the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Jane Austen and the Pussycats

Hey, DJ Neilochka here tonight for all those brainy lovers out there who WANT their literature with a little funk, their books with a little BOOGIE — this is for you — a literary/song mash-up where the button down babes of the 19th Century meet the bottoms up beauties of today.

What is a mash-up?

So, here we go, a mash-up of Jane Austen’s "Pride and Prejudice" (now a movie!) and The Pussycat Dolls "Don’t Cha." 



Pride and Prejudice – Chapter One

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.

However little known the feelings or views of such a man may be on his first entering a neighbourhood, this truth is so well fixed in the minds of the surrounding families that he is considered as the rightful property of some one or other of their daughters.

I know you like me (I know you like me)
I know you do (I know you do)
Thats why whenever I come around
Shes all over you (she’s all over you)
I know you want it (I know you want it)
Its easy to see (it’s easy to see)
And in the back of your mind
I know you should be f***ing me (babe)

"My dear Mr. Bennet," said his lady to him one day, "have you heard that Netherfield Park is let at last?"

Mr. Bennet replied that he had not.

"But it is," returned she; "for Mrs. Long has just been here, and she told me all about it."

Mr. Bennett made no answer.

"Do not you want to know who has taken it?" cried his wife impatiently.

"You want to tell me, and I have no objection to hearing it."

This was invitation enough.

Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?
Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?
Don’t cha
Don’t cha
Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me?
Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me?
Don’t cha
Don’t cha

"Why, my dear, you must know, Mrs. Long says that Netherfield is taken by a young man of large fortune from the north of England; that he came down on Monday in a chaise and four to see the place, and was so much delighted with it, that he agreed with Mr. Morris immediately; that he is to take possession before Michaelmas, and some of his servants are to be in the house by the end of next week."

"What is his name?"


"Is he married or single?"

"Oh! single, my dear, to be sure! A single man of large fortune; four or five thousand a year. What a fine thing for our girls!"

I know I’m on your mind
I know we’d have a good time
I’m your friend
I’m fun
And I’m fine
I aint lying
Look at me shit
You ain’t blind (you ain’t blind)
I know I’m on your mind

"How so? how can it affect them?"

"My dear Mr. Bennet," replied his wife, "how can you be so tiresome! You must know that I am thinking of his marrying one of them."

"Is that his design in settling here?"

"Design! nonsense, how can you talk so! But it is very likely that he may fall in love with one of them, and therefore you must visit him as soon as he comes."

Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?
Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?(like me)
Don’t cha (Don’t cha baby)
Don’t cha
Don’t cha wish your girlfriend raw like me? (raw)
Don’t cha wish your girlfriend fun like me (big fun)
Don’t cha
Don’t cha

Keep it Real.  Peace.  DJ Neilochka – OUT!


  1. miss marisol

    Best. Post. Ever.

  2. modigli

    Yo, Yo, Yo, Yo, Neilochka rocking the blizz-og! haha… Too Funny!

  3. 3rdtimesacharm( 3T )

    LOL…There was somthing to be said about the women of the 19th Century.


  4. MA

    The party never stops with you, does it Mr. DJ?

  5. Tim

    I have a strange craving to go read. At a strip club.

  6. Megan

    I will never think of Ms. Austen the same way again. I think you just volunteered her for “Pimp my Book.”

  7. helen

    Wow, man of many talents you are.

  8. anne

    The Pussycat Dolls? Don’t Cha? Noooooooooooo!

  9. bella

    I hate to say this, but you completely lost me on this one.

  10. kristy

    I’ll pass on the mashup and keep my P&P with Mr. Darcy all the same. Thanks. 😉

  11. Neil

    OK, hold the horses (using a Jane Austen term).

    I cannot go on with this blog knowing that Bella is lost on this post.

    Not only do I hate it when someone doesn’t understand something, but Bella is a real hottie, and I wouldn’t want her straying to other blogs that she can better relate to.

    So, let me see if I can better explain what’s going on:

    A mashup in music is when some someone combines two dissimilar songs to make it into one — imagine taking Burt Bacharach’s “Alfie” and putting it to a rap chorus. Now imagine taking a classy book like “Pride and Prejudice” and combining the first chapter of the book with the lyrics to this absolutely awful popular song that I heard on the radio by The Pussycat Dolls (sort of a 2005 Spice Girls).

    Now, Imagine the fun!

    Beautiful Bella, please come back! If I’m ever going to move to the “B-list,” I can’t afford to lose any readers. I don’t think any less of you for not “getting it.” It only make me want to try harder.

    Please, anytime you don’t understand something on this blog, please ask. If not me, someone in customer service will be glad to assist you.

  12. Bill

    I always felt Jane Austen needed a bit of skank. I can hardly wait to see who partners with Henry James.

  13. mrsmogul

    I used to do PR for DJs, hmm I can totally see this in the clubs. Don’t CHA?

  14. LisaBinDaCity


    OK, I’m lost too, are you gonna beg me to stay as well 😉

    Interesting thought process you have there!

  15. Neil

    Lisa B –

    I think I just put my foot in my mouth. How stupid of me, especially being a married man who brags that he “understands women.” Now every woman reader is gonna be begging me to ask them to stay, jealous of the special attention I gave Bella. Soon, I’m going to have to send flowers from 1-800-SUCK-UP-TO-YOUR-FEMALE-READERS just to keep them reading, knowing without them I have no traffic on the blog. I got your number Lisa B.

    Power Blogging sucks.

  16. bettyonthebeach

    Such a clever chap you are Neilochka! The ex-English teacher in me gives you an A+! Pop ‘culcha’ lit crit…likey!!!

  17. ladymathematician

    Neilotchka –

    I love it. There is nothing more to say.

  18. Tatyana

    I got it, I got it, please don’t send me $3.99 wilted sunflowers.

  19. Bad Maria

    I not only got it but I think you’re onto something, the new Broadway hit Pussycats and Prejudice or my favorite because of the lovely animal kingdom play on words A Pride of Pussycats or if you want to dumb it down a bit for the non-literary Pussycats Got No Pride.

    Swing baby!

  20. Leesa

    Love it! I don’t want the clearance flowers either 🙂

  21. cj

    best part of my day.

  22. ekramer

    i dont understand it either. i will take
    the inexpensive flowers. it is the thought that counts.

  23. Brooke

    Neil – I was almost tempted to not post on my blog so you could continue making your daily hurricane commehts. Brilliant! Totally cracked me up – and cheered me up. I’m alive and well and in Jersey. Thanks for the worry and the comments. Oh, and this post is good too. I think. I really should read it now.

  24. akaky

    Neil, begging is never dignified.

  25. mernitman

    Risking the lit-esoterica zone, I’ll put my bid in to see the Melville/Beck mash-up, in which Bartleby the Scrivener sings, “I would prefer not to / I’M A LOSER, BABY!”…

  26. Cheryl

    Oh my god. LMAO. Thanks!

  27. LisaBinDaCity

    *Wonders how Neil got my number*

    I’m looking forward to the flowers though 😉

  28. Atomic Bombshell

    Sweet Jesus.

  29. Chloe' Gardner

    You’re Crazy! I like it….

  30. Suzi Chen

    This was so funny!

  31. Amber

    I was waiting for the part where Mr. Darcy talks about how he carries around a packet of Magnums *mumble mumble* so he can hit it in the back of the Magnum. Yes, Busta (I mean, Mr. Darcy) it’s great lyric-making when you use Magnum twice like that. Oh, and the mumbling part was because I can’t understand that part of the song. You’re funny.

  32. bella

    I won’t stray, but thanks for the begging and trying to explain.

  33. Neil

    Bella, that’s it? After I practically kissed your feet to keep you?


    Can’t you at least say that now that you understand the post, you find it very clever and funny like some of the other readers?

    Look what some others had to say —


    “I love it,”

    “Two enthusiastic thumbs up.”

    Bella, did you at least smile? Why is it always the women who play hard-to-get who are the most intriguing?

  34. bella

    *with gentle southern accent* “Why, Neil, you darlin’ man, goin’ out of your way to make me smile, my goodness, just makes me blush…”
    And smile. 😉

  35. Neil

    moved Melville/Beck mash-up to it’s own post:

  36. schuey

    Ha, This is the bonus addon mashup hidden in the comments section ? And as good as the first one…

  37. Tatyana

    Who are these delusional people (aside from having most unpronounceable names: Bartleby! Scrivener!) and why they intrude on my pleasant Saturday morning?

  38. Alecia

    That’s just…freakishly hilarious. I’ll never look at Jane Austin in quite the same manor.

  39. Alecia

    Or even manner… whichever you prefer

  40. Jim

    I think the Melville/Beck mash-up is even funnier!

  41. Neil

    Jim — Glad you like it. I’m making it a second career.

  42. Kimberly

    So perfect. Found this at the Austenblog. Didn’t realize Jane can party on!

  43. Fitèna

    I wish I’d read this post while taking my English Lit. in HSC exam. I’d have gotten an A instead of a B 🙁

    This is hilarious!

    Did you watch “Bride and Prejudice”? That’s the British-Indian adaptation of Jane Austen’s “Pride and Prejudice”. It’s one the the novels I enjoyed more at school.

    Say, the Pussy Dolls, why are there so many of them when only one is doing the actual singing (If that’s called singing!)?

  44. ExpatJane

    Hahahahahaha! Wrong! It’s just wrong.

    Pride and Prejudice is my favorite novel (yes, I’m such a girl.)

    However, the Pussycat Dolls confuse me (again, yes, I’m such a girl.)

    But I have to say putting them together was brilliant!

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