the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

What the Hell

I’m always finding other writers online who say that they started their blog to “help others.” I wish I had a more noble reason for being here with you today. It would be cool to inspire you or show you how to knit something. I know this is a personal blog, and being inspirational is not a requirement. It is supposed to be about me. But what impression am I giving of myself? Is it an accurate one? On Halloween, I wrote a story about some woman giving me oral sex, and then I rewarded her by decapitating her with a Samurai sword. What does that say about me? Does it say anything about my character? Would Obama write this story? In real life, would I even be able to lift up a heavy Samurai sword?

On Twitter yesterday, I made mention that we should give George Bush some credit for picking Powell and Rice as two of his closest advisers. Because of his actions, America became familiar with African-Americans in powerful positions, which paved the way for an African-American as President. Someone asked why I was even bringing this up? Why was I being an apologist for the evil Bush administration? The answer is… I don’t know. To annoy you? To win Sophia’s favor? I don’t even like George Bush. It was just something that popped into my head, so I wrote it down.

Sometimes, I wonder if I should have more control over what I write. I don’t approach my blog like I am writing an op-ed piece for the New York Times. I find myself contradicting myself all the time, sometimes even trying out ideas that I’m not even sure I believe. I sometimes forget that there are other people out there reading this. I would hate to have to think too much about you — the reader. Where else am I going to try out stuff?

This is all just a long introduction to show you this painting by Leon Kroll (American Painter, 1884-1974).

I accidentally stumbled upon this yesterday on some art website, and I thought it was really sexy, so I decided to share it with you. There’s no real point in sharing it with you, other than what the hell. For some reason, I find most pornography unsexy. What’s the fun of watching some guy with a bigger dick than yours having sex? It is like watching someone else eating an ice cream sundae and then saying to yourself, “Woo-hoo, that was good, even though I’m never going to get a chance to eat that” as the other guy finishes the last spoonful.

But look carefully at this painting — all three women are thinking about ME, and ME alone. They SOOOOO want me! And that is sexy.

Does this post communicate anything about me? Again, not really. But what the hell.


  1. Memarie Lane

    the nude woman looks dead to me. i prefer gustav klimt.

  2. churlita

    she kind of looks like she’s trying to lick her own nipple.

  3. balou

    If I were to categorize your blog it would be under pure entertainment. And when I look at that beautiful painting, I wonder why is she laying on a pleated curtain?

  4. TMC

    I think the 3 women are thinking about each other, and I’m thinking that’s sexier than them thinking about you. Woudln’t you agree?

    I don’t know what your blog says about you, or what mine says about me. We write what we want but I try to keep in mind that any given post could be a first meeting and therefore a first impression so I try not to appear too bitchcakes out of context.

  5. Marney

    The women in the chairs want to admire or perhaps even ravish the woman lounging, but they are feigning indifference. Ha, my take is slightly different than yours, but I think it’s sexy too.

  6. Twenty Four At Heart

    Those women are sooo into each other. They’ve all just had sex. Two have gotten dressed and are contemplating leaving while the third is sleeping in post orgasmic bliss. The two who are leaving are considering removing their clothes and staying for the afternoon after all. But if not? They’d totally be thinking about Neil.

  7. Danny

    I like Kroll’s work. I think you brought him up because some of the women in his paintings look just like Sophia. Take a look at this one that’s in the Indianapolis Museum of Art:

    The Red Tam

    As for your comment about Bush, I think it was a legitimate one even though I’m not sure as I’d go so far as to say he paved the way for Obama. But let’s give Bush the very few points he deserves, even if he then ended up humiliating Powell by making him lie in front of the UN. Happily, Powell has been able to redeem himself on his own, I wonder if he’ll play a part in the Obama administration.

    Um…if Obama had written that story about decapitating the woman with the Samurai sword, I think Sarah Palin would be planning her Inaugural wardrobe about now!

  8. Christine

    I’m with Twenty Four At Heart…I think the one in yellow is thinking about how much it sucks that she has to go back to her real life, and the other awake one sorta has that Mona Lisa smile. So you know what she’s thinking of…having Neil join next time.

  9. Finn

    I’m wondering what the other two did the nude lady.

    BTW, I LIKE that you contradict yourself. It means you actually think.

  10. Black Hockey Jesus

    They better be careful or someone’s gonna snatch their fruit through the open window.

    [and yes I used snatch and fruit in the same sentence]

    Nietzsche said a will to a system reveals a lack of integrity.

  11. MammaLoves

    I think they’re all thinking about me–wishing I was there.

    Now THAT’s sexy.

  12. John

    What kind of erotic artwork defines you as a person, Neilochka? The kind with tiny bubbles and imperfections, proof it was crafted by the honest, simple, hard-working indigenous peoples of… wherever.

  13. Ginger

    I’m in total agreement with Twenty Four At Heart. It’s very hot.

    As are you, Neil…as are you.


  14. Neil

    Ginger, I just noticed on your blog that you sing —

    Soon there will be an announcement about a very special concert next month. Long time readers of this blog will know what I am talking about —

    We will need you —

  15. foolery

    First-time caller, first-time listener.

    I don’t think blogs HAVE to have a point. But if they do, I also think it’s okay so change focus at will. Unless someone is paying you? It’s your ball and you can take it home if you want to. Or kick it over the fence.

    My blog has no point other than to be a vessel to catch my mind-squeezings so they don’t run out all over the floor. No one wants that.

  16. HeyJoe

    some of these comments are getting me hot.

  17. wendy

    The thought of you with the sword made me THAT’s sexy…..

    And also I think you may finally have defined the ellusive “ASS” preference you always skirt around. I don’t think you even saw the other two ladies…

    Perhaps after you were done with the first..maybe.

  18. All Adither

    They all look a little dowdy to me.

  19. PAPA

    The woman on the right looks my ex girlfriend. Seriously. Her eyes are shooting daggers at me.

  20. TRO

    Actually, they look like they want each other. And what does it say about me that I want to spank that woman?

  21. Mad William

    As soon as I saw this painting, I thought,”Dang! They all want Neil.”
    Teach me your ways Neil. I want to be adored by nekid women in art.

  22. kenju

    The nude was posing for an art class, but she fell asleep. The one in red is wants her and the one in yellow wants both of them!

  23. Fancy

    If you’re looking for classical sexy, try The Union of Earth and Water by Peter Paul Rubens. I’m a pretty big fan of Rubenesque women, myself. I’ll never forget having it as my screen saver on my computer and my mother seeing it and calling it porn. Mom, it’s a CLASSIC!

  24. teahouseblossom

    I agree that the three women together staring at you in a sultry manner is MUCH hotter than porn!

  25. Chantel

    I think that because you’re a “real” writer; unlike me is the reason you have no inhibitions about playing with unpopular ideas. Most writers play with unpopular ideas, the other writers well; they write romance novels.

  26. piglet

    i think it’s a bit pretentious of people to claim they started their blog to “help others”….

    so far in *my* recovery from codependency i’ve learned that when i face the world with a “they need me to save them” view, that i am on an ego trip. (not to say this is true of everyone, just sayin’)…

    love that painting, and i totally “get” the “thinking of neil” vibe from it. b/c dont’ forget, i have special powers.

    you are a super hero, your privacy is of upmost importance.

  27. Think Jacob

    Yes, that’s much better than porn. Unless we’re talking about a Lesbian Pool party, becaues then we might need have a contest. 😀

  28. slynnro

    Obviously, you learned nothing from your little post about minorities supporting gay rights post. SILLY FOOL.

  29. Kempton

    One more for you: A recently created a blog for micro stories. It is open source, so anyone can post a story, which are usually just a couple of paragraphs, succinct anecdotes to get the mind going. Here’s a link:

    What They Did

  30. Moviequill

    that painting reminds me of the Dan Aykroyd skit on SNL where he was the sleazy art critic and talked about the nude painting with the picnic table, blanket and no food “I don’t see no food… bon appetit boys”

  31. movin' down the road

    naw. write like you write. contradiction is good. it means you’re learning and changing and having different perspectives, believe in BOTH sides sometimes. And that’s okay.

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