Citizen of the Month

the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Kick a Dog

I was nursing another heartbreak, walking the street and going nowhere, thinking of love and how it kills you, slowly and painful like a Chinese torture. And then I went and kicked a dog. A dog that was cute and cuddly. I kicked a dog that was on a sparkly leash. I kicked a dog of a very old woman. And man, that made me feel good.

Well, I know this may very well shock you. I know my rep as a peaceful loving fellow. But even Jesus had a bad day. Took it out on someone smaller. Even Jesus went and kicked a dog. A dog that was cute and cuddly. He kicked a dog that was on a sparkly leash. He kicked a dog of a very old woman. And man, that made Him feel good.

There is no moral to this story. Frankly I’m even ashamed to write it. But when love knocks you down, you need to get off the ground, and dust off the crap. And then you go outside and kick a dog. A dog that is cute and cuddly. You kick a dog that is on a sparkly leash. You kick a dog of a very old woman. And man, that makes you feel good.


  1. Uh…I’m assuming by “Jesus” you mean someone who pronounces it “Hay Suess”. Otherwise you’re gonna have to help me out on that one. I guess I missed that particular scripture.

    Ain’t love grand?

  2. Fran… uh, yes.

    Long Story Longer — My anniversary.

  3. It makes you feel better? I don’t think my German Shepherd would feel better. It would hurt his feelings and maybe he might nip your ankle…he has really big teeth.

  4. I’m guessing you opted out of cake, and took to animal kicking instead?

  5. That was you? Dude, that was harsh.

    And I really resent being called “very old.” I hadn’t had any coffee yet and I need to touch up my grey. Geesh.

  6. I’m not sure why, but all of a sudden, I want cake.

  7. As a cat person I have absolutely no problem with this post. Although I don’t think old ladies walked around with dogs on leashed back in Jesus’ day, but I could be wrong. And I probably would have kicked the old lady, too.

  8. I know from experience that kicking a cat is far more satisfying. In fact, tying a cat’s tail in a knot makes for a hell of a tale. You ought to try it. 😉

  9. Hugs, you horrible dog kicker. Please take care of yourself, my friend, and try not to drown any kittens. This too shall pass.

  10. Do you believe in karma?
    Just wondering.

  11. This is an allegory, right?

  12. One failure does not doom you to eternal failure.

    So sayeth the batshit writer.

  13. I’m sorry it was a difficult day. I hope tomorrow will be better.

  14. I like this… very Shel Silverstein in my opinion.

  15. That might very well be my problem…I just need to get out there and kick me a dog.

    I think you just saved me thousands in therapy.

  16. I hope you’re kidding.

  17. I hate that you make something reprehensible sound justifiable, and that I agree with it. The mark of a great writer.

  18. Man, I am right there with you. Now, where the hell are all the cute cuddly puppies?

  19. and this is why you are the citizen of the month.

  20. threeboys1mommy

    October 15, 2009 at 2:10 am

    Kicking a dog is never that satisfying, because dogs are saints. They stick by you, even though you hurt them which just makes you feel like a bigger dick… or at least that’s what I’ve heard dog kickers say… ahem.

  21. Aaaah, anniversaries can trigger such introspection and doubt. Carry on.

  22. if i were having a shitty day and then i kicked a dog, the guilt would take me over the edge and straight into suicidal thoughts 🙂

  23. I am sorry you are having a bad time, but next time leave the poor dog alone. And I hope you are kidding.

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