the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

They Can’t Destroy BlogHim

(the new banner, created by Sween. thanks, brother!)

It was a devious plan, devised by the head honchos at BlogHer to destroy BlogHim, and they used their most seductive Mata Haris to tempt me… and the plan almost worked.

Last night, I went to a reading of Leahpeah’s other group, LA Angst, where writers read from their childhood and teenage year journals. I participated in her blog reading night, but this sounded even more interesting. It was fascinating stuff because it was so raw and “real.” These pieces of writing, hidden away in sock drawers for years, were never meant to be seen by anyone other than the author. For some reason, all of the readers were female, and most of the readings were about boys, weddings, and food.

So, not much has changed!

I really enjoyed the evening. Thank you:

Leah from Leahpeah

Kelly from Mocha Mama

Erin from Queen of Spain

Lara from Katronika

Ruth from Redleather

Kelly from West Coast Grrlie Blather

Heather from Heathervescent

I sat next to LA blogger, Jay, and we talked a bit about “journaling” from a male perspective. We decided that keeping a diary as a teenager was more of a “girl thing.” I never kept a diary. Maybe boys aren’t very introspective at that age. Now I understand why women take to blogging so easily — you gals have been writing about yourselves for years! Honestly, if I knew that no one was reading my blog, I would stop writing it tomorrow. More power to you!

After the reading, a few of us walked to a nearby Mexican restaurant. I had a chance to speak with four of the readers: Leah, Mocha Mommy, Queen of Spain, and Katronika. They were all such funny, cool, and sexy women, that I mostly shut up and listened to what they had to say. I learned so much from them (for instance, if you are a woman, you should run out and buy The Cone immediately. Your vibrator is like a child’s toy compared to this!)


Men definitely need to listen to women more. That’s how you find out all their secrets (because they love to blab!)

At some point, someone brought up my BlogHim idea. I was a little worried about the reaction from these prominent blogging women because Mocha Mommy is attending the conference, Leah is a speaker at BlogHer, and the Queen of Spain is creating a online version of the conference on Second Life.

At first, I was surprised how polite everyone was about my idea for BlogHim and the way I was making fun of BlogHer. There was no arguing at all. Queen of Spain politely told me about the importance of BlogHer and how it is empowering women as bloggers. The discussion started out completely friendly. But, then the mood changed. The others insisted that I change my combative stance against BlogHer. When I still had questions about the increasingly corporate sponsorship of the organization, the women chose another method of getting their point across. One by one, they took me into the women’s restroom, and had their way with me against the baby-diaper changing table, bringing me to the point of no return, but then pulling back and forcing me to repeat these words before they finished, “I love and respect BlogHer and will never say anything bad about the group again.” Clearly, the BlogHer organizers have prepared their “troops” to use whatever means possible to gain dominion over the blogosphere, and to silence the dissenters.

I was very tired when I returned home. Drunk and tired.

“You’re home late,” said Sophia.

“Oh, yeah. Boys night out.”

“You received this email while you were gone.”

The email was from the illustrator whose image I used for the bare-chested BlogHim icon on the banner. Even though, I gave him credit, I never asked his permission, and he wanted me to stop using it for promotional purposes. I know… I know… I suck and I was a thief. I should have asked him first. The illustrator was totally right and I don’t blame him at all.

But don’t you think it was a LITTLE coincidental that my BlogHim icon was “sabotaged” at the same time I was out with the BlogHer “spies?” I did think it was a little unusual that Leah invited me to join the women for drinks? Was this part of the plan? Was Sophia involved? Was it the male illustrator’s own decision to not let me use his drawing, or was HE taken into some restroom in his own city and “brainwashed” in the way only a well-trained BlogHer woman can do it. How far do the tentacles of this organization reach?

Well, I will not be brought down by some nice smelling Mata Haris with nice cleavage and comfortable shoes. I will NOT sell out my fellow men for some cheap sex in the restroom of a overpriced Mexican restaurant. BlogHim will survive! Uh, nice female mommyblogger, can you make me a new banner?

P.S. — By the way, I think what Queen of Spain is doing with BlogHer is really cool. She is helping them put the conference on Second Life, which is a virtual world online, so women can participate without having to go to Chicago. Check it out!


  1. sween

    Fight the power. [Flexes muscles.]

    I updated the banner on my site.

  2. LVGurl

    You got assaulted up against the KoalaCare station (that’s what it’s called, for the record) ?? Inventive!

    I think I’d rather go to BlogHim. Growing up, I always found more success with my “guy” friendships than with girlfriends. And I didn’t put out, either!

    Oh, I probably shouldn’t say all that. I might get booted from the BlogHer web ring. They were nice enough to accept a rookie like me and all…

  3. Neil

    KoalaCare station?! Like I said, I’m learning new things every day!

  4. Neil

    Sween — that is great. Let’s use that one!

  5. Teebopop

    Who knew you had so much power in the blogosphere!

    Don’t let your head swell too much!

  6. Teebopop

    I meant the one on your shoulders, not Mr. Penis.

  7. QofS

    I do believe blogging about the incident may be a breach of contract.

    Party at my house on Saturday for another deprogramming session.

    You will be assimilated.

  8. Neil

    Queen of Spain — I know this is going to hurt your reputation, but you seemed like an awfully nice person.

  9. plain jane

    I read along thinking that it is an actual true post and then all of a sudden I’m reading about female bloggers “having their way with you” pinned against the diaper changing station. Sheesh. You crack me up.

  10. Neil

    I don’t understand, Plain Jane. This did happen. And let me say, changing diapers made some of these women pretty strong.

  11. Elisa Camahort

    First laugh out loud moment I’ve had today, thank you.

  12. Lara

    i had a blast, and the fact that the powers that be at blogher were paying me for my espionage and manipulation just made it all the better.

    so sad i’ll be missing the party on saturday, because i’m convinced that’s when queen of spain will prove that she is most definitely NOT “an awfully nice person.” just you wait – you’ll see i’m right…

  13. Neil

    It was a pleasure meeting you, Lara. Have a safe trip back to SF.

  14. Geeky Tai-Tai

    Thanks for the laughs, but more importantly… Thanks for the link to THE CONE! I am ordering one today! ;0)

  15. Finn

    I expect that you’ll be getting me The Cone for my birthday next month, right? Right?

    I’ll put a call in to Queen of Spain…

  16. Mocha

    Thank God you didn’t call me nice. I have this reputation to keep up.

    Spanking machine. Saturday. Be there.

  17. Bec

    It all got extremely sexually charged round here! A friend of mine has The Cone, and she was telling me her mum came round to her flat unexpectedly… the come was out in the bathroom… her mum never said a word… until two days later it was on TV and she got a polite text message along the lines of, “please make sure your ‘things’ are away before you have visitors”.

    Yep, so terribly British!

  18. Neil

    Man, I mentioned the Cone as a throwaway, and it is getting all the attention. What is the matter with you women? Why not just do it with us MEN? We’re usually ready and willing.

  19. Iron Fist

    I admire you for sticking to your principles, even after that immense onslaught of boobies.

  20. Neil

    Fist — Unlike women, we take a bullet for each other.

  21. ExpatJane

    Nothing insightful to say, but just wanted to say you’ve got me laughing again Neil.

  22. :: jozjozjoz ::

    One of these days, you and I will cross paths in person…

  23. SAJ

    I think the banner you have now is swell, BUT I would be honored to make some sweaty hairy smelly bloghim art for you. Honored.

  24. Dagny

    First of all, I must address your comment about the Cone. Men may be ready and willing but often they are not able.

    That said, unless those women violated you like the poor guy in Baise-Moi, then you really weren’t violated.

    Here’s the link to the movie.

  25. Geeky Tai-Tai

    Sometimes my man is traveling for extended periods and I can’t wait for him to get back home. Know what I mean?

  26. QofS

    I would marry my cone if it was legal.

  27. Neil

    Dagny — What type of movies do you watch? You certainly aren’t a “Transformers” type of gal!

    Queen — What about the cuddling? I thought that’s what women really liked. Or is that just a lie to get us off of you, so you can grab your Cone later.

    SAJ — I immediately thought about you because I love your work, but now that I think about it — it would look wrong for a woman to be making our banner. We can do it ourselves! Besides, how can I be sure you wouldn’t give our iconic man some pigtails?

  28. melanie

    ah… the cone… I have heard so much about it, and yet, still do not own one. darn it.

    blogging and journaling. its all just a way to rid the brain of mental diarrhea. The difference is you guys see anything you do as an extension of yourselves that someone should admire.

  29. nabbalicious

    I’ve never heard of The Cone. I’m so out of it!

    As for BlogHim, I’m in favor of it, because I know that men wouldn’t come back from such an event all talking about the “amazing men” they met. I think we’ve got to ban that phrase!

  30. Kelly

    Can’t believe I was the geek who had to go to my book group after LA Angst instead of hanging around to learn about The Cone. You mentioned The Cone as a throwaway? That just proves the non-objectivity of the writer. The things you think are the least important are the most important to the reader!

  31. Neil

    Kelly — your reading was terrific. And I thing all that dredging up of that teenage angst made the Cone a prime subject for conversation.

  32. Sarcastic Mom


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