the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

The Washing Machine — Author’s Preface

Once we were mere boys, playful and innocent, unaware of our future roles as breadwinners, caretakers, and role models for the community. 

One day, we wake up, and we are men. 

We march into adventure — we find the soft toilet seat, we save the little pigeon from a sure death.  But each time we slay a dragon, there is another one pounding on the door, breathing his hot flames of destruction against our skin, threatening our homes and loved ones.  And we must put on our armor and fight.

This is a story about a man and a washing machine. 

A washing machine is like a woman.   If handled right it gets wet and inviting, and washes away all sorrows.    But a washing machine, like a woman, is a turbulent, emotional machine.  When something goes wrong — watch out!

(continued later)

14 Comments

  1. LVGurl

    I remember that Brady Bunch episode from when I was younger. I always wondered if that could really happen, all those suds pouring out of the washer and flooding a house.

    Please report that it does?

  2. ChickyBabe

    And there’s the rub… you need to use the gentle cycle and drip dry!

  3. sassy

    Hmmm, the suspense is building…

  4. August

    Awww, I remember that episode. I always always always wanted my machine to do that but no matter how much soap I put in it, I can’t get the room to fill with bubbles.

    Um, did I miss the point?

  5. Margaret

    be brave as you embark on this oddessy

  6. wendy

    A washing machine is like a woman. If handled right it gets wet and inviting, and washes away all sorrows….

    an instant classic!!

  7. sizzle

    gee…we ARE like washing machines.

  8. V-Grrrl

    If you get a top loader, you get an agitator, and who needs an agitator? Beats things up! Wears everything out!

    Go for a front loader and it’s gentle tumble, tumble, spin, tumble, tumble, spin. So much better for the woman and the sheets.

  9. churlita

    Good luck with your womanly washer. I can’t wait to hear more.

  10. girlanddog

    I wasn’t sure whether to cringe or raise my fist in pride after reading your analogy of a woman and a washing machine. But I must say I’m intrigued…

  11. buzzgirl

    “Wet and inviting” totally made me say “eewwww!”

  12. Neil

    Buzzgirl — Didn’t you mean to write “ahhhhhh!?”

    Girlanddog — And don’t worry. I consider you such a classy chick, that I think of you as a top-of-the-line Whirlpool!

  13. MammaLoves

    I don’t think I like being compared to a squat metal box, but I’m willing to stick it out…

  14. Ariel

    Women are not machines, they are fragile flowers! Plus our moistness is seldom accompanied by suds… Tsk.

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