition of upscale liberals with advanced university degrees, accomplished women, and strong-willed minorities who would forever change the face of America.  Hey, I consider myself part of that group.  But is it good politics to completely ignore those that could benefit by being included in the fold, even if they remind us of the relatives from Podunk, or Staten Island,  or because they don’t watch Jon Stewart or Rachel Maddow?

My Health Care Plan

Many Democrats are shocked that a Republican won Ted Kennedy’s seat in Massachusetts yesterday. I’m not. It is a referendum on Obama’s health care plan, and I think I am uniquely experienced to comment on this subject. For the last two weeks, I have been visiting my father-in-law in the hospital, and just like a journalist going undercover, I have seen FIRST HAND how our health care system really works.

The simple fact is that there are a lot of sick people. Too many sick people.

The beds in the hospital are never empty for long. In fact, since my FIL has arrived in the hospital, he has had five different roommates, and one of them didn’t make it out alive. Is that really a good success rate?

And who are these sick people anyway? If we examine the word “sick,” we see that in general discourse, we mean someone “not healthy.” And why aren’t these individuals healthy? Is it the taxpayers responsibility? Should we really feel sympathy for a bunch of lazy leeches who CHOOSE not to care for themselves? Many of us work hard to look and feel good. It is something we are proud about. It is an achievement. But it is WORK. Hard work. Why should I subsidize those who don’t eat and exercise correctly?

Do you know how much it is costing YOU to keep my father in law in this fancy hospital room with costly equipment and highly paid “doctors?” You’re even paying for his FOOD, which gets delivered to him from a MENU, like in a four star hotel! Sorry, folks, but my family is using you like a bunch of suckers — and you don’t even realize it!

Obama has it wrong. Universal healthcare is like a band-aid, welfare for those who want to sleep late rather than go to the gym before work.

I’ve heard the excuses before. You say you have “no room” for an exercise bike in your bedroom. Well, you certainly find enough room in that bedroom for that big screen TV and that stack of burgers from In-N-Out, you scourge of America with your wii age of 95!

I work hard to stay out of the hospital, and then I have to pay for YOUR unhealthy fat ass who won’t walk to the supermarket! The fashion industry does a better job than the medical establishment in promoting HEALTH with their healthy thin, role-models. Those who insist that “real” (read fat) women should be portrayed in ads, are not your friends. These women, so-called “feminists,” are mostly lobbyists for the pharmaceutical companies wanting to promote bad health to increase profits for diet pills.

It breaks my heart to see my father-in-law sleeping so much. He used to be a strong guy who built chairs and loved to garden. But as he aged, he grew lazy. While the nurse was undressing him, I noticed that his abs had grown weak. I have seen photos of him when he was younger in the Soviet Army. He was a hunk! So, what happened? I blame America, the decadence of the West, her seductive processed foods, and her constant search for the easy way out.

As I thought about all those in the hospital, I had an “aha” moment. Fancy medical equipment and high priced pharmaceuticals are not the answer. Massachusetts voters were right. Obama’s health plan would bankrupt America. The real answer is as simple as $19.99 per American household. Yes, I am talking about Jillian Michael’s “30 Day Shred.”

If every American was required to complete this video, our country will truly be as healthy and fit as our forefathers hoped when they wrote the Constitution. Rather than pissing away our money into more debt to China by creating universal health care, our hospitals could be turned into greenhouses to grow organic tomatoes. I have a dream: One day, we will be a country of tight abs! After all, a person’s fat content tells a lot more about a person’s overall health than an EKG!

Granted, our country would need more qualified physical trainers, but this could be easily arranged by creating a ShredCorps. Many trainers could already be shipped to various parts of the country from Los Angeles, where one out of every three residents is an unemployed physical trainer.

Hospitals do not make you healthier. I can see the toll on my father in law. He is lethargic and depressed. Is this really worth $10,000 a day? Can you imagine the results if my father-in-law had Jillian Michaels yelling at him to to “push” one more crunch. He’d be his old self within days!

Next time you are in the hospital, take a look around. Why are the sick children lying in bed playing video games and getting fat on vanilla pudding? Those who are sick WANT to be sick so they can get free room and board at the hospital. If you want my tax money, I want you to WORK for it. Have those kids do squats to get better.

I applaud the people of Massachusetts, who are as revolutionary as in 1776. Throw those Crestors, Prozacs and diabetes monitors into Boston Harbor, and let’s ride like Paul Revere to a world of fitness.

“Jillian Michaels is coming! Jillian Michaels is coming”

It’s time for a revolution. Out of your beds, you lazy bums in Cedars-Sinai. It is time for your workout!

Editor’s Note: This is supposed to be a satire, perhaps not well done, but it made me laugh. I hate to have to put this disclaimer up on my blog because it ruins the joke, but let me be perfectly clear and state this to a new reader: No, despite me saying so in the post, I do not truly “believe” that we can solve our country’s health care problems by supplying sick people with Jillian Michael’s 30-Day Shred rather than having them stay in hospitals.

Advice for My Neighbor, the Terror Suspect

news story about this guy across the street

There’s a terrorist on my block
Wants a bomb that goes tick tock!

Saw him eating at “Chili Thai”
Now he’s wanted by the FBI!

Says he hates the U.S.A.
Gonna destroy the NY subway!

La La La La La La La
There’s a terrorist on my block
La La La La La La La
Wants a bomb that goes tick tock!

Terror Dude, I know you’re pissed
Dating must suck for a terrorist

Your work requires “me, me, me”
And women want “stability”

But acting like a stupid prick
Will not impress an American chick.

La La La La La La La
There’s a terrorist on my block
La La La La La La La
Wants a bomb that goes tick tock!

If you learn to treat a girl well
Then your life will turn out swell

American culture can make anyone mad
But with some hottie, it ain’t half bad!

Cause wouldn’t you rather slap her sexy ass
Then play all night with poison gas?

La La La La La La La
There’s a terrorist on my block
La La La La La La La
Wants a bomb that goes tick tock!

Hate, Love, Interviews

Writer/Blogger Jane Devin had a good idea for today:  One Day, No Hate (#1Day0Hate hashtag on Twitter).  This is from her post —

I was speaking with a new friend on the phone today, and the discussion briefly turned to Twitter and politics. I don’t know whether she’s a Republican, a Democrat, or something else, but it doesn’t matter. The thing that was bothering both of us equally was how divisive and hostile political speech has become.

The social media that draws us together to converse and share has become something of a battleground for left/right politics. Sometimes, these arguments are intriguing. Sometimes — okay, a lot of the time — they are not arguments at all, but angry rants that leave little room for real discussion.

Later in the day, I made the comment on Twitter that I wish we could have a one-day moratorium on angry, hostile speech. I know that probably means little or nothing to those who engage in such language as a habit, but it seemed to strike a chord among those who would like to see people come together as people first, political party members second.

I liked the idea, but since I’m not as political as Jane, I asked her how I could participate as a writer on my blog.


Badge by Down to Earth Mama

“I’d like to see people begin to speak with people they normally wouldn’t, even to say hello,” she wrote back.

The first thing that came to my mind was an idea I had in January 2008 called The Great Interview Experiment.   Many of you participated.   The gimmick seemed simple at the time, requiring (at least I thought!) very little work on my part.    People would comment on my post, and the first commenter would interview the second commenter, who would interview the third commenter.   The RANDOM nature of the selection process was key, because you couldn’t choose your partners.    That was the fun part, and since we are one big happy blogging community, it shouldn’t matter, right?

Well…

Liberals didn’t want to be interviewed by Conservatives.   A-listers didn’t want to be interviewed by C-listers.   Serious bloggers didn’t want to be interviewed by crazy bloggers.  Others just blew off their partners for one reason or another.   While the experiment was immensely successful in many ways, with hundreds participating, the most surprising result of the experiment was the effect it had on me –  it turned ME cynical!   At a certain point, I pushed the whole idea aside, not because of a lack of interest on your part, but because I stopped believing in my own central concept:  everyone is somebody.   “Clearly this is not true,” I thought.  “And no one really believes it, even those who say it.”

What does this have to do with politics?  I think hate grows out of seeing the other as The Other, and forgetting that the other is basically the same as you and me.

We all talk about community, but what community are we usually discussing?  The ones in our group?  The ones who agree with our ideas?  The ones who look and act just like us?  I think what Jane is talking about on HER blog is for Americans of disparate views to set aside their differences, just for a little while, and focus on what they have in common.   People don’t have to love each other, but they should respect each other.  Every American lives in the same country.  Every American is part of the human family.

In my search to try to do something useful online, I turn again to this interview experiment.   Should I start it up again, from scratch?   My interest is less in the interviews, than the matching of unlikely individuals together, and seeing what happens.

Is there truly any strands that connect  the great writer, the crappy writer, the blogger who is friends with a popular blogger, and the blogger with no friends?   Does asking questions help our tiny community of personal bloggers in better seeing the humanity of an adversary, for the traditional Christian mommyblogger to better understand the gay male dating blogger?  Does anyone really believe that we are all in the same boat floating on the waves of the blogosphere?

I’m just thinking about what Jane said.

“I’d like to see people begin to speak with people they normally wouldn’t, even to say hello,” Jane said.

I’m trying to inspire myself to get it going again, unless I hear otherwise from you.   Like they said on Curb Your Enthusiasm last night when Larry David tried to get the Seinfeld gang together again — no one likes those reunion shows.

Give me a few days.   Try not to hate anyone today.

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