the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

High Stakes Betting

Monday, I’m taking off for New York with my one way ticket. My plan is to come back in a month… I think.

Thank you for listening to my rants during the past few weeks. I was thinking of a way to thank you all. Luckily, my good friends and sponsor at Las Vegas High Stakes Betting have come up with a terrific way for you to have fun… and maybe win a little money. I don’t usually promote companies, but the opportunity was just to great. Here is what LV High Stakes Betting, in cooperation with Citizen of the Month, can offer you:

Bet on my life AND WIN. All you have to do is go to LV High Stakes Betting HQ at the Luxor Hotel in Las Vegas, or sign up on their internet site. Here are the odds for some of things you can bet on:

Sophia will ask Neil to do household chores until the minute he needs to catch the plane to New York. 2-1

Neil will have a quick cup of coffee with Dooce when he stops over in Salt Lake City. 7000-1.

Members of the Facebook group TNNY — “Topless Bloggers from New York” — will meet Neil at JFK when he arrives. 100-1

Neil will get laid within a month of arriving in New York. 750 -1

Neil will be recognized as “the guy who writes Citizen of the Month” on the F train. 400-1

On visiting his mother at Farrar Straus and Giroux, the editor in chief will point at me and say, “We want you to write a bestseller for us titled “The World’s Greatest Lover.” 2000-1

Neil will go on one of those smelly horse and buggy rides in Central Park, something he promised himself at age 12 that he would never go on since it is such a touristy cliche. 300-1

Neil will go on one of those smelly horse and buggy rides in Central Park… if it will get him laid by a visiting tourist from Denmark. 2-1

Neil will take photos of himself naked and post them on his blog. 6-1.

Neil will play Scrabble with his mother. 1-2

Neil will speak to Sophia on the phone every day. 4-1

Neil will be back in Los Angeles in one week, crying at Sophia’s door. 800-1

Neil will be back in Los Angeles in two weeks, crying at Sophia’s door. 2-1.

Good luck to all. Remember, only gamble responsibly.


  1. MammaLoves

    Shoot I take a blogging vacation and it looks like I’ve missed a ton.

    Safe travels.

  2. LVGurl

    I like the 1-2 odds of playing Scrabble with your mom.

  3. Jane

    I’m a dorky Scrabble champ, who once had the entire Scrabble dictionary memorized. I haven’t lost a game since I was about twelve.

    I like the odds that Sophia will ask you to do chores. I’m sure you’ll ask her for “one for the road.” The results will probably depend on how well you’ve done the work she assigned to you.

    As for Dooce, she’s overrated, Neil! And obviously afraid of falling for a bicoastal hunk with 1/2 of a smooth chest.

  4. Neil

    Jane — I challenge you to an online game.

  5. red lotus mama

    Wish I had better luck at gambling because I would put money on you getting laid within the month you are there … you didn’t give much details, so I could justify the win!

  6. Jane

    Your on, Neilochka. As soon as you’re in NYC, and I’m done with my work on Tuesday, we’ll go head to head in what is sure to be a battle royale. At least until the third or fourth round, when I land a seven letter word with the z or x in a triple.

  7. Karl

    Neil will party down with Karl, Miss Britt, Hilly, Hello Haha Narf, Poppy, and NYCWD at the end of June…2 to 1

  8. Not Fainthearted

    Next time you should get a connecting flight through Minneapolis. I would totally have a cup of coffee with you. On the other hand, that wouldn’t really help you improve your blogging image. But it would improve mine.

    Oh wait. All the coffee shops are on the other side of security so I’d have to have a ticket. So, forget it.

  9. piglet

    don’t forget to wear clean skivvies..

  10. natalie

    dooce? who’s dooce? he/she ain’t got nothing on you!

  11. Michele

    Sign me up for the Minneapolis meet up!

    Hang in there, Neil. It doesn’t suck forever. It just feels like it.

  12. Annie

    Big hug Neil. Have a great trip and I hope you fall in love-with you :-).

  13. teahouseblossom

    Hey, Neil!! Send me an email when you’re arrived; we’ll hang!

  14. Jane

    Wow, how many Minneapolis bloggers hang here with Neil?

  15. Stacey

    I’m not far from New York. I’m sure I can arrange to drop by long enough to recognize you.

    “Oh my God, isn’t that the famous blogger Neilochka from Citizen of the Month?! Does someone have a Sharpie? Quick! I need him to autograph my bra!”

    People helping people. That’s what I’m all about.

  16. Anonymous City Girl

    odds on Shabbat dinner in Philly?

  17. Winter

    I’m trying to figure out how to work those odds into an exotic… a pick 6 or a boxed trifecta… How about Big Brown in the Belmont at 1/9 boxed with the naked photos and getting laid in NYC? Yeah, I’d bet that exotic.

  18. Chantel

    I’m betting on a longer stay in NY because you met a hot tourist.

  19. V-Grrrl

    I say, Why leave NY? You’re not an LA man. It’s bad karma for you to live there. Embrace your inner New Yawker, find yourself a nice Jersey girl to go to the shore with, get a job in online publishing or advertising and make a fresh start! Just Do It.

    Your life the last few years has been like pulling a band-aid off a hairy leg in slow motion–and discovering it was stuck to the scab as well as your hair…

  20. Non-Highlighted Heather

    And here’s a crazy thought. Maybe take some time off from the whole blog thing. I think you have too many voices in your head, too many opinions. What you need is some quiet and some peace. Only then, when you filter out all the noise, can you hear the voice that is truly your own. That voice will lead you in the right direction.

    I know you’ll never do it. You’re a blog crackhead. It was merely a suggestion. You know I love you and I want the best for you.

  21. Neil

    V-grrrl — You are right about NY, but while NY has the Metropolitan Museum of Art, it doesn’t have the AVP Volleyball Tournament in Hermosa Beach this weekend.

    Heater — You are absolutely right. I would. But I would be afraid that everyone would forget about me and move elsewhere. And they would.

  22. Christine

    Safe Travels, Neil.

    And we would NOT forget about you, silly boy.

  23. Kerri Anne

    I hope you have a fantastic! trip. May your New York literary path be littered with gold-encrusted thesauruses that you never need to open.

  24. HRH @ June Cleaver Nirvana

    Don’t you think you should include one of those 800#s just in case I can’t stop wagering?

  25. Caron

    There’s no forgetting you. You have a talking penis, a half shaved chest and you’ve been known to dance with a mop. You’re a keeper.

    With Not Faint Hearted, Michele and I we could host “Neilcon” In MPLS. Pick a date.

  26. DosXXX

    go to n.y. and bring back a spine…. and don’t come back till ya do…

  27. Neil

    Sophia, are you commenting now?

  28. margalit

    I’m happy to host NealCon New England anytime after June 19. We’ll even have the air conditioners installed by them.

    I agree with the other folks that say “stay in NY” or at least on the right coast. You’re SO not a Californian. And I say that as a native Californian who wouldn’t live there again for all the tea in china. You’re too real for LA. You’re WAY too smart for LA. They’re never gonna get you like the east coast folks well. Besides, Jews are so much more interesting here. None of that flighty Kabbalah crapola. We daven. We speak Yiddish. We eat real bagels. With real salty lox, not nova. And kugel.


  29. will

    Wait it says “go to n.y. and bring back a spine”, maybe they need you to pick one up for them. After all they are the one leaving anonymous comments.

    Stay as long as you like and come home with whatever fits in your luggage. Maybe try to sneak some extra happiness into your carry on…. and one of those value packs of porn they sell at Penn Station wich is like a three pack of happiness.

  30. Jane

    Neil, given that so many of your fine bloggers are from Mpls., including yours truly. . .and given that Margarit has extended herself as hostess, (which to me means free dinner and accommodations for as many as show up, for as long as they want to stay), I think maybe you should consider swinging by here after NYC. For my part, I’ll take you to Shir Tikvah, where some hot Jewish girls hang out.

  31. Jane

    (Okay, sure, most are lesbians, but they’re HOT lesbians, and that’s sure to be inspiring).

  32. Jane

    Oh wait. Margalit lives in Mass. Damn. Oh well. We’ll have to crash Not-Fainthearted’s house.

  33. Non-Highlighted Heather

    I know I’m hot, but Heater???

  34. margalit

    Hey Jane, I’m always willing to host a Shabbat dinner. I’ll even make a nice pot of Matzoh Balls for the soup in the heat of the summer. But ONLY if Neil comes.

    I’ve got someone in mind for him. 🙂

  35. Neil

    Margalit? Really? In Boston? I’m not sure I want a woman who is smarter than me.

  36. Neil

    Will — and maybe that “bring back a spine” line is coming from my wii-fit trainer, who is always bugging me to have better balance.

  37. PocketCT

    If you are coming out of NY toward MA come visit Jan and I!

  38. Nina

    Have fun with your mom. Find me if you want to go to a movie or go roller skating – or whatever.

  39. brettdl

    Jeesh Neil. You are like the Don Juan of the Internet. You know how many men would kill to have a following like you do?

    Have a good time in New York. And MA. And MN. And…

  40. mp

    I love that the odds are better on the editor asking you to write the novel than meeting up with Dooce at the airport.

  41. sa_scully

    Good luck. Hope you really do have a good time. I was going to say good quality alone time, but imagined where your mind went with it and… well… typed it anyway.

  42. kanani

    I love your self analysis. It always ALWAYS makes me laugh.
    I was thinking of a friend who would put stress into perspective. Things were 1, 2 or 3. So he’d be going through some hellacious time and he’d say, “Oh, this is 3! And then he’d proceed as though everything was normal. Some things he’d assign a 2 –which of course would get upgraded to a 3. Sometimes it’d be downgraded to 1, but only after he’d shoved it to 3.
    But to all those who knew him, he always looked like he had 0 stress.
    Anyway, the 1’s were constant stressers. I can’t remember him ever not having at a few 1’s which was the everyday stuff –money, the getting of sex.

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