the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Twittering From a Chinese Restaurant As Billy Joel Plays

It’s nine oclock on a Saturday
The regular crowd Twitters on
There’s an old man sitting next to me
Eating his soup and wonton

He says, son, that’s the iphone, right, isn’t it?
I read about it in the news
Sure, its hip and it’s cute but for me it’s all moot
Since I wear such an older man’s shoes

La la la, de de da
La la, de de da da da

Write me a post, you’re the blogger man
Write me a post tonight
We’re all in the mood for a storyline
And you’re sitting in Hunan Delight

Now Chen at the bar is a friend of mine
He gets me my eggrolls for free
And he always serves me and he refills my tea
But there’s someplace that he’d rather be
He says, Neil, I believe this is killing me.
As he serves me my moo goo gai pan
I know I can do online marketing
If I just moved myself to San Fran

Oh, la la la, de de da
La la, de de da da da

Now Raj is a unemployed novelist
Who never had time for a wife
And he’s talkin’ with his sis, who’s still on her thesis
And probably will be for life

And the waitress is studying medicine
As the old man examines my phone
Yes, we’re all in a restaurant called loneliness
But it’s better than eatin’ alone

Write me a post, you’re the blogger man
Write me a post tonight
Well, were all in the mood for a storyline
And you’re sitting in Hunan Delight


  1. Lucy

    Come over and watch Ghost Town with me.

  2. kenju

    What a poet you are!

  3. Sheryl

    You crack me up. The most entertainment I’ve had all day.

  4. Nat

    Killer. I love it.

  5. Laura

    Well I’ve come out for American fare
    But I’ve spent my time on the drink
    So what I wouldn’t give for a melody
    Along with some guy who might make me think.

    But I got that man over there with blood in his hair
    I think he came in off the street
    And Jewel gave him fuel for his empty stare
    He’ll be dead in a week
    He says, “Laura, I believe life is killing me
    I might be a mental case”
    Omigod, this poor man is hitting on me
    I gotta get outta this place.

    Lat diddy da diddy da
    La diddy da diddy da da da

    So I leave the Rusty Angel
    And Jewel behind the bar
    And Sam the man with blood in his hair
    Sits down and puts bread in her jar
    And says, ma’am, what are you doing later?
    I might have time for a wife
    But he’s secretly a woman hater
    And he’s packing a surgical knife

    Lat diddy da diddy da
    La diddy da diddy da da da

    Write me a post, you’re the blogger man
    Write me a post tonight
    We’re all in the mood for a storyline
    But you’re sitting in Hunan Delight

    So I really did have a couple of drinks at the Rusty Angel and I’m too sleepy to continue., maybe some one else could jump in. Loved your verses, Neil. Alot more fun than Sam at the restaurant.

  6. Headless Mom

    Truly brilliant, Neil.

  7. TorontoPearl

    Brilliant and sad at the same time.

    Hope the weekend will only get better, Neil.

  8. Twenty Four At Heart

    I loved this. You make me smile Neil. I love the way your brain works!

  9. better safe than sorry

    i always loved billy joel, can’t remember the last new thing i’ve heard from him though.
    the one thing i couldn’t do while i was reading this, was just read it, i had to sing it in my head.

  10. Michele

    I like your version way better than Billy’s.

  11. maggie, dammit

    OK, I don’t even know where to start.


    Your voice message was so awesome. You sound a lot like my Grandpa Freddy only 50 years younger and mated with Darth Vadar. (Very sexy voice, despite what my description may have implied.) What a way to wake up! I was lying here feeling sorry for myself on my first morning back in Wisconsin, just moping and examining my arms for new moles, when your voice message popped into my inbox. I love the way you’ve decided to do your Blog Crushes this year, you seriously made me feel like a million bucks, seriously.

    And then I get here and see this awesome post and I’m reminded for the 23434th time why I come here and why I always will.

    You are awesome. Thank you.

  12. AnnieH

    yes, but what message did your fortune cookie have for you??

  13. Chris

    Clapping and smiling. But I hope you weren’t terribly lonely last night.

    Our three sons wanted to watch West Side Story last night (long story) so we watched it. I told Chris to pretend he was Tony, and I would be Maria. He wouldn’t play along very well. I even had to sing his parts. *sigh* I made up my own lyrics to West Side Story songs last night and tried to perform them for my sons and husband. They found it irritating.

    I adore your version of Billy Joel’s Piano Man. Rock on Blogger Man.

  14. Annie

    Neil, you are so very clever, but sad too. I wish I lived closer so I could be your real time friend and coach you in happiness.

  15. anna

    Bottle of Red (Bull)
    Bottle of Sprite
    Perhaps a bottle of Cafe (Americano) instead
    Meet you any time you want
    In our social media restaurant

  16. Michelle Smiles

    Awesome! Thanks for the laugh.

  17. nugo

    NICE!! good to see billy joel continues to inspire. now if only someone can inspire him to write some decent music again.

  18. Zoeyjane

    You’re some kind of genius.

  19. dk

    Heh heh heh … just what I needed to leaven my day.

  20. RD

    Fantastic, Neil! You’re gifted. Glad I stopped by.

  21. Kathy

    Oh lord, too funny.

  22. baroness von bloggenschtern

    When you & Elton John go on tour, do we all get comped?

  23. anymommy

    Brilliant. But, now I have that song in my head.

  24. flutter

    MAN! now this is stuck in my head!

  25. sunny


  26. SciFi Dad

    Nicely done.

    Now do Zeppelin.

  27. iamthediva

    most excellent, good sire.

  28. Kristin T. (@kt_writes)

    Sitting in the cafe, laughing my ass off. I especially love the second stanza, about the old man and the iPhone.

  29. churlita

    Nice. Very funny.

  30. mommyknows


    I am the Hunan master. Did you download the app?

  31. Dragon

    I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. Nice work.

  32. V-Grrrl

    This is why you’re my blog crush every day. Seriously. Most original guy on the internets babe. XO

  33. Gramps

    I love Billy Joel, so I enjoyed this post. And you know me; I NEVER give compliments.

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