I noticed today that a few of my favorite bloggers, including Ms. Sizzle and Karl, and Fringes, requested that their readers ask them personal questions, which they then answered on their blog. I thought this was a great way to get to know these bloggers in a more intimate way. I’m really curious to learn what questions you would ask me. Unfortunately, I’m not as patient as Ms. Sizzle, Karl, or Fringes and I don’t feel like sitting around all day answering your questions.
So, here is my idea. Go ahead and ask me a personal question. The next commenter should then answer the question for ME, as ME. After answering the question, the commenter then ask me a NEW question, to be answered in turn by the next commenter AS ME, etc.
Here is an example:
Comment 1:
Question: Neil, what is your favorite color?
Comment 2:
Neil: My favorite color is Green.
Question: Neil, have you ever been in a threesome?
I realize that most of the answers will be wrong, but what do I care? I hope you enjoy getting to know me a little bit better!
A Year Ago on Citizen of the Month: The Beechers of San Diego
Question: ok, which is your favourite short story?
and
which is your favourite poem?
and no, nursery rhymes and fairy tales not allowed.
Neil: you didn’t follow the rules! I’ll only answer one question – so the answer is “The Door” – it’s now up to you to figure out which question I answered.
Question: Neil, what is this thing stuck on the bottom of my shoe?
Neil: Awww… no Little Mermaid?
My favourite short story is “The Lottery” by Shirley Jackson.
And my favourite poem is “somewhere i have never travelled” by e.e.cummings.
Question: Neil, what do you really think about the color purple?
Neil:I love the colour purple. It reminds me of Prince, and Prince is a man/symbol I have adored my whole life.
Everything I own is purple, even my wife’s bathrobe is purple.
It’s ode to the man who wears tight pants who I wish to be.
Question: Neil, why do people stand in line so long at McDonalds trying to figure out what to order?
Neil:They are struggling with the inner battle of healthy vs. orgasmically mouth-happy.
Question: What did you most fear as a child?
Neil:snakes!!! i still do.
Question: how do you take your coffee?
Neil’s Penis: I take my coffee with a red-hot big-titted babe attached to the coffee cup.
Question: So if they made a movie about your life, who would you cast as yourself?
Neil: Well George Clooney or Brad Pitt of course, but I’d have to see them in purple bathrobes.
Question: Neil, why are we doing this?
Neil: To find out how close perception and reality are.
Question: How many fistfights have you (Neil) been in over the course of your life?
Neil: One-when I was 8 and it was a fight about a girl.
Question: When and why did you move out to LA?
Neil: L.A.’s one cultural advantage – that you can make a right turn on a red light – was far too compelling.
Question: What’s the most complex dish you ever cooked?
Neil: Waldorf Salad.
Question: Neil, what would it take for you to sleep with another man?
Neil: A small non-debilitating stroke and a vat of lubricant.
Question: Neil: Why won’t you just listen to Sophia?
Neil: I’m a man, duh!
Question: Does the carpet match the drapes?
Neil: I get her voice confused with all the others in my head. Hers is the one with the Russian accent isn’t it?
Question: What music will you take with you to the desert island?
Neil: Gee, two questions to answer.
Of course the carpet matches the drapes, they are both purple.
I would take the soundtrack to the Curious George movie to a desert island. I love Curious George!
Question: Oops. I forgot to ASK a question.
What is your most admirable trait?
Neil:That I am daring enough to actually do such a stupid post.
Question: Did you watch American Idol this week and did you think they were too “mean” to the contestants?
Neil: Yes.
Question: Are you so addicted to blogging that you promised yourself not to read the comments until tonight, but woke up early just to see what people wrote like a crack addict needing his fix?
Neil: No…i revelled in my own curiosity all day long because I have a real thing for self torture.
Question: Have you ever been in a threesome?
Question: Neil,
Might you want to pen a screenplay? Could I work with you? 🙂
Neil: Seriously? YES!
Question: Chocolate or tuna salad?
Neil:Do I have to pick between chocolate or tuna salad? Why not save time and frustration and have tuna chip cookies?
Question: What is more heinous–Necrophilia or beastiality?
Neil: Beastiality of course…the poor animal knows what’s happening.
Question: How do you get all of your readers to do whatever you tell them to do?
Neil: I pay them in sex or money.
Question: What would you prefer sex or money?
Neil: Sex. Are you kidding? I have a freaking talking penis!
Question: How would you describe your relationship with your wife?
Neil: Colorfully.
Question: How many languages does your penis speak?
Neil: 7 including Mandarin and Swahili. It’s a well educated and travelled penis.
Question: NY or LA?
Neil: 358.
Question: Do you let you penis talk to people on the street?
Neil: Dawg! Two questions again- okay, I’m game.
LA, cause that is where my dear Sophia is.
And no, my penis only speaks in this blog and privately to Sophia, hence the LA!
Question: When will you quit with the seperated nonsense? You and Sophia know you are meant to be together. You, Sophia and all of us!
Neil: We’re actually not separated, but one time my Penis told this hott chick we were and before I could correct him, it was me, three chicks and a 40 of High Life. What’s a guy to do!?
Question: What’s your favorite joke?
Neil: Two cannibals were eating a clown. One turns to the other and says, “This tastes funny …”
Question: Soda or Pop?
Neil: Soda. Pop is my dad.
Question: Neil, why do airlines pass out pretzels instead of peanuts these day?
Neil: It’s been shown that terrorists prefer peanuts to pretzels, so it’s an effort to cut down on terrorism on planes. Snakes, too. Snakes prefer peanuts and rats.
Question: Do you prefer peanuts or pretzels? (And yes, this is a test to see if you are a potential terrorist. Or snake.)
Neil’s penis: peanuts…come on now!
Question: When are you going to start working on the script for your sitcom?
Neil: My penis is much like a snake… A really big snake so he likes peanuts and rats. Personally, I like peanuts and pretzels. This doesn’t mean I’m part terrorist, only that I have a hard time making decisions.
Question: Neil, if you could be any animal, which would you be?
Neil: Why, a stallion, of course! My penis agrees.
Question: Neil, what was your most embarrassing moment as a child or teenager?
Neil: Most embarrassing? That would be age eleven.
Question: You are so witty – were you always this way?
Neil: Witty? Do penises talk?
Question: What did you dream of last night?
Neil: A talking vagina.
Question: Favorite IHOP menu selection: Rutti Tutti Fresh & Fruity, stuffed French Toast Combo, or Grilled Liver?
Neil: Grilled liver with a nice box of the Franzia.
Question: To trim or not to trim….and I’m asking your penis.
Neil’s Penis: No trimming. I like to hide in the bushes.
Question: What’s your favorite pick-up line?
Neil: You can’t spell “unique” without U-N-I (you and I).
Question: If you had to pick one, which would it be, freeze dried vagina or freeze dried Nova?
Neil: I can’t even bear to imagine a cold dry vagina. So, Nova, of course.
Question: Tango or Salsa dancing?
Neil: Neither; I prefer doing the Lambada, even if it’s out of style.
Question: What do you consider to be your best piece of writing?
Neil: That piece over there, on the desk. It’s fabulous!
Question: Blondes or brunettes?
Both of course!
Seriously, no trimming?
Neil: Trimming is for pussies.
Question: What is black and white and read all over?
oops! I meant “red” hahaha!
Neil: LingLing the Panda during her time of the month.
Question: I’ve read somewhere that menses is chock full of stem cells. How would you go about collecting them?
Neil: Why in a centrafuge of course. i’m all for stem cell research…and I am a Real man..The word MENSES doesn’t creep me out one bit. Nice try though!
Question: Do you sometimes feel like a puppet master? Are you a power freak?
Mwah-ha-ha-ha!! I am the master of my own domain! Let the ground quiver when faced with my… my… uh… hmm. (ahem) next question, please.
Neil, where do babies come from?
Neil: Why from China and Africa, of course! Just ask Angelina and Madge…
Question: What type of parasite would you prefer? A parasitic twin living inside you, or a Botfly?
Neil: Definitely the parasitic twin; at least it’s mostly ME. Any animal tat burrows into me makes me throw up in my mouth.
Question: Why do birds suddenly appear, every time you are near?
Neil: I was going for the Batman look but somehow the spell got all mixed up and I got black birds 4 and 20. Look closely and sometimes a pie comes out of the sky too.
Question: What’s love got to do with it?
Neil’s Penis: I really don’t care about love as long as I’m getting some. Of course, I will use the L-word if it means I will get some.
Question: What’s the meaning of life?
Neil: Circus Peanuts. You know those orange floppy pieces of weirdly shaped peanut like candies. Yup, Circus Peanuts people.
Question: What’s the deal with you and Sophia? Are you divorced or back together? Or what is the story?
Neil: Oh, it’s just so complicated. I wish I knew. I feel as though I’m going with the flow of a flash flood, sometimes, trying to keep my head above the water.
Question: How many roads must a man walk down?
Neil: Is this a euphemism for “How many women must a man sleep with before he becomes a MAN?” If so, I hope the answer is 1.5, because that’s my record so far.
Question: What is it about Karla from karlababble.com that has you so obsessed about her?
Neil: Her adam’s apple.
Question: Have you always been a dude?
No, I used to be THE MAN, but then I moved to LA.
What do you think of Birkenstocks?
Neil: I saw this cute girl working at Starbuck’s wearing Birkenstocks so now I have them too and maybe when I order my soy latte, she’ll ask me out.
Question: Do you ever think of moving back to NY?
Only if I can drive cross-country in a Prius with my iPod and a few boxes of John Updike.
Question: Neil’s Penis, have you ever used Viagra?
Neil’s Penis: Schhhaaaa…me? Neil might need some every once in a while, but I sure don’t.
Question: How are your biceps doing these days, Neil?
i’m so glad i didn’t participate. for a joiner, it was hard for me to refrain but now i see the benefits. 😉