This was a long week in real life. It was also a long week ON the internet.
I joined Stumbleupon, then inadvertently sent invites to everyone on my Yahoo email list. The evil application tricked me with their checked “tell your friends!” box as the default choice, rather then the logical unchecked one. I sent glowing testimonies to 300 people, including a few top producers in Hollywood who have now banned me from Burbank. One blogger who I haven’t interacted with in two years sent me an angry note. A nice woman from Idaho was confused about “why I loved Stumbleupon so much.” Several of you actually joined Stumbleupon because I asked you to! I felt like a total ass.
Damn you, Stumbleupon!
A few days ago, I went on Twitter and talked about some minor personal issue with Sophia. I figured that it was safe because Sophia never goes on this application. BUT — I didn’t realize that the new Yahoo Messenger 9 Beta has some “cool” new addition, where unless you shut it off, “broadcasts” other applications — such at Twitter — right onto Yahoo Messenger. So much for being an early adopter. As I chatted in Twitter, Sophia was sitting in Redondo Beach reading each of my tweets in real time! She was not happy.
Damn you, Yahoo!
At 3AM this morning, I posted a poorly written post. My clever idea was to talk about sex under the guise of writing about “passion” in politics. Note to self: Do not write posts at 3AM. When I woke up, I noticed that the first five comments were all about the election rather the real point of the post — getting laid! — so I just deleted the creative failure.
Damn you, libido!
My uncle, Milton, was buried on Wednesday, in the spot in the cemetery next to my father. When looking at my father’s tombstone, I was reminde that my father also passed away in September, in 2005, not long after I started this blog. Milton was my father’s younger brother. He was cremated in SF and brought here on a flight by his longtime female companion and my cousin. It is unusual for Jews to be cremated, so I had never seen something like this before. I have to admit, that despite the sadness of the event, there was some macabre humor involving the ashes.
Neil: “Can I carry something for you?”
Female Companion: (handing me a small shopping bag with a box inside) “You can hold your uncle.”
I think my uncle would appreciate the humor.
There are some complicated family stories involving him that I would like to tell some day, but for now, let me just say that he was a cool and loving man. He was buried with his favorite hat and a copy of Sports Illustrated.
I also learned that he read my blog, and liked the sexy posts. I wish I could talk to him more about this.
Damn you, Time, which waits for no one!
After I deleted my post this morning, I slept (that’s what happens when you write posts at 3AM). When I woke up, I felt guilty for not publishing anything today. I took a walk downstairs. It was raining, but I forgot my umbrella. I was unshaven, my chin with graying stubble. There was only one place to go — across the street to McDonald’s.
Yes, THAT McDonald’s. I was going to end the week the same way I began it – by going to my infamously bad local franchise for a cup of coffee. For some reasons, I seem to magically come up with blog posts when I visit. Some have a Greek Goddess as their muse. I have Ronald McDonald.
I ran across the street in the pouring rain. I entered the McDonald’s, and stood on line. When it was my turn to order, I stepped up to the young woman at the counter.
“Can I help ya?” she asked.
“A small coffee, please.”
“With the senior discount?”
“Do you want the senior discount?” she asked again.
Now, I’m usually quick-witted, with a ready reply to any comment. But her question was so unexpected, I just stood there, as silent as a solid as a statue of an aging Adonis, not knowing what to say. I’ve gone to bars where they have carded me, and I have laughed at the idea of anyone thinking I was twenty-one, knowing that the dude at the front door is just going through the rituals, but WTF — a SENIOR DISCOUNT?! A senior discount for my cup of coffee? For me? Is that what I look like to a seventeen year old girl? Isn’t this the typical age of the typical bikini girl in Maxim magazine? I was hoping that this type of girl would be throwing herself on my bed after I publish that best-selling novel? I never expected that she would SEE ME as a senior citizen visiting from Boca Raton!
How much is it to color your hair at Supercuts?
Damn you, McDonald’s! (but at least I got a post out of you again)
When I returned home, I told my mother the story. She laughed and laughed, combing her white hair back, selfishly enjoying my misery. But as an woman who has been a member of the AARP for several years, she also had some sage advice:
“Next time someone asks you if you want the senior discount, you say YES!”