the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Who’s to Blame?

Sophia thinks that I might be leading my readers into taking my side concerning any troubles that we are having in our relationship. Of course, Sophia and I are both responsible for where we are right now. I hope you will be open and not take one side or another. If anything, I think you can draw your own conclusions from the evidence on hand. Here is a little video of Sophia I took last night when we went out to our favorite night spot. Watch Sophia as she does an “innocent little” impromptu “karaoke” on my behalf. I think you can pretty much see who is to blame for everything.

Please note that the name “Neil” is translated into “Johnny” in Russian.


  1. sizzle

    we all know that relationships take two people- to make them work or to mess them up.

  2. MA

    No one is perfect. Good luck with everything.

  3. Hilly

    I don’t think anyone is ever to blame when things like that happen. I sure as hell would never judge anyone because I would not want them judging me without all the facts either.

  4. chantel

    I don’t judge you and Sophia’s relationship its part of what makes this blog good.

    I’ll go against popular opinion, when you’re standing right there in the middle of “it”, someone’s always to blame.

    XOXOX to you and Sophia.

  5. Lisa

    I have to agree with Chantel. There’s always someone to blame, but that doesn’t mean everyone else gets off free. No pointing of fingers from me. Just support for whoever needs it.

  6. Richard

    Um, who’s to blame? Knowing what I know, Neil: tsk, tsk, that’s all I have to comment, sadly. Very good Harry Potter spoof, I must say.
    ..and where are all the throngs and masses of “Sophia is awesome,” “Sophia is an amazing person,” “You’re the luckiest man, Neilochka,” “I have a crush on Sophia?”

  7. JanePoe (aka Deborah)

    From experience I know that there’s always plenty of blame to pass around on all sides …. but, ultimately it’s not about blame, it’s about what can work for both people. I wish you both the best on your journeys. Peace, JP

  8. Amy K

    Sophia IS awesome, as is Neil. Its just that sometimes people can be awesome individually, but not be awesome together. Hugs to both you and Sophia…

  9. V-Grrrl

    I’ve known for a long time that these problems were ALL about the purple bathrobe dispute. These are the issues that tear couples apart.

  10. LVGurl

    Neil who? Sophia who? I can’t take my eyes off of Rita…

  11. Pearl

    Bring back Glenn Ford, aka Johnny!

    Neil, whatever is between you and Sophia stays between you and Sophia. Only you two (and maybe some exclusive bloggers) know the truth. We — I — respect and admire you both, and wish you well in your relationship or your barely-there relationship. Time will tell…

  12. Dagny

    I’m with Lvgurl on this one. Thank you for the fabulousness of Rita. I really needed it today.

    I’m not blaming anyone. I’m just hoping that you’ll be able to work it out — alone or together, whatever’s best for the two of you. Best of luck.

  13. Tuck

    It’s that damn penis getting in the way of everything. Lorena….you out there?

  14. girlanddog

    From experience, I can tell you that the toughest part of a separation are the days and weeks leading up to it. It’s the anticipation and the worry which will drive you insane. Once you go through with it, each day gets a little easier.

  15. Finn

    It takes two to tango, darlin’. I think we’re all smart enough to know that.

    We love you both…

  16. The Diva's Thoughts

    From someone who’s been down divorce row before….there is plenty of blame to go around. No judgements from me.

  17. Noel

    I am an expert in zippers

  18. Non-Highlighted Heather

    pffft. i don’t think that at all.

  19. DCChick1

    That video just made my friday 10 times better. I have no had my fix of old movies for the day…. until I go home to watch TCM later.

  20. churlita

    I’m not much of a blamer. People either work together or they don’t. Sometimes it’s more about timing than anything.

  21. melanie

    iam of the adage… Blame = Shame.

    things happen, and you change… I hope this change brings you back together healthy and more in love than ever, if that is what you want.


  22. kanani

    I’m really sorry.
    Sometimes things don’t work out for a myriad of reasons big and small. Best not to play the blame game –it only prolongs bitterness. Both of you are good people.

  23. Danny

    Oh my God. With apologies to my wife, Sophia, and all the women who read this blog, was there EVER a sexier human being on the planet than Rita Hayworth in “Gilda?” WOW. I still can’t believe her singing voice was dubbed by Anita Ellis, it sounds just like her. And that part about the zipper? Wait, I have to go watch it again…

  24. sarah g

    havent ya heard..
    blame it on the rain.. : )

  25. MCS

    I’m new to you blog, but let me just say that this is absolutely hysterical. In my experience, humor is one of the best antidotes to all problems, especially in marriage. I hope things work out.

  26. wendy

    I’ll have to disagree with everyone. I found this clip..brilliant,honest, yet so so sad. Unbearably sad.

    As for can you blame one for living this messy life we all live?

    You will find no judgement here either.

  27. Michael

    Very sad clip.

    Latest post I am about to post, you are one of a winner of a Schmooze award I am dishing out.

  28. Elisabeth

    There are people who can be best friends, but just can’t be married to each other. This may be the case for you and Sophia, I don’t know, but I am not about to blame anyone.

    In the case of the demise of my own marriage, of course, I cannot bear any blame.

    I am in a coffee shop in Pittsburgh, I don’t have my headphones with me, so I’ll wait until later to play the video.

  29. Ariel

    Abba. Abba’s to blame Neil. Look no further, it the Swedes’ fault. I’m telling you.

  30. Miss Syl

    I’m just sad for both of you being in an unhappy situation. Blame wouldn’t have even entered my mind.

    If this is of any interest to either of you, currently I’m reading an interesting book on Imago Relationship Theory called “Getting the Love You Want” that talks about the dynamics of relationships and the roles we consciously assign to ourselves and our partners, why we do that, and how it can affect that relationship’s health. I’d never claim any one book had all the answers, but it brings up some significant food for thought.

    It is written for couples, but you dont’ have to be in a couple to read it and get value from it (after all, I”m reading it, and I’m single).

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