the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

The Inconsiderate Breastfeeding Woman

I’m writing this as a quick post in a local coffee shop because I’ve always wanted to get involved in one of those “breastfeeding in public” blogging debates, but I never felt qualified. I’m not a woman, and I rarely encounter women who I don’t know breastfeeding. But RIGHT NOW, at this very instance, as I type these words, there is a woman breastfeeding her baby in the coffee shop, no more than two feet from me. I am facing her. If I peer over the top of the laptop, this mother and child are right there… in my face. The mother is using some sort of paisley shawl covering her breast-feeding baby, but I think I got a teeny-tiny glimpse of something — not sure if it is her full breast or a white coffee mug.

Now, the question remains — as a full-blooded man — how am I dealing with this situation? Can I concentrate on my work? Am I distracted by this PDOBF (public display of breastfeeding)?

If I can be honest, I am finding this experience extremely unsettling, and I cannot look away. The problem is less the baby or the breast, but the bagel and cream cheese sitting on the woman’s table. Feeding the baby seems to require both of her hands — one to hold the baby and the other the shawl. Because breast-feeding is a two-hand operation, she is unable to eat her own bagel! So her bagel sits on a white plate, on the table, just waiting.

I stare at that bagel and cream cheese. I ogle it. Will she ever get a chance to eat it? She’s been feeding her baby for ten minutes already. How much does this baby need? The bagel is an “everything” bagel – the last one left at the front counter. I probably could swipe that bagel and run, and she would be unable to stop me, seeing that she is stuck with a baby at her breast. And hopefully, she would have postpartum depression, so she would be too depressed to chase me down the block.

This is all very uncomfortable. Please, women. If you ARE going to breastfeed in public, do not order your bagels with cream cheese until you’re FINISHED feeding your baby. I understand you have “rights” to do what you want, but when I think about those two round, juicy mounds of goodness, I can’t control myself. I want them in my mouth NOW! I’m sorry to sound crude, but bagels with cream cheese are meant to be eaten and enjoyed, not displayed for everyone to see, tempting the weak. Be considerate!

Now I’m stuck having to order a plain bagel.


  1. Rattling the Kettle

    Hilarious, Neil.

    The obvious solution is that you should have walked over there and offered to cut her bagel into small pieces for her so she can eat while nursing her child.

  2. palinode

    What you should do is just pick up the bagel and lick the cream cheese from it, all the while maintaining eye contact with the woman. Then demand money.

  3. Finn

    How inconsiderate. What she needs is one of these:

    • Neil

      Someone should invent a robotic sling, like a breast-feeding Roomba, so that you can feed the baby with your breast, but still allow you to have your hands free so you can continue to eat a bagel, or go on Twitter.

    • Yuliya

      Uh oh someone missed the point…can I have HIS bagel?

  4. Kim @ Beautiful Wreck

    That woman is disgusting! How dare she leave that bagel unattended!!! What she needs is a sling and a hooter hider.

  5. drlori71

    I bottle fed both my kids, thus, my bagels were never neglected.

    • Crunchymama

      I breastfeed and my food is never neglected…perhaps she just wasn’t hungry yet! πŸ˜‰

  6. Lotus / Sarcastic Mom

    She could probably eat the bagel while nursing if she really wanted to. She’s just doing all of this to offend you. There is no other reason.

  7. Beck

    THIS is why I had a bunch of kids – when I was breastfeeding whatever baby I was breastfeeding at the moment, the older sibling could feed ME. In theory. In reality, strange men were always stealing my bagels in coffee shops.

  8. beth aka confusedhomemaker

    Here, Here! *Standing up to applaud*

    I always managed to eat my bagel & other assorted goods while breastfeeding. I mean come on! It’s called multi-tasking.

  9. kittenpie

    I’m sure she whipped that bagel out in public just to make people uncomfortable and dare them to say anything so she could rail on about her rights. Crazy bagel savers will stop at nothing to make a point of their right to bare their baked goods.

    • Sarah

      So true!

  10. Poor fish girl

    I can see where a neglected Everything bagel (with cream cheese) would get you hot and bothered. I’d be a little shaken, too.

  11. ann's rants

    This made me laugh. Hard.

  12. Malia

    To hell with the shawl, I would be eating the bagel.

  13. Amy @ Ess Eppis

    I had a friend who was a breastfeeding ninja! She would wrap the corner of a blanket around her tank top shoulder (she always had one under her shirt) and swoop the baby under the blanket and with one hand do whatever mom’s do to get the feeding going… and then she had one free hand to continue to eat or read or whatever she was doing. She would do it all so quick and smooth, you could barely notice what she was doing.

    • Laurabeth

      I want to be a breastfeeding ninja! Are there classes you can take?

  14. Cole

    I just stumbled across this post through a tweet and will be following you now – hysterical! (Also, Mommy is not positive she’s feed me before enjoying her delicious bagel.)

  15. Hippo Brigade

    Wow. This post is magical.

  16. Beth

    You are a funny, funny man. I would ha e been shaken and disturbed by the uneaten bagel, too. Imagine trying to tempt you. What a hussy!

  17. peach

    i started reading this post thinking, “oh, great, now i have to respond with a bitchy remark defending breast feeding in public”….thankfully i got a laugh out of it instead.

  18. Lauren

    Neil, this is one of the funniest posts I have read in a long time. The title had me thinking, oh shit, Neil’s written a post that sits in my newly created motherly humor blindspot (i.e. things that I used to find funny now enrage me because a person came out of my crotch) which means I will have to secretly despise him.

    I miss good bagels. One of the biggest sacrifices of moving to europe.

    • Diana

      “in my newly created motherly humor blindspot (i.e. things that I used to find funny now enrage me because a person came out of my crotch)”

      Comment of the year!!! Right there.

      • Bridget

        Amen! Hilarious!

        • Jillian

          I am fairly certain that I will steal that and work it in as regularly as possible (I wish that is wasn’t necessary, but since people in my life keep reproducing, it seems to be)…..with or without proper attribution, just fyi. Thanks!

      • The Leaky B@@b

        I have to agree, and it’s so true!

    • Jack

      Damn, can’t let my daughter see that crotch comment as she is convinced that men don’t have one. But I digress.

      Neil, the solution to your problem is simple. Tell her that they have run out of milk to put in your coffee and ask if you can borrow some. That should make for a great story.

  19. Beckie

    This was hilarious.

    I just wanted to comment because I know how hurt you get when you don’t get adequate comments on a good post. πŸ˜‰

  20. carrien (she laughs at the days)

    I’m with Malia, I would be eating the bagel. But not because I’m trying to be considerate. What kind of mother of 4 actually has the time to eat bagels unless she shoves them frantically into her mouth with one hand while her child nurses? I have to do that so my 3 older children don’t eat it before I can because unlike you Neil, they don’t have any restraint when it comes to creamy mounds of goodness. They’ve had them before and think they ought to be able to have them whenever they want now.

  21. Claire

    Now you have a breastfeeding friend. Your African-American friend will be proud.

  22. Titanium

    All very excellent reasons why I bottle-fed my ten pound baby from the get-go. Jeeeebus. A neglected everything-bagel? That’s pure sacrilege.

    Thanks for the morning laugh! Needed that today…

    • rachnkids

      You are an idiot.

    • renee

      um, you kind of missed the point.

    • Penny

      Poor baby :o(

  23. Memarie Lane

    Yeah, this is obviously a first time mom. When I had my first I needed not only both hands, but pillows all over the place for support. Now with the third I laugh at hooter hiders. I think they’re the most ridiculous things ever. If you just lift up your shirt no one will even notice. IF you use a hooter hider everyone stops and stares and wonders aloud why this woman is getting a hair cut in such an odd place.

    • Jenns

      Agreed! With baby number two the hooter hider, a shawl, or any kind of cover seems ridiculous. I am a fan of the nursing tank top though, no need to pull the shirt up or down and plenty of coverage for the more shy mother. At this point I could walk around with a kid on the boob while eating an ice cream cone and no one would notice. Who cares what anyone thinks or sees? Eat your bagel.

  24. Bri

    As a former breast feeding mamma, and an everything bagel with cream cheese LOVER, I feel an overwhelming need to post this shit of FB.

    Awesome post Neil.

  25. Julie @ The Mom Slant

    Must be her first child. By the third, I was preparing ten course meals while breastfeeding.

  26. Christie Haskell

    Yet another argument for not using a cover. If she didn’t feel obligated to hold up that shawl, you wouldn’t have been struggling with this display.

  27. Diana

    My god I love you Neil. But I agree with Palinode. That is PRECISELY what you should do. And then? Call me from jail.

  28. Sage

    i was shopping in the grocery store and came face to face with a woman breastfeeding with her boob in full view. She was standing beside something I wanted to purchase and was not keen on moving. Surely she could find a better place to breastfeed as this was very uncomfortable reaching for the can of spaghetti sauce and trying not to get too close. I’m not against breastfeeding in public spaces but subways,grocery stores and full boob views are not cool.

    • April

      I’m sure an “excuse me” would have sufficed.

    • Penny

      Isn’t it wonderful that it doesn’t matter where you think its “cool” to feed our babies. Like the pp said I’m sure and excuse me would have made it much easier on you. It’s a breast get over it!

    • Sarcasm

      You are an idiot. On so many levels

  29. Dispelling Breastfeeding Myths

    Thanks for the laugh – have shared!

  30. Kim

    As a mom that has breast fed 4 kids, Thank you for the laugh. Take pity on the poor breast feeding noob. Maybe it is her first child and she has yet to figure out one handed feeding and is staring at her bagel with the same wanton desire that you are. Being on my 4th breast feeding child I can do pretty much anything one handed without missing a beat.

  31. Warner aka ntsc

    I can understand proper restraint if it was plain cream cheese, but was there lox involved?

  32. Juli Ryan

    There is no hunger like the hunger of a breastfeeding mother. If you value your life, stay away from the bagel.

    • Allie

      So true, so true!

    • Lindsey

      She’s not wrong.

    • Quenelle

      Never a truer word spoken. I don’t know what an everything bagel is (I’m English) but as a breastfeeding mother I want it right now and I’m prepared to break your legs to get to it before you.

      BTW it’s my first baby: I can do it one-handed, and I have never worn one of those flowery toilet tents.

    • Rusti

      I’ve only got one, and I breastfed for 13.5 months – this is SOOO true. Also – I used one of those silly covers, and also – it took me less than a week to figure out how to eat while nursing, if nothing else πŸ˜‰

  33. Dnee

    The nerve of some people! I not only made myself master the art of one armed nursing, I even learned to be an ambidextrous chopstick user to avoid the risk of having my sesame chicken ogled at Chinese restaurants.3

  34. Alissa

    I still haven’t quite mastered the breastfeeding in public thing, but I can certainly multi-task when I’m not worried about exposing myself. However, my daughter has proven to be THE LOUDEST eater ever, so even if I use a hooter hider, there is no question as to what I’m doing! Great post Neil, made me laugh and I shared it! I hope the people I shared it to didn’t leave you the nasty comment πŸ™ Love your sense of humor my friend.

  35. hokgardner

    The woman is obviously a rookie. By the time I finished with nursing my fourth child, I could nurse and change child #3’s diaper without missing a beat. I never had to leave bagels out in public, tempting others around me.

  36. Adrienne

    A succulent, cream-cheesed everything bagel, on display, where just any old person could see it!

    I am aghast.

    That woman better get a clue and take a thing like that to the bathroom where it won’t bother anyone.

    Some people just have no sense of decency!

  37. Varda (SquashedMom)

    I had twins, babe. Try nursing those and feeding yourself – impossible! My dear husband would get me milkshakes with a straw & hold them for me. I guess he could’ve put a bagel & cream cheese in a blender set to puree, but somehow I think that would be missing the satisfying bagelness of it all.

    OK now you’ve got me thinking about everything bagels AND milkshakes. Fuck. I’m hungry. Going out to Barney Greengrass now. See what you made me do?

  38. Zahra

    What I don’t understand is why the baby didn’t try to swipe the bagel. Breast milk and an everything bagel, a complete breakfast.

  39. themomsmith

    It’s pretty obvious that she wasn’t eating it on purpose so that someone sexy like you would offer to feed it to her. You totally misread this one. Better luck next time.

  40. Zoeyjane

    I was a no-hands person, by the second month. Which allowed me to make and eat the most awesome potato soup, ever. Bagels might be a tease, but good soup puts out. Especially when you’re starving and cold, and there’s a baby attached to you.

  41. Trish Smith

    Oh hon, the day I couldn’t flatten the ass of a bagel-nabber, WHILE breast-feeding my 11-pounds-at-birth-child (which I did for almost two years – the breast-feeding, not the nabbing) would have been the day I’d have to hand over my woman card.

    Don’t fuck with a new momma’s carbs, yo.

  42. Forgotten

    OMG! I loves you so much right now! You have me almost crying from laughing so hard! I needed that.

    I agree with the other commenters who said she must me a noob because I have done some amazing things while feeding my girl. Of course, she and I have 18 months of practice and I don’t even worry about a hooter hider. You totally should have offered to feed it to her. She would have either thanked you or bit your arm off for touching her bagel.

    Good luck next time!

  43. Jack

    If I was breast feeding I’d want to be able to squirt people in the eye. Stare to hard and bam! An eyeful of breast milk. That ought to teach them.

  44. Barnmaven

    But is is OK to breastfeed my baby while something less appetizing, say a plate of Tofurkey with a side of Brussels Sprout sits on the table in front of me?

  45. sweetsalty kate

    That new mother is simply unpracticed and uninformed. All she needs is duct tape.

  46. TheFeministBreeder

    Simply solution – if you’d have offered to hold the baby to her breast so she could eat, she probably would have rewarded you with at least half that Everything bagel. Us nursing moms are suckers for chivalrous breastfeeding support. Next time you know.

  47. Jillian

    I think snatching the bagel and runnning could have been more dangerous than you may have expected. I’ve seen the postpartum thing swing both directions. She may have been to blue to chase you down, but she very well could have pounced on you like a hungry lion and ripped you to limb from limb. Law of the jungle man. Only the strong survive.

  48. wendy @ABCs and Garden Peas

    Everyone knows that breastfeeding is a good way to lose the baby weight. What everyone does not know is that the reason behind the weight loss is not the nursing itself, but the inability to ever actually get any food into your mouth.

    I bet she really wants to eat that bagel.

    Thanks for a lighthearted post. (Oh, and I am proud to say I, too, have mastered the diaper change and/or cooking/eating dinner while nursing phenomenon. Yay!)

  49. Desiree Fawn

    Heh, thanks for the mid-afternoon giggle πŸ˜‰

  50. Mamie

    See, this is why I didn’t bother to breastfeed the twins. I went the pumping route and got this obscenely sexy ‘hands free’ corset that held the Breast pump sucker things in place while I was milked like a heifer and had two free hands to browse the internets. I fondly remember these minutes because it was the only moments that my two hands were free in those early days.

  51. Missives From Suburbia

    I’m offended, Neil. This is discrimination, pure and simple. What’s wrong with a good, old-fashioned plain bagel? Hmm? Or how about an egg bagel? Why cream cheese? Why not eggs and chives? I don’t know what to say. I’m disgusted. I have a good mind to organize a nationwide bagel-in just to make a statement.

  52. Abbie

    I’m breastfeeding RIGHT NOW while drinking water, eating crackers and commenting on your post. You’re not fast enough to steal MY bagel.

  53. Sondra

    Thanks for the laugh today, Neil. I so needed that.

  54. Sarah Auerswald

    I can send you a bagel if you’re still hungry. Let me know.

  55. Karianna

    I. Love. This.

    Thanks for the giggle.

  56. Beckie Tetrault

    LMAO! I have so been that poor mom with no hands to eat my bagel..

  57. The Leaky B@@b

    I’m glad I stopped by, I appreciated the chuckle. Thanks!

  58. Yuliya

    I’ve been reading you for a while now thanks to Vicki Boykis but HAD to comment on this post..awesome job, thank you!

  59. Sheila

    Hilarious! I remember in the early days of breastfeeding, the baby would always fall asleep in my arms. I wouldn’t dare move for fear of disturbing the long-awaited nap, but I was always starving and parched, and of COURSE my glass of water and stack of cookies was always just–out of–reach. Man did I want those cookies. God help me, I lusted!

    I second the suggestion that you should have fed her the bagel. Maybe she would have let you have a bite for your kindness. πŸ˜‰

  60. Trish


  61. Jenny

    Well I am a pregnant breastfeeding mom and that is the perfect storm for getting HUNGRY. If you stole my bagel I would definitely get up and chase you. I’m pretty experienced at breastfeeding so I could probably do it without breaking the latch. Or if my husband were there he would chase you. But it’s a moot point anyway because I can breastfeed with one hand, sometimes less, and the bagel would’ve been eaten already.

    I don’t know what an “everything” bagel is exactly, but it sounds really, really good.

  62. Mama Kalila

    ROFL – This was great… Although if it’d been me, I’d have been feeding my babe and eating the bagel… Mmm that sounds good.

  63. Sherry Carr-Smith

    She must not have been BFing very long, or she could be feeding and eating at the same time. Then she wouldn’t be sitting there, showing you all her bagel business. I’m sorry you had to see that.

  64. Sarah

    This was hilarious. Thank you so much for pointing out the utter ridiculousness of people being appalled by public breast feeding. Will definitely be sharing this!

  65. designHer Momma

    Dude, you don’t know how awesome you are. Or maybe you do….
    Love this!

  66. Ashley

    i’m breastfeeding my baby right now while reading books to my toddler, drinking water and having a bagel you’re definitely too slow to snatch my bagel. You’re also pathetic because you have no idea what the heck you’re talking about when it comes to breastfeeding. Why is that I wonder, oh i know cuz you’re ignorant and a pathetic man who has no respect for women or the fact that babies do infact need to eat. and yes sometimes babies take 10 minutes to eat if the mom was starving and needed a bite of her bagel I’m sure she would have taken one.

    • Heidi

      I hope you meant the latter part of this comment satirically…as the original post is completely a satire of the kind of man that you’re talking about.

    • may

      Ashley his post was actually was actually to mean the opposite… get your humor

    • Penny

      Yikes Ashley! I don’t think you got this at all. It was meant to amuse and wasn’t anti-NIP at all.

    • Kellie

      Ashley, the post obviously went right over your head.

  67. Elizabeth

    How inconsiderated of that women to leave that bagel vulnerable! I must say I love your blog and todays just made my day! Thank you!

  68. Authentic Awakening

    We women appreciate men who can stare at a bagel more than our breasts. And if it had been me…I would have found a way to eat that bagel…breastfeeding makes you even more hungry than ever!

  69. anymommy

    So funny. Thanks for the out loud laugh this afternoon.

  70. may

    hillarious!!! Next time tell the mom it is her right to remove that paisley thing.. i can eat a 3 course meal while breastfeeding .. of course i share with my baby lol.. but the shawl was the problem breastfeeding can even be handsfree!! =D

    • Katie


  71. avocadogreta

    LOL! That was great – thanks for addressing this issue! This has happened to me before too and it’s always frustrating in public because you just know people are thinking, “the food’s right in front of her, why isn’t she EATING!?!”

  72. elaida

    That’s disgusting. What if a child had walked past and seen it just hanging out there? Won’t someone think of the childrenz??

    • Ruth Anne Mak

      I think the mother was…she was feeding her child:)

  73. Brandee

    Love it!!!! A suggestion for future bagel situations: you could offer to feed her while she feeds her little one. When I was first learning to breastfeed my husband, friends, family, whoever was near were often enlisted to help me eat & drink while the babe was nursing. Keep on writing!

    • Mary J

      You breastfed your husband?!

      • sweetsalty kate

        I only breastfeed my husband if he cries for at least ten minutes first. Then again, that’s just me. I believe in the Ferber method.

        • Rusti

          LOL!!! <3 it

        • Rusti

          LOL!! <3 it

  74. Emily

    A very outspoken proponent of public breastfeeding over here ROFL!

  75. Johnnie

    Elaida: Children shouldn’t refrain from watching a child breastfeed. On the contrary, we should instill at an early age that the breast is for feeding our babies. That there is nothing bad, gross or disrespectful about it. I don’t think most children would find it strange, I think they’d be curious and think it’s cool!

    Thank you for this post. I’m a breastfeeding momma and I’ve had my fair share of letting my food get cold or hard before I can eat.

    • Ironica

      I think Elaida meant the bagel! There are children starving in Africa, can’t let our kids here see food wasted!

      And shame on this mom. It’s one thing to nurse your baby in public, quite another to flaunt courtesy. Couldn’t she have put a NAPKIN over the bagel? I mean, geez, what’s this world coming to?

    • the lady behind u

      here here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  76. Heather

    OMG, a man who finally understands the plight of the hungry, hands-full mother. Thank goodness my children are weaned and I can once again eat my bagels while they’re still hot.

  77. Nicole

    You jerk. It’s disgusting slobs like you that make women feel weird about doing normal, natural things like eating bagels. Drooling over our bagels is just inappropriate and loutish.

  78. mary t

    I have some cream cheese for you—–would you like it on a bagel or on a breast? LOL

  79. Melissa

    If I wasn’t totally in love with my husband, I’d insist on marrying you. Thanks for the breath of fresh air in the NIP debate!!!

  80. Staki-Mama

    Reading this while breastfeeding baby, scrolling through the coments & fighting my toddler off my other boob, there is no way you would have gotten anywhere near my bagel!

    • the lady behind u

      this true. this why the Goddess gave us to boobies. one to feed ur baby and the other to beat the radon man off w who wants ur food!!!!!!!!

  81. Keely

    HA! I love it! And honestly, I sort of love seeing peoples comments to this too. And I suddenly REALLY want a bagel. Thanks, Neil!

  82. Ruth Anne Mak

    Well, I breastfed twins all the way up and down the Atlantic coast and in NJ and AL for a long time, and I wouldn’t let that poor lonely bagel sit there! When they got strong enough necks I would nurse them while eating, drinking, and stopping to change one’s diaper while still nursing the other. I learned to do these things because I was starving and I have always had compassion for lonely muffins and bagels, among way too many other foods. I am so glad someone else understands the plight of the lonely bagel. I’m also glad you were lusting after the big people food instead of the baby’s meal containers….lol. That was a very refreshing post to read!

  83. Luschka @ Diary of a First Child

    Oh that was a good giggle. Thank you.

  84. Kellie

    Ah, IMHO, she should just ditch the stupid shawl. I never used a cover up when breastfeeding in public. And I always got to eat MY bagel warm!

  85. Whozat

    Love this, but I am crying inside for the sad, sad state of irony in our world today.

    Can NOT believe that there are people who aren’t “getting” this.

    Also, I’m pretty sure that Elieda “gets” it, and was talking about the poor childrenz seeing the bagel.

    Geez, folks.

  86. Cherish

    After breastfeeding 3 babies, I can honestly say that I have chased down a man without breaking the latch, okay so he is only 2. But I have chased him down while breastfeeding to get my food back!
    Also, YES ditch the shawl! She must have been a newbie, modesty is gone for good after the 2nd!

    • the lady behind u

      yup or after 6 months…

  87. Elita @ Blacktating

    Hey, hey, hey, buddy, eyes up here and off my bagel, thankyouverymuch.

  88. paisley

    You are my hero. Well written.

  89. E

    You are obviously an ignorant fuck.. What you never saw a boob before? How the fuck are you supposed to feed the baby? Guess what they get hungry when your out and about, they wont wait. Breastfeeding is needed and it prevents many infant deaths. You prefer a crying baby over a bit of partial boob? Jesus christ get life!

    • Rusti

      did you plan to read this before commenting? I think you forgot to…

  90. Audrey

    Love. This is funny. To all of you that are “haten” this is suppose to be funny. Thanks for the man view on NIP. You couldnt steal my food though…id bite you, breastfeeding make me very hungry!!!

  91. Rebekah C

    This totally made my night. Thanks!!!

  92. Jenny

    Nice! I have honestly wiped a poopy bottom without breaking a latch, I would NOT let you get that bagel. And guess what, I eat most food cold. Except at work. With my hands free pump bra. Then I have two hands, to type this comment and to eat my hot food.

    Great post!

  93. Jen K

    I can solve this problem…. ditch the shawl. She only needed the second hand because obviously her baby happens to be one of those stuck up fussy pants babies that doesn’t like a cloth hanging in it’s face when it eats….go figure. Lose the shawl and she would be free to engage that scrumptious everything bagel with cream cheese.

    just in case anyone was wondering my post is riddled with sarcasm!

  94. Six Little Feet

    You made my day!! Awesome! But I can do many things while I breastfeed (before she turned into a nursing preschooler that is). I think I would for sure chase after you if you stole my bagel!!

  95. Bettina at Best for Babes

    If men could breastfeed, and if more breastfeeding advocates had a sense of humor, this post might have never have had a reason to exist. And that would be tragic. Well done. Can we hire you?

  96. Amelia

    So great to see a man’s perspective on this!
    If that were my bagel, I wouldn’t have a chance to eat it either πŸ™ My toddler would be breastfeeding with a mouthful of everything bagel and cream cheese, her fave!

  97. Amanda

    This is fabulous, thank you!

  98. OHmommy

    Nice one Neil!

  99. Our Sentiments

    I so needed this post today. Thank you so much for writing this, what a great job. Although I think this mother is pretty new, because one could eat and nurse at the same time. Or she may have been better at covering a child who does not want to be covered, then I am.

  100. Jacqie

    You are awesome!

    I’ve been blogging about the same issue but your POV just rocks my socks off. Thank you!

  101. Tuck

    1. Hmm….cream cheese….a metaphor?
    2. I need to go out invent a bagel stand/holder thingy catering to nursing moms.
    3. Now, if the baby had Mick Jagger lips (or Steven Tyler’s)…..or if the mother had extremely large nipples, you can put the bagel between them and both could munch/teethe on the bagel as needed.

    • the lady behind u

      man idk. that was just a nasty comment. u have a rite to it. but yea…

  102. Stacie

    OK, this is just too funny. And, really, how COULD someone be so cruel as to tempt you with such scrumptious bagels?

  103. Crystal Gold @ The Verve Path

    This is a hoot! thanks for the laugh and fresh addition to the conversation!!

  104. bfing mama

    at first i’m like oh great… another person, uncomfortable with nature, bashing a mom doing whats best for her baby.. but i enjoyed your humor! thx for sharing

  105. mystic_eye

    *lol* What breastfeeding mom can’t nurse and eat one handed at the same time? Heck most of us can nurse, type two handed, and drink coffee.

    • the lady behind u

      u got that rite…and i may even be able to tell u off for staring at my bagel! i mean crap i gave birth to this baby, dont i need a bagel w num num cream cheese more than anyone else???

    • Mara

      I thought breastfeeding was all about bonding with the baby, and yet they’re bragging about being able to ignore their baby when feeding, whereas a bottle feeding mom has to pay attention to their kid. Breastfeeding is no substitution for actually paying attention to your child. Moms brag about “nakking” (nursing at keyboard). Oh yay, you can do a chore AND ignore your kid and pay attention to other people AT THE SAME TIME. Impressive, from the judgmental crowd. Love your baby, not your bagel.

      • Michelle

        Are you serious? Don’t women have enough things to snipe at one another about? Please don’t turn this into a pissing match over who is a better mother – It’s a humorous blog in support of breastfeeders, not an opportunity to play the “i’m better/more loving/more dedicated/more virtuous then you are” game. Truly, truly sad.

        By the way, I Love that blog πŸ˜›

      • Corry

        Breastfeeding is a bonding moment, but in this age where mothers have so many demands and very little village to help them raise their child, occasionally juggling more than one task isn’t a compromise. Sometimes, I prefer getting some work done while he’s nursing so that we can seek another quality moment to spend together. I know other moms who watch TV or read a book. It’s hard for us WAHM and group leaders who make some sacrifices to help other parents succeed. Enjoy breastfeeding! Don’t criticize parents who don’t have the ultimately ideal circumstances to spend their time exclusively BF without multitasking the time. It may be our way of ensuring that we can spend more time with our family.

      • Erin

        Yes, breastfeeding is about bonding, but not because the mother must always be staring straight at the baby and giving it undivided attention. God made breastfeeding to be a one-handed operation for a reason… so mothers could use the other arm to eat their bagels, lol. When breastfeeding while using the other hand for something else, a mother is both meeting the needs of her child and going about daily life, a task that is important for children to see. Too often today, mothers sit and stare at their babies, expecting them to set the pace and lead the way, when the baby is really looking to YOU to see how to live life – so be an example by eating your bagel in front of your baby! Sure, it is nice to gaze into your baby’s eyes as he nurses, but you don’t have to do it 24/7 and in fact, doing so may be setting him up for the idea that life revolves around him and that he is expected to lead the way – which is an unfair expectation to place on a little child. Natural mothering is, by design, a way for the baby to fit naturally into life while getting his near-constant needs for food and closeness met – and life includes the mother eating food. Just my opinion…

      • bottle feeding mom

        Bravo! I bonded just great with my kids, and fed them by bottle! Thanks for saying something…I am tired of being judged by doing what was best for MY children(don’t get on your horse bfmoms…you don’t know my children’s medical history and reasons why OUR DR told us to bottle feed! And, quit looking down your nose at me…my 10 year old is healthy and brilliant…and bottle fed!)

        • Grace

          As a breastfeeding mom, when I first started reading this, I was in disbelief about how people can be so offended by a woman wanting to go out, yet when the baby wants to eat, it’s gotta eat! And sitting in a bathroom stall for an hour, is no way to enjoy feeding or bonding with your baby! But breastfeeding with one hand.. and eating the bagel with the other, is totally possible.. think how she feels though, wanting to wat her bagel so bad, yet having to feed the baby first, while the bagel stares at her!

          As for bottle feeding, hey there’s nothing right or wrong about breastfeeding or bottle.. as you said, you have to do what’s best for your children. I don’t look down my nose to either.. It’s your own decision, and you need to feel strongly and support what you decide to do.. it’s no one elses baby, but your own!

        • Jennifer Moeller

          You may very well have had valid reasons to bottle feed. Or, you may have gotten one of the vast majority of doctors who know literally nothing about breastfeeding and tell mothers to bottle feed because it’s easier for the doctor. “It came from my doctor” is no guarantee of validity.

        • Momma22

          How is anybody here judging you for bottle feeding your child? They’re just sharing stories about how they can do other things while breastfeeding.

          Talking about breastfeeding does not equal bashing formula-feeders.

          This is an issue, as it’s what leads women who choose to formula feed to demand that nobody talk about the superiority of breastmilk. We’re supposed to down-play the risks of formula just so we don’t make these mothers feel bad. Not reasonable, and potentially dangerous to our next generations.

          You are the one who’s judging- you’re assuming that anyone who breastfeeds is going to judge you for formula feeding. Frankly, it doesn’t matter to me whether you feed your child breastmilk or formula. You make your decisions for your family, and I make my decisions for my family.

      • Jennifer Moeller

        You’re a bitch.

  106. kiki

    ditch the shawl and there’s a hand free to eat…that’s how i gained 15lbs while nursing!!! I don’t care if my boob’s out feeding my babe…they didn’t have hooter hiders 1000, 100 or even 50 years ago!

    • You Big Boob :D

      Prove it. Modesty has been around since Adam and Eve got kicked out of the garden lady. God made them clothes to cover their nakedness. Spare the rest of us yours.

      • Annette

        And God also put eyelids on your face and your head on a neck. Close your eyes and/or turn your head – just as you certainly do when you pass a Victoria’s Secret – and spare us your rudeness!

        Actually, the proof is in the art. Look for some paintings of Mary breastfeeding Jesus, or go back earlier if the Christian thing isn’t your style. Not only are there no “hooter hiders” – they don’t even show blankets!!

      • kiki

        wow- asshole much?

        Nakedness does not have to be sexual- the human body is perfectly natural in of itself. If I have to tell you that openly breastfeeding a baby is perfectly fine with or with a “modest covering” you are the boob. I have a cover for when I have to nurse my baby in a park where drunk men hang out and play tennis- yes I live near a park like that in East Vancouver (CANADA). And thanks to uptight religious freaks like you, I skipped my nephews baptism into the Catholic Church since my breast nor my skull covered nursing cover would have been welcome.

        I have never once been told to move or cover up while nursing my baby. I have, however, been congratulated on publicly and openly nursing my baby by other nursing mothers as well as pro-breastfeeding fathers. SO BIG BOOB…A BIG FU TO YOU.

        There, I said what I’m sure many other people you have crossed with your archaic and sheltered ideas have wanted to say to you.

        good luck- glad you don’t live in my city :/ creep

        • Kerri

          I’m sorry you skipped your nephew’s baptism. I’m Catholic and I always nursed my son in church, never had a person say boo to me.

        • Jennifer Moeller

          Maybe you should sort out your “religious freaks” a little more carefully. I’ve nursed a baby in just about every Catholic Church I have ever been to. The Catholic Church is pro-breastfeeding, just look up Pope John Paul II’s comments on it. The Catholic Church has much more appreciation for the body than your standard fire-and-brimstone Evangelical churches. They tend toward that heresy (can’t remember the name) that says the body is evil and only the spirit matters. God made our bodies, they cannot be evil. God designed mothers to be pregnant and then nurse, so obviously God is pro-breastfeeding! And honestly, the ones that start spouting off about modesty and bringing up Old Testament examples… they tend to be from fundamentalist churches.

          • kiki

            I was a little hasty with my general “religious freaks’ comment- my apologies Jennifer the only one I meant to offend was “bigBoob”

            in hindsight, it probably could have been alright- my Bfing int he church, but I’ve never felt comfortable in churches anyway. I also have a 4 yr old that could never sit through an hr long mass/ baptism.

            Religious iconography has shown open breastfeeding of the Virgin Mary, and I do know from my days in Sunday school that god made the human body beautiful and without shame- so, yup, “big boob” can still suck it.

      • Jennifer Moeller

        Go re-read your Bible, dumbass. Adam and Eve made their own clothes to cover their shame after they sinned. God had nothing to do with it. In fact, when God sees that Adam is clothed, He asks, “Who told you that you were naked?” and then realizes that Adam and Eve have defied him by eating of the Tree of Knowledge. Clothing came about as a HUMAN response to shame, and shame came about because of HUMAN sin. God had nothing to do with either. God left Adam and Eve together, naked, and there was no shame or evil about it. God left them in the state which He intended them to be, and they corrupted it. THAT is when clothes came about.

      • trixx

        You just said “prove it” and followed that up with the Adam and Eve myth? Too funny!

  107. Lois adam

    OMG are you kidding . . . she is breeding you infantile type brain out of existance! This is her personal battle of the fittest! More power to her and I personally want to thank her for her bravery.

    • Carla

      I’m almost certain this is a satire mocking people who complain about women breastfeeding. He’s not actually complaining about it, if you read the whole post.

    • kiki

      thank you πŸ™‚ I’m lucky that I live in a part of North America where it isn’t uncommon to see a breast feeding a baby without a blanket covering it…it’s easier and waaaay easier to stay cool in the summer if you don’t have a blanket suffocating you or your baby. Blankets are for winter.

  108. the lady behind u

    yes! this was great. bf is great and natural and normal! now we just need this guy to write a article about dollies that come w bottles. i bf from 04 to 09 and about to pop again and of course will nurse again. but my gurls now think u feed babies w bottles. because they have gotten so many dolls over the years that come w bottles. all the cool dollies that come w a mama bfing is so pricie. i still plan on trying to get them one each before i have this baby. but yea…so thank neil…

    • Mel

      Got a great vid of my 2.5 year old boy ‘feeding’ his Baby Max and also trying to use my pump when I accidently left it within reach…my kids don’t know what a bottle is for…got to love that!

      • NursingMama

        Love the blog! Thanks for the laughs! On this comment: My little ones have always “nursed” their dolls, carried them in slings, etc. My DH was a little bothered by our then 2 y.o. son with his shirt up nursing… but as I explained it was all he knew!

    • Jocelyn

      Just throw the bottles away. Viola, a breastfeeding doll. That’s what my mom always did for us growing up, and my sister and I played LLL meeting behind the sofa. No special doll needed. My 2 y/o dd is even nursing her toys (baby dolls and stuffed Veggie Tales dolls alike).

    • Not the same Carla as above

      Just throw the bottles away (especially the ones with OJ). You don’t have to pay more for the doll that doesn’t have a bottle. Just don’t give them the bottle.

      Once your daughter sees you nursing, you won’t have an issue anyway. It doesn’t take long for them to mimic Mom.

    • bottle feeding mom

      but remember it is not right for everyone….don’t be so judgemental yourself.

      • Bfing the cancer baby

        Bottle feeding mom – could you calm down a little bit please! Nobody is attacking your decision to bottle feed by discussing how much they love breastfeeding. Nobody is arguing that there are some very valid reasons for not breastfeeding, and nobody has attacked you personally (that I’ve seen) saying that you reasons are not valid. Only you know that, not anybody else on here. The only attacks I’ve seen were from bottle feeding mothers, so stop and think for a second if that is helping your case.

        People have a right to discuss ways to normalize breastfeeding, because it is normal. Bottle feeding is artificial feeding, and I say that as a mother who at different times has had to bottle feed, so be careful of how judgmental *you* get. If you are so secure in your decision, stop getting so defensive – nobody asked you to explain yourself, and you don’t have to. Don’t worry about what anybody else thinks.

        Your reasons for bottle feeding may be for your child’s health, but please remember that the bulk of us breastfeed because it is the healthier choice for almost every baby. In my case, it is quite likely making the difference between life and death for my baby with cancer. Just because you made a different choice does not make that choice suddenly more healthy. Breastmilk is perfectly designed for babies, but formula is adequate. Just like IV nutrition is adequate for my child’s needs when he cannot tolerate any real food (breastmilk or otherwise) because of chemotherapy. It’s certainly not ideal and it doesn’t give him the benefits that breastmilk does. He gets only a few drops of breastmilk every hour right now, but I’m grateful for it, and I don’t feel threatened by breastfeeding mothers because I know that what I’m doing is the best thing for him right now.

        Be more secure in your decision. And if you’re not really secure in your decision, spend some time thinking about why that is and work it out for yourself. But don’t get so hostile towards a group of women who are not being hostile to you.

        • kiki

          Bfing the cancer baby – you are right.

          I breast/bottle fed my first because of low supply. I’m lucky to be able to nurse my second.

          I’m on both sides here- however your baby gets fed and whatever your reasons are…back to baby needs to eat. If I knew then what I know now, I wouldn’t have felt the need to explain why I was bottle feeding my son in public ( it was easier than switching from breast to bottle for baby getting upset mid feed). I think the war between nursing and bottle feeding mothers needs to end. We are all caring for our babies the best we can.
          My grandmother bottle fed all 5 of her children because of severe mastitis everytime- she got fed up with being in pain and bottle fed- can you blame her? If she had known what we know today about correcting latch and such, she may have chosen differently, but she ultimately did what was best for her and baby at the time- get the food in and the mom comfortable!

    • Momma22

      I always open up the boxes and take the bottles out before giving the dolls to my girls. They do know about bottles, but they give their babies “buh-buh” most of the time. I it when they say “Oh, Dolly fell down and needs buh-buh!”- so cute!

  109. Tom

    Best post on breastfeeding EVER. We cannot allow this sort of thing to happen!

  110. Tom

    Some of my best friends are bagels

    • Cheche

      And some of my best friends are creamcheese.

  111. Jeanette Mesite Frem

    Love it. As a breastfeeding counselor, mother who breastfed her two kids in public (without a shawl) and liberated woman who loves eating bagels with cream cheese in public, I applaud the fact that you’re speaking out! Mothers deserve to eat, too. I’d recommend to all mothers that they seek out quality breastfeeding support groups, new moms groups and friends and family members to find out how to breastfeed one-handed so that they, too, can eat while the baby eats!
    What a wonderful observation, Neil. There’s so much more in life about which to be concerned than than whether you might see a nipple or not. Well said.

  112. Julie

    I have never had a problem breastfeeding and eating at the same time! (I’ve got a combined 2 and 1/2 years experience). Maybe she should brush up on the cradle hold! LOL!

    • Ashley

      It took me, like, 14 months to get the handle on the cradle hold — I don’t know why, but by the time I was able to walk and nurse, my son could already walk! XD

      That said, I was able to use an arm and a pillow; there was no way that I wasn’t going to eat my bagel! (Theoretically. I don’t know that I’ve ever eaten a bagel while nursing… Must rectify this.)

  113. Christie

    RE: “I understand you have Ò€œrightsÒ€ to do what you want, but when I think about those two round, juicy mounds of goodness, I canÒ€ℒt control myself. I want them in my mouth NOW!”

    Sounds exactly like what the baby is thinking.
    I breastfeed in public all the time, hands free, no shawl. The babe needs to eat and I’ve got milk.

  114. Gina

    Awesome. You are an awesome human being and writer. πŸ™‚

  115. Michelle

    As someone who has nursed in public many MANY times (without ever getting “busted” for doing “that” in public), I LOVED this. I rarely get involved with this debate online, but posted this link proudly. So funny. Thanks.

  116. You Big Boob :D

    LOL. You most likely didn’t see her bagel if she was using her shawl. I am a breastfeeding mom and support the other modest mothers out there. I used a baby blanket to cover up. It makes me uncomfortable to see another mom’s bagel hanging out and I don’t want some random person getting a free show.

  117. Angella

    Oh, Neil. You crack me up. πŸ™‚

  118. Laura

    To those who are uncomfortable with seeing breasts – this commentary (below) is VERY appropriate. It also has photos of real breasts so that women can realize they ARE normal and do not need cosmetic surgery b/c the breasts in advertising are not the norm.

  119. Emilie

    I, too, was prepared to be upset and then quite surprised! What a great piece! Though I agree that it is quite possible to master eating and nursing at once. I am all for forgoing the cover, but I actually found that it helped protect the baby from my clumsy eating habits. :-p

  120. Brittany

    This was quite funny glad I clicked on the link from a friend’s FB. My first nursed for 6 weeks, has been bottle fed since and it was definitely easier *for me* to eat while breastfeeding than now. I would’ve had him in one arm, and food in the other hand! No one would’ve stolen my bagel unless it was taken directly from me πŸ˜‰

  121. Connie

    LOL I have 5 girls, but my youngest is 3 months. I have always needed two hands in the first few months just to feed my baby. One to hold her and the other to keep my breast from covering her nose entirely. It is much easier to go with one hand once she’s bigger… then she and I can eat at the same time. Which is a good thing because I swear it is the smell of my food that makes her hungry.

  122. becky

    Great article thank you!

  123. Dagmar Bleasdale

    I’m still breastfeeding my almost 4 year old (who knew?!) and have become an outspoken breastfeeding advocate who writes a blog, Dagmar’s momsense. I should really rename it to Dagmar’s boobsense. I always nursed in public without covering him because you really can’t see anything if you are a little careful. Plus, I truly don’t care what other people think — I’m just feeding my child, excuse me!

    After learning about the amazing health properties of breast milk, I just can’t bring myself to force L to stop breastfeeding — and he has no intention to stop (but he hardly ever does want to in public anymore.)

    Thanks for this article and for discussing nursing in public — the more we talk about it and do it, the more used to it people will get, and that will benefit many children and moms.

    Dagmar’s momsense

  124. Melissa

    Neil, I loved your post! I stumbled upon your blog (I am a lactation consultant and most lactation/breastfeeding related things some how get forwarded my way) and found it a refreshing and witty post! All babies should have the right to eat wherever their mama is. And people more comfy with breasts selling beer rather than feeding babies need to re-examine their values. Love your male point of view, Neil and the touch of humor was brilliant.

    • Julia

      Love this comment (and this post)! It’s ridiculous to ask anyone to eat in a bathroom.

  125. Carla

    LOL – love it! awesome post!

  126. Natasha

    You are awesome!

  127. mike

    nobody wants to see it in public except for women with kids because its convienient for them. maybe i should jerk off in a cup and have my gf drink it. or how about i suck on my gf’s nipples in a public place

    • Cheche

      Mike those are sexual acts your talking about, breastfeeding is not a sexual act, breastmilk is food, infact the ONLY food recommended for a newborn, it contains vital immunilogical properties protecting infants from illness, that can never be replicated. Breasts have multiple functions, sexual arousal is one, but breastfeeding is the extremely important primary one.

    • Narece

      You’re an idiot. Enough said.

      • Rusti

        *clapping loudly*

  128. Ammie

    Bless you. If I’m ever God for a day, I will make it rain everything bagels on your head.

  129. eb

    You could always offer to hand feed the woman while she feeds her baby… some other woman might see that and fall in love with such a supportive man. And she may make you homemeade bagels.

  130. Laura

    I thought your post was funny but I’m not 100% sure where you stand on the issue.
    If it’s against BF in public, then I really just don’t ‘get it’. You might have seen part of a breast? How many exposed breasts do you see on tv, on magazine covers, etc on a daily basis? I’m sure it’s a lot more than you saw at the coffee shop. If a model came in to the coffee shop in a bikini that only covered her nipples you would salute her (in more ways than one no doubt). That model’s breasts hang there to serve no purpose but to get what she wants in life whereas the breastfeeding mother is using them for their intended purpose and giving her child the very best food on earth.

    If it helps, I am a mother who did not breastfeed her children. There were a few reasons that it didn’t happen but one of them would be the fear of people getting all offended over me feeding them in public. We should support this so more parents do it!

  131. Cathy

    Very funny, Niel.

    Really, Mike?

  132. Mother of two breastfed beasties!

    Funny….you should see me breastfeed my very nosey and curious 4 month old baby boy, eat this bagel AND type this comment all at the same time! I am woman – watch me multi-task! If only she felt comfortable enough to not have to faff about with a shawl she could have had that hand free at least to grab her bagel! Or perhaps as mothers, this explains why breastfeeding is great for weightloss! hehe

  133. Annie @ PhD in Parenting

    I feel bad for that woman. No wonder so many women are weaning early in the United States. It is not because they have to go back to work. It is not because they have unsupportive families. It is not because of the deceptive tactics of formula companies. It is not because people make them feel ashamed. No, as you have so clearly demonstrated here, it is because they are starving to death while feeding their infants and feeling the ire of onlookers who covet their uneaten food.

    Please, please, please, Neil, if you ever see this woman again, will you PLEASE give her a copy of my posts:
    – How to give boob and type too:
    – Nursing a Toddler in a Ring Sling

    This poor woman should be freed from this repression and given the opportunity to not only eat while nursing, but also reply to you on twitter to tell you to stop coveting her food.

  134. Christa aka BabbyMama

    As someone who breastfed in public and sometimes couldn’t eat the food that was right in front of me, I salute your hardline stance.

  135. Shieldmaiden1196

    Not only that, but was the bagel toasted? If so it was getting cold! Or do you live in a place with bagels decent enough to consume untoasted? Jealous.

  136. Autumn

    I have never read your blog before, I saw this on facebook of all places. I have got to say THANK YOU!!

    It sounds like you understand that a woman’s right to feed her baby wherever she is is just that. Her right. And her child’s right to eat in a clean and comfortable environment (not the icky bathroom)

    Thanks for the laugh! Now I’m off to get my own creamy cheesy bagel.

  137. Dial

    Ahhhhh, brings back memories! I could just see my 4 year old’s hand reach out from under the shawl and grab hold of the bagel until milkies was finished!

    She’s 23 this week and not still on the boob.

    • Mich

      bawhahaha …. that is one funny picture … ditch the shawl, eat the bagel! LOL

      … and great article!

  138. Cathy

    First time mother, clearly. A more experienced one would have jammed the shawl between jaw and shoulder, (being sure not to drop the baby) and wolfed down the bagel… without making any crumbs. Then ordered another one… and a chocolate muffin…

  139. Corry

    Love it! I think it is great that you were able to provide a different POV. The only reason people are so obsessed with the BF mama (often me) is because they choose to be. I know that it enlightens so many people and often prompts them to ask questions in an effort to learn more.

    I’m glad you learned endurance and didn’t steal her bagel. There are 2 things you never want to do: steal food from a baby lion and from a hungry mama. When we finally get to eat the cold, stale bagel, it will taste like the best things we’ve ever eaten. Yummm. She deserves it.

    And thanks again for the funny perspective. Great way to start the day!

  140. Kathy

    Thank you for this, it made my day πŸ™‚

  141. sylvia poareo

    I appreciate your witty take on this!

  142. Carrie

    This cracked me up, but the postpartum depression comment wasn’t so nice. πŸ™

  143. Suebob

    Neil, you have proven it decisively – mention breastfeeding and people instantly lose their damned minds. Wow.

  144. Muskrat

    I get this discomfort. I do.

  145. Michelle

    definitely a first time mom and probably a newborn, much after that and you are usually batting babies hand AWAY from your bagel. I do it on an ongoing basis with baby #4 now 11 months.

    I am a Doula and breastfeeding advocate and I am so glad that someone took the bitterness out of the argument and gave both sides a laugh, because although we may be “militant supporters” we are still people with senses of homour! Great post!

  146. Carolyn

    I’m sure millions of men out there suffer from the same problem. I mean, who *wouldn’t* stare at her bagels?

    But at last, I’m proud to report that a solution is at hand.

    I’ve invented a prototype of a handy little device that can serve as a convenient “shield” for the food of nursing mothers to ensure others aren’t tempted, embarrassed, or otherwise offended by an unintentionally exposed bagel, muffin, or roll. It completely covers the food item in question, and will be available in a variety of pretty colors and nursery prints. And it all tucks away discreetly in a diaper bag!

    Mothers need never be embarrassed again by the sight of their exposed pastries.

  147. Kate B

    Thanks for the chuckle. Watch out though BF mommas are hungry mommas. She might have bit your hand as you attempted to snatch her bagel. πŸ˜‰
    I wish more people were more reasonable like you. I never needed to cover with my daughter but now with twins it is much more difficult. Nursing covers and 9 mos old babies don’t mix. So the twins have to wait their turn as people tend to stare at twins in general. I think their minds might explode if I tandem nursed them in public. At home with no staring strangers I can nurse both and still eat my bagel at the same time. πŸ˜‰

    Nursing mother of twins

  148. Anna

    I love it! way to go… and I love it when the guys stand up for this too, after all, it’s perfectly natural (And normal to want her bagel too, that was little unfair for you to have to be tempted like that πŸ˜‰ )

  149. sam

    OBVIOUSLY made up. It’s a piece of cake to feed and eat simultaneously if you breastfeed! But it made me laugh anyway, thanks for the giggle!

    • Crystal

      I think that depends on breast size πŸ™‚ I need two hands, LOL

      • Bonnie

        Me too Crystal! lol
        but dude- you are gonna piss off a LOT of Mommies that have/had PPD… get ready…

        • Lori

          Meh – I’ve got/had PPD and I just laughed πŸ™‚ It’s funny because it’s true…

        • Teri

          Meh! I’ve had PPD and I thought this was hilarious. Cos it is so true lol

        • Penny

          I have PPD now and I still found it amusing and laughed. :o) PPD or not you have to have to have a sense of humor if you’re a mommy.

    • Cindy

      I’ve never been able to eat and nurse a baby at the same time. Not sure why, but it makes me literally sick to my stomach. Maybe eating and breastfeeding at the same time require more energy than I have. Or maybe it’s a weird phobia I picked up from my mom with her strange food-rules. Either way, I *am* the woman with the bagel. Hands off!

      • Rachael

        Do you drink a glass of water/get enough fluids when you are nursing? I have noticed that when I have a letdown and I am not nursing but eating, (if I haven’t nursed my baby in a while) that I get extremely thirsty and if I am in mid chew I get sick to my stomach. I need to empty my mouth and drink a LARGE glass of water!

        I can’t nurse and eat at the same time either. I require one hand to hold the baby and the other to hold my boob!

      • Justine

        @Cindy: Rachael brings up a good point, sometimes hydration can contribute to feeling a little nauseated while nursing. You might want to also check into a condition called DMER (Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex) which can cause some intense feelings upon milk letdown. I experience it, too! I can’t even LOOK at or SMELL food while nursing! Good luck!

        (Fun article, too!)

  150. jessika w

    GREAT post!!! thanks for a great laugh!

  151. ruth noble


  152. Jennifer Moeller

    Outstanding! Love this post. Had me giggling. I’m a veteran of 5 multi-year nurslings (my last will wean next month at 3) and a survivor of the breastfeeding in public debates. In fact I just got into it with a radio host over a case here in PHX where a nursing mom got thrown out of a McD’s. He claimed I was exaggerating and that no mother chose not to nurse or to stop nursing over public disapproval. There is at least one mom who comented here who made exactly that choice. What a tragedy. To the two super-angry, defensive, bitter bottlefeeders who posted… yeah, you’re a great example of the kind of people who should be responsible for the formation of vulnerable, sensitive, new little hearts and minds.

  153. Jenn Leonard

    LOVE LOVE LOVE this! I am crying with laughter. So sharing this….everywhere!

  154. Angela Gifford

    LOVE IT!!

  155. hygeia halfmoon

    i have been an inconsiderate breastfeeding woman for nearly 25 years, and prior to this i was a topless dancer…men sitting in coffee shops must show the same respect for the female breast as patrons drooling at a strip joint…

    • Pam

      good point πŸ™‚

  156. simstress

    Hilarious! Thank you for this.

  157. Katrina

    I love it, I am a mother of 5 children, 4 of which I breadfed and I am still breastfeeding my 6mth old son. I have gotten more looks for breastfeeding in public, lots of thats gross and go do that in the bathroom. Never listened. I still sit on a bench at the park in in the mall and nurse my son. My moto is if I you wouldnt eat in a bathroom “oh sooo dirty” then why should I feed my children there. I am a proud supporter of breastfeeding. I have very healthy children for it:-)

  158. Angie

    I feel exactly this way too. Except about beer, and not bagels, and not breastfeeding women, but anyone who puts it down without drinking it.

    • Karen

      Angie, you are my hero. So is Citizen of the Month guy. And Spiderman.

  159. Pam

    I enjoyed reading your blog today, and wanted to comment.

    As a mom of three grown boys, whom were born in the 80’s… and a former public breastfeeder…. I was very conscientious, and worked very hard to show that it (the public part) was possible with out being inconsiderate. I believe it is possible to feed your baby in public without causing any kind of stir around you. I truly don’t want anyone around me to be uncomfortable, but if you’re going to worry about every person around you, you would never do ANYTHING in public. I’m just now thinking of people who pick their noses in public, yuck!

    My M.O. when my kids were babies was to achieve the public feeding without anyone noticing…once the baby is in place and happily doing his thing, your other hand is free, if you are prepared with the proper coverage….first you have to be careful of the style of clothing you wear and then to have large enough stylish blanket, or throw, that it will stay over your shoulder. Works like a tent. Usually only the baby’s feet will show.

    After three babies, who were breastfed for at least two years each – I feel that I mastered the whole thing and have something valuable to add to the discussion.

    I once had a woman approach me in the mall one day who wanted to see my baby. She literally sat down next to me and started to move the blanket away, before she realized I was breastfeeding my baby! I’m sure it was just a surprise because there was no obvious reason to think he was breastfeeding at that moment. (my 2 cents)

    • Penny

      Although I don’t want people to be uncomfortable around me I don’t believe my breasts are something I need to hide with anymore than my shirt. I am not feeding my baby under a blanket making him uncomfortable to please others. I have nursed 5 children in public and have never gotten a negative comment or had people stare. It’s possible to do in normal clothes without using a “tent”. I nursed my 2 month old today at my daughters elementary without anyone being the wiser and I was in a office full of windows, without a blanket or anything else hiding him. Children, parents, and teachers all walking by or stopping in. It is possible.
      A few weeks ago an older woman wanted to look at my son while I fed him walking around, not realizing he was nursing, I told her he was nursing and she still looked at him. lol Breasts are made for feeding our young. πŸ™‚

      • Sara

        Just wanted to say, props to you! I hope that with my second child I will be as comfortable as you. I never denied my son the right to eat anywhere he was hungry, but I did feel uncomfortable enough to cover up unless I was home. Towards the end of our year of nursing, he wouldn’t allow me to cover, so I got a little more skilled at being discreet. It is just so sad that I feel I need to! Next time, I will probably forgo the cover from the beginning. A much more pleasant experience without it!

  160. Jennifer Moeller

    I also have to say that, as a Catholic, I adore your choice of artwork at the top of this post! πŸ™‚ You can’t go wrong emulating the Blessed Mother!

  161. tori aka ggs_closet


  162. bubbyamore

    LOL.. this is hilarious!!
    I was a BF’ing momma and I actually found it easier to multi-task while BF’ing as opposed to bottle feeding. I could do just about anything for my toddler while I was BF’ing my infant.
    This was obviously a first time mom…

    • Jessica Winter

      I find this to be dependent upon the kid. With my first kiddo I could do anything: eat, walk, talk… while nursing. My second won’t even allow me to talk without being distracted from the task at hand. Needless to say, she pretty much only nurses in her bedroom.

  163. penelope anderson

    I had a baby who whenever I tried to pick up a book and read it while she was feeding would knock the book away -even if her eyes were closed and it was at the end of her meal. And I wanted 5 minutes to myself !

    • Esther

      Penelope Anderson: My baby does the same thing too! he has to be center of attention, even when nursing:).
      I am a proud nursing mother and i do nurse my baby in public where ever i go.

    • Momma22

      That’s funny, because my 2 1/2 year old gets my book for me before she starts to nurse. She seems to think it’s a necessary part of our ritual!

  164. Chicky Chicky Baby

    Reading this made my whole day.

  165. Rene

    I loved the way you explained things

    I had two daughter in-laws who breast fed. One longer than the other by about a year. I accepted it because it is a normal thing for mothers to do but at the same time I was uncorfortable when done with me in public. It did not bother them as so much me. I think I am old school…I would have at least pumped some BM before hand and used a bottle…Young adults think and feel so much different than what we were taught. We have to kids who are more down to earth with their kids…Hell we accepted this when we were in the 60’s and early 70’s and we taught our kids differently. Not at all bad but able to stand up for themselves and what they believe. Dammit though that bagel sounds so good..The temptation is a good feeling…Are we really right or wrong? Is their a right way? All I know is it is the baby way. AND MY MOTHERS!!!!
    I was born stuck in the middle. I fell both ways. I want that bagel so bad but I bought it and I will wait to eat it…

    • Ashley

      You know, I find that this is the case with my grandmothers and aunts — I recently went home with my 18-month-old, and they all seemed taken aback by the fact that my son is still nursing. No one seemed to dislike it inherently, but the one time I nursed in public my grandmother acted very uncomfortable. I think its just a difference between generations and feeding norms.

      Serious business aside: LOVE this post! ♥

    • SMW

      When feeding a bottle of pumped milk timing is tricky. The mother will still need to express the milk that the baby would have eaten had he fed from the breast in order to keep up her supply. When my husband feeds our baby his daily bottle of pumped milk, for example, I pump during that feeding session, or fairly close to it. This is why more people don’t feed their babies pumped milk when out: because it will throw off their body’s natural milk production cycle and could lead to insufficient milk supply. Each feeding trains the body to make the milk. So not emptying the breast during a feeding trains the body not to produce milk at that time for subsequent feedings.

  166. Stella

    Ace! Though it’s not only inconsiderate but absolute silly bonkers to not be able to multi-task – so the baby gets crumbs in their hair! So what?! I mastered the feed and eat with the other hand hold before anything else!

    • Jessica

      With a large breast and/or a tiny baby, nursing can require two hands. I’m pregnant and nursing now and if I don’t support my breast with my hand I can’t handle the pain of nursing. There is that beautiful span though where your kid can pretty much just help himself and you barely have to break stride to feed.

  167. Polly

    Shoot, I’ve breastfed and flown an airplane at the same time.

    OK, the plane had autopilot, but still, I was multitasking!!!!!

  168. Adventures In Babywearing

    Neil! I am cracking up as I just saw your post linked on facebook and I’m like, I KNOW HIM. (kinda!)

    Love it.


  169. Mandy

    This made my day. Thanks for writing it. Glad I had a chance to read it. <3

  170. Amber

    I am a breastfeeding mother. In fact, I’m breastfeeding as I type (no word of a lie). And even I am concerned about that bagel. Because now I want it. I am thousands of miles and at least a full day removed, but I want that bagel!

  171. Stephanie - Home with the Kids

    Love it. My youngest tries to interfere with everything I do while she’s breastfeeding now, but she’s a bit older. Much easier to breastfeed an infant while multitasking than it is once they’re old enough to play around

  172. sprogmom

    For the record, it takes a much longer time to breastfeed than to bottle feed. I know, I’ve done both and hold no judgments in either direction. Deciding to do other things while nursing a baby is not a lack of attention to the child. A nursing mother spends more time with a baby attached to her breast than a bottle feeding parent spends holding a bottle (which is really only necessary until the child can hold it themselves. That’s what, 4-6 months?). To top that off, bf’d babies need more frequent feedings. If a nursing mother decided NOT to do anything but stare at her baby every single time she nursed for the duration of the feeding, nothing would get done! It’s hard enough mastering things one-handed. So, of course they are going to brag about it. That is not a dig at bottle feeding moms. Yes, there are some mean spirited and judgmental bfing moms out there. But, for every one of them there are is also at least one mean-spirited and judgmental bottle-feeding parent throwing back the insults.
    The point is, most moms are only doing what they feel is best for their babies. Stop taking things so personally, stop worrying about what other people think and just take care of that baby!

    • Jenns

      The funny thing is that both of my boys were much faster at breastfeeding than bottle feeding so it must depend on the baby. Unfortunately, due to some health problems, I recently started bottle/formula feeding my formerly ebf 9-month old second son (first was only breastfed) and one of my many issues with the bottle is that it takes SO long for a feeding compared to the boob. Even without factoring in the mixing, washing, etc. Guess my guys were just quick on the boob ;).

  173. Heather

    Now I understand the point of the nursing shawl, it would have “saved” my little guy from all of the crumbs I dropped on him while eating and nursing. πŸ˜‰

  174. Christy

    This has got to be one of the best Breastfeeding in public blog posts EVER!

  175. Rae

    I love it! I cracked up remembering how many times I had to tell my husband to back off from my food because I couldn’t eat yet! I was nursing!

  176. Julie

    Love this! Thanks for the laugh!

  177. Tina Marie

    This is probably the best thing I have and will read in awhile. I pray more people would really understand what a natural process this is. Woman should have a humble sense of pride not be ashamed. Thank you for the post

  178. Shannon

    Love it! I nursed 3 babies for 2 years each. I nursed in public but not so much after they were on solid food. my boy especially would play peekabo if I tried to cover him with a shaw or he’d do the turn and look at anything that interested him and take the nipple with him, OUCH! I had the 1 handed nursing down though. My bagel would have been polished off before the babe was done. Never could figure out cutting steak or chicken and nursing though.

  179. Bug

    xD ~LOVE~!!!

  180. Brenda


  181. Mrs. Cox

    I always found it easy to multi-task while nursing. Even eating. Though I would quietly apologize when a crumb or two dropped on my daughter. LOL

    Maybe she was more focused on keeping discrete since she was NIP {nursing in public}. But so sad to let the bagels wait! What a shame. I too have a soft spot for cream cheese and bagels. πŸ™‚

  182. Lisette

    That was great. I needed that!

  183. Lauren

    Things I find funny:
    1. This article
    2. How many women are posting in defense of public breastfeeding/explaining how difficult it is to breastfeed in public.

    I laughed. hahaha <— kinda like that.

  184. Tancy

    oooohhhhh!!!!!! I’M THE LUCKY ONE!!! my boobs are saggy enough to reach my kids’ mouths while resting their head on my forearm. yay me. :-/

  185. Moominmamma

    Had PPD twice — very severe …. and I still laughed at this & read it to my husband. Yes, that was (is) serious, but sometimes we have to lighten up. I speak from experience in this matter (PPD, that is). However, I want to say that some of us have managed the trick of eating while nursing. I’ve been known to polish off some pretty tricky meals with the baby attached. Probably has something to do with breast size, too (I can pretty much lay my baby in my lap & let him at it … for better or worse). And I don’t bother with a shawl or anything. After three kids (and living in the Seattle area), I just figure I don’t need to hide my child eating any more than someone with a bottle.

    Anyway, whether spontaneous or crafted, this was a fun blog entry!

  186. Peter Mozzone

    Get a life, pal. I should get a life for even responding to your dribble… Never seen a woman before? Never seen a baby? Never seen a bagel? Do your friekin work at the office or at home… get a life….Nothing more beautiful than a mother feeding her child… God Bless, Them… I love to see a mother feeding her child…it’s a truly beautiful thing… I was on an airplane the other day when the woman next to me began breastfeeding her baby… I smiled at her, and she said, “This helps keep his ears from hurting when the plane takes off.”, and I responded, “Oh… I see… All those years I wasted on gum!”…. LOL!!!!

  187. Glenda

    I LOVE IT!!! And just think if people were just fine with a woman breastfeeding in public she wouldn’t have to use that one hand to hold her shaw and she could have ate that bagel!! HEHEHE what a great post!!!!! 2 thumbs up!

  188. Tori

    Oh Thank You!
    You are a jewel, and this bit of sarcasm perfectly illustrates the absurdity
    of denying babies the right to be fed.

  189. Piper

    Thank you so much for this – it made my day!

  190. Peter Mozzone

    WHOOPS… Guess I didn’t read the entire piece before mouthing off… Sorry… My daughter, a beautiful young mother who breastfeeds our beautiful granddaughter sent me a FB Message to tell me I missed the point, but said I was awsome for being so supportive of breastfeeding… Guess when your daughter calls you awsome, you’re having a good day… Sorry for the mixup!


  191. Gnomentum

    Wow, I love it. If it’s any consolation she was probably desperate for the baby to finish so she could eat, too. Actually? I never had a problem eating while feeding (dropping a few crumbs isn’t going to hurt the baby too much) so unless you have an addiction to hot chocolate with extra cream and sprinkles which, clearly, I could not risk spilling on my child you wouldn’t have an issue with me. But DAMN it hurts to watch that cream melt away when it should be adorning my upper lip and nose.

  192. Kelly

    This made me laugh until I had tears. Thank you, very funny.

    And I breastfed for years and it wasn’t two-handed, in fact I swear I could do it no-hands. But admittedly when the babies were little it took more wrangling. I was so hungry too and I remember eating and having crumbs fall on my newborn’s head. I didn’t have this woman’s wherewithal to wait!

  193. Claire

    If she weren’t so worried about covering up I bet she could handle that bagel just fine!

  194. Stephanie

    Oh I loved this! Thanks for a VERY, very funny blog post! I hope more women will BF in public REGARDLESS of whether people don’t like it. BFing is a beautiful thing between her and her child, and the world needs to support her.

  195. MamaBennie

    HAHA OMG I was laughing so hard at the end of this my daughter bit me while she was breastfeeding. Well done, I love that a man is addressing this.

  196. Cindy

    Thanks for the great laugh! The worst episode I had of someone not thinking I should do “that” in public was a NURSE in the HOSPITAL where I had to take my son for a blood test. He was 6 months old I was waiting in the reception area of the blood lab, not even in the lobby or something and he got hungry and I started to nurse him. I had a cover. The nurse told me “you can’t do THAT here, you need to go in one the cubicles (where they take blood) I said I wasn’t going to move until the baby was done eating, thank you. So it is so nice to read positive (and hilarious) articles such as this. By the way, if you think mom’s every forget something like this, my son will be 21 in January.

    • Kylee

      If I didn’t eat while nursing – I would never eat! I knew that I was a good multi-tasker before, but now I can shop while nursing, vacuum while nursing, and even SLEEP while nursing. You have to go on with your life – but it is also very important to give your child the best start in life possible.

  197. Maggie

    Cindy, I’m with ya. My worst experience was a doctor, a pediatric urologist, who invited me to nurse my son during our consultation but clearly didn’t realize I don’t cover up when I do that. I am super discreet, no breast showing, but the idea of it was clearly too much for the poor guy! This piece is very refreshing.

  198. Veronica

    Too funny!!
    I empathise with the mother here as i remember when i first started breastfeeding it would take upwards of 45mins, if i didn’t eat and feed at the same time i would never have had the chance to eat at all!
    Now that it only takes 4 or 5 mins to get the job done so i leave my meal to be enjoyed once the feeding is done πŸ™‚

  199. Alison

    We *lactivists* take ourselves so seriously sometimes. I like the way you think Mr. Kramer- what a hilarious take on a subject that is rarely satirized.

  200. Samantha

    Oh man this is hilarious! Thank you for this subtle, humorous take on the (unfortunate) breastfeeding in public debate. I wonder if nursing mothers realize just how inconsiderate it is to have bagels & cream just sitting there in full view of everyone?!

  201. Ray Yatko

    Neil has written a beautiful essay, one which needs no comment; it speaks eloquently for itself.

  202. Paige Jennifer

    Love it! Now I can’t wait for the bagel feast that will come in less than 24-hours.

  203. whittney

    sweet! πŸ™‚

  204. Jillian

    For a minute there I thought you were talking about me…but I’m much more experienced than the novice you describe in the coffee shop. Just yesterday, I rode the NYC subway, braced my 1 year old between the train-car wall and my thigh, held my 3 year old with my right arm on my knee, and nursed my newborn (under a cover) cradling him in my left arm, from about 51st to 96th St.

    • sr

      That is awesome. We’re talking serious talent.

    • Kristen

      (( bowing )) Serious, indeed!

    • Tiffany

      WOWZAH sister!
      Are you giving classes? Or should I just wait til next time you take that route & ride along ;).
      I often say my (almost) 1 year old is like trying to nurse a mexican jumping bean. Cirque de Sorenipples.
      Actually, thankfully, he doesn’t abuse that too much, but he has gone almost 360 degrees. Take him + a 3 year old and another kid = yikes!!

      This was such a great blog, thank you for jumping in on the debate, Sir!

      • María K.

        Oh I feel your pain ! I definitely have to eat when baby is feeding or I will starve, since he feeds every half hour now. The discussion is quite entertaining to say the least.

    • DP

      I don’t even know how to take the subway.

    • Melody F

      A true professional lol

  205. wrongshoes

    Very nice! And funny πŸ™‚

    I nurse my 7 month old baby in public frequently, usually while I wear him in an Ergo carrier. I have both hands free and am usually chasing my five year old around at the same time, often eating or filling out forms or who knows what else. I’m sure I look like a mess. It’s only occasionally that I notice my boob hanging out the side of the carrier because the baby finished eating while I was entirely distracted by something else! πŸ˜›

  206. Daniel

    The only way to fight temptation is with temptation. Deploy a delicious slice of Battenburg and busy yourself with a newspaper crossword.

    If that doesn’t work, you may have to escalate all the way to ice cream. Civilised people of course do not flaunt such delicious confectionery in public but instead take the treat home to enjoy in the privacy of their ice cream eating room with the curtains drawn. Extreme provocations, though, justify extreme countermeasures.

    • Sara

      I think the use of ice-cream in this situation is against the Geneva Convention-or at least it should be. A Devil’s food cake may be in order though.

  207. Kristy

    I loved this!!! too funny! I am a nursing mom and this was the greatest thing on earth to read thank you!

  208. Whoorl


    (Frantically wondering if that woman was ME. The minute I put a morsel of food in my mouth, the baby wants to eat. Every. Damn. Time. My sympathies go out to all the mamas who can’t so much as take a bite of their meal without their little one wanting the boob.)

    • erin

      LOL!! My babe is the same way. I haven’t had a peaceful or warm dinner since she was born 3 months ago.

    • Kristina

      The babe just wants a preview! πŸ™‚

  209. Helen

    Intelligently written, and funny. Enjoyed this very much. And a nice change from the “Moms breastfeeding in public are the spawn of Satan.” πŸ˜€

  210. Ali

    Super fun post! Loved it! I am a proud PDOBF’er!

  211. Nicki

    Thanks! I loved this article!
    The ladies above (below your article) reminded me of when we moved to a new town. My husband took a job at the church there. I was BFing my 3month old at Mass, about 3 pews from the front, dead in front of the lectern. I don’t use a shawl/blanket as my shirt just always falls over baby’s face of covers him. The priest asked my husband to stand up and turn around so the congregation could ‘meet’ him. Then he asked me to. You should have seen how red his face turned when I told him (twice b/c he did think he heard me right the first time) that I was breastfeeding and probably shouldn’t at the moment. LOL

    • CindyByrd

      Love it!

  212. lizriz


  213. Stephanie

    Well said…a great laugh, too! I always covered my bagels so the flies would not molest them.

  214. Linda

    I am prego with my 8th child. I have nursed every one of them and you know what? If I am in Walmart with a few of my kids and my infant, and my baby gets hungry, I whip it out as I am walking down the isle. I’m not going to go sit somewhere and make the other kids wait. Yes I try and be a little discreat, but if I end up flashing someone, it’s not the end of the world. If people don’t like it, they don’t have to look and if it’s distracting, oh well, there are other things that are distracting too like a screaming 2 yr old or something. Or someone scratching there rear or whatever.

    Anyhow, for all you moms that go hide in a public bathroom to feed your baby, ask yourself. Would you eat your meal wear people piss and shit? Didn’t think so, then don’t feed your baby in a disgusting place like that! It’s a completely natural thing to feed your baby the natural way God intended!!!

    If someone comes up to you and tells you that you can’t nurse your baby in public. Calmly put your baby down, and punch them in the face! LOL Sorry guys, but I’ve just been waiting for someone to ask me not to nurse in public, because at that time, oh boy, here I come!

    That was a quite hilarious story thought. I think i will go to a coffee shop and nurse my baby, but I do it with one had :-), I think I might be considerate and eat the bagel while I nurse ;-).

    • Tiff

      You kiss your kids with that mouth?

    • Loni

      In my opinion, God intended feeding your baby to be intimate and personal. It is an opportunity for mothers to bond with their babies in a very special way. While feeding a child in a public restroom is not the ideal environment, it is more secluded and private than whipping it out as you walk down a grocery aisle.

      In response to the p*ss and sh*t comment, I doubt that even crosses the baby’s mind. Step back and think about where babies come from. Can’t get much closer than that.

      • Heather O.

        I don’t get why people think it’s okay to feed your baby in a place where people go to the bathroom. The baby doesn’t care, but as a mom, I sure as heck do. Bathrooms, especially public bathrooms, are gross germy places, and by exposing my child to them while feeding, I am putting my child directly at risk for contracting illness. Why oh WHY do people think it’s okay to tell a breastfeeding mother to expose her child to such a risk?

        And yes, breast milk is a bodily function, but it does not contain harmful bacteria, like poop does, nor does it have an unpleasant odor, like urine does, and the only way that anybody could contract any disease from breast milk is if you sampled it yourself.

        I get that people are uncomfortable with breasts, I do. But asking a mother to put her child at risk because you’re uncomfortable with breasts? Unbelievable.

  215. Stephanie


  216. Brandis

    That is the best thing I’ve read all day- thanks, you rock!!!

  217. Sunshine

    Great take on bfip (breastfeeding in public)! I was only offered to nurse one of my many children in private. It was the week after she was born and I brought her with me to an exam (finals week) in college. The professor, I thought in a gracious offer, said I could take the exam in his office commenting I may be more comfortable with my daughter in his office. As I was walking to office, I looked down to notice that my milk had let down, on one side, and that my shirt was soaked. Perhaps he had too? When I got to his office, you could only imagine how much more delighted I was to find he had left the key to the multiple choice final on his desk, and he just smiled and told me to take my time.

    • kc lind

      Love your story! That one I can understand, too. I think an infant in a room where I was taking a test would be very distracting to me. I am a lactivist, but I’d have a hard time to keep from just watching the baby! They are So Cute!

  218. Sapphire

    As a new mother I have had some second thoughts about breastfeeding in public…..but now I feel fully confident to feed my little man where ever and when ever there is a need. This was hilarious!

    Thanks again girls

  219. Wonderful and hilarious. Love the way you described the looks of the waiting bagels πŸ˜‰
    Back in the years my babies were still babies (and not adults giving me neck-aches looking up at them) (1980’s-ish) I breastfed them wherever I was, including public transport, the Zoo, older kids’ school and leading LLL meetings. But one of my favorite photo’s of that time is with my then 3 month old firstborn at my birthday-family-dinner. My sister’s 5 year old daughter is feeding me my icecream desert while I’m feeding my baby.

  220. deedee

    Too bad she didn’t lean over and lick that bagel right in front of you. πŸ˜‰ I enjoyed this, breastfeeding momma here too.

  221. Kaye Reardon

    Utterly brilliant – when I ventured out on feeding I was told to always have a snack for myself – and yep the tea always got cold

  222. Aaron

    I know this is tongue-in-cheek, and I appreciate it. Breastfeeding in public should be the most common, natural thing in the world. It says something about how prudish or perverted we as a society that a covered Breastfeeding session is sexualized. That’s my take.

  223. Ayala Levinger

    Great post! I hope you don’t mind breastfeeders in facebook because I send you a request:-P

  224. unmitigated me (m.a.w.)

    You are totally sexualizing those bagels, Neil. Food is natural. It’s what we eat. I can’t believe you are one of those perverts who get aroused at the sight of someone’s sustenance.

  225. CindyByrd

    I loved this post! I shared it on face book Super well written. Not enough positive things to say about this piece.

    I have been lucky enough to NIP everywhere that I could think of and never caused an issue for me. I don`t cover either. I can nurse and push a cart.. When breastfeeding your second, you find different ways of doing it. And I absolutely would have eaten that bagel while bfing.

  226. Kathy

    We’re women. We multitask!! I was too chicken to nurse in public. But I know if I did, I’m sure I would have been trying to multitask with coffee, bagels, and probably my laptop.

  227. Carolyn Would

    A good story my nephew told me was about the children’s choir director at my church leading the choir with one hand and holding her nursing baby with the other! Lead on!

  228. Heather Dowdee

    So glad you joined the debate! We need more humor about the subject for sure. I’ll be sharing this one on my blog ;o)

  229. Sandy

    HAHAHA! Awesome!

    I just hope that the BFer in the story gets the hang of it soon, so she can have that hand free to eat the offending….bagel. πŸ™‚

    Another Nurser in Public here too! I’m happy to see there are so many of us!

  230. New Mom

    My one friend took some offense to this – but I don’t see your essay in the same light. As a new mom, and one who chooses to breastfeed, I found it amusing. I actually try not to breastfeed in businesses, but in the backseat of the car. It’s more comfortable for both me and my little one. However, as someone who has had postpartum depression… I wouldn’t have been too depressed to chase you down, I would have been chasing you down like a very hungry tiger protecting it’s food! lol

  231. Becky Wise

    Loved this story. I nursed 2 children and I did it wherever I wanted. I’ll be honest and say I didn’t have to whip a boob out in an emergency b/c my strange little second child was not a big eater. He’s still not. I am proud to say that bf-ing didn’t stop me from feeding myself at the same time. I took my son to the doctor for a checkup after we both had breakfast one morning and the doctor said “I see he has a little cradle cap.” I didn’t have the heart to tell him he mis-diagnosed and that it was really biscuit crumbs.

  232. Cheryl S.

    Fabulous! Lots of sanctimommies take themselves and this debate FAR too seriously. Loved it!

  233. Deanna

    That was hilariously funny. I love it. Glad to see it from a man’s perspecitve. Cause lets face it. Most our husbands could care less if we whip it out at home, but in public…yeahhhh. Too funny!

  234. Anne

    I’ll tell you what’s inconsiderate…it’s that hungry baby! They always seem to know when Mom has some yummy food just waiting for her to eat it and decide they must eat at that very moment. They are even worse with hot meals. At least the bagel will still taste yummy when she’s done nursing.

  235. Sarah from

    Great post lol

  236. Sarah from

    oops not sure how that link showed up

  237. Emily

    Loved this!!! Thank you for great political satire we need more of it

  238. Andrea

    That was hilarious! And, I know right?! She should have been more considerate with the bagel and she should have known the effect it has. very funny!

  239. Jen

    Hilarious. Thanks for writing this.

  240. Victoria

    That is…fantastic! But poor you for having to stare at the bagel with cream cheese!
    Really, I love your take on this and knowing that people other than breastfeeding mamas have positive opinions on public breastfeeding. Thank you!

  241. tanyetta

    Too Funny!

    It doesn’t have to be a two-hand operation. She probably hasn’t perfected the art of feeding her baby and her face at the same time! Great Post! You’re FUNNY! πŸ™‚

    ****Because breast-feeding is a two-hand operation, she is unable to eat her own bagel!****

  242. Ludicrous Mama

    I clicked the link to this post thinking I’d read it then find you and punch you in the gob, but this was great! Don’t get me wrong. I’m a mom who nursed in public (when I had to) but PDBF makes me uncomfortable too! But I know that’s MY issue, and I support it, and support every woman’s right to do it. No one makes you eat YOUR lunch in the loo, so my baby shouldn’t have to either! (They tried pulling that crap with me at work when I needed a place to pump. Seriously? I’m supposed to sit WHERE exactly? On the toilet with my pants on, sinking into a hole with only the suction of the pump pulling me back out? I don’t THINK so!)
    I was totally able to eat while nursing. Wee ones only need 1 arm to support them, once you have them docked and sealed. No one’s keeping me from MY cream cheese-everything bagel! Something requiring 2 hands would be harder, but we were good about preparing me 1-handed foods during the day! Sure, she got a lot of crumbs/pizza sauce on her head. But it’s a small price to pay for milky goodness!

    • Heather C

      Docked and Sealed….. love it, and I hope you don’t mind I think I will use that saying as if it was my own πŸ™‚

  243. Tina

    ….but when I think about those two round, juicy mounds of goodness, I canÒ€ℒt control myself. I want them in my mouth NOW!

    I see you and my babe are thinking the same thing!

  244. Baby love

    Great article. If you breastfeed and want to have a normal life and not live shut indoors then you have no choice but to breastfeed in public. I always try to find a comfortable quiet place and if I am going shopping I generally feed my baby in the car in the car park but planning ahead is not always possible when you are feeding on demand. I find it strange that people find breastfeeding so offensive, it is such a natural and beautiful thing.

  245. Anna @ The Baby Store Plus Blog

    Cute. Certainly not what I was expecting to find when I clicked on a link about “a funny breastfeeding post”, given to me my “Me and Mine in a Small Town Blog.”

    Enjoyed it completely…and I am a breastfeeding mama (well, former bfing mama, because I’m a grandmother now).


  246. @candiestaken

    LOVE IT! APPRECIATE BREASTFEEDING HUMOR……saw this on twitter and glad I clicked it.

  247. Minerva

    Bravo! I love to see this sort of support from men as well, and I love the humor. I am breastfeeding my second son right now, and I wish more people shared your opinion.

  248. Barb

    Yay. Made my day to click and not be offended by some moron being offended by someone breastfeeding in public! I’ve breastfed three babes and now my baby is a mama and is nursing my 20 month old grand baby – and yes, sometimes even if a coffee shop. See, its that whole shawl thing that bugs me. Heck with the shawl, you expose a bit of flesh and you eat the bagel for the love of all things holy! Who in the world would give up the fresh everything bagel to hold a shawl over the part of the breast that is general exposed in a swimsuit, on every Victorias secret catalog , on most billboards and that my youngest, age 7 , sees on commercials on saturday evenings. I say lose the shawl and eat the bagel !

    • Celeste Kimble

      Love this comment!

    • Jacquelynn

      I never used something to cover up my babies while nursing, and I found that 90% of the time people couldnt even tell that I was nursing– they just thought I was holing a sleeping baby :).

  249. M

    I think this man needs some lessons in self control rather that blaming his careless arousal on an innocent woman! He has never nor will ever know what it is like to have a child that is in need of constant nourishment. This woman was covered and trying to be polite (which is more than can be said for others), and had he NOT been TRYING to see what she was doing, he wouldn’t have “caught a glimps” of her breast! It dosen’t take a rocket scientist to know what a woman with an infant is doing when she covers her self and her baby! The swooning idiot needs to look away and stop allowing himself to get out of control, afterall, rapests in prison use the “couldn’t control myself” excuse!

    • Breastfeeding Mama

      Really M? Did you even read the entire thing? Or did you stop and post the moment you took offense? I suggest you read it again.

      Great read! Very clever, I was LOL by the end.

    • Laura

      Methinks someone doth not understand gentle irony…
      or actually bother to read the entire post before getting her petticoats in a jumble.
      The only “arousal” this person expressed is towards a BAGEL.

      Get over yourself.

      From a 3 times BF’ing mama…great post. And really…I agree with the person who said ‘lose the shawl and eat the bagel’

    • geralyn mott

      boy, did you miss the point! get back on your meds!

    • Breastfed My DD for 19 Months

      Um, hello? Anyone home? This was a PRO breastfeeding article… He was swooning over her BAGEL, not her boobs…

      And I agree with previous posts… I attempted to “cover up” but my DD would yank it off! She’s such an exhibitionist! :-0 I had to quickly get over trying to cover my (larger then average) boobs during BFing. Nursing tops and nursing bras certainly helped.

      I will never forget the time at Cheesecake Factory, DD was about 7 weeks old. She was asleep when I arrived and I thought, YES! I can eat! She woke up just as my dessert arrived, and I scooped her out of her carrier, popped open the bra-drop, moved the peekaboo slit in my top and plopped her on… and then realized the table was too snug for me to move with her attached and get my cheesecake. A few minutes later, my waiter arrived and seeing my untouched cake said “Is everything ok? Can I get you somethi…. OMG! I’m so sorry! I’ll leave you to… uh…” to which I replied, “Yes, could I have my fork, please?”

      • María K.

        Go, Moma! Nice come back ! Love his article. It’s nice to hear a man’s perspective, humor helps always. I agree with losing the shawl, eating the bagel, too !!! I BF 2 boys, shawls or blankets are useless !!! ;D

    • CastingPearls

      Here’s a quarter. Buy a clue. *sigh*

      • CastingPearls

        That was for ‘M’, by the way.

  250. Chloe

    I’m sure she was pretty focused on that bagel, too! Do you think she would have appreciated the gesture if you had sat down beside her and offered to feed it to her? πŸ™‚

    • Sar

      Hahaha that’s awesome!! πŸ˜€

  251. Becca

    Wow M, I think you TOTALLY missed the point of this post.

  252. A. Henson

    Too funny! I wasn’t quite sure what to expect when I saw the link on Facebook. I would be checkin’ out that bagel as well! Mine is too wiggly at one to nurse with a cover, but we don’t go out very often when he is / gets hungry. Good stuff. Mmmm…a bagel….

    • LC

      @A Henson – By the time mine were one, each would have swiped that bagel rather than nursed if it wasn’t nap time.

      As far as the original post – for shame, coveting that woman’s poor bagel πŸ™‚

  253. Corrina

    I read this and all I can think is, really? Are there really people in this word that are so shallow that you are going to compare breastfeeding with a bagel. First things first, this mom, was nourishing her child. THAT’S WHAT BREASTS WERE CREATED TO DO!! Second, a mother that orders her food, and worries about the feedings of her child first, is something maybe you are not familiar with. ITS CALLED BEING UNSELFISH! Putting the needs of someone else especially your child before your own. Moms all across the world eat their meals cold, because we have children whose needs come first. Third, at least this breastfeeding mom was considerate enough to cover herself. If you are going to be so shallow as to be offended by a mother breastfeeding and her cooling bagel. It seems you need to find something else to do with your time. Besides, where did you eat your breakfast this morning. Maybe next time your offended by a breastfeeding child, you should grab your plate up and join them in the bathroom, and everyone can enjoy their breakfast perched on the seat of a closed toilet! Seems to me like that would be the right thing to do. After all fair is fair isn’t it?

    • Jane

      Holy crap, Corrina. Take a deep breath and read the article again. He’s poking fun at those who get their panties in a twist over mothers who breastfeed in public. The joke is that he is drooling over her exposed bagel, not the possible glimpse of breast.

      God, I hate having to explain obvious jokes. Sigh. And for my cred: I breastfed two children, and still my sense of humor is intact!

    • geralyn mott

      again, a woman who needs to lighten up and refill her scrips!

    • Lady Lune

      You chose to have that child, so don’t force your life’s decisions on other people who do not need to see that.
      There are right times for everything, and breast feeding your child in the privacy of your home/nursery or another private place is a great bonding experience. For everything else, we have advanced to using technologies such as breast pumps, bottle warmers and/or formulas.
      I do appreciate women who are respectful and modest enough to cover up, but for those of you saying “lose the shawl,” lose your sense of entitlement to force YOUR decisions on the general public.

      • Catherine Stetson

        The right time to feed an infant is when the infant is hungry, regardless of location. And I will deny my child the proper food from the proper vessel, i.e. my milk from my breast just because someone else might be uncomfortable. As it has already been stated there is more breast exposure in a Victoria’s Secret commercial than from a breastfeeding mother. It is not innapropriate, it is natural and what breasts are intended for.

      • unmitigated me (m.a.w.)

        Head + Desk = holy god how can you miss the humor so entirely?

      • peculiarlady

        ummmmm…little bit of a lesson from you from a mother of five that has had over 7 years combined time nursing my little ones (and more time added every day)- NOT everyone can pump I know many women that can’t get two drops out, but baby can definitely get the benefit of mommas milk for many months or years. NOT every baby will take a bottle. The rubber or plastic nipple feels very different then the God made human nipple, and most babies don’t like trying to switch back and forth. They prefer one or the other. Forcing a baby to take a bottle could be the nail in the coffin of your bfing experience, so many women would just prefer to leave bottles out of the mix. Also, formula tastes very different then breastmilk, and I don’t know a baby that preferred it over the real thing. So your “suggestions” aren’t realistic when it comes to most bfing moms out there or their children. You can’t always just come up with an alternative just because society has issues with the natural way things are meant to be.

        To the blog author- EXCELLENT!!!! I don’t post links very often, but I had to pass yours around and show my hubby who was laughing his head off by the time he got to the end.

      • Mike

        I really have no credibility to be writing in this wonderful blog. I’m a husband to a wife that has breastfed two beautiful daughters and is currently bfing my son of 3 months. Right now she is sleeping and I’m watching the girls cause thought she would like to sleep in. Here is my early morning thoughts about your post.

        You chose to have that child, so donÒ€ℒt force your lifeÒ€ℒs decisions on other people who do not need to see that.
        – so with that archaic point of view, skinny fit people, fat over weight people, people with wild and crazy hair, people with expressive tattoos, people with breast augmentation…. all need to stay in the comfort of their own box, because each has made a life decision and forces all who walk down a street, isle, sit in a coffee shop.,etc… to bare witness of this decisions. Who would be left if we all followed this example?

        There are right times for everything, and breast feeding your child in the privacy of your home/nursery or another private place is a great bonding experience.
        -if your so worried about people pressing their opinions and life decision on others, how can you make this very opinionated and self righteous statement, who are you to say where the best place is to do what.

        For everything else, we have advanced to using technologies such as breast pumps, bottle warmers and/or formulas.
        – As you use the word “WE” dividing you from them, is this the same sense of entitlement you speak against.
        -If advancement is important to you, why then do you harbor the old feeling if people are different from you, they are bad?
        maybe, you could use an advance mindset such as, if you don’t like something move away from it. (i.e bad tv show- try changing the channel, see something on a menu that looks bad-don’t order it, smelly person in line- you chose)

        I do appreciate women who are respectful and modest enough to cover up,
        – why is your opinion so important when you speak out against others?
        but for those of you saying Ò€œlose the shawl,Ò€ lose your sense of entitlement to force YOUR decisions on the general public.
        -I do sense the sense of entitlement in this statement.
        -Not sure your general public is the same as mine?

        I chose to read this blog, I chose to reply and you have done the same. Now, I can see you are able to make your own decisions, as you can see that I can make my own, and this is true for the masses as they opted to post in like. So, here an idea, you make yours and let them make theres, if you don’t like don’t subscribe to it. As long as you have the abilities to walk out, turn around, close your eyes you might be able to avoid being uncomfortable in the general public.

      • Breastfed My DD for 19 Months

        Yeah, ok… Maybe you shouldn’t eat in public either…. Or BE in public!

      • Can't wait to Tandem Breastfeed this Winter!

        But you are forcing your beliefs on us Breastfeeding Moms!

  254. May

    Brilliant!! Absolutely brilliant!

  255. Victoria

    Excellent article! Lovely, perfect humor. Bravo! As a former breastfeeding journalist – err, I mean, I formerly breastfed my baby – I wasn’t a journalist who still noshed at the breast – I learned how to feed my son while performing numerous other activities. (Who has time to simply sit and nurse?) For example, while out grocery shopping and simultaneously holding and nursing my son, I would often have people ask if they could “see” or “hold” my baby, not realizing I was multi-tasking. So it is possible to be very discreet while nursing your baby (sans any special shawls) and still eat, shop, apply makeup, pay bills and perform magic tricks, all at the same time.

  256. Kathleen

    BAAHAHAHAHAHA…..M and Corrina you crack me up!! This was the most amusing article that i have read about breastfeeding in public in a long time!! Very well written; i LOVE IT!! Thank you for making my day! Keep em coming Neil!

  257. Jeanne

    Oh so funny! But, sorry to say, I find the super serious negative comments hilarious. It’s good to know that there are people even more uptight than myself.

    • Kellie

      Right? What a bunch of uptight women! Way to get the panties in a wad over a satirical post!

      Funny isn’t it that (although I haven’t read all the posts and may be wrong) those offended by this blog post are women isn’t it?

  258. Catherine

    Love it! Lose the shawl – you know you can handle anything after breastfeeding multi tasking. My moment of enlightenment came after getting the pram onto a train while bub remained blissfully suckling away. Women are remarkable!

  259. lolosmommy

    Loved it! Though, I’m not so sure you’d want to take the chance at swiping the bagel and risk a hungry bf’ing mama running at you to wrest the bagle back, clobber you and then sit back down finish feeding and eat her bagle! Just sayin’.

  260. NI

    Love it. So well written. I am a nursing mom and have mastered that art of nursing my baby in a restaurant and eating with one hand unlike the mom you witnessed. Just can’t get anything that involves cutting (two hands needed).

  261. Lauren

    This was funny. As a new mother myself, I find that no matter if you breast feed or bottle feed that bagel (or chore, or magazine, or anything fun and normal) is always out of reach.
    I think you should have swiped it….

  262. Christine

    Loved the article!! So refreshing to see this type of article and the subtle humor was great. Sorry, author, for the humorless ones who are only looking to complain or pick a fight. But it was fun again to read their posts and chuckle over them. I am a veteran breastfeeder, having successfully nourished 6 babies that way, often in restaurants and other public places (I, too, usually cover baby with a light blanket). Thank you for the smile today.

  263. Melissa

    Too funny! Love the support.

    I am currently BFing my second son. Although I was a bit shy about BFing in public with my first, I have pretty much said “screw it” with my current baby (6 months old now) and BF in public WHENEVER needed. It is perfectly natural and I appreciate men who understand that.

  264. Heather

    LOVE IT!!! I’m sharing your post on my facebook fan page!

    Heather from Mommy Only Has Two Hands!

  265. becca

    excellent πŸ˜‰

  266. Rebecca

    LOVED IT!!! I am currently a breastfeeding mother of daughter # 3! I cover in public but I am usually in a different state of mind when I breastfeed. It is not about me, my husband or anyone else…it is ALL about my baby’s needs!! If she isn’t happy…NO ONE is happy!!!
    And to all those that were commented negatively…take a big breath and just relax. The poor man wasn’t trying to offend ANYONE. He actually took the time to “SEE” things from a breastfeeding Mothers eyes!!! It is wonderful to read a great article from a MAN that understands what bf-ing mothers go through for their babies πŸ™‚

  267. Brooke

    Aaaahhhh. The great debate. As a breastfeeding mom, I think it’s quite humorous that I’m the one with my breast hanging out and somehow the only one that isn’t uncomfortable. I loved reading this. Thank you for having a sense of humor πŸ™‚

  268. Lady Lune

    A nicely written, entertaining article. Though I’ll probably be stoned to death over this, I do not think it’s appropriate to breast feed in public and force your life’s decisions on other people. With today’s modern technologies of breast pumps, formulas and portable bottle warmers, we can come out of the stone age a bit and not be rude to people just trying to go about their day just trying to eat in their local restaurant, shop at the local grocery store, take a stroll in the park, etc.
    I do appreciate and respect women who are modest and respectful enough to cover it up, but for those who think they’re so self entitled to force an exposed breast on the general public, deserve the looks, stares, gawks and disgusted faces on the passerby’s.
    (the same thing goes for “parents” who choose not to handle their unruly child where people are just trying to enjoy a nice day out as well)
    Breast feeding is a beautiful bonding moment for mother and baby, when done in the right environments such as at home, in the nursery, or a quiet and private place.
    If a woman can not juggle the tasks of being a modern mother in today’s society, maybe they need to think twice about having a child then.

    • Lady Lune

      I would like to add that I am also a thirty three year old mother who has breast fed all four of her children as well. As much as I would love to think the world revolves around me and mine, it doesn’t, and it’s good to be considerate of others.

      • Me

        Oh, go fuck yourself.

        • Heather O.

          Okay, me’s response? THAT made me laugh for about 5 minutes. Best part of the whole frickin’ post.

        • MrsMessiness

          ME for president 2012!!!

    • Jennifer Moeller

      The fact that you think formula is an “advanced technology” tells me all I need to know about your intellectual firepower. Read a book once in awhile, lady. If you had done even a modicum of research on any aspect of infant feeding, you would know that formula is far INFERIOR to breastmilk and that modern chemistry has not even close to caught up with it, and likely never will. There are hundreds of substances in breastmilk that cannot yet be synthesized in the lab and likely never will be. The immune protection cannot be duplicated and likely never will be. The process of feeding is different as well. Nursing uses the baby’s jaw, muscles, and palate in completely different ways from bottlefeeding, and it’s proven that nursing is better for speech development and tooth alignment. You think you’ve got some marvelous trump card, when all you’ve got is ignorance and technology-worship. I’d HATE to hear your views on birth!

    • Kellie

      Well, I don’t want to see your hair color, or your choice of clothing, or any tattoos or piercing you may have, nor do I want to see your kid eating formula, or wearing stupid clothes that I think look hideous

      So why don’t YOU stay at home until you can conform to what I want!?

    • Breastfed My DD for 19 Months

      Lune appears to be a LUNATIC. I’m sorry to hear you had the misfortune of procreating and bringing more idiots into an already overpopulated-idiot culture.

      My DD is a preemie. She nursed every 45 minutes for the first 2 months of her life. That meant, she was going to nurse ANYWHERE we went that was more then a mile from home. So, you’re staying we should have stayed home?

      My DD NEVER had formula, NEVER drank from a bottle. Although I supported the no-formula stand point my opinionated infant had, even though it meant I NEVER got more then 15 minutes sleep at a clip for TWO MONTHS, I wouldn’t have minded her getting an occasional bottle from Daddy (or Nana or ANYONE!). Additionally, after purchasing a hospital grade pump, imagine my surprise to see I couln’t pump more then an ounce day! WHY? Because we’re human, not machines. We respond to our HUMAN BABY’S NEEDS. Yes, some woman have no trouble pumping… But ask around, most of those woman will tell you, they don’t get the same amount as they KNOW their babies can get, naturally…

      Lune, you’re insane. Get help. And now, for shyts and giggles, I think I’ll head to the nude beach and whip out my boobs, since my now 26 month old has no need for me to whip em out anytime anywhere… They’re missing the exposure!

    • Momof4StillBFing

      Sorry, but I would rather live in the stone age where children got what they needed and what was best for them, not what other people thought I should “give” them. I will gladly take all the gawks, looks of disgust and even the nasty comments, b/c I can sit back and know that my baby is better off because I choose to not care what people like you think about me and my parenting.

  269. MamaKate @ AnInconvenientPoop

    Thanks for not taking life (or breastfeeding) too seriously! My daughter is a happily fed breastfed baby…until she did not want to anymore. My job as her mom is to not take myself to seriously so she can grow, feel secure, be healthy and have fun! (That is what babies want to do).

  270. mummybelle

    Dear Lady lune,
    Why is there such an issue about breasts being used by a baby in public? in a western world where heart disease, diabetes and obesity are becoming a huge drain on our economy and resources we should be doing EVERYTHING we can to increase the FALLING rates of breastfeeding. Breast feeding proven to help reduce these diseases. Which would you prefer getting used to seeing breast feeding in public or lower life expectancy? Take a look at your own breasts and celebrate the wonderful contribution they made to your children and let others do the same πŸ™‚

  271. mummybelle

    oh and formula is not a substitute for breast milk, it is a synthetic milk (from a mum who had to use it to supplement her breast feeding. I felt more guilty giving formula to my baby in public than I ever did breast feeding)

    • Catherine Stetson


  272. Philippa Scott

    Hahahahaha I love it!!

    Having said that the bagel is too much for me too, I can often be found simultaniously pushing a trolley, breast feeding and eating or drinking, no shawl though. I have not bothered with a shawl since breastfeeding my 1st. I currently breast feed my 4th in any settingshe desires and have a giggle to myself when I see people trying to decide where to look. I like the comment about those not exposed being the uncomfortable ones. I have found that repeated exposure cures everyone in my experience of their discomfort. For me I have 4 kids under 7 a husband and 4 business’ to run if I need to feed my baby I niether have time for stopping or heating or changing location so I continue to do all I need to do with breast out and baby attached. I dont really care if people like it or not, I dont like muffin tops and fat men but I dont make an issue of it nor do I take offense. I dont have time and I have a life.

    Well done on a great article.

  273. Joanna

    Lady Jane,

    Formula milk isn’t an alternative. You’re talking about feeding a human being milk that was intended for cows, that has no antibodies to infection. 70% of cot deaths are in bottle fed babies and 700 US babies die every year due to bottle feeding. It isn’t more civilised to feed your baby a cow’s breast milk, it’s perverse.

    Women should realise that their breasts are to feed a baby and not some sex toy for a man. That kind of attitude makes them worse than men, because they are at least supposed to understand what their own body parts are intended for.

    To the author of this post, I LOVED it, got a great laugh out of that!

    From a mother who is still breast feeding my 3 year and 3 month old son (and who public fed for 2 years).

    • J.

      The more people breast feed in public the less of an issue it should be. Let’s de-sexualize breasts and look at their physiological purpose- sustenance. I think the author has done just that… drawing attention away from the ‘dirty’ connotations people place on breasts.

      I’m not a mother, so I’ve never breastfed, but I support anyone who chooses to in public. This is not about pushing your beliefs on other people, this is about doing something completely natural and positive when the need arises. Kudos to those willing to do it in public and to those that support the practice. Parenting is hard enough without having to find a ‘special’ secluded place to nurse one’s child.

    • Jennifer Moeller

      Honestly? I get tired of this canard about how breasts are for feeding babies and “not some sex toy for a man.” Can’t we be comfortable with the fact that they are both? Breasts are indicators of sexual maturity. Many couples enjoy breast play in their sex lives and there is nothing wrong with that. The natural progression of that is that along comes baby, and baby nurses. Then more sex, more babies, more nursing. It’s all a continuum and there is no reason to draw artificial lines across it. There is no reason to make a mother feel like a freak or a closet self-hater if she enjoys (and allows a man to enjoy) her breasts in the sexual sense as well as the feeding sense. I do agree that most of the time the emphasis is way off in our society, definitely tipped the wrong way. BUT the truth is that breasts are for both feeding and for sexual pleasure.

      • Kellie

        Breasts are for both, but their main and most important function is for the feeding and nutrition of a child. Our society has made it seem as if that is not only secondary, but unimportant and that substitution is a worthy consideration. I don’t know anyone that would truly say that feeding is the only function of the breast, but it is very much the main and foremost function.

        • Catherine Stetson

          of course they are for both, though I have to say they were probably for milk production first and the sexual aspect developed out of the fact they are something men do not have – and there is nothing wrong with them being something sexual – without sexuality and sexual attraction there wouldn’t be a baby in the first place!

          I am a mother and a woman, not one above the other but both equally and I treat my body accordingly

  274. Nancy V.

    I’m a breastfeeding mommy of 2 beautiful girls, and found this article very humorous! As far as the negative comments, all I can say ignorance is bliss… Breastfeeding is one of the most beautiful and sacred things and is also very unappreciated and sometimes misunderstood… I have personally encountered being told to go to another room even when I was covered up in a hospital waiting room… Ppl fear and judge what they don’t understand… “Modern Mothers” are evolved woman who know the importance of modern day science and healthcare… AAP ( American Academy of Pediatrics says that woman if physically possible should breastfeed. Aside from that we have legislation to protect it for a reason. Breastfeeding os something that has been done since the beginning of time, and what I would like to ask those ppl with the negative comments is when was it deemed that breastfeeding in public exposed or not was innappropriate???? Who decided that are natural born instincts and way of life are offensive??? The formula companies have labels on the back that say infants should be breastfed now… If u cant nurse ur child for health reasons then I’m not here to pass judgement, but if you don’t or don’t like seeing other people do it because of your own insecurities, well really that is YOUR problem. No need to take it out on the woman who are providing their child with the upmost care and making one of the most important medical decisons in that child’s life. My opiniom is based on facts that have been tested using empirical evidence, by highly regarded physicians. What are your opinions based on??? Your own insecurity and biases??? Do your research and if you don’t like seeing woman breastfeeding in public then instead of telling them to stay home, then why don’t you! Laws say they have the right to be breastfeeding in public and I highly doubt the laws will change, as we are with the exceptiom of ignorant ppl who post ignorant things a very highly evolved society. So my advice to you once again is you stay home or look the other way, because regardless of your opinion breastfeeding is going to occur in public like it or not!!

    Once again great article! Your regard for breastfeeding mothers is very amicable!

  275. Nancy V.

    Oh and breastfeeding does not just provide nourishment for the babies the contact between mother and child has emotional and psycological values… Therefore for someone to tell a breastfeeding mom to use a bottle is beyond ignorant and inconsiderate… If you don’t have to use a bottle then by all means don’t!

  276. Alicia Langlands

    I’m an inconsiderate breastfeeder as well. Not because I left my bagel out for all and sundry to crave, but because I ate it whilst feeding my daughter, and the poor little mite always ended up covered in crumbs! Inconsiderate mother that I am! hahaha

    • Audrey

      I can’t tell you how many times one of my (6) bf’d babies ended up with scrambled eggs, oj, or some condiment plopped on their clothing, because, well, I am not as self sacrificing as some. And if I am hungry, like my baby, I will eat, come hell or high water. Can’t make good milk supply starving and dehydrated! lol, love this whole conversation!

    • Breastfed My DD for 19 Months

      YES! Oh, when my DD was a newborn, it wasn’t so bad. She was a preemie and sooooo tiny, I just tucked her into the crock of my arm. But as she got older, she was ALWAYS covered in my food! Probably why she gets so cranky and DEMANDS a tissue immediately if she gets a SPECK of food on her now! LOL

  277. Jenny

    I would usually cover up, at first because I was unable to latch my little guy on without COMPLETELY flashing everyone in the vicinity, and later, because he was so distractible he wouldn’t pay attention to the task at hand. I was always jealous of those mommas whose babies didn’t turn this way and that trying to see everything going on around them! πŸ™‚

    • Jenifer

      I hear ya Jenny!
      I was jealous of the ladies who could walk around and nurse, and nurse without covering and not putting on a huge show. They were discreet without the shawl, where-as I wasn’t as discreet and I’d use mulitple blankets! Ha!

  278. Misha

    What a charming article! As my husband points out, it’s really not about breastfeeding at all, just a humorous add into the debate.

    I don’t understand the negative comments at all in regard to this, or the “cover up” comments, or actually suggesting formula? Why would I want to feed my child something completely artificial for the sake of not offending others innocent eyes with my disgusting amoral display of public breastfeeding? But I guess that my discreet, yet uncovered, breastfeeding is far more offensive than the cover of Maxim?

  279. Lisa Russell

    hilarious- I live it, Neil.

    I’m amused and a bit creeped out by people who call breastfeeding “mom’s decision” It wasn’t a boardroom full of women who decided breasts should be placed front-and-center, for milk dispensing and sexuality. Someone else made that decision, and I’m more offended when I see people bottle-feeding in public. Nasty plastic and chemicals have no place around children, You might as well pass the child a cigarette. Don’t waste a minute of motherhood washing bottles or trying to pump yourself like a dairy farm- it’s what they’re for. And these babies grow up so fast, nursing really is a precious human experience that NEEDS to be shared with everyone in the community. We have a responsibility to make sure every teenage boy sees boobs used for feeding, to make sure every little girl with her dolly try nursing and to make sure that bottles are only used for medical necessity, like perhaps an allergy to mom’s milk. Instead of formula, every baby has a RIGHT and the world has a responsibility to make sure they consume human milk. Why should a corporation profit from systematically undermining human brain development?

    So anyway Neil- excellent post, Sorry for snapping at your commenters.

  280. Ember

    This made me laugh so hard as I am a public breastfeeding mother and I feel the woman’s pain at not being able to eat at the same time her child is eating. In fact I think my baby times it so that if I want to eat she asks for food at the same moment.

    Thanks so much for this article and it’s laugh making powers.

  281. Neil

    Hi. This in Neil. What an amazing conversation. I can hardly keep up. If you had told me five years ago, when I started blogging, that my most popular post would be about a breastfeeding woman and her bagel, I would have laughed. Over 35,000 views since Friday!

    Although I had more interest in being funny than political, I guess I did make a point. And the story is actually true!

    • kendra


    • 180|360

      Holy Shit, Neil! I had no clue what your Twitter was about until right now. You’re practically knocking on the bottom of Dooce’s ladder.

  282. MJ

    As a lactation consultant, I found the article very humorous and right on. As for the detractors, they need to remember that it is not about them and their comfort zone. Look away if it bothers you!

    “Childhood Obesity” is a front page article in our local newspaper today. It’s an epidemic and is much more prevalent in children who were not exclusively breastfed or predominately breastfed for the first 6 months of their lives, (34% of school age children in Massachusetts are overweight or obese!) Add in the occurence of childhood diabetes amongst formula fed children, and you have a whopping public health issue. Unfortunately, many people in American think formula feeding is just about as good as breastfeeding. After all, don’t the formula makers put all that “good stuff” into the formula to make it almost like mother’s milk? DHA and ARA are made from algae and and soil fungus. Botanical names sound very impressive on the label. How many parents really receive any information about what is actually in formula? It is not the same as what is found in mother’s milk.

    Thank you for an intertaining article.

  283. Jenifer

    I love it!

    My daughter I SWEAR used to time her wails of hunger the second I started eating. Even if I fed her 10 minutes earlier. So much cold food; thanks Ella!
    My son was a little kinder.

    As for only using bottles in public, that’s fine and dandy if you can pump, you can keep your “liquid gold” chilled until baby is ready to eat, then you have to heat it up, but not too hot, and not in a plastic container… and then after all that work they may refuse it anyway! Ha!
    And heaven forbid if any gets spilled… they say not to cry over spilled milk, what about if you made it yourself?

    Get over yourselves people, it’s a fun article saying that worst thing about this woman nursing in public is her delicious bagel getting cold.

    • Breastfed My DD for 19 Months

      Jenifer, thank you for that! I remember after my first pumping experience… I finally filled one of those tiny little bottles, and I tried to put the cap on while holding my DD in the other hand. Well, the bottle toppled. I burst into tears and mighty angry sobs, my husband came running and within a few minutes, we were both hysterical laughing over my “crying over spilt milk”!

  284. Momof6

    Awesome!! So funny I had to read it to my husband! All of my children have been breastfed (I have around 12 years of bf’ing!) and no, I didn’t stay home or in a car! LOL Although I may have been guilty a time or two of leaving some yummy looking tidbit on a plate when I couldn’t eat it due to a babe in arms! And for that, I apologize! =)

  285. Becky

    You are ridiculous. The woman is covered. Yet, you seem to think that she planned to go out for breakfast, order a bagel and then refuse to eat it, apparently to offend your delicate sensibilities. She went out to breakfast, and at that point, Baby decides s/he needs to eat, so she puts aside her needs for a moment to feed her baby. And you feel inconvenienced.

    Go ahead and watch her nurse. Obviously, you don’t know enough about what breasts were designed to do. They aren’t play things for grown men. They’re for feeding babies. And believe me, moms don’t want to go out to breakfast and sit and stare at their bagel instead of eating– that’s just what happens when you’re a mom.

    And in a minute, the baby will be done eating, and she’ll eat her breakfast. And you’ll still be a grown-up who feels inconvenienced when humans feed their babies. Sigh…..

    • Becky

      Oh, you got me! Good one!

    • Jennifer Moeller

      Dear God… irony truly is lost upon some people, huh?

  286. Leah

    Urinating is natural too. If women can breastfeed in public, then why can’t people hike down their panties and pee in the middle of restaurants also? Some things are just downright tacky to do in front of groups of strangers, and discharging bodily fluids of all kinds fall into that category.

    • Breastfed My DD for 19 Months

      Shut up. I really can’t say that loud enough. SHUT UP.

      Go eat your lunch in the john, ok? Or better yet, stay home and stop offending the rest of us.

    • Fred

      I…what?…wow. You just compared feeding one’s child to VOIDING ONE’S BLADDER. Get some perspective, lady. Even setting aside the fact that public urination is illegal, while public bf is (in many/most Western areas) *protected* by law, you say that “discharging bodily fluids of all kinds [is tacky]”. So by your rationale, people should never blow their noses in public. How about crying? Perspiring?

      I’m being a bit facetious, but the specific nature of your comparions (especially in light of your appeal to bodily fluids) makes it fairly clear that you are unable to separate the psycho-sexual aspect of breasts from their bio-physiological function.

    • Lynda

      And yet, I’ll just bet your next thought is to make the woman carry her baby to the bathroom to eat, because that’s so much more appropriate than feeding the child in the place meant for eating rather than peeing.

      “Tacky” is an opinion, I guess. I figure if your sensibilities can’t take a room full of strangers doing all sorts of things with food without your permission, it’s probably safer to stay home. I find watching someone eat a 5 lb. plate of cheese fries pretty tacky too, but I wouldn’t where i might see if I insist on staring.

    • Jennifer Moeller

      What. The. Hell. Urine, a waste product, is equivalent to the perfect milk that flows to feed our children. You truly are mentally and spiritually damaged.

    • Breastfed My DD for 19 Months

      This crazy nut needs a slap upside the head. I keep picturing that scene from airplane where they all get on line to “calm” the hysterical woman down. Then I say we make her eat lunch in the most disgusting public restroom, men’s of course, because then the “discharging of bodily fluids” can take place right in front of her while she’s eating…

      I’m sorry… I take such deep offense to this one. I responded to the others with humor and grace, but this one?

      SHUT UP.

  287. Jeanna

    Neil, love the post…Can’t help wondering with the BF pair only two feet away- are you the Daddy?

    And to the minority posters who are offended by BF in public, I envy your energy to give a shit. Currently nursing my third, while battling major BF obstacles (low supply, tongue-tied baby, etc…) for the third time, and quite successfully I might add, and trying to handle the toddler and ornery 9 year old, oh, and work at a part-time paying job as well, I have no energy left to give a shit about offending anybody. It’s all I can do to just make it through the day. Multi-tasking, indeed.

  288. .tif

    Thanks for this. It made me smile and laugh.

  289. Tammy Jo

    I would just like to repectfully (not really) ask those who are humorless and/or offended to PLEASE use proper grammar, spelling, and punctuation when you are making your pointless … um, I mean, your point. “M” – it’s “rapist” with an “i”, not “rapest”. And “Corrina” … let’s just say that if I was your grammar teacher, I would have already emptied a red pen on your punctuation errors and omissions ALONE! Finally, I would like to make it known that I DO see the irony in me making a mountain out of a molehill, just like the humorless and/or offended did. It’s all part of me making my point. Or pointless. πŸ˜‰

  290. Natallia

    I have breastfed my kids in public without any reservations, never used blankets or anything else more than my own clothes. Comfort of the woman and the baby in such situation is most important. I feel more men should write articles like that so women would not feed their babies in restrooms, hiding. πŸ™ Comfy place with bagels and tea is much better choice. As to bagels, my advice for guys is not to stare at nursing mom food, because as my husband put it – you are playing with fire. πŸ™‚

    • S.D.

      It has been over 10 years since I last breastfed one of my babies…and I happily did so wherever the little one required it. The mall, a coffee shop, school, a committee meeting…No problem. I was berated, almost accosted when one evening, my 2 1/2 year old required her evening suckling, and sitting in a restaurant, I was called a f*#%ng sicko hippie freak… maybe times have changed?

      • Jennifer Moeller

        Sorry to say not really. Babies seem to fine with almost everyone, but get above a year in age and people start to think you’re nuts. I didn’t really nurse mine out of the house past about 18 months, not out of any shame on my part, but to protect my baby from the crazies who would give us problems. There really are people out there who think you are sexually abusing your child if you nurse much past a year. Over two is definitely wack. They’d be horrified to see my nearly 3 year old snuggling up for her “morning nuh nuh” every day. Funny thing how so many people think we are damaging our kids emotionally with extended nursing… I get compliments on my kids’ even demeanors, good manners, kindness, maturity, and responsibility all the time. People ask me to let them babysit my children! Guess I didn’t mess them up too much! But, sadly, even these days, a 2 year old at the breast in public is an invitation for trouble. But only because people are stupid…..

        • Kerri LaPalme

          Breast feeding a baby past 12months old IS insane! I have two boys 2 years and 3 1/2 years old and I would never ever consider doing so…. yuck!

          • Jennifer Moeller

            According to YOUR ignorant, prudish American standard. (I’m an American too, but I think our culture is totally wacked on many aspects of childrearing!) Do you realize that you just called a large proportion of the world’s population insane? Your opinion works for you, but that doesn’t mean it means ANYTHING for anyone else.

          • robin

            so sad when a natural part of life is referred to as “yuck”… i nursed my son until he was 25 months old. it was wonderful for us both. what is “insane” to you, is completely normal and loving to others. i would never berate your choice, please do the same to others.

          • Carol

            So giving them cow’s milk is better. Um, ok.

      • dori

        times have changed, sure, but maybe they were yelling at you because your kid was old enough to ask for breast milk in plain english. TWO AND A HALF??!??!?

        • Fish

          Wait, are you implying that as soon as a child can ASK to nurse, they no longer need it?

          • mandy

            I don’t get it, if the body were made to stop breast feeding on schedule then it would stop right? However, the body is able to produce milk, nutrition and immunity well into toddler years. Evolution has a tendancy to get rid of extra functions and parts yet boobs remain able to produce milk much longer than what you have prescribed. Maybe you have only an opinion worthy of only you and yourn. Everybody is an indivisual some kids stop at 6 months on their own and others continue on until they are ready. Ge’ova’it!

        • Jennifer Moeller

          And…. there we go. Perfect example of what I was talking about. Dori, you think your confidence in your ignorant opinion gives you the right to rudely accost strangers in public? According to ancient Hebrew practices, Mary would have nursed Jesus until he was about three. Modern research, undertaken by Kathering Dettwyler, determined that, based on other primates and certain biological developmental markers, the natural human weaning age is between the ages of 3 and 7 years. I saw her research quoted in “Our Babies, Ourselves” by Meredith Small. I don’t know if it’s available in other sources. So 2 1/2 would actually be a kind of early weaning age, if social pressures weren’t intervening. Get off your high horse.

          • Jennifer Moeller

            *Katherine Dettwyler… sorry for the typo

          • Deborah

            Jennifer… you are NOT alone! Good thing these women had enlightened ancestors hundreds of years ago who were able to go to the store and buy milk and baby food for their young children. What? No supermarket or convenience stores in Europe or Africa or Asia, or the Americas???? No formula? No jarred baby food? How on earth did their babies and young children thrive and survive so that they could grow and reproduce and sustain their population and bring us into the world so that we could have this present day debate on the perfect food for infants and young children? Breastmilk through breastfeeding, you say????? Are you talking about that nutrient-dense, immunity-building, perfect human food, that god and mother nature made us physically capable of giving to our children?

            • Katie

              Please oh please capitalize God. God was important enough to give you breasts and you babies to feed them with, so show the proper respect and reverence.

              • Deborah

                Katie, contrary to your assertion, I meant neither offense nor disrespect nor lack of reverence. In fact, quite the contrary. The name is so revered in my religion, and so respected that, as a general rule, my religion does not permit me to write the name with a capital G (see Deuteronomy). I was taught that using the small g in place of the capital G is one way to prevent others from destroying or otherwise defiling the name. Another way is “G-d.” But, just to be clear, this blog is about breastfeeding, not religion.

                • Elisa

                  Just wanted to say I had never heard that explanation for the little g before but I appreciated learning something new.

          • Amy

            Jennifer thank you for writing that so wonderfully. It boggles my mind that in our society people hurry up and get their children off HUMAN milk and put them on COWS milk. Do you know that we are the only species that weans our children and gives them someone elses milk?? Do you realize that cows milk is killing us? Our bodies are not made to have another animals milk after weaning from our own milk. Cows milk causes diabetes, breast cancer and obesity just to name a few. Our breasts are not only made to nourish our children but they are also there for comfort which some children need longer than others.

      • momx5

        well yeah! Breast feeding a 2 and 1/2 year old is crazy! If a child is old enough to ask to be breast fed, the first clue is that he or she is way too old. That child should be drinking out of a cup by now. I think Mom likes it way tooooo much and needs to get a man to suck on her. Also breast feeding in public is not appropriate. Yes it is natural, but so is going to the bathroom and most of us don’t do that in public.

        • Deborah

          Momx5, I am incensed by your ignorant — not to mention sexist, female-demeaning — remarks. Do you know that the World Health Organization recommends exclusive breastfeeding up to 6 months of age, with continued breastfeeding along with appropriate complementary foods up to two years of age OR BEYOND? Do you know that the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends exclusive breastfeeding for approximately the first six months and support for breastfeeding for the first year AND BEYOND as long as mutually desired by mother and child? Check out their respective websites for these verbatim guidelines. The Centers for Disease Control echoes these guidelines. And, I imagine, support for extended breastfeeding — that is, breastfeeding toddlers and preschoolers — will only continue to GROW the more this fabulous and wonderful ancient art of nourishment is revived and embraced. So, tell us, just what, exactly, was the emperical scientific criteria YOU used to decide that being able to speak and ask to nurse is ANY type of clue that a child is too old to be breastfed?

          Also, I feel it incumbent upon me, as a former prosecutor, to inform you that there are laws specifically written to enable and protect women who breastfeed in public. That’s right. Breastfeeding in public in this country not only is appropriate, it is LEGAL — as well as natural. This means that a woman who wants to breastfeed in public — no matter what the age of the child — cannot be arrested or harassed or otherwise impeded and, in some states, it is of no significance if her nipple is showing. On the other hand, going to the bathroom in public, to use your bizarre analogy, is ILLEGAL in EVERY state of this country.

        • Katrina

          Thank you for your comment, Deborah. The AAP is in the process of amending their recommendations to 2 yrs and beyond. Also some states (TX for example) have laws that not only state that it is legal for a woman to breastfeed in public (any where she is allowed to be), but that also make it ILLEGAL to interfere with a woman breastfeeding her baby.

          Momx5, you obviously need to see a psychologist or psychiatrist of some sort if you think FEEDING A BABY is a sexual act and that women who wish to FEED THEIR BABIES the way we were intended should instead fill their tiny tummies with chemicals created by scientists to MIMIC breastmilk, and find a man to mimic breastfeeding. How absurd. I find it even more ridiculous that you try to relate voiding excrement to creating food and feeding a child. Seriously – get some help!

          [Just an aside, in many parts of Europe, it IS legal to use the bathroom in public, as long as you face away from traffic.]

        • Carol

          This reply is pure stupidity. How is it that a child’s ability to ask for breastmilk marks the end of his need for it? As well, your remark about getting a man to suck on them shows a complete lack of class. A baby sucks on a breast for milk differently from a man teasing a breast for sex. Your ignorance is astounding. Get an education.

        • stacyh

          momx5, you are disgusting. and ignorant. and disgusting.

        • Elisa

          If breasts are too sexual to have a 2 year old “exposed” to them, then I hope you would show the same horror and disgust to a 2 year old having a bottle, pacifier, or sippy cup, because all of these are artificial breast substitutes. Really, if breastfeeding is sexual, then bottles are baby sex toys. Yet no one bats an eye when a mom feeds her baby a bottle in public.

          • Deborah

            Elisa, The same thought occurred to me last night as I was trying to wrap my brain around, and come to terms with, some of the bizarre and misogynistic comments I have read here. Bottle nipples and pacifiers, etc., are made (wonder why?!) to mimic human nipples — both in terms of shape and function and, dare I say, “feel” (copied but NEVER duplicated!!!). And no one on this blog, and I do mean NO ONE, can rationally dispute those facts. To my eye, these plastic “nipples,” used so freely and so openly and so obviously in public, are FAR larger than any human nipple I’ve ever seen. Some of those plastic things out there are so large, they actually scare me! (And let’s not forget about the health and choking hazards some of them pose — not to mention horrible teeth. Ah, but that’s another topic for another blog! Check out the Federal Consumer Products Safety Commission’s wesite, among others.) Those huge plastic things are in FULL, unobstructed view whenever a child takes a bottle or pacifier in public — not only do you get to see the child voraciously sucking away, you get the added bonus of seeing ALL of the nipple… especially when the bottle or pacifier comes out of the child’s mouth and falls to the floor/ground (talk about yuck) and/or gets plopped onto a table!

            Come to think of it, given such an unabashed public display of such a large nipple, with NO attempt at modesty or discretion, shouldn’t we be berating those plastic-nipple-using moms — AND/OR DADS — who make no attempt to cover them up? I mean, really. Do they think I want to see their plastic nipples while I am eating??? (For those of you who don’t get it… this last paragraph was my attempt at being facetious. But, seriously, for the record, I would NEVER denigrate anyone who chooses to — or has to out of necessity — bottle feed their child.)

          • Jennifer Moeller

            I abjectly adore this response. Never heard it put quite this way before, but you better believe I’m putting this one in the file for future use!

        • Kristy

          momx5….the problem with your ignorant comment is that you are thinking of the breast in a sexual way. The mom “enjoys it too much” and needs to get a “man to suck on her”. First off..breasts are for breastfeeding…it is not a sexual act and for you to feel that way perhaps you should talk to a therapist about that. I am currently breastfeeding my 2 1/2 year old who *GASP* can come up to me and say he wants to nurse! OHH NOOOOO….and another FYI…if a child is too old for the breast when they can ask..then I guess we should wean them at birth..since crying is a form of asking. And I can assure you..there is no sexual pleasure I get from having my son breastfeed at this age…..and while your nursing you don’t see your child a a big old toddler breastfeeding. When I look at him..I still see a baby..and i’m sure I’ll still see him as a baby till he weans…which will be when HE is ready not when the perverted american culture thinks he should be ready.

          • Deborah

            Rock on, Kristy!!! You go girl!

        • momof2

          I think that the argument ‘when they are old enough to ask for it they should be weaned’ is so ridiculous! asking to nurse is no diffrent than if they were to ask for a glass of water or a sandwich really! they are thirsty and/or hungry.

          but anyways I loved this article it made me smile =0) great job!

  291. María K.

    “Docked and sealed” is a nice description. I think I will borrow that if you don’t mind. I love breastfeeding and will do so as long as my baby wishes and wherever he wishes. My boyfriend will have to wait for his turn later. LOL ! Great dicussion and perspectives. I have been laughing for 2 hours now !!!

  292. Judith Bandsma

    Loved the article. I have recently become a great-grandmother so I am long beyond those days of wanting (or needing) to breast feed. But it makes me sad that I missed my chance. For my first, I wanted to nurse him but everyone discouraged it. I decided to try anyway and got no help at all beyond “this is what you do to make him let go when it hurts too bad”. Even my mother (who had breastfed me) discouraged me. So, of course, I failed.

    My next 2 were premies with high Rh complications and again, I was discouraged from trying because of the procedures being done to the baby. Nobody wanted to hear it that I could pump and at least that would get some proper nourishment into them.

    I really feel like I missed out. And those who are negative about the subject annoy the hell out of me. But I’ll bet they are my age or close to it and highly religious because that’s where most of the humorless comments on the subject come from in my area.

    • Jennifer Moeller

      I am so sorry you feel so robbed! I too am an Rh- mama, and I am eternally grateful for RhoGam. There is one modern medical invention that has done worlds of good! I never would have had five healthy children without it. I have to commend you on your positive attitude toward breastfeeding. So many mothers who were mistreated like you use their bitterness as a weapon against nursing moms. It’s a self-defense mechanism. They feel so cheated and robbed that their pain makes them lash out, and they denigrate nursing to convince themselves it’s not really that important. Not a nice way to try and heal themselves, but I’ve seen it many times. My own mother is my worst example… long story, and no one wants to hear it. I wish I could forget it. So I applaud you for your maturity and lovingness, that you can celebrate for others what you yourself were robbed of. πŸ™‚

      • Judith Bandsma

        Well, if you got Rhogam, you probably got a piece of me. That was the one thing I WAS able to do and do well. My titer was so high that for almost 20 years I donated plasma for the manufacture of that miracle substance. I’d still be doing it if I hadn’t developed COPD and disqualified myself. But it was long enough that I still have to carry my donor card to show that the marks on my veins aren’t from drug use. πŸ™‚

    • Carol

      I’m saddened by your experience. You were robbed and lied to, plain and simple. I admire you for sticking to your guns and trying anyway, as well as for defending young women who may be getting the same kinds of pressures. If you make one young woman feel more courageous, then you can take credit for giving to the world what you were not allowed to give.

    • Rane dae

      I’m so sorry for your loss. I am all the more grateful to have had a mostly positive nursing experience with both of my kids. Stories like yours make me want to share what I’ve learned and help other moms be successful, should they choose to nurse their children for however long they choose to do it!

  293. Debbie Leonard

    Hilarious! Loved that this is written by a man. I loved Bf all three of my children and did so long after it was socially acceptable. Now I am a grandmother and have the honor of encouraging my daughter through the rough times, as she begins her journey of parenting. Thanks for the laugh, I’ll check your blog again.

  294. Marilyn Wolf

    I nursed my kids everywhere and almost no one ever knew we were “engaged.” I’ve even walked around department stores with the kid hooked up. Even with a shawl this is too obvious for most people around her to be comfortable. As for the bagels…this must be her first kid. MY bagels would not have been sitting there alone.

    • MJ quinn

      ha, even my first kid was constantly covered in pizza sauce and salad dressing drips πŸ™‚

      • Katrina

        I covered mine with napkins so I wouldn’t have to change his clothes every time *I* ate! lol

  295. Juniper

    What a refreshing article, Juniper

  296. A Nonny Moose

    I’m just glad you still have all your blood.

  297. Danielle Taylor

    I just laughed so hard at this….I really haven’t had that great of a laugh in a while. I nursed both of my daughters 10 years ago now for my youngest, but I was a bit more considerate in public as to cover well…but I did learn how to manage to eat. Those bagels wouldn’t have been lonely…that’s for sure!! I would have eaten, while they did! LOL! I just can’t get over this…still laughing….

  298. Anita Green

    I cant quite work out weather I like this or hate it! (And hopefully, she would have postpartum depression, so she would be too depressed to chase me down the block.) Who the hell would write something like that – A mother with postpartum depression would CERTAINLY not see the funny side to this article! As a Mum 4 Mum breast feeding support person myself this disgusts me!

    • RaeAnne

      Anita, as someone who had PPD, I thought it was hysterical! πŸ˜€ I can see how not everyone would agree, of course. πŸ™‚

      • Angie

        Relax, Anita, it’s a joke.

    • Rane dae

      It’s okay to like it! I have PPD and it’s hilarious to me! His tongue is oh so firmly planted in his cheek!

  299. RaeAnne

    It’s a good thing you didn’t grab that bagel. When I was nursing a much younger dd, I could literally jump up from the couch to grag the phone, and she didn’t even unlatch! LOL

  300. grail960

    Great writing! Definitely not the direction you expect this to go! Fun to read. I agree with most the comments. It must have been her first, and if I really liked bagels, it would be gone at the same time too!. If they whip it out with no consideration for others then they are a problem. I nursed 3 and did so in public and with 8 teenage boys sitting around too, without showing anything!

  301. Sarajoy VB

    this is great! I breastfed my daughter in my college class with my prof’s support and at the end of the class some of the younger (regular age) college students asked how I kept her so quiet all semester. Their jaws dropped to the floor when I told them my secret. One even stammered, “Did. Did. Did you, like, raise your hand and ask questions while you were doing that?!?!?!” Taking notes was a little trickier. But Yes. Yes, a woman can think and use her breasts at the same time.

    • JenniferP

      I understand how some men may not understand as the ones I have met mostly cannot use our breasts and think at the same time. πŸ™‚ And, if she had PPD, I suspect the bagel might have had chocolate on it, so probabyl she didn’t. πŸ™‚ Thanks for the laugh.

    • Carey

      “But Yes. Yes, a woman can think and use her breasts at the same time.”

      This is absolutely the best part of this whole post! πŸ™‚ LOVE IT! Thanks Sarajoy!

      FWIW, I breastfed my children till they were about 18 months old, and I fed them absolutely everywhere.

    • Elisa

      “A woman can think and use her breasts at the same time”

      LOVE IT!!!

  302. Katie

    Your article made me laugh! Having struggled with others having differing opinions on the issue of nursing in public, it was refreshing to read your bageled perspective. :o)

  303. Carolyn from Australia

    Love it. I have PPD and I think it’s a great article.

  304. Jennifer

    This is so funny! I can’t stop laughing. I agree with this must have been her first child, b/c I would have had the bagels ate up b4 the baby would have been nursing. The PPD thing could offend some, but I have PPD and I can understand the humor in it. I’ve definitly not felt like chasing after something b4, so hey, if it would have been me sitting there nursing my son and I was feeling lots of depression that day, then yes, you might have been able to swipe my bagels and me not care. LOL. I think more people notice someone nursing in public when they use a cover than when they just hold the baby only. It can easily be done without showing no boob.

  305. Lulu

    I enjoyed your article. As a women who is very much in support of breastfeeding I found your take rather refreshing. I had a great laugh. I must say that the more I tried to be discreet about the task when I was “out” the more I tended to reveal of myself out of sheer nervousness about being on public display. Quite hilarious when I think about it but I imagine rather entertaining (or not) for any onlookers. Thanks for that!

    • Carol

      LOL. In the early days with my first, I struggled with those silly shirts with the slits and flap. In one of my attempts to be discreet, I was horrified when my husband informed me that one breast was staring my father across the table right through the slit. Nursing in a regular shirt pulled up just enough works fine, as does nursing in a sling.

  306. Katrina

    I have been reading this post several times a day and it never gets old. I agree that this woman must have been a novice if she couldn’t eat her round, juicy mounds of goodness while nursing her baby. I seemed to nurse every time I ate, and to avoid unnecessary staining on my baby’s outfit I started draping napkins over him to catch anything that might fall off of my fork. I know – not very discreet, but we both got to eat our nice, hot meals without tempting the weak!

  307. Susan

    Loved this. Humor is so needed when you have entire cultures where people get so whacked out about infants eating the normal way they are supposed to eat.

    I too draped my son in napkins while eating when he was a young infant.

    I have to confess, no one ever messed with me when I breastfed my son in public (on subways, buses, trains, airplanes and even once a cable car) up to the age of 2. At the same time, one of my mommy friends seemed to receive constant comments. I have no idea whether it was confidence of an older mother (I was 41 when I had him) or the fact that I had spent so much time before he was born in developing areas of the world where breastfeeding.

  308. Dave

    Points to Ponder……

    I wonder how many women know that with stimulation, many men are capable of breastfeeding too. I wonder if the reactions would be the same

    Is it OK for couples undergoing fertility treatment to bare a stomach or thight in public and give a needle in front of everyone.

    Is it OK to publicly change a colostomy bag..another natural body function in process

    • Alisha

      How can you liken changing a COLOSTOMY bag to breastfeeding?

    • Jennifer Moeller

      You vitiate your own argument with your examples. Neither fertility treatments nor colostomies are anywhere near natural.

      I do not understand the level of disgust with which so many people regard breastfeeding. I’m really sorry if your mother damaged you emotionally in some way, but there is nothing in the universe that can make shit equivalent to breastmilk.

    • Angie

      I know men can and have lactated, and I would love to see a man nurse in public. It would be surprising, I’m sure I’d stare the first time, and probably the second and third, too.
      I wonder if that would finally eliminate the double standard for men’s vs women’s nipples in public. That’s the crux of the matter- our nipples can’t be shown and yours can, without logical reason, given that both sexes can lactate and some men’s breasts are larger than some women’s.
      And like the other posters, I do want to point out that we are not asking for our children to do anything other than eat in public. Eat. Not poo, not get medical treatment, just eat like you can.

    • Arizona Brooks


      We are not talking about “natural body functions” in general, we are talking about E A T I N G. Do you want to eat your lunch in a public bathroom? Do you want to go out for a meal and have to eat it with a blanket over your head?

      If you are offended by babies eating, keep it to yourself. I have frequently been seated in a restaurant next to a person whose eating is disgusting to me or makes me uncomfortable. Perhaps their meal has a very strong smell, perhaps they chew with their mouth open, maybe they slurp their soup, or perhaps they have a rare prime rib practically dripping with blood. Do I give them dirty looks? Do I make rude comments? Absolutely not. This is called being civil and getting along in society.

      Please make a note of it.

  309. sari

    By the time I got to my third child, I would have had that bagel gone before you had a chance to see it.

    Have a great day.

  310. Marinka

    I wish people would stop eating everything bagels in public.

    • D

      I know, it’s so revolting. Keep your everything bagels behind closed doors. Sickos…

  311. JanePoet/deborah

    475 comments on bagels and breastfeeding … you’ve tapped into the pulse of America!

  312. Nikki B

    I BF my son and relished every precious moment until he became so difficult at 5 months old that I had to give it up. Gotta say, when he was 3 days old and the three of us were sitting in bed, my son nursing and my husband and I indulging in a little ice cream, and I dropped a spoonful on his head, I felt like a bad mom. I got over it, I just made sure I didn’t drink coffee while feeding him… πŸ˜‰

  313. Deborah

    CLEARLY, this hand-tied, paisley-shawl-wearing, bagel-and-cream-cheese-ignoring breastfeeding mom is a novice and a COMPLETE embarrassment to we breastfeeding pros. (And let’s not forgot to give that inconsiderate, selfish, self-centered hungry baby of hers a piece of our minds while we’re at it. The NERVE of him.) Given time and the increased proficiency that comes naturally with time, I’m sure that this mom — as have so many breastfeeding moms before her — will be able to safely and confidently cradle her nursling in the crook of only one arm, leaving definitely one, maybe even both, hands free to eat that neglected bagel, or hold a glass of water, or read a book or, heaven forfend, stroke her child’s soft, downy hair, and/or caress her child’s sweet and contented face, or even hold his hand. Yes, in time, she will — as I did before her — learn to lift her shirt discreetly, wherever she is, and deftly position her little one across the front of her body in such a way that her child will be able to happily and enthusiastically nurse without anyone even knowing he was nursing. And, finally, she will — I hope — learn how to dress properly so that she can ditch that godforsaken shawl and let her nursling breathe some fresh air while he’s eating. Let’s hope it happens soon… if only so that hot-blooded, grown, hungry men don’t have to suffer. In the meantime, I suggest they exercise some self-restraint and learn not to covet their neighbor’s bagel.

    p.s. My only child was born when I was almost 42 years old. I nursed her — everywhere and anywhere — just over 4.5 years… and NO ONE ever knew when she was nursing. I would not have traded a single nano-second of that experience for all the bagels in the world.

  314. Angie

    Thank you for the wonderful article. I love it when people who don’t nurse do get it.

  315. Missy

    Thanks for the article. I have an 11 month old boy and have I have breastfed him in public. Even though I know it’s a right and I whole-heartedly support public breastfeeding, I’m not comfortable doing it myself. The couple times that I tried, my baby ended up exposing me and I felt uncomfortable. He is a very active nurser and always has been. As far as eating while nursing, yes, I do it all the time. I haven’t really dropped food on his head but I still don’t eat or drink anything hot when I’m nursing him, especially now that he’s so active. I am glad that a man felt comfortable writing this blog. It was very funny.

  316. Sherry

    If a woman who was not breastfeeding happened to expose the same, or even a greater amount, of her breast, due to her choice of clothing, NO ONE would say a thing about it. Why is it that the absolutely normal, natural, and ESSENTIAL act of giving nourishment to our young in the way that our bodies were designed to do, causes such revulsion and controversy?

    It is correct that the average length of time that a child in most of the world nurses is 5 years, this is normal, period. My daughters nursed until THEY were ready to wean, which was at 3 years for the older and 6 years for the younger.

    • Carol

      Absolutely! You see far more from young women offering themselves up on a platter in the street than from a breast-feeding mom.

  317. NaturalMom08

    This was a great blog post!! Loved it! I especially laughed at the PPD part. I had PPD, but heaven forbid you try to take that bagel away…if I had managed to get out of the house with my PPD, you can bet you would have been laid flat on the concrete for trying to steal my bagel and cream cheese!! πŸ˜‰

    Now, once I have my twins, that might be a different story and both of my hands would definitely be tied up…but maybe then, I’ll have someone with me who can feed it to me while the twins are nursing? LOL πŸ˜‰

    Thanks for the laugh!

  318. tiggs

    I love this, I didn’t get the chance to breastfeed my girls as for medical reasons but I love it when the women get a chance to. I am shocked that people find it wrong to do so in public. I personally am to shy not to find a private area but many women aren’t and all I can say is go them. We recently had a target that told a woman she had to go the a rest room when she had a 3 month old a 2 year old and a 5 year old to keep up with when she went to an area of the store where she could watch the older children and have some privacy also. They told her that she couldn’t when she told them it was against the law to tell her that she couldn’t they had security escort her out. Then we had another one who was at a restaurant with her family to be told that she would have to go to the rest room as they do not allow their customers to breast feed at the tables. My mother-in-law, who proudly scolded me for not being able to breast feed my own…said good that the women shouldn’t be doing that in public…WTF…More men need to write things like this! Thanks for the blog!

    • Katrina

      I’m sorry you were unable to breastfeed your own, but I’m glad you still support others! Many states do have laws that make it illegal to interfere with a woman breastfeeding her child. I’d have asked “Are you SURE you want me to leave? Or are you just trying to buy yourself a lawsuit so you can get fired?” It’s been YEARS since a nursing mom was asked to stop or leave a restaurant here, but last time it happened the restaurant issued a public apology and La Leche League held a few nurse-ins there. πŸ™‚

  319. erika

    Wow! Who knew a comical blog could spark such debate! I could give you the details of my breastfeeding history, explain why breast is best, and tell you why I still breastfeed my six year old (nah, i really don’t, just wanted to induce some shock) but I’ll spare you. But I will say, if you ever see me in a coffee shop, you better step off my bagel!

  320. alejna

    Neil, I’m just catching up with a backlog of posts in my reader. I honestly laughed out loud when I read this post, and had to click through to comment. And holy crap! Over 500 comments! I’d never realized that “everything bagels” were so controversial. I’ve never liked, them, personally, but try not to judge others who eat them. (I do think, though, that it would have been more polite for that woman to have put a napkin over the bagel.)

  321. Seattle Girl

    you know what, Neil, get over it. I’m guessing you don’t have children. Don’t make these outlandish, selfish comments unless you’ve walked the walk.

    • Jennifer Moeller

      You know what, Seattle Girl? You might wanna re-read the post… the whole thing. Make sure you go all the way to the end. Because I am sure that you either did not read the whole post, or that irony is completely lost on you and your mind is incapable of subtlety.

  322. Doug Stern

    I’m a 35 year long haul bus driver with four kids who had extended breastfeeding. I always commend brave ladies who breastfeed in my bus. Once a lady was asked to leave the bus depot restaurant because she breastfed her infant. I told her she was welcome to feed her baby on my bus anytime. In this age of tops plunging down to the navel, it amazes me to hear of all the prudish snobbery, when it comes to giving our babies the very best start in life. By the way, my adult kids all have perfect straight teeth.

    • Jayne

      yay doug! you’re awesome

    • Deborah

      Doug, You’re an angel. How do we clone you? OK… if not you, then how do we clone your attitude? No doubt your children have beautiful teeth…. And that’s only one of the many perks of breastfeeding!

  323. natalie

    PDOBF …. im using this every single day of my life now!

  324. Danny

    Sweet mother of God–I hadn’t checked your blog since the day you posted this. 514 comments? That’s 1,028 breasts! Was your URL posted on a breastfeeding site? Lots of great comments but I’m stunned at the people who thought you were coming out against breastfeeding and those who dare to criticize other mothers for doing (or not doing) it. Anyone who freaks out at seeing a woman breastfeeding her baby in this day and age needs to get in a time machine and go work for the Eisenhower administration. But Neil, if you want to keep this volume of comments going, I suggest your next post should be about circumcision. You think ALL little boys should be circumcised, right?

    • Katrina

      Danny, this blog was posted on several breastfeeding sites, as well as breastfeeding support groups on Facebook. πŸ™‚

  325. BagelLover

    I think the coffee shop is to blame. Why are they pre-spreading cream cheese on the bagels. They should be able to make you a fresh bagel and spread the cream cheese on when you order.

  326. MsErin

    Heh. I’m proudly nursing my 8 month old son and laughed out loud at that poor mom’s conundrum. Some of us mamas have cups who runneth over and that makes nursing definitely a two-handed process. I have spent no shortage of dinners at restaurants watching my husband enjoy his meal, staring at my rapidly-cooling food while nursing my boy. If she’s breastfeeding, she needs (and deserves) that everything bagel far more than you, sir.

    It is also shocking (and sad) to see the women who consider naturally feeding a child to be disgusting. Quite frankly, I find feeding your child corn syrup solids to be disgusting.

  327. Lola Granola

    for every 87 formula fed babies that die from SIDS only 3 breastfed babies die….

    If 90% of women in the US breastfed (exclusively) 900 babies would be saved every year!

    besides the innumerable amount of benefits the breastfeeding has, I believe saving lives is the most important!

  328. Mamapoekie

    mwahahaha this is hilarious, spreading this far and wide!

  329. I'm a full-time mummy

    This post is hysterical! I’d be salivating for the bagel too!

    Btw, I’m still nursing at 18.5 months now! πŸ˜€

  330. Jessica

    Great! Made me laugh out loud.

    However, oogling a nursing mothers food is grounds for a smackdown!!

  331. Fathima

    Goodness! I can understand men feeling embarassed when they see a woman breast feeding in public because of their natural modesty, but this many negative comments from women? That too in a western country, If women are free to go around in clothing equivalent to underwear whats so disgusting about breastfeeding? If a women exposes every bit of skin except her nipples waist up she is hot , freee thinking, modern new age and if mostly everything is covered except for the baby feeding, then it is disgusting? What hypocrisy.

  332. lauryn

    lol well maybe she feeds on demand and that kid demanded to fed right then…bagels to sound pretty good! lmao @ nursing a kid past 1 is yuck…listen to yourself, get educated!

  333. Meghan

    I would eat the bagel as well as breastfeed due to my lack of nursing cover use. I also can text on my phone or comment on blogs about breastfeeding while I’m breastfeeding. Or make obscene gestures at women who decide that out of thirty seats in a waiting room they want to sit directly across from me, shooting me dirty looks and grumbling into their cell phone about public indecency

  334. Emily

    I love this blog entry. Yeah, don’t mess with a nursing mother’s food. She is extra hungry! I am thankful that I had the support of friends and LLL to go on to nurse each of my children for 5 1/2 years. Perfectly normal, biologically. Too bad our society makes women feel like they have to hide this fact. Breastfeeding is the biological norm and it’s too bad we’ve gotten away from that. Better information in hospitals and doing away with “free” formula samples would increase the breastfeeding rates and give women a chance to be successful with nursing.

    • Judith Bandsma

      Is anybody else here old enough to remember when J. Edgar Hoover declared the Le Leche League a ‘subversive’ organization?

  335. Carlye

    Wonderful post Mr. Kramer! If I had been she, I would have gladly given you half of the bagel as I nursed my child. If I had known you were writing such an amusing and enlightening blog post, I would have offered the whole thing!

    Thank you for providing me much amusement!

  336. Claire

    That’s probably why I do not use a shawl… And carefull, do not try to run away with the bagel, bfding mother’s food is a serious subject and you could be harmed…

  337. proudbreastfeeder

    I could never imagine there were so many sick feminist women out there, who would think breast feeding is smth. we should be ashamed of.
    I breastfed my daughter till she was 4 and I am proud of it. She is the healthiest, strongest, beautiful, full of energy kid ever. She is 7 now and has the healthiest attitude towards healthy food. I have hard time to guess where I might have screwed up. If I had a second child I definitely would do the same.

  338. Sarah

    I have no issue with how long you breast feed your children till. I’m not a mother and don’t know the added benefits/consequences in doing so. I, myself, wouldn’t breast feed my child past one year, but I’m not a mother, what do I know? I do however work in a restaurant, and I would kindly ask ALL of you to at least cover up when breast feeding. It’s distracting for me and the rest of the patrons, and only a small percentage really want to see it. It may be a natural and “beautiful” thing, but I don’t want to see it when I’m eating. Like stated previously, going to the bathroom is a natural thing but we do it in private. Please practice the same habits with your children.

    • Tami

      So, do you think it appropriate for a mother to feed her baby whilst sitting in a public washroom. Would you eat your dinner in a public washroom? If you had a new baby would you really feed him or her in a public washroom? Seriously…. think about it! Why should a nursing mother and child be distracting to you and other diners in your restaurant? Are your lives so empty that you have to fill it by watching others eat? I might get distracted by an obese diner getting stuck into a tower of pancakes dripping with syrup and cream. Would ask them to go and eat in the bathroom? No, because I would be infringing his rights and it would just be plain rude.
      A baby of any age, newborn or older, has a basic human right to eat what is natural for them to eat and in a manner that is natural for them. What a shame that the Victorian era has corrupted the majority of western society into thinking that breast feeding a child is disgusting!
      Please let me know where your restaurant is and when my baby is born I’ll be sure to come by and nurse at every sitting!

    • Deborah

      Sarah, I pray — should you be lucky enough to conceive and bring a child into this world, and breastfeed that child (as you said you might do) — that you educate yourself regarding the many benefits conferred by breastfeeding and, particularly, extended breastfeeding (meaning nursing a child beyond infancy)… benefits which are not only for baby, but for mom as well, i.e., less risk of breast, ovarian, and/or endometrial cancers, lower risk of coronary heart disease — to name ONLY A FEW. Also, I truly pray that if and when you do decide to nurse your precious little child — for however long — we will be living in a more enlightened, educated, and tolerant world so that you will not have to meet anyone who will equate your breastfeeding with urinating and/or defecating; and/or you do not meet anyone who will make you feel as though you must be exiled to a bathroom (where people are supposed to urinate and defecate) just to nourish your little one; and/or you do not meet anyone who will make you feel as though you must hide yourself or your baby when you are breastfeeding. Then again, maybe you need to walk the walk in our shoes. No… I’d rather the world become more enlightened and tolerant.

      In the meantime, do tread lightly, Sarah. You’re about to violate the law (at least where I live, which is in New York State) and invite a potentially costly lawsuit against you and the restaurant where you work. I quote New York Civil Rights Law, Article 7, section 79-E, which provides, in its entirety:

      § 79-e. Right to breast feed. Notwithstanding any other provision of
      law, a mother may breast feed her baby in any location, public or
      private, where the mother is otherwise authorized to be, irrespective of
      whether or not the nipple of the mother’s breast is covered during or
      incidental to the breast feeding.

      Maybe your state has such a law???? Almost every state in this country — maybe even every state — does, in one form or another. And while you’re researching that one, do let me know if you happen across a law — any law, from any state in the USA — that protects (hey, let’s go for broke — that does not CRIMINALIZE) people who want to urinate and/or defecate openly in public, AND allows them to display their genitals while doing so. I’d LOVE to see it.

  339. Deer Baby

    Bloody hell – I go off twitter for 5 days and this happens! A veritable war raging on your blog. How are you going to top this number of comments?

    The post made me laugh out loud. Best laugh I’ve had in ages.

  340. Holmes

    Did you even bother to ask her if she would like you to feed her the bagel while she breastfed her baby? That would be the polite thing to do.

  341. Bill

    Man, after reading all these comments I sure could go for a bagel and a cold glass of milk!

  342. Allison Zapata

    hahahaha!! awesome post.
    I didn’t breastfeed, but i do love bagels.

  343. Nikoool

    Man, why didn’t you sit down with her and hand feed her that bagel?

  344. Amy

    That was amazing! It’s great to hear from male lactivists!

    • Kim


      • Anonymous

        Breastfeeding – humanity’s world wide right! Sacrifices until the baby eats – motherhoods world wide right!

        What can we do about the mother who has no idea where her next meal will come from?

  345. Jen

    As I sat reading this hilarious blog post, not only did I enjoy a tasty snack, but I nursed my 8-wk-old daughter. Then I scrolled thru several pages of comments, still merrily nursing away. By the time I got around to typing my own comment, she was done. Now, that’s multitasking! Oh, I’m doing laundry and helping my older kids with their homework, too. Man, I am on FIRE!! πŸ˜‰

  346. susan

    This is a cool post, but i can’t help but get creeped out by the idea of a middle-aged man hanging out in a cafe, gawking at a nursing mother. You’re that weird guy who tries too hard to fit in, and it just makes you seem desperate. Kudos for a thoughtful, funny, CREEPY take on the breast feeding debate. It’s the old men like you who like to leer at boobies (and bagels) that keep the folks at Hooter Hiders in business. And now I need a shower.

    • Neil

      Hi, Susan. This is Neil, the writer of this blogpost. I don’t usually comment back to responses like yours because I appreciate you coming here to read my blog and I don’t take comments from strangers very personally. However, since you chose to be anonymous and I probably will never meet you, I would like to be honest and call you a fucking moron. But thank you for liking my post.

      • Backpacking Dad

        I want to buy you a sandwich for that.

      • Deborah

        Hey, Neil…

        I totally get your message… and I believe you get “ours;” “ours” meaning those of us who unconditionally support a woman’s right to breastfeed her child in public. Thanks for smoking these breastfeeding-phobes out into the open. I don’t know whether this was your intention, but your post has allowed “us” to engage in very constructive dialogue. Not only do I get to exercise my First Amendment right to free speech, I get to (hopefully) educate those who “get” neither you “us.” So, again, thanks. The next time I see an earstwhile, neglected bagel with cream cheese, I’ll be sure to think of you… and smile!

      • Jennifer Moeller

        Bravo, Neil. Some of the responses to your post have been shocking for their ignorance, meanness, or just sheer stupidity. This jackass totally deserved your response.

      • Anonymous

        Is there anyway you could eliminate the obscene language? You are caught off guard by such a harsh inquiry. There are such people who prey upon the naive and innocent humanity of women. You could have politely replied or denied her direct accusation. your use of such vulgar language detracts from your presentation…………….I think her remarks warn participants in breastfeeding that criminals are around. Breastfeeding creates multi emotions – from revulsion to admiration of the natural act of motherhood. Breastfeeding is a nature nurturing act of mothering. Mothers’ milk can even add as much as 1-3 percent increase in IQ to a child. Amazing that it can be so simply abused by onlookers.
        All the mother really needed to do was to sit with her back to the world. It seems in this world mothers will make statements and sacrifices in the interest of love, kindness, nurturing and not being quite ready to eat a bagel.
        To me, your harsh vocab – is simply a shock technique that neglects a criminal reality – ogglers do exist!

        • Dennis Worcester

          I agree, he was quite harsh.

    • Redneck Mommy


      It’s a well known fact that I’m the only chick on the internet who gets to call Neil a creepy weirdo.

      So please step off.

      And for the record, having met the man personally, he’s as about as creepy and weird as a fluffy kitten. Your ignorance is actually much creepier.

      Now I need a shower. And a sandwich.

    • Sybil Law

      Susan –
      Let’s be honest – you probably needed a shower before you commented.

      • mom101

        I’m coming to this thread way too late, but it’s cracking me the fuck up.

        I mean…cracking me up. Sorry. Language.

  347. mommymae

    totally hilarious. i’m too damn tired to think of anything funny to say about boobs & bagels, but this was too good a pot not to comment. i hope you aren’t letting any nay-sayers bring you down. it was spot on funny as hell.

  348. Angelica

    It’s a sad world when a comment on society using tongue-in-cheek methods is completely misunderstood. I love your humour and your message. Thank you


  349. Verbatym Laura

    Loved the post! I also love it (haha) when anonymous weenies say mean things. Hmmm….do I get in trouble for saying weenie?


    • Anonymous

      Probably – but who cares – only the sensor laws!

  350. thenextmartha

    I’m just here since it seems like it’s the thing to do this week. Maybe she should have signed up for the “Feed your baby and yourself” class.

  351. BuenoBaby

    My god man, I’ve never been so outraged about a bagel shmear! Thank you for shedding light on this dark subject.

    Peace out [I normally don’t say stuff like that but it seemed the right thing to do in this instance].

  352. subWOW

    I thought by adding one more would make it a nice round number of 555 which also happens to be how tall The Washington monument is. This way you can remember how many comments you got for writing a controversial post.

    I am inspired to invent a device for BF mothers to eat creamcheese covered bagels when they are breastfeeding. I’ll send you one.

    • Katrina

      How sweet of you! But I believe someone already has. It’s called the Boppy. πŸ™‚ Although we could still use a more portable eating aid, as the Boppy does not fit in a diaper bag. Maybe an inflatable Boppy?

      We can all see how many comments are on this blog – what I would like to know is how many new female friends Neil has on Facebook and/or Twitter because of this!

      • Sara Williamson

        An easy way to end the agony you suffered by being forced to eyeball those poor neglected bagels….spread the word about wearing babies. In addition to being the latest greastest fashion accessory, and unlike dogs that are worn babies are rarely prohibited from public places, it allows Mom to nurse discreetly in public, without using any hands. If this Mom were up on “baby wearing” she could have eaten her bagels, nursed her baby, and even had a free hand to flip you the bird for oogling her “creamy mounds” πŸ™‚

        • Heather

          I wish I could have learned to nurse my baby in a sling. But I never got the hang of it and she never liked to be covered anyway.

          Hilarious post, by the way. It’s a shame that more people don’t understand humor.

  353. Patty

    I was very entertained by your post. As the mom of 6 breastfed children (the current one is a lovely lass of 5 weeks) the only pain worse than yours is the one which we breastfeeding moms suffer as we watch our hot soup grow cold or frozen ice cream slowly melt. Ah, such sacrificial love to give our babies the best food in the world! Perhaps offering to eat her bagels would have been an act of kindness, she wouldn’t have to sit there and stare at them as them as the cream choose gradually hardens…it would have been a considerate thing to do…remove such a source of sadness and regret.

    • Anonymous

      Congrates on the new addition and hurray for supporting the breastfeeding cause. So far there is clause in the law that says we may feed our babies in public. But the stories are horrendous……… the woman who wanted to avoid viewers and tried the public washroom cubical to accomplish that act. Thanks to stores that and business that provide washroom diaper changing sections and perhaps a chair that will allow a mother to feed in a less public setting. In an emergency – what is a mother to do. The silence of satisfact is preferred to the continual s