the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

A Man Has to Dream

Earlier this week, I was contacted by someone writing an article for Penthouse. She had read this 2007 post of mine titled “Fifty States, Fifty Positions.” The post, as you might guess, is about my life-long “dream” to have sex with a different woman in every state. Finally, the media has caught on, and was writing an article on this important subject.

“Why do I have this dream?” you might ask. Well, I love women. I love to be challenged. And like the people behind Fox News, I love being a patriot. I believe in America first. Why sleep with a foreign woman in Paris or Tokyo when you haven’t tried all that America has to offer, from the Housewives of New York to the Belles of Birmingham?

Back in 2007, I was lagging in my goal. I was bi-coastal — New York and California — in more ways than having just been inside two state’s voting booths during election day. There were still 48 states to explore, and the clock was ticking. Each gray hair was like another missed opportunity in some far-flung state of the union. And with global warming creating havoc on the environment, it was becoming essential to travel to locales such as Alaska before it melted away.

It is now 2010, and sadly, I have not progressed much during these three years.

But don’t write me off just yet. During that time, I have been training on my own, every day, like Rocky.

Clearly, speaking with this writer for Penthouse has stirred old passions within me, an urge to return to my life goal, but is it still possible? Or is it all a pipe dream?

And then I remembered that I have an important new ally. Buick! (see last post)

Here’s the pitch, GM. I will drive a luxury car throughout America (rental cars in Alaska and Hawaii) and sleep with a different woman in each state. Take that, Bossy and Jane Devin.

An essential part of this “sponsored” blogger trip will be making love with a different woman in each state. And here’s how you can help! —

Many of my female readers live in these weird states that I would normally have no reason to visit. WTF am I gonna do in crazy places like Idaho or Wisconsin, for instance? But, now that I have a strong motivation to go there, it is a different story. So far, based on previous emails with certain female bloggers, I am pretty confident that I have Florida, Rhode Island, and Nevada all wrapped up for the trip, but the slots for the other states are still available.

This is a wonderful opportunity for me to give back to my readers. Besides the excitement of having sex with me, this will be a great boost for your blog. After each sexual encounter, I will be writing a blog post describing our evening (please include room and board — local cuisine recommended — along with the sex — thanks!) and how amazing I was in bed — and, GET THIS! — including a LINK to your BLOG!

It’s a win-win situation.

Neil’s Brain: “This post is a waste of your talent.”

Neil’s Penis: “Wimp. If you were a real man, you would DO it, not make a joke about it.”

Neil’s Heart: “I think I’m a little depressed today.”

Neil: “I need to do the laundry.”


  1. thenextmartha

    I was here. I read. I liked.

  2. V-Grrrl @ Compost Studios

    Clearly, it’s time to wash the sheets.

    And I think Ford is the sponsor for this trip. Have you seen the big bench seats in their pickup trucks? Oh yeah. Not to mention their, um, beds. And the chance to host tailgate parties.

    Remember what we talked about on the phone, related to this topic? We should do it! Seriously. Let’s work on it.

  3. churlita

    The last part of this post cracked me up.

  4. Philly Jewish Amy

    wouldn’t you need one of those big vans with shag carpeting on the inside and a tacky mural on the outside?

  5. Bill

    I’ll tell you what – if you come to Virginia I’ll give you a firm handshake.

  6. Tuck

    Might want to pitch this one to Winnebago

  7. Colleen - Mommy Always Wins

    Well, I can’t say I’d help the cause by being your Wisconsin gal (sadly, I’m married), but I know of enough corner bars where all you’d have to do is buy some dame a beer and a shot and she’d be as good as yours. Count me in for “Wisconsin Wingman” (er…Wingwoman?)

  8. Twenty Four At Heart

    California is already out of the running?
    * Sigh *
    I’d love to write a blog post for all the woment in the blogosphere to read rating you on how you are in bed.
    Oh wait …!

  9. The Mom(aka Amy)

    I have some single friends in the South(GA and South Carolina) whom I am more than willing to pimp out. But I need to know if these activites will actually take place in a Buick, because my friends are ladies and all.

  10. tony

    i had a friend who passed along a Penthouse magazine and informed me he had fucked all of them. i passed it on to a friend and informed him i had done the same. “A man has to dream”

  11. Philly Jewish Amy

    Dear Penthouse Forum,

    I never thought it would happen to me…

  12. Kim

    Belles of Birmingham ? YAY ! So, when will you be here ? And what is Penthouse paying us? Uhm, you?

  13. Heather

    Tailgate parties, FTW!!!

  14. Marinka

    My favorite post of the week. Although admittedly, it’s only Wednesday.

  15. Juli Ryan

    There are articles in Penthouse?

  16. Velma

    I know I once accused you of writing and/or thinking with your penis, but this cracked me up. ๐Ÿ™‚

  17. furiousball

    I swear Quagmire did the same thing on Family Guy one episode

  18. Noel

    Progress! You said “the slots for the other states”

  19. always home and uncool

    The National Guard have already been posted all the CT highway borders.

  20. Nat

    Let me know if you decide to include Canada in your quest. There are some lovely ladies that work on a corner by my apartment that we could convince to participate, I’m sure.

  21. Denise

    I’m sure the women of colorado would be falling all over that New York accent. Hope GM and of course Sophia give you a shot at living the dream.

  22. nsb

    Washington Wonks are lookin’ for a wanker….capital idea.

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