I’m deleting my last two posts.Â Oh, they are fine.Â Nothing very controversial.Â I just don’t feel like they are expressing anything that I want to say at the moment.Â They feel “fake.”Â I’ll be honest.Â I wanted to put something out there so I could feel connected to you.Â So, I just wrote something… anything.Â I hate that I have to WRITE a post on this blog in order to communicate to you.Â One day, I’d just like to do publish an empty post and title it “Silence.”Â Sometimes, it is nice just sitting together in silence, watching the leaves fall.Â Or the waves hit the shore.Â Or kids playing in the yard.Â Things like that.Â Moments.
Neil Kramer has been writing about his life online since 2005. He has worked for Disney and HBO. Neil lives in NYC. You can contact him at neilochka on yahoo.
But….but….what will I link to when i do my When Penises Blog post?
The space intentionally left blank.
Oh damn, now I’m dying to see those posts. Good psychology, you’re making me check back here more often than I already obsessively do!
Maybe you should get a camera and just post a picture. We could share that way. Show us what you love in NY.
I like that. Post a photo of the ocean and I’ll come sit beside you in the quiet.
Danny – I keep no secrets from you.
DELETED POST ONE —
Hi, this is Neil’s Penis, speaking to you from New York City. I haven’t spoken to you guys in a very long time. Neil was beginning to think that having his member address his readers was in bad taste, and was preventing him from hobnobbing with the bigger, classier BlogHer type-bloggers — but we both know the truth — he is jealous, knowing that I am far more interesting and fun than that sad-sack neurotic separated guy we care about and pity.
Recently, I read an interview with Adam Sandler about the movie “Zohan.” He said he was interested in developing this Israeli tough-guy character as a contrast to the typical nebbishy Jewish male character, the one exemplified by Woody Allen or Ben Stiller. I agree with him. Enough with this Neilochka character running home to his Jewish mother and crying over Sophia.
I am Neil’s Zohan, a Jewish man of action.
Let Neilochka sit curled up in a ball in his childhood bedroom all day, nursing his wounds. I’m in New York City. Life goes on. I woke up this morning, already thinking of all the attractive and brainy New York women wearing their designer shoes. So, what does a hot-blooded Penis do, especially an enterprising one, one with a big city dream? Well, I’m taking it to the streets. I’m riding the subway to Coney Island where I’m setting up a ring toss game. Women only. Three chances for a dollar. One of us to make some money.
And as the old song goes, if a Penis can make it there, he can make it anywhere! I can’t wait for the July 4th hot dog eating contest.
Consider yourself connected.
We see you. We know you’re there.
And we give a shit. And stuff. 🙂
DELETED POST #2 —
I might put up one of those “vote for me” badges on this blog. I haven’t decided yet what I want you to vote for. Give me a few days. In the past, I would ask you to vote for this as best humor blog, but this blog isn’t that funny anymore. Do I really care about these contests? Not that much. Would I win? Nope. I think they are bad for blogging. So, why would I ask you to vote for me?
Because never in a million years would I ask you to do something so uncool. I want to be the guy dressed in black, sitting in the back of the class. And it is time to start doing things differently, and become a person with stronger sense of self-esteem. Maybe this will be the first step in putting up advertising.
Therapy has taught me that I have a fear of getting out there, promoting myself, distinguishing myself from the next person. It is a psychological problem. It has hampered my life. We all need to promote ourselves – to get ahead. I should be MORE like my Penis from my last post — confident and focused on his goal. He may be selfish at times, but he doesn’t worry about anxiety or shame or what people will think about him… or give in easily. And he will take things into his own hands, if necessary.
When I made a joke a few days ago about not reading your blogs because they were “boring as hell,” many of you answered, “Yes, I know.” You don’t believe that. I don’t believe it either. Remember, I’m the guy with the Great Interview Experiment – who said, “Everyone is interesting.” I think every single one of you should nominate your OWN blog for the best blog whenever there are these contests. Don’t wait for someone else to do it for you. Let’s stamp out insecurity together.
Thanks for re-posting them. I would have gone (further) insane imagining what they were.
I am Neilâ€™s Zohan
I had, like, ten different puns spun off this one sentence, but deleted them also.
We love you Neil and I think I speak for everyone here when I say that and we are here for you, always. Even in silence,But thanks for posting the deleted posts :-).
like the wind thru the palm frons….and stuff like that.
vintage Neil…or as my island guide book says…”a real gem.”
I had written a pithy comment that not only connected with you, but complimented you as well. It didn’t go through because, I guess, you were busy deleting the post. Humpf!
That’s why sometimes, I just post pictures.
Sounds like that therapy stuff is really working out for you. NOT.
Oh well, we’re all screwed up but if we’re lucky we get screwed down too.
Peace Out Dude
Yay Blog Crush of the Day – thanks Neil. I’m even more in love with your blog now if that’s possible. And I’d be interested in seeing a ‘silence’ post – I’ve seen a ‘Wordless Wednesday’ meme where the blogger just posts a photo and everyone talks amongst themselves in the comments.
Dude, you should never censor your penis. It’s bad for business.
Just get your cranium retrofitted for a USB jack.
I guess I do censor myself in a way. I found that when I write “brainier” I get less of a response. So I write like a valley girl. And what did that get me? A nomination for “Most Talkative Blogger.” Sometimes you just can’t win.
Silence is good. We don’t do enough of it.
West coast – east coast, and for all the miles you traveled it sounds like your heart is still in California.
And behind all the bravado I think your penis is homesick too.
Neil … hot enough for you in NY? I hope the rain here in PA travels to you (I’m outside Philly). It’s nice and cooling.
Lightening, thundering, sheets of rain knocking on my front door. Just love it.
You have all our email addresses. I’m sure I can speak for all your readers – we love hearing from you.
hey, whatever happened to YOUR INTERVIEW???
i like that kind of stuff, moments.