the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Codependency Test

I found this on Wikipedia, under “codependent” —

Codependents Anonymous offers these patterns and characteristics as a tool to aid in self-evaluation.

Here are my answers.

Denial Patterns:

* I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.

Not really. I am pretty self-aware about my own emotions.

* I minimize, alter or deny how I truly feel.

Not usually.

* I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well being of others.

Oh, my god. It can be painful to worry about others.

Low Self Esteem Patterns:

* I have difficulty making decisions.

Fuck yeah. FUCK YEAH. But I have gotten much better over the years.

* I judge everything I think, say or do harshly, as never “good enough.”

In writing, yes. In life, no. OK, I lied. Yes.

* I am embarrassed to receive recognition and praise or gifts.

I think I have overcome this issue over the years.

* I do not ask others to meet my needs or desires.

Sad, but true. Getting better.

* I value others’ approval of my thinking, feelings and behavior over my own.


* I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person.

I am lovable and worthwhile. To myself. Not as confident when I’m with you.

Compliance Patterns:

* I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or others’ anger.


* I am very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same.


* I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.

Jumping off a bridge.

* I value others’ opinions and feelings more than my own and am afraid to express differing opinions and feelings of my own.

Not at all. I can actually be quite combative and argumentative.

* I put aside my own interests and hobbies in order to do what others want.


* I accept sex when I want love.

I wish.

Control Patterns:

* I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves.

I worry about that. It is an annoying trait.

* I attempt to convince others of what they “should” think and how they “truly” feel.

I’ll let Sophia answer this.

* I become resentful when others will not let me help them.


* I freely offer others advice and directions without being asked.

Isn’t this good?

* I lavish gifts and favors on those I care about.

Nah. I should do that more.

* I use sex to gain approval and acceptance.

Striking out on sex questions.

* I have to be “needed” in order to have a relationship with others.


(on a second reading, I’m wondering if I am going down the wrong track)


  1. V-Grrrl @ Compost Studios

    Cheer up, Neil. You can depend on me. : )

  2. flutter

    is there no category for “hot mess”? :p

  3. Aurelia

    On self diagnosis questions, I always have every single damn thing, if I just get them off the net.

    So *ahem*, maybe let a pro try cracking yer brain?

    So you don’t diagnose yourself like I do!

  4. Titanium

    Spinning this in the other direction… if you didn’t have a single one of these so readily identifiable traits, then you would fall into the “other” Wiki category: psychopath.

    I’d take a little swig of co-dependent any day over being a narcissistic pain in the ass. Just sayin’.

    Hey, just the fact that you’re analyzing is a good sign.

  5. Marci

    My very first session with my old therapist eight years ago, she tossed the book “Codependent No More” at me, strongly suggested that I read it. I actually did find it helpful.

    For what it’s worth…codependency isn’t about being dependent on people so much as it is about controlling people. You know, not being all over someone’s shit because they aren’t being what you want them to be, or acting the way you think they should act. It’s all about letting people be who they are.

    That said, I don’t think you fit the bill here. I suggest finding another malfunction in the DSM IV 😉

  6. dk

    * I value others’ opinions and feelings more than my own and am afraid to express differing opinions and feelings of my own.
    Not at all. I can actually be quite combative and argumentative.

    YAY!!! That’s one of your more sterling qualities. That and knowing when to defer to Sophia 😉

  7. Heather

    NEIL! You’re relying on WIKIPEDIA? WTF?

    I worry about you all the time. Your situation is one no one envies. That is truly a very painful path you are on, friend.

    It’s also very nice to see your words again.

  8. Philly Jewish Amy

    You really needed a quiz, huh? 😉

    So what is it called when ones decides they don’t want to pursue relationships (romantic ones at least) at all?

  9. Erika

    it’s such a fine line.. i’m sure your’re more healthier than you might think..

  10. Aunt Becky

    If it’s a quiz on the Internet, I sort of disregard it. Maybe it’s because I’m still annoyed that I was pegged as the color orange when I am CLEARLY a pink.

  11. Monica

    Oh god, is it okay to find this absolutely hysterical – but only because I can SO relate?

    I’ve even died a thousand deaths with Dr. Google. I have e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g.

    I do love the way you’re always seeking understanding of so many things. Yourself AND others. Even if you drive yourself insane every now and then…

  12. nonlineargirl

    It is a matter of degree, right? Some of this is useful, wonderful. Too much is maybe a problem. (says the woman who answered yes to a lot, but not all of this)

  13. sarah

    I once had a therapist who told me that to work with her, I had to do one of two things–go to an OA meeting or take a yoga class. I opted for the yoga–made a huge difference in my life; my relationship w/ myself and with others changed dramatically.

  14. Juli Ryan

    So what’s the result of your self-evaluation? Are you codependent, or not?

  15. Joe Crawford

    Get off the fucking internet and go to a meeting and see how you do and don’t match CoDA.

  16. sizzle

    Didn’t I tell you three years ago that you are a classic co-dependent and should read Anxious to Please? Takes one to know one, right friend? xo

  17. Jessica

    I still adore you, Neil….Mwah!

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