When you are stuck underground for a long time, in the darkness, under the grass and dirt and flowers, not dead but fully alive, all vital signs working except for your sense of reality, your first sighting of a pinhole-sized ray of light coming from a point above will not be a celebratory event. It will be a message of fear. Some ONE or some THING is telling you that there is a way out. But you don’t want a way out. You wouldn’t be sitting flat on your back in the cold dark dirt if you wanted a way out, right?
But a hole has opened. And every day, this uneven circle will grow larger, the light will burn stronger and more focused, and the heat of the sun will create thirst and emotion in your still-alive body, forcing you to climb out of the black hole onto firm land and fresh air. You will have no choice. Better to do it now.
Once outside, in the slight breeze, you may recognize your surroundings, and you may not. You have been under the earth for a long time, and your head will be dizzy. You will not know for how long you were lying in the dirt, watching the ants as they paraded in front of you, like little soldiers.
Don’t move. Just stand there, next to your hole — and wait. Someone will pass by, seeing you naked and dirty, your knees bloody and scraped, and offer you some help. It will be a nice older man, or better yet, a young woman carrying a bucket of well water, and she will offer you a drink.
“Why were you in that hole in the ground?” she will ask you.
“I dunno.” you will answer.
Good. Be honest. There is no reason for you to lie or weave dramatic stories. You are a man who just clawed his way out from inside a hole in the the ground. Why bother with tall tales?
“It must have been very uncomfortable and painful to be stuck in there,” she will whisper sympathetically, pouring the water into your cupped hands.
At that moment, you will feel the pain. Her mere mention of the anguish will unleash the burning knife in your spine, your head, and your heart. Language has that terrible effect. The agony will be acute because this is the first time you have felt that long-forgotten pain, the shivering that caused you to bury yourself in that hole in the ground on that fateful day.
What happened on that day? Why did you hide yourself away from the goodness of Life? You will not remember, but now you have returned. You are standing on your own feet, upright. That is a start. It is time to live with the pain.
Drink the healing well water and then, using the bucket, wash yourself clean.