Before she retired in October, my mother told me a story about this college summer intern who worked in her office. My mother’s workplace was antiquated, a “real” looking publishing house, like a relic from the 1940′s. In the back room, there was even a old style desk with a typewriter sitting on top, a reminder of days gone by. One day, the nineteen year old intern asked my mother to tell her about this mysterious machine. The girl knew that it was a typewriter, but she wasn’t sure how it worked, or how you inserted the paper.
“Is there a feeder on the bottom?” she asked.
When my mother told me that story, I laughed. What a dummy that girl was! Of course, in this wireless mobile world, I’m sure it was this young woman who was laughing at my mother.
“You mean — if you made a mistake you had to “white it out” with a cartridge?!”
The arrogance of the college kid.
The typewriter is not the only product to become obsolete. Once upon a time, before the invention of the electric can opener, there was a well-known kitchen appliance called the “manual” can opener. If you go to the Smithsonian, you can see a fine example of this early Americana.
Last night, in an attempt to eat a healthier dinner, I decided to make myself a tuna salad. I went into the fridge and took out an assortment of “good for you” items — lettuce, spinach, tomatoes, cucumbers, and onions. Perfect. Now it was time to reach for the main ingredient — a shiny new can of Bumble Bee Tuna Albacore Fish, packed in water. I carried the can over to electric can opener, and saw this –
WTF? Where’s the can opening apparatus? It occurred to me that this was the first time since my mother had gone to Florida that I was attempting to open a can. I called my mother in Boca Raton.
“Where’s the top of the can opener?”
“The top of the can opener? Hello to you, too?”
“Hello, Mom. I’m trying to open a can of tuna fish.”
“A can of tuna fish? Is that your dinner?”
“I’m making a tuna salad.”
“That’s not much of a dinner. Why don’t you buy one of those ready-made chickens at the supermarket?”
“Because today I’m making a tuna fish salad.”
“You should have some soup with too. Did you buy any soup? I’m worried that you’re not eating enough there by yourself.”
“I’m eating fine.”
“You’re not eating in McDonald’s every day, are you?”
“No, I just go there for coffee.”
“Too much coffee is not good either.”
“Anyway, I want to open this can of tuna fish.”
“You should open a can of soup, too.”
“OK, I will. So, now, with the soup, the situation has intensified. I have two cans to open. But your can opener is missing the top.”
“I thought the can opener is just one piece? It has a top?”
“The attachment thing! With the magnet that latches on the metal.”
“Oh, yeah. I don’t know. It’s not there?”
I looked and looked, and couldn’t find the attachment.
“Use the manual can opener that’s in the drawer” she finally said.
I let my mother return to her mah jongg game with her friends, and found the manual can opener. This is it –
Can you believe that it took me fifteen minutes to open this can of tuna fish? It’s not like I have never used a manual can opener before, or that I am one of those guys that doesn’t know how to open up a can of food. Maybe I have owned an electric can opener for so long now, I forgot how to use the manual one! For the life of me, I could not decipher where the can went in relation to the opener. On the side? Under? To the right? To the left?
I felt like the intern at my mother’s office who didn’t know how to use a typewriter. I felt dumb. But then I thought about it, trying to put a positive spin on my experience. Perhaps this proves that I am younger in spirit, like I am in college again, with an attitude of condescension towards this primitive tool. Who needs to know how to use this thing? The future is now. No going back! I bet you that if I search on iTunes, I could have found an iphone app that could open up that can of tuna fish wirelessly!
I really enjoyed this...
Paige — Shag carpeting was pretty comfortable.
Great story. I purchased one of those upright electric can openers, used it twice and then put it away permanently. Much too befuddling. Went back to my tried and true manual opener. Besides, the electric one had a warning that if you touched the cord you should wash your hands since it contained a chemical that was outlawed in California and a few other states. I lived in fear of touching the cord!!!
We only have a manual can opener.
Jeez… next thing you’re going to tell me is that there’s a faster way to get internet than my 14.4kbps modem.
I have never used an electric can opener in my life. Like my parents before me, I could never figure out WHY someone would pay so much money for such a useless appliance. What a waste of electricity. How hard it is to open a can with a manual can opener? Not that hard.
Of course, if you haven’t used one in years, and the opener itself hasn’t been used in years, it’s gonna be harder. Go buy your mom a nice new OXO Good Grips manual can opener. Less than 10 bucks. Opens cans like a dream. No stress or strain.
Love!
1. Tuna in a foil packet? The tuna I gave tuna for Xmas gifts was caught on a local fishing boat & canned in a local cannery. I can’t even imagine what tuna in a pouch tastes like.
2. Sounds like a new-fangled typewriter if you have *cartridges* to white out mistakes, I had typewriter erasers that usually eliminated the error by making a whole in the paper (they had a little brush on one end to whisk away the eraser crumbs).
3. Can opener? Haven’t you heard of a pocket knife to open cans? And I agree w/Nancy I want my can opener clean.
4. As a child I had my mother’s old hand-crank Victrola and I listened to 78s on it.
5. Shag carpeting? Have you ever *raked one* (or picked toenail clippings out of it)? Ughh
6. My dishwasher is named John.
Do I qualify of Luddite of the year? And no, I’m not 95 years old.
By the way, my favorite, unnecessary appliance. Inside-The-Shell Electric Egg Scrambler. http://www.as-seen-on-tv-products.ws/store/ronco-roes-insidetheshell-electric-scrambler-p-2324.html
Yes I have a dish washer… my rule is, no dish washer, no kids. My husband didn’t like the idea of me kicking them to the curb, so we have a dish washer.
But really… I can’t remember the last time I needed a can opener. Pull tabs!
Whew. I can stay a reader. My husband just bought a dishwasher but it hasn’t been delivered yet. I still don’t know where we’ll put it in the kitchen so it works yet. But if nothing else, I can use it as a counterspace. Right?
I’m still stuck on WTF. WHAT HAPPENED TO THE TOP of the CAN OPENER?
Laura, a found it today in the utensil drawer. My mother must have taken it off to clean it, and it someone ended up in here…
Neil, I was having to cover my mouth not to laugh out loud.
Bless your heart and your mother… she sounds adorable.
I hate my mom’s can opener so I always use the ‘hand opener’
It’s amazing what our children will take for advantage and not know.
Didn’t you realize that if you can learn how to make a pipe bomb on the innernet, you can surely find instructions for using a can opener? Video, even: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Can-opener.ogg
Oh c’mon now, Neil! If you’re going to have some tuna – and I applaud that healthy choice – you simply MUST go for the tuna in the foil pouches, not that mushy, canned dreck!
And of course, once you have good tuna, you’ll need to try a 2Dolphins Tuna Wrap. Although perhaps not as flashy as your fancy “Neilochka,” with its high-falutin’ wasabi mustard, this is still a darned good sammich!
Actually, now that I think about it, I’m not altogether sure that wraps fall into the sandwich category. Well okay, sure, I’m gonna go out on a limb and say they do. So try it!
Aw, don’t feel bad, my husband can’t figure out how to use our manual can opener and we’ve had it for years. He’d rather starve than try to figure it out.
Guess I won’t be sending you our copy of the A Man, A Can, A Plan cookbook that’s going to waste over here.
Pingback: Citizen of the Month » Earth Day Meme
Manual FTW…
Seriously – electric openers are just dirty – most people don’t spend the time to keep electric ones clean and just keep reusing them… Just look at the picture again.
YUMMY decaying 1 year old tuna gets mixed in.
The only problem with most new electric can openers is that they have fixed blades, not the round rotating ones that you’ll find on a good quality manual one (or an electric one from the ’60s). I have to admit that in spite of this flaw, my Sunbeam has lasted nearly 5 years without a problem. Some of the comments here are truly bizarre (“all that money”, “waste of electricity”); these things cost almost nothing (mine was less than $20) and use an almost immeasurably small amount of electricity. I only wish mine had a rotating blade, which would double its life expectancy. If I had to use a manual, I’d get a $15 cabinet mounted “SwingAway” with a crank, rather than an insufferable hand-held one.
I am glad you are all able to use a manual can opener. Until this year, I was just like you. Now to some unfortunate health problems I can no longer use a manual can opener and an electric one is my only choice. I am glad they are available and YES you can clean them.