Citizen of the Month

the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Tag: Mel Gibson

Ummm… Like…

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I thought my radio debut went pretty well.  The host laughed a couple of times.  But my Lethal Schlepin’ joke, so popular on line, fell flat because of my bad timing.  I was a little nervous, mostly because I had no idea what I was supposed to talk about.  Afterwards, my biggest criticism came from Sophia and it was less about the content, then it was about my speech.  She absolutely HATES when I go “ummm…like…,” thinking it’s just one notch above ape-language in the world of communication.  Combined with my fast-talking, Noo Yawk accent, I’m probably not going to get a career in radio anytime soon.

But I probably should work on that “ummm…like…” speech.  Any suggestions?  Maybe there’s some sort of “My Fair Lady”-type elocution class at UCLA? 

“The rain in spain falls mainly on Erica Kane.”

I woke up early to listen to the beginning of the online broadcast to get a sense of David Burd’s Washington Post Radio show.  4 AM in LA!  I broke out in a sweat when I heard him say, “Later we’re going to speak to Neil Kramer in LA about why he chose Mel Gibson as his Citizen of the Month.”

Huh?  I never said that!  Is he calling me thinking I am a supporter of Mel Gibson?  Of course, I immediately woke Sophia up, who was not very happy (we were at a wedding last night until late). 

“I need to come up with some line to explain why Mel Gibson is my Citizen of the Month!” I spouted.

Sophia threw the alarm clock at me, but, as always, came through at the last moment with a great opening line.

I tried to download the online broadcast, but I screwed up.  I only captured the first minute.  I wrote to the show to see if they can send me a copy of my spot.  Let’s see if they actually will…

You can hear that little piece of my interview about Mel Gibson here. (link)

All and all, I did pretty good, but I think I should stick to ummm… like… writing.

 

A Year Ago on Citizen of the MonthAnd the Winner is… Boules!

Mel Gibson Requests Meeting with Neilochka!

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In a move that has taken Hollywood by surprise, Mel Gibson has requested a meeting with a Los Angeles-based blogger, Neil Kramer, the writer of the popular blog, “Citizen of the Month.”

In a public statement, Mr. Gibson stated:

“I am not a bigot. Hatred of any kind goes against my faith. I’m not just asking for forgiveness. I would like to take it one step further, and meet with leaders in the Jewish community, with whom I can have a one on one discussion to discern the appropriate path for healing.”

As a leader in the Jewish blogger community, Neilochka was at first stunned by this request.

“I’m not exactly sure what to say to him. I mean if he’s not a bigot, what’s really the point of meeting with Jews like me? I guess we can always talk about how much I liked “Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior””

Neilochka’s big concern was that if they meet at a restaurant, which of the two of them was actually going to pick up the tab.

“I already have a reputation on my blog for being a bit of a cheapskate, even using half-price coupons at ‘Chicago for Ribs’ with Sophia . I certainly don’t want him to think of this as a ‘Jewish’ thing.”

This would not be the first time Neilochka had some interaction with the famed movie star.

“When I was at USC Film School, I used to do script analysis over at Icon Productions, his film company. I once passed Mr. Gibson in the hall at the movie studio, but we never had an opportunity to talk or trade ethnic slurs.”

Neilochka suggested that the two former co-workers meet at Canter’s Jewish Deli in Los Angeles for their historic meeting.

“I think once he tastes their excellent corned beef sandwich, Mel’s whole attitude towards Jews will change for the better.”

After Mel Gibson’s anti-Semitic rants were recently made public, Neilochka was adamant that Hollywood should blacklist the actor because he’s an anti-Semite and a plain nasty person. However, on hearing about the upcoming meeting with Mr. Gibson, Neilochka’s resolve seemed to waver.

“I still find Mel Gibson a disgusting person. But just in case we hit it off, I’m bringing a copy of an old script to show him. It’s a buddy action/road movie about this gruff New York cop and this crazy rabbi who’s running from the mob. I call it… “Lethal Shlepin’.”

Mel Gibson Arrested for DUI

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INT.  LOST HILLS SHERIFF’S STATION – LOS ANGELES – NIGHT

Mel Gibson, still drunk off his ass, is sitting in his cell, mumbling to himself about the f**king Jews.  Suddenly Danny Glover comes bursting in through the door.

Mel:  “Danny, what the f**k?”

Danny:  “Partners forever, my Lethal Weapon friend.  Let’s get out of here.  I rigged the place.  It’s gonna blow.”

Mel and Danny jump out the window and the entire jail explodes. 

Mel:  “Thanks, Danny.”

Danny:  “We have to get out of here… and fast.  The Sheriff’s Department can’t cover-up your anti-Semitic rants forever.”

Mel:    “F**k those Jew-loving cops.  I would OWN Malibu if that Yenta Barbra Streisand didn’t already own it.  Let’s go over to Nobu in Malibu for some sake and sushi.”

Danny:  “Maybe we should hide out in my place until things calm down.”

Mel:  Yeah, we can pick up some ebony hookers.  Sugar tits, here comes the Passion of the Dick!”

Danny shakes his head sadly.

Danny:  “I’m getting too old for this shit!”

Mel:  No, you’re not, Danny.  You’re one motherf***ing good black dude!  As long as you’re not a fag.  You’re not one of those that take it up the arse, are you?”

Danny:  Why do I always have to be the responsible, by-the-book buddy and you always the crazy loose cannon?

Mel:  “It’s those f**king Jew screenwriters!”

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from police report

The story on TMZ.com.

Update:  Mel apologizes.  The “I was drunk” excuse.  Jeez, funny, but when I get drunk, which is very very rare, I sing dirty songs, but I never blurt out ethnic slurs!

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