Dear Columbia Alumnus,
The Columbia University Fund has had an exceptional year this year and we are hoping to grow in 2008. As a graduate of the university, you know what Columbia means to the intellectual and cultural life of New York City and the country. We have just launched an unprecedented $865 million effort in support of undergraduate students and the faculty who teach them. Inspired by alumni commitment, it is the largest campaign of its kind Columbia has ever undertaken. We need your help. Through your generous donation, we can continue giving a world-class education to all Columbia students. We want to continue to give Columbia’s students a unique opportunity to learn from the best and brightest.
Excitement abounds at Columbia this season. In an attempt to be attention-grabbing, we are now offering to the public the “Meet the Vicious Tyrant Who Looks Fondly on the Third Reich” series of lectures. For our first speaker, we are honored to present the honorable Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, President of Iran. Mr. Ahmadinejad, known to many as “The world’s Most Dangerous Man” is best known for developing Iran’s nuclear bomb and as a Holocaust denier who has said that Israel is a “dangerous stain on the Islamic world that must be wiped off the map. While Columbia students would probably burn the school down before allowing President Bush to speak at the school, the administration thinks it is important to hear from a man who is one of worst abusers of human rights.
According to Amnesty International, dissidents who oppose the government non-violently face harassment, torture and execution. According to Human Rights Watch, respect for basic human rights in Iran, especially freedom of expression and assembly, deteriorated in 2006. The government routinely tortures and mistreats detained dissidents, including through prolonged solitary confinement. The Iranian government has also cracked down on gay civilians.
According to the Wall Street Journal:
Iran’s shari’a-based penal code defines lavat as penetrative and non-penetrative sexual acts between men. Iranian law punishes all penetrative sexual acts between adult men with the death penalty. Non-penetrative sexual acts between men are punished with lashes until the fourth offense, when they are punished with death. Sexual acts between women, which are defined differently, are punished with lashes until the fourth offense, when they are also punished with death.
In other exciting news, Columbia continues to strengthen the School of Arts with the addition of an exciting new member of the faculty — Star Simpson, the MIT student who recently strapped a fake bomb to herself and caused chaos at Boston’s Logan Airport. She will now be Dean of Performance Art.
Columbia Football has never been a strength at our school. The Lions have not won a league championship since 1961. All that is going to change as we welcome our new head coach, the legendary OJ Simpson to guide us to a winning season.
A Year Ago on Citizen of the Month: Hey, Dad