the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Here’s Our Toilet Seat!

When Sophia came home and saw my last post, the first thing she said was, “you chose the wrong photos!” We had taken a few different photos earlier, and I had obviously chosen the worst of the bunch.

“Of course this Whoorl wasn’t impressed with the haircut. You’re grimacing like a villain from a bad movie.”

I know I shouldn’t care about how I look to any of you, because sexiness comes from within, from self-confidence, from being comfortable in your own skin and not caring…

Eh… screw that.

So, for all those readers who stopped by earlier and saw those photos of us, please burn them from your memory.  I realize that those photos are still embedded in that post, and also exist in the vast basement of the Google archives, but just play along.  Make believe they don’t exist.  From now on, please ALWAYS think of the two of us as looking like the photos in THIS post, since we are much more glamorous in these than in the other ones.  You’ll probably not even notice the difference, but WE DO —


In this one, Sophia put some spit in my hair and made me look more like one of the guys on American Idol.


I am publishing this one of Sophia looking sultry, just to win some brownie points with her.


Isn’t this one better than before? Progressive babes (who usually put out on the first date) — please note the peace sign on the shirt.  Although, to be honest, it’s not really mine.  I  accidentally took home someone else’s shirt from the laundromat.

Sophia also wanted me to come clean about another matter.  She thinks that I always make her be the heavy. In the last post, I quoted her as saying “no,” when I asked her if I could photograph the toilet seat in order to show it to you.

She never said anything about the seat, because we never had this conversation.   I made that up.

In my defense, I still believe that if I had asked her, she would have said “no.”  She insists that that she has no problem with me taking a photo of any toilet seat in the house and posting it on my blog.  I love her, but I take that statement with a grain of salt.   Please tune into next Tuesday’s Dr. Phil Show, as Phil McGraw helps us be more honest with each other about what we can and what we can’t photograph in the house.

As an apology for making you read through TWO posts about nothing, here is a little gift —

A photo of our beachy toilet seat.  Enjoy it!



  1. sizzle

    I’m glad the dolphins aren’t on the actual seat. I wouldn’t be able to sit on the dolphins! 🙂

  2. Whit

    That toilet seat is awesome!

  3. chantel

    Sexiness does come from within. However, you and I both know its way sexier when you’re wearing 4 inch peep toe pumps.

    Go ahead, you know you want to try it.

  4. Karl

    I actually got to PEE in that toilet! It was like seeing the Pope’s throne or something. You know, the Jewish Pope.

  5. Turnbaby

    The power of the dolphins compel you!


  6. Turnbaby

    compels—ah it’s tooooo early 😉

  7. susannah

    Sophia looks gorgeous!

    you look okay, i s’pose 😉

  8. liz elayne

    if i didn’t have insomnia and wasn’t sitting on the edge of grumpy crabby tiredness, i would be laughing out loud seeing that toilet seat and reading two posts in one day about it…i mean this is fantastic really. but instead i am frowning as i try to figure out what those brown leafy things are beneath the green leafy things. shells? anyway, love the starfish. that’s my favorite part.

  9. Nat

    That is a damned fine toilet set.

  10. Judy

    For some reason I find the toilet seat disturbing. I am going to go look for pictures of sunsets to get the image out of my head.

  11. Elisabeth

    1. I like you better with longer hair (not that it matters, of course!)
    2. Sophia looks fab.
    3. The toilet seat totally rocks! It would take me a little while to think of my toilet as a beach environment (or as a fish bowl, for that matter), but I find the toilet seat really cool.

  12. alissa

    Fantastic toilet seat!

  13. Pants

    Hooray for the toilet seat!

  14. Finn

    These ARE much better. You both look yummy.

    I could have lived without the toilet seat. But only because it’s clear. I really don’t need to look at the inside of your toilet. At least it was clean.

  15. witchypoo

    Now I can die happy.

  16. DaveX

    While I’m busy burning the previous photos out of my mind, I’m going to shovel the toilet seat in with them. Ignore the others– that thing is Ugly.

  17. Angella

    I have never in my life seen such a toilet seat. It is awesome.

    Tell Sophia that she’s looking even hotter than usual with that new haircut!

  18. You can call me, 'Sir'

    That’s the most fantastic toilet seat/cover combo I’ve ever seen. I feel like I’ve been cheated throughout my life by not experiencing ocean-going adventure during ‘my business’.

  19. V-Grrrl

    Did you buy that toilet seat in Florida at the road side place that sells pink concrete bird baths shaped like shells and plastic flamingos?

  20. Heidi

    The toilet seat is a hoot and you and Sophia are HAWT!

  21. cruisin-mom

    Sophia, you look beautiful. And (yay) you’re back together? I’m sort of confused. (oops, sorry Neil, you look beautiful too)

  22. Neil

    Cruisin’ — No, I’m still moving out… eventually. But at least our hair looks good.

    And just in case you find the toilet seat unsettling, this is our “guest” bathroom — the one that rarely get used. Sophia would never let you see the mess that is our REAL bathroom.

    I’m thinking there should be more creative toilet seats. Maybe we can convince someone artsy like Secret Agent Josephine to start selling creative toilet seats on Etsy. Those white ones are so boring!

  23. kristen

    That IS cool. Sophia is adorable, by the way.

  24. churlita

    Once again, Sophia must be incapable of taking a bad photo. You look good too, of course.

    And that beachy toilet seat is totally peachy.

  25. wendy

    Love your new hair cut. Really..I would take mild mannered over bohemian any day…There are a lot of wild accountants out the privacy of their own bedrooms..

    Sophia is so classicly stunning..

    As for the toilet comment. I can’t help it. I’m a simple girl…..some things dont need frills..sorry..Nice design is good…but beyond that…….

  26. Kyra

    Hmmm… you know,I don’t think that having a seat that could be seen through while closed would be a good thing in this household. Especially with a seven year old son.

  27. Peace Sign shirt owner

    So, I got back from the laundromat, started putting my clothes away and then the tragedy hit me: I no longer have my Peace Sign shirt. I loved that shirt. Just wearing it helped bring the spirit of peace and cooperation to everyone who saw me. Prejudices were set aside. It looked like the next president wouldn’t be some white dude. But now it’s been stolen! Who could have taken it? The tall thin guy with long hair who looked and dressed like Jesus? Nah, too obvious a suspect. What about that ironic David Sedaris-y guy? Would he ever steal?
    Being robbed, like this, sure changes your perspective. I’m grabbing a rifle from Charlton Heston’s cold dead hands and going on a rampage. Think you can steal my shirt and get away with it? This means war!

  28. Dana Whitaker

    You both look mah-velous. The mild mannered look suits you; it hints of the wild man beneath, unlike those men who need to flaunt their wildness. Appearances can be so deceiving, and it’s fun to have a hidden side. I mean, I am all sweet and innocent looking, not at all the type to send pictures of my bra to stranger on the internet or anything like that.

  29. Dagny

    Sophia definitely looks hot in these photos but I still like you shaggy. And thank you for reminding me that I wanted to go shopping for a new toilet seat this weekend.

  30. buzzgirl

    I find it hilarious that you’re wearing someone else’s shirt that you “accidentally” took, but have now clearly appropriated.

    Also, where does one find a toilet seat like that? (I remember what an ordeal it was to find a specific seat for you mom.}

  31. Annie

    Oh thank you for the toilet seat! It made my day :-).

  32. TorontoPearl

    I love Sophia’s hair; yours is fine; you’re color-coordinated with Sophia by the look of the shirts you’re both wearing…I’m not enamored of the toilet seat — which surprises me. I generally like offbeat items — perhaps I need to see it in person to make a judgement call. So the next time I’m in Redondo Beach and nature calls, I’ll be asking to use your bathroom.

  33. arse poetica

    OMG, dolphins! I think I pulled a muscle laughing. Love the pic of the two of you.

  34. Neil

    TorontoPearl — You know how much I respect your opinion. Why don’t you like our toilet seat? Because you can see through it? Because it makes you sea sick? Because of your affiliation with Greenpeace and our exploitation of dolphins? Or are you just one of those people that is kinky in the bedroom but conservative in the bathroom?

  35. better safe than sorry

    i love the idea of humor in the bathroom. i have one of those boring white ones, but i have a buoy on the wall behind the throne that says welcome abroad, but no one in my house appreciates the humor in that. i did a nautical theme, your seat would have fit right in.

  36. TorontoPearl

    I think it comes down to this, Neil: how can I do my business if I have a bunch of sea life watching me? (and then my conscience is nudging me: “Pearl, your business is going to pollute their waters!”)

    Kinky in the bedroom, conservative in the bathroom…hmmm….let me think about that and I’ll get back to you.

  37. melanie

    LOVE the toilet seat. me wanteee one now.

    “listen honey you can hear the sounds of the ocean”


  38. whoorl

    Sophia looks HOT.

  39. Non-Highlighted Heather

    I’d be afraid that a shark would come up and bite my ass.

  40. AnnieH

    Very crafty of you…gazing into the beady little eyes of the dolphins has hypnotized me into forgetting the photos formerly known as “the first photos.” Well played, Mr. Neil.
    PS. Sophia is a delight.

  41. Memarie Lane

    OMG it’s Alan Rickman!!!

  42. plain jane

    I noticed the peace sign on the shirt immediately, although I think it negates the whole idea when you steal it.

    Except for the last picture (which is great), I think I like the first batch better, yours looks like a mug shot.

    The toliet seat? Not so much. You of course, are as awesome as ever.

  43. To Think Is To Create

    I don’t know how I feel about staring down the business end of a toilet, but your wife is smokin’.

    I like bohemian looks better, but the peace sign does win you brownie points, so we’ll call it a draw.

    Btw, I think posts about nothing are the best kind.

  44. Diane Mandy

    Tell me there isn’t a matching shower curtain with the toilet seat, please!

  45. -RM

    the toilet seat kicks ass…also love the sultry pic of Sofia.

  46. Atomic Bombshell

    That picture of you and Sophia together is my favorite ever.

  47. Neil

    I forgot. Guest post at Loralee’s —

  48. MCS

    I prefer you pre-haircut. My husband would kill to have a full head of hair.

  49. Jenn

    LOVE Sophia’s hair. I wish I could get mine to do that swoooosh thing.

  50. bookfraud

    great pictures, neil. sophia looks gorgeous, you look like someone simon cowell would kiss, and the toilet seat makes me want to toss a loaf.

    in other words, mission accomplished.

  51. Akaky

    The always lovely Sophia is lovely as always and your toilet seat borders on the ridiculous in more ways than one, or two, as the case may be. Are you coughing up blood? No? Then you look fine, no matter what you look like.

  52. miguelina

    The picture of you and Sophia makes me very happy. You guys are so cute!

  53. di

    Okay …. love the toilet seat. Preferred the unshaven pre-cut look (I’m the same about Gert but have issues about him looking too good at work.

    And, I would love having you and Sophia as my parents since you’re clearly so complicated when it comes to relationship stuff.


  54. Kristabella

    I’m thinking that toilet seat could freak out drunk people. Like A. LOT.

  55. piglet

    i’ve forgotten the last post already, but wanted to add this: sophia is beautiful in this photo, she’s like a goddess. how lucky are you?

  56. Lisa

    The two of you make a beautiful couple. I love both of your new cuts!!!

    The toilet seat is like a work of art. I wouldn’t be able to use it!!

  57. Doug McCaughan

    Now you just need the Fish n’ Flush tank. (Direct link)

  58. Heather B.

    I’m enjoying the stubble thing you’ve got going on. Also the haircuts look great.

  59. Rach

    OOOOOh lovely seat Neilochka. Only prob is that if you looked down while you were seated you might think little fishes were nibbling at your oh be joyfuls! Just a thought!

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