the writing and photography of Neil Kramer


I apologize about the last two self-indulgent posts.  But I like them.  You have to remember, before I met Sophia, I was just some dorky guy who collected international postage stamps.  Sophia taught me not to wear white socks with shoes.  I taught her important TV trivia, such as how Vivian Vance and William Frawley didn’t get along very well during the taping of “I Love Lucy.”  

Most importantly, women were demystified.  I saw one buying a bra, having a period, kvetching over the wrong brand of Rocky Road ice cream.  “Dreyers, not Breyers!”  And I finally learned where my hands were supposed to go. 

Then I started blogging and interacting with hot women from around the world.  Is it really a surprise that every other post is about sex?   I’m sorry.  What can I do?   If I just write stories, my blog is well-written, but superficial.  But if I really dig down deep and write about what is weighing on my mind — oral sex — then, where is this post going…?

I think I’m ready to be re-introduced to the world.

Remember, this blog is about my mind.  It is akin to therapy.  I like Neilochka.   I want to integrate this more interesting version of myself into reality.   This Neilochka takes off his shirt on blog posts and makes women scream with pleasure.   This is NOT the Neil who is afraid of putting advertising on his blog because then “people won’t like him.” 

This Neilochka has confidence.  He says what he thinks.   So, if I haven’t been commenting on your blog lately, I’m not going to lie anymore and say I’ve been busy… boo hoo.  It’s because your blog is BORING AS HELL and I get more bang for my buck by commenting on some big-name blogger or some chick who might give me some! 

(You know that I’m only joking, right?  I love you.  Especially my male readers.  You know where I’m coming from, right?  I’m going to comment right now.  Twice.   Don’t hate me.  Ever.  I was just trying to be funny) 

Damn.  I’m never going to change.  Luckily, my therapist, Brenda, gave me her phone number so I can call her from New York.


  1. Backpacking Dad

    You go to hell. You go to hell and you die.

    My blog is awesome. So far this week I’ve written about Twitter, babies, and babies. You’ve taken off your shirt and imagined a conversation between two women who end up talking about how much they want you to bone them.

    Gr. You win.

  2. Pumpkin

    I wish I could write my blog with the freedom you do. It is kinda boring blogging about Swiss cows all the time. 🙂

    I much prefer your blog.

  3. Artful Kisser

    Can see how I struck out majorly on a Neil comment – boring as hell, no name blogger chick who’s not gonna give ya some – no matter how many times you flex your boobies – you’re just too far away. Blog whatever you want. People will still find it entertaining.

  4. natalie

    you left a comment on my blog once…actually twice i think, way back a long time ago. they made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

    right now i keep writing about culture and putting pictures on my blog. i just went on a trip to the black sea, and i can’t get over feeling obligated to share it with the world. it does actually get boring to me, and i think people couldn’t possibly care, but i can’t stand not to tell people about it!

    it’s ok though. we still like you. even if you hate our boring as hell blogs!

  5. better safe than sorry

    i like boring, it’s safe.
    there’s comfort in safe.
    i like comfort.

  6. Robb

    I was flipping through the pages of The Internets magazine the other day when I came across your blog. I love the stories and am trying to catch up on all the oldies but goodies here! Thanks for taking the time to write them and looking forward to more.


  7. V-Grrrl

    Oh Neil. You’re a mess. A real mess!

    Brenda is going to end up being your most fulfilling long term relationship!

    Go out and buy some Rocky Road and don’t worry about what brand it is! Be a MAN. Be wild! Try something new. Then curl up on the sofa with that sweet, sweaty cardboard container, stick a spoon straight into it, and enjoy the smooth creamy goodness, the lack of guilt, the metallic taste in your mouth when you hold the cold spoon there. This is better than sex. Just ask any “hot female blogger.”

  8. Miss Britt

    So… WHERE ARE THE ADS? Come on Neil. You can do it!

    Come on over to the dark side…

  9. John

    Okay then. I’ll be expecting your comment today. Even though my last few posts have been lukewarm at best, as MY world of High Society, International Intrigue, and Bond Women has flatlined of late. Where is Barbara Bach when you need her for a good blog post? Probably giving Ringo head. But that doesn’t do ME any good. Anyway, gratuitous-not-even-paying -attention-to-your- lameass-post-comment appreciated.

    You are my trailblazer Neil. Yes, I can relate.

  10. Memarie Lane

    There’s something very wrong here. Breyer’s is a billion times better than Dreyer’s. A billion.

    And what’s wrong with white socks? Honestly?

  11. gorillabuns

    and here I thought you were going all bad-ass.

  12. Yvonne

    Self-indulge away Neil. I always get a kick out of your posts. Have a great weekend!

  13. sa_scully

    I’m just titillated (tee hee) that you’d even read my archives. Keep telling me that and you’ll never have to comment. Ever. I know I’m boring and I’m totally fine with that.

  14. sandra

    Wouldn’t want to read you if you weren’t so…well, you. 🙂 It’s charming.

  15. magpie

    Ads? What are ads? (I’m too lazy.)

  16. Lynda

    Meh, I barely blog.

  17. sarah g

    Love Lucy : ) Favorite ever. And shh..vivian vance and william frawley were fine, ‘fred’ was just a grump!

  18. Noelle

    You’re so right, these blogs are boring. That’s why I have mine. To show ’em how it’s done.

  19. cruisin-mom

    you won’t comment on my blog. You won’t meet me in person, even though I only live about 40 minutes from you. I’m a loser. (What’s Brenda’s phone number?)

  20. Neil

    Cruisin — The real reason. You live in THE VALLEY.

  21. HeyJoe

    That hurts Neil. Truly.
    Go fuck yerself.
    J/K. OMG. LOL.
    I need a hug. Where’s Manny Ramirez?

  22. Mad William

    Oh Neil, you know that all of your male readers, (me) live vicariously through your blog. Neilochka or not.

  23. Jonathon

    Well, just so you know, the days I don’t comment here are the ones that are boring as hell. SO THERE. Mud in your eye, mofo. Mud in yer eye.

  24. desireenb

    You’re kinda funny.

  25. TorontoPearl

    Sorry to tell you, Neil, but Cruisin’ Mom is funnier than you! Whoever can make me laugh out loud has got it…and she’s got it. Or at least her comment had it.
    Do you know…when I was in L.A. nearly 3 years ago, I was in the same room — twice — with Cruisin’ Mom, and just didn’t know it! At least I’ve MET HER in a weird way. You should too! (she’ll bribe you with a babka; don’t say you haven’t been warned…!)

  26. Christine

    I was lazy and I clicked over here from your last comment on my (boring) blog…and I was profile view 666!

    But, in keeping with my new (boring) positive attitude, I won’t take that as a sign.

    And if I can change, you certainly can.

  27. Baroness von Bloggenschtern

    Although I read this all the time, I rarely comments, as I am uncomfortable being #49(ish) in a bevy of confidantes that obviously have a history with you. What I will delurk for is to say that while I adore the Neilochka moniker, I think I might like just Neil better.

    And hell, yeah, my blog is boring – it’s part of my charm. Controversy gives me hives.

  28. Neil

    Baroness – I feel the same as you when I’m at other blogs. I’m wondering if we should initiate a policy of every post only allowed 20 comments, so then we could spread it around more evenly.

    You can always email me, IM with me, or reach me on Facebook or Twitter. Recently, I like to tell the person directly on Twitter or email that I liked their post. Most people don’t like this because it undercuts the “dialogue” on the blog, but, sometimes, like you, I just don’t want to be one of many. I want to have a more one-on-one with the person I just read.

    Baroness — My email and IM is neilochka at yahoo dot com. Neilochka on Twitter.

  29. Jane

    Too funny about the advertising. I put two google ads on my site once, in the sidebar, and people ran off screaming mad. Apparently, bloggers are not supposed to do anything that intimates they might earn some money — even if it’s only $3.47 a week.

    (Of course, they were crazy bloggers from back when I was writing about Anna Nicole. One of them accused me of giving her subliminal messages, at at least three of them threatened me with lawsuits for not writing what they want).

  30. cruisin-mom

    thanks for coming to my defense Pearl.
    Apparently Neil doesn’t know what they say about Valley Girls

  31. piglet

    my god i’m gullible as hell, i thought we commented on others’ blogs b/c we liked something they wrote/expressed, or better-yet something we *thought* they wrote/expressed.

    you know, how you’ll write about popcorn and someone will think that you are privately putting their choice of coffee down?

    yeah, like that.

  32. natalie

    i love comments on my blog. i read them all! of course i usually don’t get more than 15 on any given post. but even if i did get 50 i would read them all. and i would probably comment back to all of them as well…but only because i don’t have a life and have nothing better to do. not really…i love the interaction and i feel recognized when someone comments back to me. of course there are some bloggers…like you, neil…who have commented back a few times so i know i am being heard. but the little pitter patter in my heart when i read a comment back to me makes it all worth it!

  33. Annie

    Can I assume because you DO comment on my blog, it is not boring? :-). You need lots of help Neil, but that is what we are for. We love you.

  34. Non-Highlighted Heather

    Another reason for me not to blog, so I don’t have to be all OCD and shit about comments.

  35. Michael Markman

    Tangential, but you mentioned it. Lucy wasn’t taped. It was filmed. Taping wasn’t an option back then. Seinfeld was also filmed even though taping was an option.

  36. neil

    Michael… you are absolutely right. My bad. That’s why it still looks so good.

  37. Iron Fist

    You’re not supposed to wear white sock with shoes?


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