Citizen of the Month

the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

How to Change Multitask Into Milkshake In Three Easy Steps

One of the changes I want to make with my blog in 2011 is to use it more as a tool to help other online writers improve their workflow.  As my circle of influential bloggers has grown, I have noticed that many of these important writers eschew the personal as limiting, focusing instead on the essential business and management tips that we all need to succeed.

While I realize that there are plenty of other blogs out there where you can learn “how to get things done,”  I think I offer different because of my unique background.   Rather than coming from a business school or the marketing world, I was an English major in college.   As a certified expert in that field, I can share with you some very specific techniques that I learned during my studies.

Today I’m going to show you how to use these techniques to help you handle some of stress in your life.  We all have too much on our agendas — work, family, community, etc!  We are overloaded with information and chores, stretched beyond our natural ability to multitask.

The word “multitask” has become our nemesis.

Before you can handle any problem using my “English Major Technique of Personal Change,” you must first write it down!  While you can do this on the computer, on programs such as Microsoft Word or Notepad, I prefer using an old-fashioned pen and paper.  I stock up on those black and white composition notebooks that you once used in grade school.  I consider these my personal “change” journals.  You can usually pick one up at Walgreen’s.  Ask you son or daughter if they know of any special deals.

Once you have your special “English Major notebook,” it is time to write down the incriminating word —

Multitask.

This will be difficult for many of you.  Writing out that word — in your own handwriting — will give you anxiety.  Your brain will start reacting.  “Fight or flight” will be your natural response.  You will suddenly want to vacuum the carpet, anything to avoid writing down this one word.

But don’t give up yet.  We are going to transform this negative “multitask” into the positive “milkshake” in three easy steps, using nothing but the two basic elements of my chosen profession — letters and words.

Multitask.

Step 1: Scramble the word, while exchanging the vowel “u” for the vowel “e.”  You should be left with something looking like this —

Milkstate

Don’t be concerned about the meaning of the new word.  It is not important at this time.  I’m sure it means something.

Step 2: Repeat this “letter exchange” formula a second time, this time changing the second “t” into a “k,” until you are left with  —

Milkstake

I am pretty sure this is not a real word, but again  — don’t be concerned yet.  It is part of the process.

Step 3: This is the final step.  By now you should feel confident enough to figure out the next step yourself.

Do you see it?

Yes!  I knew you would.  I told you this was going to be simple.

Just eliminate the other “t,” exchanging it with an “h.”  Your final result is —

Milkshake

And there you have it.

By using the powerful tools of the English language, you can finally get a handle on all the stress in your life.  In three easy steps you went from anxiety-producing “multitask” to a fun “milkshake!”  Go ahead, make the milkshake any flavor you want!

What flavor is YOUR milkshake?

Come back tomorrow as we learn advanced “English Major” management techniques, such as one I’m sure everyone will appreciate — how to transform “email inbox” into “a sexy lover” in ten easy steps!

12 Comments

  1. As a fellow college English studier/person, I consider myself a milkstakeholder in your new endeavor.

  2. I can’t help but want to make a reference to “all the boys in the yard” right now.

  3. I am wondering if your “English Major Techniques for Personal Change” can translate over to “Accounting Major techniques for personal finances.”?

  4. Request: Pile Of Dirty Dishes changed into Maid… or something easier like Sexy Cabana Boy .

  5. But can you turn “blogging” into “money”?

  6. Think what you do with a computer science degree.

  7. Milkstate – Wisconsin, prior to the Curdle

    Milkstake – Tool needed to kill a vampire cow

    I should have been an English major, eh?

  8. Milkshake.

    My flavor is….whatever doesn’t get my butt whooped.

    The first time I had a milkshake after I moved to the US, I was just learning to read and saw on the side of the cup that it said “Pitch In.” It was a reminder not to litter, but I thought I was supposed to pitch my straw in rapidly over and over again. Some sort of American thing, I guessed. I found out the hard way that if you keep on jabbing a straw into a paper cup, a hole will eventually form at the bottom and spill milkshake all over your parents’ brand new car. Then, your parents spank you.

  9. Multitasking makes us stupid. Milkshakes make us happy. Selah.

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