the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

If I Can’t Have Barbra…

Do you ever find yourself choosing the same type of woman or man over and over again, even though you know it means trouble?  I always hear of a woman dating a jerk, then breaking up with him to start dating another jerk.  Or a man who chooses a woman who breaks his heart, only for him to start a relationship with a second woman who doesn’t want a serious relationship. 

After some fellow bloggers told me that I need to get over my infatuation with Barbara Streisand (she’s taken!), I became very depressed.   Look how sexy she is!


But I decided to be proactive.  I put on my best clothes and went to my local synagogue for a singles’ event.  While I was there, I started talking with Naomi, the rabbi’s eldest daughter.  I found myself strangely attracted to her, in a Barbra Steisand way — I don’t know why…

(image via Koganuts)


  1. Josia

    OY, OY, OY, now you’ve crossed the line Neil – by the way the Israeli chicks are waiting for visuals … a recent photo of you & Sophia would be nice.

  2. M.A.

    What synagogue were you at Neil? Beth Vegas?

    (Yes! An attempt at humor!)

  3. TWM

    Hmmm, make her a brunette and you got the perfect gal.

  4. sunshine

    Wait, is that the picture you took of her during dessert? Your hands were so busy with the camera that she decided to grab her own breasts.

  5. Tuck

    Sigh….yet another porn blog 🙂

  6. anonymous city girl

    And we learn that Neil is a breast man.

  7. introspectre

    Eh. Barbara has more class in her little finger.
    I approve of the infatuation. Pooh-pooh the naysayers! At least until she takes out a restraining order against you.

  8. True Jersey Girl

    Yeah, but I am sure THAT girl’s boobs are real. Barbra’s? In question.

  9. lizriz

    Sorry to get all serious on your funny blog entry, but people unconsciously seek out partners to teach them life lessons. We repeat patterns until we learn and break the pattern. The extreme example is someone who was abused as a child growing up to date abusers until the day they stand up for themselves.

    Apparently, when we finally break all our patterns and learn our lessons we then stay single for freakin’ years. Or maybe that’s just me. 😀

  10. kristine

    i hate when i’m unconsciously seeking mates. it’s really embarrassing.

  11. Claven

    And being a boob guy in LA, they gotta be big and fake for Neil. It pains me to say this, but I see this as an improvement over Barbra.

  12. lizriz

    You know what? I need a blog entry on why fake breasts would ever be appealing? And beyond that, it’s hard to imagine how any woman who gets extreme sexual pleasure from her breasts would ever let a surgeon touch them for cosmetic reasons. I’m just saying…

  13. Neil

    I don’t know where you’re getting all this boob stuff from. The similarity between the two women is that they both attended Beis Yakov School in Brooklyn.

    Oh, by the way, it’s the hands on the breasts that are supposed to be funny, not the boobs themselves! Jeez, I spent an hour looking for a photo like that, and no one even noticed!

    And Lizriz, I agree with both of your more serious statements. I’m glad that I have at least one reader who’s analytical and wise. Now for the rest of you — stop saying that Barbra’s are fake! They are not!!! They were specifically selected by God himself.

  14. Edgy Mama

    Keep it rolling, Neil…she does seem rather pleased with her mammaries.

  15. lizriz

    She’s got her hands on her breasts???

    Oh, yeah, I missed that somehow… must have been distracted by something else…


  16. sunshine

    Now, wait a minute. I specifically noticed that she was using her hands to grab her breasts during dessert. Credit where credit is due….

  17. Neil

    My apologies, Sunshine.

  18. Brooke

    She doesn’t look Jewish to me.

  19. cruisin-mom

    Oh, she looks Jewish alright. Take it from this Jewish woman, we all look alike.

  20. Neil

    You never know, Brooke. Does Barbra?

  21. Jack

    FWIW, real is preferable to fake.

  22. amanda

    oh lord, is that really the rabbi’s daughter? am i gullible? haha…and since when does babs don lingerie on screen? this is a testament to the notion that “jewish sexy” is a quality unto itself. 🙂

  23. Megan

    That picture makes me think that I need to fondle myself more often. She looks so happy and content.

  24. The Moviequill

    look at those babbsies!

  25. modigli

    I want a cute little camisole like the one Barbra is wearing. She looks awful cute! ….. the other one, well, she kinda looks like a ‘ho! 😉

  26. Helena

    I move that babbsies be the new official word for breasts.

    I’m impressed you managed to find a photo that so closely resembled the one of Barbra. Even the choker is simulated.

    Kudos! Or whatever you say in Yiddish that means, Kudos!

  27. cruisin-mom

    Helena, the term is Mazel Tov, or in this case…Mazel Tov on the Babbsies.

  28. susan


    but i can’t say i agree with you about streisand. she high maintenance boy!
    i just want her to shut her mouth. but she *was* really cute and endearing in “meet the fockers”–a horrid movie.

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