the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Marital Thought of the Day

Don’t make your spouse your best friend.  Who do you talk to when you want to talk about your spouse or your best friend?


  1. Katherine

    Your therapist? Your mom? Your sibling?

    When you figure it out, let me know, because I’m in that pickle as well.

  2. fringes

    You talk to each other as friends and as lovers. How can you be one without being the other?

  3. Joe Crawford

    I’m glad you called this a “thought” and not “advice.”

  4. AnnieH

    I thought that’s why we had kids.

  5. ajooja

    I have one close male friend I’ve known since 6th grade. I always considered him my best friend until my wife came along. She’s the smartest, most wonderful person in the world and no one gets me like her.

    My friend would do anything for me, and me for him, but he knows he’s further down my list than he used to be.

    I’m further down his list too so it works out fine.

    I can’t imagine not being married to my best friend.

  6. kirida

    Um, how about random strangers on the internet?

  7. Neil

    Ajooja — Yes, I am actually lucky to have two old friends in NY who I can call anytime. And a cool mother. They’re just best friends in a different way than your spouse. Maybe I just answered my own question. If that doesn’t work, then I’ll start IM-ing everyone on Yahoo.

  8. Noelle

    That’s why I have a cat, I guess. Although I hear dogs are better listeners.

  9. di

    Ernest question to Gert: ‘Do you talk about me to anyone when you’re having trouble with me?’

    Gert: ‘No, why?’

    Ahhh but was that a safe answer or am I merely perfect?

  10. V-Grrrl

    Di, you ARE perfect. This is why I tell YOU everything.

    My husband, on the other hand, is a good man, but is not my best friend. He’s an engineer, I’m a creative type; I’m an introspective thinker; he’s not. There are things I can’t talk to him about.

    There are a few people I trust with all the stuff he doesn’t “get,” and I LOVE THEM, LOVE THEM, LOVE THEM.

  11. Porter

    When you figure this one out, please let me know. I’m getting hitched in the fall and I’ll need the answer by then. Thanks.

  12. Tuck

    People on the subway.

  13. Scarlet Hip

    My mom or my brothers.

    Or random strangers I meet in the grocery store.

  14. Stacey

    Damn, I guess I need more friends.

    Of course, who needs friends when you’re Neilochka’s Blog Crush of the Day?

  15. ali

    totally agree. 100%.
    but now i’ve got to find me a best friend…

  16. bookfraud

    i guess i’m in trouble, then. does an old friend who has been usurped by the spouse count? and do they have to be human? or even animate?

  17. abigail road

    I have about 45 friends to call on, whenever I want to talk about anyone. I just have to decide who the lucky person will be, and ring them up.

  18. Dave

    Therapist – and the rest of the troubles go away with drugs and alcohol.

  19. Memarie Lane

    My problem is that my mom is my best friend, so I can’t complain about my mom. And I really really want to sometimes.

  20. Judy C

    I talk to my cat. Is that pathetic or what?

  21. ETK

    So true.

  22. better safe than sorry

    i think anyone who is a good listener, it’s usually more about venting than anything else, i never thought about talking to my dog. now that i think about it, a good talk with her, followed by a long walk to clear my head, would probably do wonders.

  23. Aviva

    And who helps you keep your head above water when your partner leaves you? Your best friend.

  24. Pumpkin

    I talk to myself. Problem is even I don’t want to hear about it. 😉

  25. melanie

    online to strangers that don’t give a damn! :sighs:


  26. HRH @ June Cleaver Nirvana

    My first thought was this might explain the blogging phenomenon but then when that is examined further that would imply that all those bloggers have spouses who are their best friend. I’ll return my theory hoping that I saved the receipt and can still get my money back.

  27. Atomic Bombshell

    I usually just pray.

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