Citizen of the Month

the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Ask Me Any Question!

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I noticed today that a few of my favorite bloggers, including Ms. Sizzle and Karl, and Fringes, requested that their readers ask them personal questions, which they then answered on their blog. I thought this was a great way to get to know these bloggers in a more intimate way. I’m really curious to learn what questions you would ask me. Unfortunately, I’m not as patient as Ms. Sizzle, Karl, or Fringes and I don’t feel like sitting around all day answering your questions.

So, here is my idea. Go ahead and ask me a personal question. The next commenter should then answer the question for ME, as ME. After answering the question, the commenter then ask me a NEW question, to be answered in turn by the next commenter AS ME, etc.

Here is an example:

Comment 1:

Question: Neil, what is your favorite color?

Comment 2:

Neil: My favorite color is Green.

Question: Neil, have you ever been in a threesome?

I realize that most of the answers will be wrong, but what do I care? I hope you enjoy getting to know me a little bit better!

A Year Ago on Citizen of the Month: The Beechers of San Diego

65 Comments

  1. Question: ok, which is your favourite short story?
    and
    which is your favourite poem?

    and no, nursery rhymes and fairy tales not allowed.

  2. Neil: you didn’t follow the rules! I’ll only answer one question – so the answer is “The Door” – it’s now up to you to figure out which question I answered.

    Question: Neil, what is this thing stuck on the bottom of my shoe?

  3. Neil: Awww… no Little Mermaid?

    My favourite short story is “The Lottery” by Shirley Jackson.

    And my favourite poem is “somewhere i have never travelled” by e.e.cummings.

    Question: Neil, what do you really think about the color purple?

  4. Neil:I love the colour purple. It reminds me of Prince, and Prince is a man/symbol I have adored my whole life.

    Everything I own is purple, even my wife’s bathrobe is purple.

    It’s ode to the man who wears tight pants who I wish to be.

    Question: Neil, why do people stand in line so long at McDonalds trying to figure out what to order?

  5. Neil:They are struggling with the inner battle of healthy vs. orgasmically mouth-happy.

    Question: What did you most fear as a child?

  6. Neil:snakes!!! i still do.

    Question: how do you take your coffee?

  7. Neil’s Penis: I take my coffee with a red-hot big-titted babe attached to the coffee cup.

    Question: So if they made a movie about your life, who would you cast as yourself?

  8. Neil: Well George Clooney or Brad Pitt of course, but I’d have to see them in purple bathrobes.

    Question: Neil, why are we doing this?

  9. Neil: To find out how close perception and reality are.

    Question: How many fistfights have you (Neil) been in over the course of your life?

  10. Neil: One-when I was 8 and it was a fight about a girl.

    Question: When and why did you move out to LA?

  11. Neil: L.A.’s one cultural advantage – that you can make a right turn on a red light – was far too compelling.

    Question: What’s the most complex dish you ever cooked?

  12. Neil: Waldorf Salad.

    Question: Neil, what would it take for you to sleep with another man?

  13. Neil: A small non-debilitating stroke and a vat of lubricant.

    Question: Neil: Why won’t you just listen to Sophia?

  14. Neil: I’m a man, duh!

    Question: Does the carpet match the drapes?

  15. Neil: I get her voice confused with all the others in my head. Hers is the one with the Russian accent isn’t it?

    Question: What music will you take with you to the desert island?

  16. Neil: Gee, two questions to answer.

    Of course the carpet matches the drapes, they are both purple.

    I would take the soundtrack to the Curious George movie to a desert island. I love Curious George!

  17. Question: Oops. I forgot to ASK a question.

    What is your most admirable trait?

  18. Neil:That I am daring enough to actually do such a stupid post.

    Question: Did you watch American Idol this week and did you think they were too “mean” to the contestants?

  19. Neil: Yes.

    Question: Are you so addicted to blogging that you promised yourself not to read the comments until tonight, but woke up early just to see what people wrote like a crack addict needing his fix?

  20. Neil: No…i revelled in my own curiosity all day long because I have a real thing for self torture.

    Question: Have you ever been in a threesome?

  21. Question: Neil,

    Might you want to pen a screenplay? Could I work with you? 🙂

  22. Neil: Seriously? YES!

    Question: Chocolate or tuna salad?

  23. Neil:Do I have to pick between chocolate or tuna salad? Why not save time and frustration and have tuna chip cookies?

    Question: What is more heinous–Necrophilia or beastiality?

  24. Neil: Beastiality of course…the poor animal knows what’s happening.

    Question: How do you get all of your readers to do whatever you tell them to do?

  25. Neil: I pay them in sex or money.

    Question: What would you prefer sex or money?

  26. Neil: Sex. Are you kidding? I have a freaking talking penis!

    Question: How would you describe your relationship with your wife?

  27. Neil: Colorfully.

    Question: How many languages does your penis speak?

  28. Neil: 7 including Mandarin and Swahili. It’s a well educated and travelled penis.

    Question: NY or LA?

  29. Neil: 358.

    Question: Do you let you penis talk to people on the street?

  30. Neil: Dawg! Two questions again- okay, I’m game.

    LA, cause that is where my dear Sophia is.

    And no, my penis only speaks in this blog and privately to Sophia, hence the LA!

    Question: When will you quit with the seperated nonsense? You and Sophia know you are meant to be together. You, Sophia and all of us!

  31. Neil: We’re actually not separated, but one time my Penis told this hott chick we were and before I could correct him, it was me, three chicks and a 40 of High Life. What’s a guy to do!?

    Question: What’s your favorite joke?

  32. Neil: Two cannibals were eating a clown. One turns to the other and says, “This tastes funny …”

    Question: Soda or Pop?

  33. Neil: Soda. Pop is my dad.

    Question: Neil, why do airlines pass out pretzels instead of peanuts these day?

  34. Neil: It’s been shown that terrorists prefer peanuts to pretzels, so it’s an effort to cut down on terrorism on planes. Snakes, too. Snakes prefer peanuts and rats.

    Question: Do you prefer peanuts or pretzels? (And yes, this is a test to see if you are a potential terrorist. Or snake.)

  35. Neil’s penis: peanuts…come on now!

    Question: When are you going to start working on the script for your sitcom?

  36. Neil: My penis is much like a snake… A really big snake so he likes peanuts and rats. Personally, I like peanuts and pretzels. This doesn’t mean I’m part terrorist, only that I have a hard time making decisions.

    Question: Neil, if you could be any animal, which would you be?

  37. Neil: Why, a stallion, of course! My penis agrees.

    Question: Neil, what was your most embarrassing moment as a child or teenager?

  38. Neil: Most embarrassing? That would be age eleven.

    Question: You are so witty – were you always this way?

  39. Neil: Witty? Do penises talk?

    Question: What did you dream of last night?

  40. Neil: A talking vagina.

    Question: Favorite IHOP menu selection: Rutti Tutti Fresh & Fruity, stuffed French Toast Combo, or Grilled Liver?

  41. Neil: Grilled liver with a nice box of the Franzia.

    Question: To trim or not to trim….and I’m asking your penis.

  42. Neil’s Penis: No trimming. I like to hide in the bushes.

    Question: What’s your favorite pick-up line?

  43. Neil: You can’t spell “unique” without U-N-I (you and I).

    Question: If you had to pick one, which would it be, freeze dried vagina or freeze dried Nova?

  44. Neil: I can’t even bear to imagine a cold dry vagina. So, Nova, of course.

    Question: Tango or Salsa dancing?

  45. Neil: Neither; I prefer doing the Lambada, even if it’s out of style.

    Question: What do you consider to be your best piece of writing?

  46. Neil: That piece over there, on the desk. It’s fabulous!

    Question: Blondes or brunettes?

  47. Both of course!

    Seriously, no trimming?

  48. Neil: Trimming is for pussies.

    Question: What is black and white and read all over?

  49. oops! I meant “red” hahaha!

  50. Neil: LingLing the Panda during her time of the month.

    Question: I’ve read somewhere that menses is chock full of stem cells. How would you go about collecting them?

  51. Neil: Why in a centrafuge of course. i’m all for stem cell research…and I am a Real man..The word MENSES doesn’t creep me out one bit. Nice try though!

    Question: Do you sometimes feel like a puppet master? Are you a power freak?

  52. Mwah-ha-ha-ha!! I am the master of my own domain! Let the ground quiver when faced with my… my… uh… hmm. (ahem) next question, please.

    Neil, where do babies come from?

  53. Neil: Why from China and Africa, of course! Just ask Angelina and Madge…

    Question: What type of parasite would you prefer? A parasitic twin living inside you, or a Botfly?

  54. Neil: Definitely the parasitic twin; at least it’s mostly ME. Any animal tat burrows into me makes me throw up in my mouth.

    Question: Why do birds suddenly appear, every time you are near?

  55. Neil: I was going for the Batman look but somehow the spell got all mixed up and I got black birds 4 and 20. Look closely and sometimes a pie comes out of the sky too.

    Question: What’s love got to do with it?

  56. Neil’s Penis: I really don’t care about love as long as I’m getting some. Of course, I will use the L-word if it means I will get some.

    Question: What’s the meaning of life?

  57. Neil: Circus Peanuts. You know those orange floppy pieces of weirdly shaped peanut like candies. Yup, Circus Peanuts people.

    Question: What’s the deal with you and Sophia? Are you divorced or back together? Or what is the story?

  58. Neil: Oh, it’s just so complicated. I wish I knew. I feel as though I’m going with the flow of a flash flood, sometimes, trying to keep my head above the water.

    Question: How many roads must a man walk down?

  59. Neil: Is this a euphemism for “How many women must a man sleep with before he becomes a MAN?” If so, I hope the answer is 1.5, because that’s my record so far.

    Question: What is it about Karla from karlababble.com that has you so obsessed about her?

  60. Neil: Her adam’s apple.

    Question: Have you always been a dude?

  61. No, I used to be THE MAN, but then I moved to LA.

    What do you think of Birkenstocks?

  62. Neil: I saw this cute girl working at Starbuck’s wearing Birkenstocks so now I have them too and maybe when I order my soy latte, she’ll ask me out.

    Question: Do you ever think of moving back to NY?

  63. Only if I can drive cross-country in a Prius with my iPod and a few boxes of John Updike.

    Question: Neil’s Penis, have you ever used Viagra?

  64. Neil’s Penis: Schhhaaaa…me? Neil might need some every once in a while, but I sure don’t.

    Question: How are your biceps doing these days, Neil?

  65. i’m so glad i didn’t participate. for a joiner, it was hard for me to refrain but now i see the benefits. 😉

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