the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

If Egg Dishes Were Like Women

If egg dishes were like women, scrambled eggs would be the practical one, the strong-willed and hardy tomboy who grew up on a Texas ranch and knows how to rope a steer as well as any cowboy.

Sunnyside-up eggs would be the beauty queen, blatantly showing off her assets for all to see, teasing her prey, but quickly running when you make your move.

The omelet would be the complex woman you meet at the museum, super-smart, and too expensive to order on a regular basis. There’s a lot going inside of her, none of which you can ever know until that first bite.

(written on iPhone at colombian diner, queens)


  1. Jennifer

    And Eggs Benedict would be the woman who betrays a fella. Or is that too obvious?

  2. Megan

    I’m not scrambled eggs. I fancy myself as an omelet, but I could possibly be sunny-side-up.

    Or maybe over easy.

  3. Misty

    I like my eggs over easy – I wonder what that says about me? I like them tough on the outside but soft at heart?

    So how do you like your eggs? Scrambled? 😉

  4. Redneck Mommy

    This scrambled egg is not Texan, nor, if you ask her husband, does she have a lick of practicality about her.

  5. Single Dad

    I never even thought about a topic like this but I guess I never really had a reason to in the past.

  6. Sue Fisher

    Me: I’m soft boiled. Hard shell, soggy insides. Just waiting for someone to dip toast into me and complete me.

  7. Ben

    Dear God, not sure I want to know about quiche or frittatas…

  8. Danny

    I like deviled eggs. And occasionally coddled ones.

  9. Titanium

    Denver omelets are the best.

    • Neil

      For some reason, I never was big with Denver Omelets. What is your secret recipe?

      • Titanium

        Pico de Gallo, the spicier the better- a touch of serrano chilis and you’ve got pure magic.

  10. Always Home and Uncool

    Breakfast was never so sexy.

  11. ingrid

    i am a spanish tortilla. misunderstood by some. but loved by those who stand by their carbs & onions. ole.

  12. Jenn

    I just hope Real Men Do Eat Quiche.

    • Neil


    • Lisa

      LOVE this reply!

  13. Lisa

    I mean HER reply — don’t know why it put this here when I clicked above and the reply box was presented to me between hers and his.

  14. The Honourable Husband

    As a gay guy, any discussion about the sexiness of eggs, makes me think of sperm. Kind of like peanut butter and jelly. They go together.

  15. Stasha

    Slightly cracked egg, hoping no one gives up on me and still adds me to make a great dessert.

  16. Irish Gumbo

    And good omelets are sooo worth it…

    Titanium is definitely on to something, may have to get me some serranos to give that a try. Sounds like “Yum!”

  17. Irish Gumbo

    Oh, and scrambled can be pretty tasty, too.

  18. Eileen

    My husband will tell you I am an omelette filled with manchego cheese, fish roe, pork liver, nutella, truffled cream and topped with a handful of pink river salt and red firecracker chillies.

  19. Amanda

    I love scrambled eggs and Texas girls rock!

  20. Hannah

    What about hard-boiled eggs? Or soft-boiled eggs, still slightly creamy in the middle? All things considered, I think I’d be tofu – healthier for you. And the mention of women and eggs in one same sentence always brings to mind the word “ovaries”. So that’s what I am thinking about now, ovaries for breakfast. Urgh.

  21. Clearwater

    Summer time and my livin is classic egg salad with just the right pickle and generous mayo on homemade buttered toast. But you can call me egg nog 10 for days out of December, when I’m ‘specially friendly.

  22. OMSH

    Scrambled WITH jalapenos…just so you know.

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