For the longest time, I’ve wanted to be of some service to my friends. I want to give back to the community, to share some of my online experiences to help you learn. But what can I teach you about blogging, social media, or the internet as a whole? On paper, I am an internet failure. I make no money. I have no sponsorships. I’m not the best writer. I don’t even get many comments anymore.
But I’m unique in one way. After six years of blogging, I know a shitload of people, and like the grizzled old man who has been through the Great War, I’ve seen it all. I know it all. Who is liked and who is hated. I’m like the Cindy Adams (old school gossip columnist for those who don’t know) of the personal blogging world.
With my special journalistic credentials, I cannot think of a better person to answer your personal questions about the mechanics of online life, or help you grapple with the many social encounters we have online, particularly in the use of proper etiquette.
Send your questions to neilochka at yahoo dot com, and I’ll choose someone each week, if I decide to do this more than once. I’m very fickle.
Today’s question comes from a blogger who remains anonymous, which makes me think she is a bigger wimp than I am.
Dear Neilochka, Mr. Internet Etiquette,
I am attending a blogging conference soon, and one of the speakers is a popular person who once followed me on Twitter when she was less popular, but has now unfollowed me as she made newer, better friends. I know I am acting like a petty bitch, but I am worried about running into her at the conference and feeling uncomfortable. And if I do go to the conference, should I purposely boycott her session?
Petty but Can’t Help It
Are you being a petty bitch? Yes.
Is it natural to be a petty bitch? Yes.
Being unfollowed hurts, even on Twitter. I’m not one of those too-cool people who will tell you the bullshit that it doesn’t matter. This person is dissing you. She went out of her way to cut you out of her life, insisting that you are dead to her. She didn’t politely hide you on some “loser” list. She unfollowed you in public. You are DEAD to HER. She stabbed you in the heart, and then twisted the knife. Accept it. This person doesn’t think you worthy.
But that’s life, right? Life IS rejection and unrequited love. It’s never going to change. Once you accept this, you will feel free. But remember that YOU would never unfollow yourself. You love yourself. And if you love yourself, it doesn’t matter who unfollows you. You have the ultimate power.
I remember my own experience at BlogHer 10. One of the keynote speakers was a former friend who not only unfollowed me on Twitter, but unfriended me on Facebook, all because of a post where I jokingly called the children of “mommybloggers” as “Satan’s evil spawn,” AS IF they don’t call them that themselves!
But my mother raised me right. I believer in proper social etiquette. So, rather than ignoring her at the conference, I swallowed my pride, and was the first to approach her after her keynote to tell her that her talk was “brilliant.” And even when she immediately said “Excuse me,” to talk to a more popular blogger instead, I didn’t let this hurt me, or make me feel insecure.
That night, at the conference, I dressed up, and went down to one of the many parties. I danced and enjoyed myself tremendously. I realized that I was proud of my own accomplishments. I loved myself and that was the most important LOVE of all.
There was also this rumor going around that the woman who dissed me had given blowjobs to two bellhops earlier that afternoon in the men’s room. I have no idea how the rumor started.
So, Petty, embrace your hurt. But don’t sit around and sob. Be proactive. That is my advice.