the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Our Genitalia are our Friends


I kvetched about my current man cold on Facebook, and how I was stuck in bed sick, and then felt embarrassed about it. What kind of wimpy image am I presenting to others? So, I updated my status and said that I wasn’t going to be a “pussy” anymore. I was going to get out of bed, go to the Chinese restaurant, and get myself some soup. I didn’t need NO WOMAN to take care of me when I have a cold.

The comments were supportive, but one online friend, Maddie, had this to say —

While not offended I often wonder why being weak is associated with the word “pussy”… which of course is slang for female genitalia… I mean if anything that word should be a sign of strength… not many things can push out a 8-11 pound little human and be ready for use again a couple of days/weeks later!”

He comment blew me away. She was right! I immediately apologized and said I would never use the word “pussy” as a synonym for weakness again. After all, it is woman, not the man, who pushes past the cold and doesn’t cry over a few sniffles. It is the woman who is usually the stronger sex, juggling work and family. Besides, what man in his right mind wants to associate the word “pussy” with a negative trait? Is there anything more gorgeous than a woman’s Holy Grail? Men bow before a woman’s pussy. Men have launched a thousand ships for a woman’s pussy. The most ardent atheist has yelled “Thank you, God Almighty,” when his dreams of a woman’s pussy come true.

Pussies are beautiful and strong. Pussies are LIFE.

When someone holds the door for me when I walk into a supermarket and gives me a smile that warms the very center of my soul, I should be able to say “You, kind soul, are a Pussy,” and both of us understand it as the ultimate compliment of gratitude.

Pussies rock, and we should stop using this word as an expression of weakness or incompetence.


But let’s turn to a more controversial subject — and his name is Dick. We all agree that pussy represents goodness and Life. So why do we continue to continue to associate “dick” with the most vilest of human beings. If a guy is arrogant, he is a dick. If he a cheat, a two-timer, a philanderer, obnoxious, a back-stabber, or just plain unpleasant — we think of him as a dick. Javet in Les Miserable is a dick. That crazy anti-gay pastor is a dick. Lance Armstrong was a dick. Why such hatred for the poor Dick? Isn’t he important too? Why not off-Broadway shows for him on Valentine’s Day?

Much like the female genitalia, the male version is an amazing work of heavenly architecture. It grows. It moves. It does tricks. It impregnates. There are a million dildos and sex toys on the market, but most women would still prefer the human dick. Just like the pussy, the dick SHOULD represent love and affection and procreation — everything that makes life worthwhile.

If we want our boys to grow up to be respectful and loving, especially when it comes to their relationships with women, why continue to see their sex organs as aggressive and hateful jerks rather than George Clooney-types — fun-loving, happy-go-lucky and extremely handsome gifts from Mother Nature?

Let’s embrace our genitalia and see them as friends. Let’s turn our pussies and dicks from insults into expressions of joy and love!

“Thank you, for holding the door for me. You are a real pussy.”

“Oh, no problem. I love that shirt you wearing. It makes you look like a total dick.”

“Really, I’m glad you like it. I bought it at Nordstrom’s, you asshole.”

“Oh, really. They have such nice stuff. Have a nice day, you fucker.”

Now imagine that as beautiful. That is the world I want to live in.


  1. Redneck Mommy

    I think I need to huff more cold medication to fully appreciate this post. That or get laid.

  2. abigail.road

    This is the best thing I’ve read on the internet all day!

  3. Danny

    Yiddish has a ton of derogatory terms that are synonyms for penis (shmuck, shvons, shmeckel, etc.) but I don’t think any for female genitalia. Not sure what the lesson is there…

    • Neil

      Interesting. Maybe it says something about Jewish insecurity that most of the dick terms are more about being dumb or a loser than being arrogant?

  4. Kim

    I can totally get behind this idea. Ya big dick.

  5. V-Grrrl @ Compost Studios

    I love the way your mind works.

  6. laura

    The commentary at the end is the best thing I’ve read in a while. Thank you.

  7. Kizz

    Yes, I absolutely want to live in this world you describe.

  8. MissingMolly

    Oh my God, how funny. I was just talking with my husband about this very thing the other day.

    Not only do I agree about the derogatory use of of the word pussy–and dick, too, if we’re being fair–but I’d also prefer that they not be regarded as “dirty” or “foul.” (Of course, it depends on the individual pussy/dick, doesn’t it?)

    I love this post so much I want to rub up against it. Thanks for making me smile.

  9. Linda

    I asked, “What is the male equivalent of ‘chick flick’?

    Best response…” dick flick!”

  10. Maddie

    Well holy shit… I am famous for now going the whole mile and being quoted for using the word pussy in front of the whole wide world…. I can pretty much assume that my dad is rolling in his urn at the very thought! ๐Ÿ™‚


    • Neil


  11. Jody

    Maybe it’s southern Yiddish slang but we used the term mutsy (pronounced mut-see) for pussy.

  12. A'Driane

    As a woman I found this hilariously brillant, and spot on.

    As a mother of two young boys, I found this statement “If we want our boys to grow up to be respectful and loving, especially when it comes to their relationships with women, why continue to see their sex organs as aggressive and hateful jerks rather than George Clooney-types รขโ‚ฌโ€ fun-loving, happy-go-lucky and extremely handsome gifts from Mother Nature?” to be enlightening.

  13. Megan

    Clearly you are a visionary. And a total dick.

  14. kevin

    You sir, are a giant pussy and a marvelous dick.

    Also. This post is fucked.


  15. Sarah Piazza

    One day later… and I’m *still* laughing!

  16. Elizabeth Aquino

    I haven’t laughed this hard in days. As I continue to recover from a vicious cold and flu, I will think of this and laugh even harder.

    Thank you.

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