I found this actual “Depression Test” online. Here are my answers, and the result.
Q: Do you feel sad or irritable? Yes.
Q: Have you lost interest in activities once enjoyed? Yes.
Q: Have you experienced changes in weight or appetite? No.
Q: Have you experienced changes in sleeping pattern? No.
Q: Do you have feelings of guilt? Yes.
Q: Are you unable to concentrate, remember things, or make decisions? No.
Q: Have you experienced fatigue or loss of energy? Yes.
Q: Have you experienced restlessness or decreased activity noticed by others? Yes.
Q: Do you feel hopeless, or worthless? No.
Q: Have you had thoughts of suicide or death? No. (who would write Citizen of the Month? Some hack?)
You answered 5 items out of 10 “Yes”. According to The National Mental Health Association, there is a 50% chance that you may be suffering from clinical depression and a 50% chance that you are not suffering from clinical depression. Hopefully, this test has helped you clarify your concerns.
Yes, thank you! I was having a few concerns about being depressed today, especially after this little incident while shopping with Sophia, where I started to hyperventilate and feel trapped while searching for “Euro-size” pillow shams in Bed, Bath, and Beyond, as if the linens themselves were masked men in 300 thread count bandanas surrounding me, hovering and ominous, the danger imminent. And then I got very sleepy. So, I went back home to take this depression test. It is good to know that I am only 50% depressed, although the last two questions seem a bit extreme. Hopeless? Worthless? Suicide? As bad as things get, I can always look at online photos of women in their underwear. How hopeless can you be when you have that?