the writing and photography of Neil Kramer
The paparazzi were out in force as Britney Spears went to the Kabbalah Center on Robertson. I’m much more interested in whatever is in the bag. I didn’t know they have a bookstore. Do they have Judaica? Do they serve coffee and muffins in the bookstore (kosher, of course) or just Kabbalah water?
Have any of my LA readers ever been to the Kabbalah Center?
Los Angeles needs just 1.13 inches of rain to match the record set in 1883-84. Today’s NY Times editorial on this "rain watch in Los Angeles" reminded me of what’s been on my mind lately:
After such a wet winter, no one really wants more rain. As The New York Times pointed out on its weather page on Friday, Los Angeles has already surpassed the average annual rainfall of Chicago and is heading toward Pittsburgh. Yet most Angelenos are quietly hoping to break the old mark of 38.18 inches.
Yes, most of us are hoping for this (Why quietly? Are we ashamed to bring it up?). As an Angeleno, it’s all I think about other than this week’s box office and surfing. All day, I’ve been thinking of ways to help break this rainfall record. Perhaps I should drive up to the Chumash Indian Casino near Santa Barbara and ask for help. Do Native Americans remember any traditional rain dances? Or have they forsaken that for blackjack and Stud High low Omaha Hold ’em.
Of course, the NY Times editorial has to end with a downer about Los Angeles.
But in Los Angeles, and much of California, this winter’s history is next winter’s drought. A wet season runs down the storm drains and out to sea, but a drought goes nowhere, compounding itself day by day.
Contrast this with a similar article about LA’s rain record in the L.A. Daily News.
Still, the rain has made for a colorful spring, with grass growing and flowers in full bloom.
"It starts to look like Hawaii here," said Susie Corder, 29, of North Hollywood. "Everything is so green."
Excuse me, I have to go back to praying to Chac, the ancient Mayan rain god.
The Los Angeles Revlon Run/Walk was great. There were 50,000 participants, all there to raise money and awareness of breast and ovarian cancers.
I walked with S and the Wellness Community of the South Bay.
Thanks, Mom, for reminding me to bring sunscreen. Happy Mother’s Day.
There is a unique film festival occurring in Los Angeles this week.
Giffoni Hollywood brings to Los Angeles the spirit and enterprise of the original Italian-based Giffoni Film Festival, while also creating a unique and innovative cinematic experience that could only be presented in the heart of Hollywood. Giffoni Hollywood reaches out to a new generation, and the judges and jury will be comprised off three age groupings: 9-11, 12-14 and 15-17 year olds.
It sounds like a really cool experience for the kids. Everything is done like a real film festival, with red carpet arrivals at movie screenings. There is even a dinner hosted by Jada and Will Smith.
And considering the age of many studio executives, don’t be surprised if, at the end of the week, three lucky children will be picked to run Paramount Pictures.
The new Midnight Mission homeless shelter opened in downtown Los Angeles. The Christian Science Monitor called it "one of the nation’s plushiest homeless shelters."
The $17 million state-of-the-art facility boasts a full-sized gymnasium, library, playroom, hair salon, education center, and professional kitchen.
The project could have been code-named "Keep the Homeless Downtown so they Can’t Hurt Real Estate Prices by Moving into the Super-Expensive Westside."
In related news, Donald Trump will be the headliner in a two-day real estate seminar at the Los Angeles Convention Center. His face is already plastered on billboards across town, with the ad slogan: "One weekend can make you a millionaire."
An anticipated crowd of 25,000 will listen to speakers, including Trump, share their wisdom. Some of the advertised topics include:
"The Lazy Way to Create Real Estate Wealth," "How to ‘Quick Turn’ Real Estate in Los Angeles With No Money, Credit or Risk," and "How to Get Free Money From the Government for Real Estate."
The "building affordable housing in Los Angeles" seminar has been canceled due to lack of interest.
Today, in Craig’s List Los Angeles:
H.B.O. DOCUMENTARY CASTING/THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE
WE ARE LOOKING FOR EXTREMELY BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE… FOR A DOCUMENTARY ON THE LIVES OF BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE, WE ARE ONLY LOOKING FOR PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL, WE ARE OPEN TO ALL ETHNICITYS [sic.] AND ALL CREEDS OF PEOPLE… "PLEASE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE ONLY".
Hmmm….before I show up for the audition… What if I’m beautiful but I don’t think I’m beautiful? Do all extremely beautiful people know that they are beautiful? At what point does beautiful turn into extremely beautiful? If you are open to all ethnicities and creeds, which standard of beauty will you be operating under? What if my creed idolizes ugliness? What if I’m ugly but think I’m beautiful? Who uses the expression "all creeds of people" anymore? Why do some people capitalize an entire post thinking it reads better? Is ethnicities intentionally spelled incorrectly so there won’t be a lawsuit when everyone in the documentary is white and skinny?
Looking for a downtown Los Angeles restaurant that has fine cuisine and fabulous views of the city?  I wouldn’t exactly call the cuisine “fine” at the Los Angeles Superior Court ninth floor cafeteria, or even a cuisine for that matter, but the views of downtown Los Angeles are fantastic, especially on the patio. You can also hang out with the city’s finest attorneys and criminals.
Here’s the Music Center, the Getty Center, and City Hall, as photographed with my Nokia 3620.
An idiot waits until the last minute on April 15 to send in his tax forms.
(10:00 PM)
And idiot drives to the Hollywood Post Office where he is told that he can get his envelope stamped at the Beverly Blvd. Post Office.
(10:15 PM)
An idiot drives to the Beverly Blvd. Post Office where people are stamping envelopes outside, but he learns it is a scam and these people are not postal workers, and the police arrive on the scene.
(10:40 PM)
An idiot learns that he needs to go to the Post Office at LAX to get his envelope stamped before midnight.
(10:50 PM)
An idiot drives all the way to LAX and ends up at the wrong facility on Century Blvd.
(11:22 PM)
An idiot races several blocks away to the right facility where, under large floodlights, postal workers stand in the street carrying mail sacks.
(11:35 PM)
An idiot waits in a two-block line of cars until it it is his turn to throw his envelope into one of the sacks.
(11:50 PM)
An idiot, exhausted and hungry, takes out food from Fatburger.
(12:15 AM)
An idiot, with heartburn from Fatburger, can’t sleep and watches a repeat of the news where he sees other idiots driving their tax forms in at the last moment.
(2:00 AM)
The Beverly Center
Remember how in Tootsie, Dustin Hoffman’s character learned what it was like to be a woman by dressing as a female?  I was reminded of that movie when I went shopping this past weekend at my local mall.
The Beverly Center is one of the best-known of Los Angeles’ area many big malls.  The Beverly Hills – West Hollywood location brings in a lot of celebrities and wealthy folk.  Despite the tiniest movie theaters in town, it’s a great place for people-watching or encountering Nicolas Cage buying a gift for his latest wife.
F, my cousin from Israel, flew into town to attend a big anniversary party. She thought she might be underdressed for the party and asked me to help her find a party dress.  I decided to take her to the Beverly Center.
F is thirty years old, a funny and attractive woman.  She said she wears a size 14.  I took her to the Bloomingdale’s in the mall.  A saleswoman told us that this Bloomingdale’s doesn’t carry any dresses in size 14.
OK, no problem.  Onward.  There were tons of stores in the mall.  We went to Ann Taylor, DKNY, Boss, Banana Republic, Max Studio, etc., etc., etc…. No dresses in size 14.  One boutique even had a sign on the window which read something like, “We don’t carry items over size 12.”  It was fairly intimidating, as if they were telling us, “Please don’t even walk in here and create bad feng shui with your fat cells.”
My last resort was the mall’s Macy’s.
I have clear memories of my mother (size 16-18) dragging me to the Macy’s in New York every year for their big Columbus Day Sale.  She said it was the best place to find dresses for work.  I used to help her search the racks in the big-size department (located in a dark section near the restroom, hidden from view like the the crazy family member no one wants to talk about).
But at least my mother was able to find some dresses there.
Not in this Macy’s.
I was told that they didn’t carry size 14 because this store was an exclusive “boutique” Macy’s, which I guess means “No Fat People Allowed.” Â Â I asked a salesgirl if she knew any other malls where we could find a size 14.
I received a blank stare.
I saw a fashionable African-American woman in the cosmetics department who was clearly a larger size.  She looked totally comfortable in herself, as do so many bigger black women.  I asked her if she could help my cousin find a store for a size 14 party dress?  Her demeanor changed.  She looked shocked, as if I just “outed” her as a plus size woman and she would be fired immediately.
Is this what so many women have to go through — especially in places like Los Angeles?  The Beverly Center had plenty of clothes for all types of men, skinny to the fattest slob in town.   Shouldn’t a mall be required to at least have one store with a dress over size 12?
Men would have sued this place long ago.   Women of LA unite!
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