Citizen of the Month » Northern Exposure

Northern Exposure

After telling the whole world on my last post that I was going to New York for a month and staying with my mother, I forgot to tell one person — my mother. She sent me an email complaining that she was the last person to know, and had to read about it on my blog.

“Sorry about that, Mom. I was going to tell you. But, it should be fun. We can do things together.”

“Actually, the first weekend you are here, I’m going to a Mah Jongg tournament in Atlantic City with Shirley.”

“Well, then… when you come back.”

“Don’t you remember. I’m going on that eight day cruise to… Alaska.”

“Alaska?! What are you going to do there?”

“To see the glaciers.”

“Oh, and hey, even better… fresh Alaskan lox!”

“Exactly. I’ll bring the bagels with me. In case there are no Jews up there.”

“There’s that guy from Northern Exposure. Did you know he was supposed to be from Flushing? He went to Columbia, too.”

“Yeah, but unlike you, he was a doctor.”

“What a Jewish mother cliche, Mom. You know, doctors don’t do as well as they used to. All the HMOs.”

“Still better than blogging, right?”

“Yes.”

Truth Quotient: 89% — 1) I already knew that she was going to Alaska. 2) I made up my mother’s last comment about blogging. Maybe I should have just ended it after the “doctor” line. 3) Oh, she didn’t really say that “doctor” line, either.

Everything else was true.

Tags: Alaska, lox, Moms

29 Comments so far
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Sounds like a little serendipity for your trip - some actual time for yourself. If that’s not enough how about a MacDowell retreat? A little cabin to yourself. An ever so thoughtful and quiet person brings you lunch. Time to write, time to reflect.

my mother did that Alaskan cruise a few years back and loved it. they had gambling on her cruise ship and she wound up winning more than the cruise cost her, so while she didn’t come back with a doctor, she also didn’t come back empty handed.
maybe you could use your down time while your mother is away to drop off your resume to AMC?

Now your trip to NY makes sense. Alone time!

When I was in 7th grade I had a friend who had moved recently from Israel. Her family had en entire chest freezer full of bagels. I guess now I know why?

So, you can watch her apartment and water her plants while she’s gone. And you can wander the apartment in your underwear. What’s not to like?

Hahaha, the doctor comment was priceless. I agree with the others - you’ll have plenty of alone time to explore New York!

Now you can invite chicks over…

Tell your mom they have bagels on the boat. (Honestly some of the best lox, I’ve ever had were on a cruise ship.)

I hope the trip is a good one for you. I also get in trouble with my mom for blogging stuff before I tell her.

Hey, cool. Maybe I’ll see your mom as I’m going on an Alaskan cruise too! Tell her I’ll be the one chowing on the mounds of crab claws. When I’m not chewing the seafood I’ll be sipping the champagne.

Bon Voyage, Mrs. Neilochka!

Like the part where you didn’t tell your mom you were coming to stay with her for a month?

You’re too funny.

If she’s half the mother I think she is, she’s going to have other mothers in her building checking on you frequently, bringing you food, and talking about their single niece, who really has a great personality.

Bolt the doors, Neilochka, and don’t let them in no matter how good the potato latkes smell.

hehheh. I think this went pretty well…you know, considering the whole Mother’s Day incident and all.

A free place to stay by yourself in New York? It sounds perfect.

John — Oops, I still haven’t mailed that mother’s day card. I suck.

Finn — You love NY, right? At least this won’t happen with my mother away — http://www.citizenofthemonth.com/2008/04/27/a-five-minute-long-wild-sex-comedy/

Nat — I once went on one of these cruises down to Mexico. I don’t remember Mexico. But I remember the food on the cruise. I just hope she gets one of the ships where they don’t poison everyone.

You should go with her to Alaska and hang out with me!

PS. Tell her to pack her bagels. There are only like 3 jews there.

180 — Oh right, you are from alaska. Should my mother stop by your mother and say hello?

I’m leaving on Thursday! She can say hi to me. I don’t know if she is going up that far North though.

I could totally see you on a cruise- hanging out with a bunch of geriatrics, telling jokes and making all the ladies laugh.

Lying on your blog doesn’t make you the next James Frey, you know. You have to wait for The Smoking Gun to expose you.

Oh, I think this is better! You will be forced to be alone and get yourself together a bit.

Real bagels…how I miss them.

Enjoy the alone time - it can be vastly restorative.

I think it’s special you tell the blogworld BEFORE her..that’s nice

I forgot that Joel was Jewish.. Don’t tell your mom though that they didn’t have a temple in town…

I love creative freedom.

I’m lucky I don’t put the truth quotient on my blog!

The mom is always the last to know…
Neil, I hope you find the peace and tranquility and soul searching you are hoping for.

Yes… what she didn’t say about MDs is true. Sad, but true. I wonder what the real value of our work is…

Northern Exposure. Favorite television show of all time.

This is why I don’t give my mom the URL to my blog. Well, actually I would get in trouble with her over many more things before I got in trouble for showing up at her house uninvited. And speaking of which, I would have told you to just head north to my mom’s house but she’ll be back in a couple of weeks. But she didn’t see that offer here…

In Juneau, off the path all the cruisers take, there is an excellent bagel bakery, the Silver Bow Inn. They even boil the bagels.

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Neil Kramer is a writer in Los Angeles (well, New York now). Citizen of the Month is his blog. Make yourself at home.

Email and IM:
neilochka at yahoo dot com

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