the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Nauseous and Nauseated

Sometimes I get so very sad because my English ain’t the best
Whenever we studied grammar in school, I always flunked the test

But today I made some progress with “nauseous and nauseated,”
For the rest of the day, I was goofing off — I felt so damn elated.

So, listen to the following and tell me how you feel.
And send me your good wishes to yahoo@dot.neil

I was sitting in a Starbucks, just doing my morning shtick
When outside, I see a homeless guy standing with his dick

Now, when I see a homeless guy who I think just masturbated,
Am I wrong to sit in Starbucks feeling all NAUSEATED?

According to Sophia, my grammar is atrocious,
But now I’ve learned, without a doubt — that guy was very NAUSEOUS.

So, hah-hah-hah — you see it? — I finally got it right!
Nauseous and Nauseated  — my ego’s taking flight.

I hope to use my brand new skills to talk to a new neighbor,
This amazing chick from UCLA, Professor Dina Haber.

So, speaking proper English is clearly my new aim,
I’m hoping I’ll get laid by this gorgeous classy dame.


  1. Pearl

    Hey, an A+ , Neil,
    is what this clever post does get
    From me the copy editor
    who hasn’t edited for you yet!

    You’ve covered “nauseous” and “nauseated”
    and there may be one more of note —
    how about dealing with “noxious”
    like those fumes from a motor boat?

  2. Megan

    I. Can’t. Stop. Laughing.

    The English teacher in me gives you an A+ for effort!

  3. Lauren

    Neil Kramer is a writer and poet living in Los Angeles. Why, is there anything you can’t do?

  4. Bad Spice

    That was very funny. A +++

  5. boxen

    I’ve always witnessed this homeless phenomenon, only mid-action – at only 5pm, right in a major throughfare. Perhaps they should have masturbastion rooms, similar to shooting rooms or smoking rooms. And it’s not just the homeless, I always find that into the wee hours of early morning the 24 hour IT elevator has a notoriously noxious scent of expelled desires. Somehow, that is way more disturbing than those poor old homeless dudes.

  6. boxen

    I mean I’ve witnessed, not that I’ve always witnessed. However, in the wee hours I do always find that elevator smells super.dodgy.

  7. Rabbit

    If you can write beautiful poetry like this, how could you NOT woo the professor?

  8. Edgy Mama

    Yes, correct word usage is important if you want to fuck English professors. My husband jokes that I gave him a grammar and literature test before deeming him date-worthy. He had to write a five-page essay in order to be deemed fuck-worthy.

  9. evan

    i can only imagine having to learn this poem right along side “i before e, except after c…”

  10. The Retropolitan

    I frequently corrected people on the correct uses of “nauseated” and “nauseous”. Until they started hitting me.

  11. better safe than sorry

    i’m basically illiterate, my reading level is more like, see dick, see jane, see dick and jane run. no, actually, i went to a catholic school, so it would be see joseph and mary run.

  12. MA

    Rhyming couplets. Nice work.

  13. cruisin-mom

    Certain things turn women on…good grammar and chewing with your mouth closed. Hopefully you can do both now Neil.

  14. Trix

    Yep, I just laughed so hard I peed my pants.

    Why not ask Dina out for a dance?

  15. Jaclyn

    I will never use them the wrong way again. Actually, I’ll never use either word again without thinking of your lovely bit of poetry.

  16. anne arkham

    Let’s have it in iambic pentameter next time.

  17. Stacey

    Ok, not to be a dumbshit or anything, but I still don’t get it.

    Can’t a person feel both nauseous and nauseated?

  18. JJ

    If she reads your blog, and Sophia will make sure she does, it’s a lost cause, man. You should have said “woo” instead of “f*ck” and you could have got away with it.

    But good luck anyway.

  19. Neil

    Stacey, Stacey. I once was just like you, naive in so many ways.

    “When one feels like vomiting, one feels NAUSEATED. When something causes nausea, that thing is said to be NAUSEOUS. The American Heritage English Dictionary sez:

    Causing nausea; sickening

    To be feeling, or having been caused to feel nausea.

    So, next time you are tempted to say “I feel nauseous”, understand that you are saying “I feel that I make other people sick”, or basically “I feel nauseating”.”

  20. Heather B.

    Neil! You’re killing me with the brilliance.

    But now I know the difference, so thanks.

  21. AWE

    Maybe you should stand in front of her house with your dick out, then ask her if she is nauseated. It would save some time.

  22. Neil

    Awe, that almost never works in getting you a date. Believe me.

  23. Stacey

    Wow, you learn something new everyday. I have been saying it wrong my entire 37 years! I have always said, “I feel nauseous.” (On 2nd thought, who knows — that might have been the case, too)! LOL

  24. chantel

    So your grammatically correct and rhyming? That’s taking new skills to a whole new level.
    Slow down there cowboy!!

  25. Michael

    I always thought:
    Poetry = jerking off.
    And in this case, I was right… and I liked it.

  26. networkchic

    Well actually the homeless guy was nauseating…and I wouldn’t worry about your grammar, half of America don’t speak no proper English. I have an English degree…and sometimes even I forget how it’s all supposed to sound.

  27. Tanya

    This post is making me pukey.

  28. Eve

    Neil, I actually look forward to reading your blog everyday. Most amusing.

  29. Rebecca

    I liked that! It drives me crazy when people say that is so nauseous as opposed to nauseating!

  30. LisaBinDaCity

    Hope the poem works for ya.

  31. Leesa

    You’re a poet too?? Charming:)

  32. Pauly D

    You are most obviously the next Dr. Seuss. Will you write something soon that involves a discolored pork product, perhaps?

  33. Miss Cellania

    I certainly enjoyed it!

  34. groovebunny

    Masturbating before noon? See that’s the problem with the homeless.
    Every decent person knows it’s not proper to masturbate until after noon. 🙂 Love the poem. I prefer using “nauseated” myself.

  35. Fitèna

    lol! your your one wickedlyfunny guy! I love your humour Neil, I don’t know why I just can’t your “propos” nauseous… nauseating… nauseated… OMG, what’s happening to MY english!!!

    Neil, I worked so hard on MY english, me non native english speaker and you now consusing making me word chose I know not… oh lalala!


  36. Janet

    Is this anything like the rain in Spain falling mainly on the plane or is it plain?

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