the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Chat with a New Blogger

One day, you wake up and you realize that you have been blogging for a long time.    When that happens, there is nothing as invigorating as chatting with a new blogger,  a new mommyblogger with youthful energy and that special glint in her eye.   Was I once that innocent, so full of hope about the blogosphere?    It is a wonderful moment like this that bring me back to when I was “green” and searching for my place in this exciting virtual world we call the internet.   Once I was the student.  Now I have become the teacher!

Wednesday night on Yahoo Messenger:

She:   Hey,  Neilochka!   How’s New York?

Me:    OK. Pretty good.

She:   Having fun?

Me:    Sometimes.

She:   Are you hanging out with xxx-Dad and xxx-Mom now that you’re staying in New York?

Me:    No.  I don’t know them.

She:   You don’t know xxx-Dad and xxx-Mom?  Everyone knows them.

Me:    I’ve seen their names.   I just never read them.

She:   You’ve never read them?  Everyone reads them.

Me:    Well, here’s one who hasn’t.   Maybe I’m waiting for them to read me first.

She:   Ha Ha, I think they’re too busy for that.

Me:   Thanks.

She:   But, wow.  I thought you were one of those guys.

Me:    What do you mean?

She:   Like you knew the big bloggers.

Me:    I know some.

She:   Like who?

Me:    Like personally?

She:   Like who’s the biggest blogger you talk with?

Me:    Hmmm… sometimes I IM with Schmutzie.

She:   Yeah, but she’s not THAT big.

Me:    She’s very talented.  But it’s all relative.  What makes someone big?

She:   Well, you have a 314 authority in Technorati.

Me:    That’s not so big.  It’s also deceptive.  Every time someone posts their Interview on their blog, I get a   link.  It has nothing to do with my blog or my writing or me.  90% of the people who do the interview never even read any of my posts.

She:   But you get the links!  That’s great.  I wouldn’t mind having those links.

Me:    What are you going to do with those links?

She:   That’s how you get on people’s blogrolls and you get even bigger.

Me:    I’m looking at your blog right now.  Look at your blogroll.  All you have on it — are the same five blogs as everyone else.  They’re never going to put you on their blogrolls.  Hey, I don’t see me on YOUR blogroll.

She:   I only put a select few.  The ones I read every day.

Me:    So, you don’t read mine every day.

She:   I read it every three days.

Me:    So, there you go.  You’re on my blogroll.  And you treat the ones who are ignoring you better than the one who isn’t.

She:   You have a point there.

Me:    It makes me think that if I didn’t put you on my blogroll, I would actually be MORE interesting to you.

She:   Maybe.

Me:    And that’s crazy.

She:   I know.  Did you get to see Bossy during her road trip?

Me:    Huh?  I don’t know Bossy.

She:   You don’t know Bossy?  Oh, well, it was great finally chatting with you.

Me:    Yeah, it was fun.  Don’t get so caught up in these things. It will drive you crazy.

She:   I know.  I’m too sensitive.

Me:    It happens to all of us.  Like today, I have this new application for Twitter that tells you when someone unfollows you.  And today, I got a message that X unfollowed me.

She:   Wow, and she’s big. I would be devastated.

Me:    Maybe I was rambling too much on Twitter.

She:   Yeah, I can definitely see that happening.


  1. Katherine

    You know, I blog because I need to write about my life and connect with my friends who I can’t see all the time. In the process of doing that, I’ve gotten to know a few more people I never would have met (like you, Neil!). That is more than enough for me. I also don’t find the “big bloggers” all that interesting. They are way too gimmicky for me and, as you know, too aware of their “brand.”

  2. Jane

    Best blogger friend ever, Neil. Thank you. And yes, your authori-tay is HUGE. Your Technorati rank stands at an awe-inspiring 12,162.

    Yet….yet you still can’t get laid. How is that?

  3. LVGurl

    Heh. This is funny 🙂

  4. the slackmistress

    Please tell me this blogger was 17. Or 18 (let’s make it legal, that way it’s okay if you were chatting with her sans pants.) 😉

  5. texasholly @ June Cleaver Nirvana


  6. teahouseblossom

    Hahahaha..I don’t even know what most of those terms and numbers mean. That’s how uncool of a blogger I am!

    Don’t be depressed. We are all huge fans. And isn’t grassroots support from regular bloggers the best thing to have?

  7. All Adither

    Bossy slept at my house.

    And I think Schmutzie is too pretty big.

    There are scads of really good blogs that are not super popular though. Too many.

  8. Poppy

    Whoever xxx-Dad and xxx-Mom are, I don’t read them.

  9. Kate

    Well – I’m not that popular, but I have to say, my blog is excellent (at least in my head it is).

    I’m not too caught up in being noticed by the “big” bloggers (except for you of course) since I don’t necessarily relate to all of them. I appreciate their style – but there is only so much time in the day and there are a lot of other sites that I read (a lot that don’t seem to get as much traffic as they should).

    I just like to read good writing. What do you get for being a popular blog anyway? Fame? Nope – 95% of the country doesn’t read personal blogs. Money? No – from what the professional bloggers say (with the exception of Dooce) it’s not enough to live on. And then you’ve been pretty vocal on what it does for your love life. If being a “big” blogger means winning a virtual popularity contest – well, that’s not a whole lot of incentive…

    By the way – you are TOTALLY on my blog roll and I read you every TWO days.

  10. Backpacking Dad

    I’m huge. Am I on your blogroll? I am? Sweet. I read xxx-Dad and xxx-Mom because we’re going to be best friends. I know we’re going to be best friends because I’m a big-name blogger and I only roll with big-name bloggers and they know that so when I roll with them they know that they are a big-name blogger and that makes them feel better.

  11. Whit

    What’s the Twitter thing? I want to see the bastards that unfollow me.

  12. Dagny

    I so don’t care that I am not even on Twitter. Being I’m kind of rebel, I tend to stay away from the “big names.” Sure I may read them occasionally but they don’t need a link on my blogroll. OK. So maybe there is at least one big one on there but then again we’ve actually met.

  13. Twenty Four At Heart

    That post makes me feel like a veteran with my whopping (almost) 6 months of blogging experience.

  14. Pumpkin

    I have been blogging so long I forget about my blogroll because I read everyone in Google reader. It would make more sense if I could put that on my blog. But, then it wouldn’t show as a link from my blog would it? 😉

  15. Kathy

    There’s a Twitter app that lets you see who’s “un-following” you. Hmmm. No possibility for abuse (or hurt feelings) there.

    When I started blogging, I didn’t even know there were “big” bloggers. I thought everyone sort of orbited each other, only vaguely aware other bloggers existed.

  16. vodkamom

    why do i blog? To make people laugh as much as I do. Honestly, before I blogged these little “essays” would run over and over in my head like a BAD MOVIE. Once I started blogging, and wrote them down, I made room for all the NEW crap. If I had to worry about being “big” I would go CRAZY. (however, according to many of my friends, I’m already there…)

  17. better safe than sorry

    i have no idea what most of these applications are, i removed my one blogroll and would take down the other one if i knew how. my dog loves me, she’s what makes me feel important.

  18. Neil

    Whit —

    Dagny — I have a feeling that you would like Twitter, cause you like to argue (like I do).

  19. natalie

    i am pretty plain when it comes to blogging. and i don’t have a blogroll. i link in posts if i am talking about someone. one of these days i might get around to putting a blogroll on my blog. i did add you to my yahoo messenger list though. i know…you feel the love. you’re welcome.

  20. Neil

    Natalie — Really? I don’t remember seeing you on Yahoo Messenger?

    I am a chatter, but I sometimes avoid it so I am not online all the time. My chat address is neilochka at yahoo dot com and also nskramer at gmail dot com, for the gmail losers.

  21. amy

    great post babe. I think yr a rockstar and I read you everyday. total fan girl here. I think the more you get engrossed in this world really the more falls away…right? Like yeah- I would love everyone to read my words bc I a am an only child, but my real validation comes from the real interactions…and they come and they are delightful! anyhoo- love ya Neil bc yr so real…

  22. Finn

    You have a 314 Technorati rating?

  23. Astrogirl

    Oh wow, someone who’s as anxious and insecure as I am! How could that even be possible?

    Although on the plus side, us needy chicks are usually easier to get into bed. Keep having conversations like this and you hould be able to end that drought any day now, Neil!

  24. natalie

    neil…i am nagdalie on yahoo messenger. according to my window it says it is pending acceptance from you.

  25. goodfather

    Nice interview. I’m a new blogger too (since last August), but going into it, I was honest about WHY I wanted to blog: to entertain myself. That’s it. And, I’ve really enjoyed it! I don’t really know who the ‘big’ bloggers are out there (except for the really obvious), but I generally don’t bother coming back to a blog if it doesn’t entertain me. Like this one does… 😉 .

  26. Miss Britt

    I swear to God I’m going to puke the next time I see/hear the words “big blogger”.

  27. Atomic Bombshell

    Holy crap. I hope you made that up. If not, I have bad news: That lady is loco!

  28. Brenda - SeriouslyMama

    Hilarious. I started blogging as a self indulgent way to let my kids find out one day what a nerd their mom is. And because I have no real life friends…

  29. kris

    PLEASE tell me this didn’t really happen.

  30. Kristin T.

    Wow, this is so overwhelming. How is a person supposed to keep writing really good posts every couple of days AND keep up with the networking/popularity contest game? (Not to mention doing some writing that pays the bills along the way.) At least now I have fodder for my post today—thanks! (Btw, nice meeting you via your blog & Twitter.)

  31. hohum

    May I suggest that you just have the surgery already and BECOME a mommyblogger?

  32. Dagny

    It’s not arguing. They’re called heated debates. 😉

    And I stay away from Twitter because I fear that it would become yet another addiction.

  33. patois

    I’m with Kris. This didn’t really happen, right? (This is where I try to cover up that it was really me Neil was talking about.) (JOKING!)

  34. HeyJoe

    Interesting. I’ve always been sort of annoyed by bloggers that I’ve put on my blogroll who don’t return the favor. But then I’m guilty of the same thing so I’m basically just a hypocrite.

    I do agree with your comment about how many of us have the same “big” bloggers in our blogroll, and for what? Like any of them need the one or two referrals from me or will ever return the favor?

    Whatever…the blogosphere is just another clique; some of us are in and some of are out.

  35. Memarie Lane

    I think she’s got it backwards. The readers to court are the other new bloggers with few comments. They’re grateful for the attention and will reciprocate. Dooce isn’t going to notice one more incoming link.

  36. anymommy

    Funny. Really hope it was imaginary. I fear twitterless for reals though. I do not want to know. Ever. It’s like finding out why a ‘friend’ stopped calling you for playdates!! Okay, in your world, maybe like finding out why a woman didn’t take your calls after the first date.

  37. Neil

    Truth quotient 64% true.

  38. MetroDad

    I’m always surprised how serious some people take blogging. They become so obsessed with their stats, blogrolls, and readership. More often than not, they forget why they started blogging in the first place!

    I don’t pass judgment. After all, everyone’s got their own reasons for blogging. If some people want to blog for popularity, go for it. If some blog to make money, good luck to them.

    I only have two pieces of advice to newbie bloggers: (1) Don’t forget why you started blogging in the first place, and (2) Don’t quit your day job.

  39. churlita

    Worrying about who are the big bloggers seems too much like junior high to me. I read the blogs I like and who I think are funny. I also link and read blogs who link and read me. I’m all about reciprocity that way.

  40. Peeved Michelle

    When you are as awesome as I am, you will realize you don’t even need to have a blogroll.

  41. Tobi

    Neil, I would like you even if you were “one of those guys”

  42. Sammanthia

    I could never have that app that tells you who unfollows you… my self-esteem can’t handle it.

  43. AnnieH(the other Annie)

    I’m nodding my head and saying,”um-huh,” like I do when my 16 yr old talks to me about the newest drama at school and I have no freakin’ idea what or who she’s talking about. I guess what I’m really saying is that you feel like home, Neilochka.

  44. G. Savant

    I always just sort of assume that I’m such an amazing writer that people are too intimidated to read my blog. Sure, they’ve heard about me through reputation, but reading one of my rambling essays is like staring into the Eyes of God: You want to with all your soul, but you just don’t think you’re worthy. It’s alright. I understand.

    Yep. I’m kind of a big deal.

  45. Y

    I’m offended that you don’t think I’m the biggest blogger you talk with. I just may have to remove you from my google reader for that.


  46. Neil

    Y – You’re decently big. But I’ve seen better. In actuality, the biggest blogger I “know” who might actually return an email (even though I rarely send her one) is Deb at Smitten Kitchen, who has a technorati authority of over 2000.

    And that is why I will soon be turning Citizen of the Month into a food blog, where I will create exotic tuna fish sandwiches every day.

  47. Lis Garrett

    I wasn’t popular in highschool, so I didn’t begin blogging with the hopes of becoming “famous” (and I’ve even given up my personal blog for a project I now consider more important). To me, it’s quality not quanity. I would rather have a few loyal readers I can grow to really know and appreciate than have a huge fan base of people who comment with a “Cool!” simply for the sake of commenting in hopes of getting notices.

    I’ve only been reading your blog for a very short while, but I like it. I really like it. I think I’ll stick around. 😉

  48. JChevais

    I feel fortunate if I get one comment on a post. Wish I got more, but whatever…. everybody reads in Reader so why jump to the blog to comment?

    But sometimes I wonder if I’m just plain boring and should give the blog gig up? Sigh.

    Am I fishing for sympathy here? Sorry.

  49. JChevais

    What I meant is that I wasn’t fishing for sympathy. Just talking to myself.

  50. schmutzie

    I just checked my Technorati rank, and I’m at 202. I beat you by a whole 2 points!

  51. Neil

    Schmutzie — time to unleash my secret weapon for more links and hits. More posts about Jessica Alba!

  52. maggie, dammit

    The Twitterless ap is ruining my life. And yet…. I can’t stop using it.

    I love this chat.

  53. Anissa@Hope4Peyton

    Wow, and all this time I thought you were BIG! What a disappointment. Well, at least you write quality and are funny as shit (still waiting on the Penis Manalogues). But let me know when you get BIG.

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