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When times are tough, you sometimes take jobs you might not ordinarily sign on to. I don’t think of it as selling out. I think of it as making money. Here’s a Public Service Announcement I’m writing for a conservative think-tank:

Why Gay Marriage Should be Banned

VOICEOVER:

“Gay” activists want you to think that President Bush’s proposed Constitutional amendment defining marriage as a union between a man and a woman is a way to brand “lesbian and gay men as inferior individuals.” This is absolutely untrue. President Bush deeply respects individuals of all cultures and orientations.

President Bush, like most Americans, wants to keep the concept of marriage strong.

As the President recently said on his radio address:

“Ages of experience have taught us that the commitment of a husband and a wife to love and to serve one another promotes the welfare of children and the stability of society. Marriage cannot be cut off from its cultural, religious and natural roots without weakening this good influence on society.”

Most Americans agree that marriage should be between a man and a woman.

And for good reason.

If we open up the idea of marriage to “same sex” marriage, we open up a Pandora’s Box. The concept of marriage will become completely diluted. It’s a slippery slope.

If two men can marry, what’s to stop a man from marrying a goat?

Think about it — is a man+goat marriage really the best way to raise children?

Let’s listen in, as this so-called “family” goes on a traditional summer road trip to see the wonders of Mount Rushmore.

FADE IN:

INTERIOR. CAR – DAY

A family is travelling on the highway to Mount Rushmore. The “family” consists of a husband, his wife (a goat), and their teenage daughter. There is tension in the car.

Husband: “…I know where I’m going. I can read a map.”

Wife: “Bleeeeh!”

Husband: “I’m not asking for directions. I know where I’m going.”

Wife: “Bleeeeh!”

Husband: “Sara, you’re giving me a headache. Let me drive.”

Daughter: “Daddy, I’m Bleeeeh!… hungry!”

Husband: “You’ll have to wait, Veronica. We’ll stop for a burger soon.”

Wife: “Bleeeeh!”

Husband: “Sara, enough with the goat cheese. I don’t care if you’re a vegetarian.”

Wife: “Bleeeeh! Bleeeeh!”

Husband: “@#%$@!!!”

Daughter: “Stop fighting! Stop fighting!”

Wife: “Bleeeeh! Bleeeeh!”

Husband: “@#%$@!!!”

Daughter: “I hate you! I hate you Bleeeeh!….both of you! I wish I had regular parents!”

Wife: “Bleeeeh! Bleeeeh! Bleeeeeh!”

Husband: “A divorce?! Again with this divorce?

Wife: “Bleeeeh!”

Husband: “My mother was right. I should have never married you. Why didn’t I vote for that Constitutional amendment years ago defining marriage as a union between a man and a woman! My life could have been completely different! I could have been happy!”

Wife: “Bleeeeh!”

BACK TO VOICEOVER:

Is this the America you really want? Do we really want men marrying men and men marrying goats?

Support President Bush and the majority of Americans in calling for the ratification of this essential amendment to our Constitution.

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A Year Ago on Citizen of the Month: American Woman