the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Run! He’s Writing a Poem

Two bloggers friends have been screwing around with my head lately — Jane Devin and Dana Guthrie Martin.  Both of them are what they used to call “writers.”  They do not write screenplays where some guy’s penis gets caught in the trunk of a Toyota Prius.  They write pieces they truly care about.  They love language and ideas and that type of shit.  They are passionate and honest in what they say. 

I hate everything they stand for. 

From now on, whenever I write an “emotional” post which bores you to death, I want you to blame these two bloggers for their negative influences.  Remember when I used to be funny.  How many of you are excited to see Woody Allen’s latest unfunny movie? 

At one time, I wanted to be the next Dooce.  Now, I’m deleting half of my followers from Twitter and Flickr.  It’s not you.  It’s me.  I’m a Pisces.  Astrology books say that I am a sensitive soul who can only deal with two or three close friends.  It’s not that I don’t care.  I actually DO care what type of sandwich you had for lunch.

How do you people read so many blog posts in one day?  I read some tech blogger bragging about being able to read 100 posts daily in his Google Reader.   Is he a robot?  I read two or three decent posts, and I’m drained.

I understand that there is a social dynamic to blogging.  Everyone wants to be loved and admired, but let’s be honest — most of us would be plain miserable being an A-list blogger.  Yes, I think for the first time in my blogging career, I actually feel sympathy for Dooce.  It must be hard to deal with 1000 commenters, and strangers thinking they “love” you.   I never want to hear any ONE of you ever saying that you “love” me, unless, of course, we first have sex, then it is a given.  You might like me.  You might find my jokes mildly amusing.  But EVEN I’m not sure I love myself!  Love Dooce instead.

I sometimes find it difficult to deal with getting thirty comments a day.  I mean I like the comments, but I also know that YOU are writers, too, and you deserve love and attention, so I feel like a jerk if I don’t immediately go to your blog and write a comment back.   I know I sound like an asshole complaining when you’re a blogger who only getting two comments, but who’s to say that it is better to have thirty comments than two comments?  Is it better to sleep around with strangers in bars every night or have one loving wife at home waiting for you?   If I ran the blogosphere, I would limit comments to thirty maximum per post. That is enough to stroke any ego.  OK, I’m going to be RADICAL here.  If you see that I already have thirty comments, do everyone a favor and go put a comment on a blog with less comments.  You can always send me an email or a message on Twitter later telling me that you liked the post.  Or just send me a photo of your bra.

Do any really BIG bloggers read Citizen of the Month?  I mean YOU Dooce, Pioneer Woman, Stephanie Klein, etc. (no, not you Bloggess… not yet)?  Does anyone know them personally?  I would love to talk to you — even interview you for this blog.  I wouldn’t ask you about writing or your blog.  I would be curious on how you deal emotionally with other bloggers?  How difficult is it?  Does it drain your energy?  Why do you even continue when you could be writing in other venues?  And most importantly… do any of us really want to follow in your footsteps?  Or is that what success is all about — having to deal with a lot of strangers?

These are all selfish questions.  Maybe I’m not emotionally fit to be an A-lister, even if my writing got to that level.  I sort of like being the bohemian, spouting socialist slogans like “everyone is interesting” and not caring about anyone’s reaction when I inappropriately flirt with some hot mommyblogger.

“Oh, that’s just Neilochka!  He’s harmless.  He’s not an A-lister or anything like that.”

Of course, I would be bullshitting you if I said I didn’t care about success.   It would be cool to make a great living through wriitng.  It would be fun to give a keynote address at some blogging conference, the audience oohing and aahing to my every word.  Of course, I would quickly run out afterwards so I wouldn’t have to talk to any of you. 

And talk about opportunities for getting laid!

But then, sometimes, I think about going small with this blog… or starting all over again, like the first “real writer” I got to know online.   I could then focus more on my writing than worrying about all this nonsense.  But why in the world would I do that?   If I wanted fewer readers, I could just do it the old-fashioned way — by publishing poetry!

Ha Ha.  I can just see the faces of some of you.  Oh no!  He’s going to publish some poetry!

Luckily, I didn’t write it myself.  Dana started something called the Poetry Collaborative.  Under this system, two people write a poem together via email or IM.  It’s more of an experiment than anything else, because we took turns writing lines.  My victim/collaborator was the talented Christine Swint of Maria Cristina Poesia.

Here is our poem… wait, let me give some of you the chance to click over to a better blog… OK, for those left behind —

when clouds cover the moon

by Neil and Christine

My hands are orchids,
but in anger they provoke

violet bruises. Livid
birds screech in a dovecote,

wings beating against bamboo.
Their black judgment must abide,

suspended in time, like an ant in amber
or Papa when he’s high–

his gnarled hands turn a crank
that voice! that voice! it’s mine–

not a magpie’s, nor a mountebank’s,
piercing the nighttime.

I wish for whispers, willows,
a sunrise tomorrow.


  1. sizzle

    I’ve always thought the whole A-lister crap was a bunch of nonsense. There are plenty of great blogs that don’t get read by enough people. Blogging is kind of like dating, we can like a lot of people but we will likely only fall in love a handful of times.

  2. Leesa

    I’ve always wondered how the “big” bloggers deal with it. I would think there’s pressure to write everyday. I guess maybe you have that too?
    I saw Dooce had almost 15,000 followers on Twitter. I think that’s just crazy. I’m happy with just my small group of friends who read, I don’t need the A-list.

  3. Dana

    First, I like the poem you and Christine wrote so much that I want to dryhump it. Actually, I already *have* dryhumped it. Twice.

    (Hey! It wasn’t exactly complaining.)

    Second, I didn’t really “start” The Poetry Collaborative as much as give it to Mrs. Funnelcake as a gift to commemorate our wedding day.

    Third, you do too love I everything Jane and I stand for. Admit it!

    Fourth: Honey, if you’re going to be considered a real writer, you’d better start spelling writing correctly. It’s not so much “wriitng.”

    (I know. I am an ass for pointing out your spelling. Lord knows I make the typos bigtime. I just couldn’t resist. I love to razz you.)

  4. Mr Lady

    Aaaaaaahhhhhh…He’s a Piiiiiisceeeees. That cleared that right up.

    I’ll keep it brief.

    I like the poem. I don’t love you. You don’t have to read my blog. It’s okay that you dumped me on twitter. I’ll still read your blog anyway.

    And you look fucking hot in that hat.

  5. ingrid


  6. headbang8

    If you change the way you write simply because you become a “big” blogger, then more’s the pity.

    Blogs are really diaries. And the best diaries–the ones which, when eventually published, prove the most substantial and enduring–are never written with an audience in mind. Anne Frank, anyone?

    Diaries are good for writing. The small observations you craft, the passing thoughts you record here, eventually become the big things that you publish in a book, magazine, or a website dedicated to writing per se.

    Blogs are like reality TV for the literate. Blogging/diaries reveal truths about people which more contrived art doesn’t.

    Of course, the best writing in blogs is quite contrived, in a good way. After all, it is writing, and it is in public. But it’s observational and reasonably unstructured in subject matter, and that delights an audience. You seldom get this kind of intimacy, even in a novel or poem.

    “Big” bloggers cease to be reality TV. They become poloitical comment, a cop show, a film review, a newspaper, a magazine, or as you point out, poetry. is the perfect example of this. Joe is a skilled writer and sensitive soul, but his blog evolved in to a kind of gay Good Morning America. Nice, but I miss the observations, the delicate personal moments that he was brave enough to reveal before.

    Becoming a big blogger would cramp your style, Neil. And limit your flirting.

    In my blog (which I notiice you were kind enough to visit, Nielotschka), I try to balance the notion of public writing and private reflection.

    There are many posts which I write but don’t publish, sitting on the server at Blogger, simply as an aide memoire, or a snapshot of a thought that I don’t want to forget. I was never very good at a paper diary, and the knowledge that this gem might gain an instant audience, should I choose, motivates me.

    But the audience isn’t so important. My personal blog audience is limited; I asked Google to remove a post from the cache, and as punishment they made it Google-blind for six months. I kind of like it that way. The people who read my blog seldom stumble across it randomly–they do so because they are friends of friends, or have noticed it in a dedicated link site. It becomes a private conversation amongst like-minded people. And I would pour just as much heart and energy into that conversation as I do into my professional writing. It’s a discipline to observe in face-to-face conversations, too. When you say something, make sure it’s because you have something to say.

    I try to be as circumspect in commenting as I am in posting. If one takes up time and space with a comment, one hopes it is worth the reader’s time.

    And no-one expects an answer from a comment. That’s the next commenter’s job, no?

  7. Backpacking Dad

    I love you.

    Did you unfollow me on Twitter? Fucktard. I bet you did.

    30 is too many. 30 approaches “job”. 15 seems plenty, doesn’t it? 15 “I love you so much!!!” comments? 15 “why don’t you quit now?” comments?

    Of course, I’ll never do anything to actually limit them.

  8. better safe than sorry

    sorry, i don’t love you. i enjoy you. alot. you have so many issues, sometimes it makes me laugh, sometimes i wish you were close enough for me to actually know you, because i’d want to bake you something and try and help you. i don’t read dooce, i don’t see the attraction. i don’t think anyone here is leaving a comment in the hopes of you reading their blog, you should read what you want. i think of your blog as part of my morning paper, like reading a favorite columnist, only i pay for my paper and your column is free. btw, thanks for the freebie:)

  9. vodkamom

    the poem was lovely. However, my ADD kicked in, and I missed HALF of what was in the middle of your post.

    now, I’m off to read the ten people I can get to today…

  10. heartache heartburn

    I can’t decide if your poem is a serious attempt or not. Sometimes I wonder about poetry that way. Do the authors really mean what they say or are they just playing with us? I know that in my poetic attempts I mean what I am saying so I really have no right to question others, but I tend to be wary of strangers…not quite trusting them to be who they say they are.

    I also was quite smitten with Headbang8’s comment. It speaks perfectly to what I believe about blogging. I haven’t been blogging long at all, but I found that I had more hits the first week than I’ve had since. Part of that is because I posted daily the first week, and so when the hits decreased I wondered what I was doing wrong. I figured out that blogging traffic goes down quite a bit around this time of year, and that I don’t need to worry so much about who is reading my blog. I say what I say for me and love when it is read by others.

    Thanks for being a steady place to read. I am inspired by your openness.

  11. SciFi Dad

    Not that there’s anything wrong with man-man love, but to honour your request, I do not love you.

    However, I do hear what you’re saying about the whole A-lister thing. A while back I was talking with a few bloggers about traffic and comments, and I realized something: while in my mind I thought I wanted lots and lots of traffic and I envied those with a consistent 20-40 comments and 400-600 visitors a day, I was happier with my ratios. (By ratio I am referring to the comment to visit ratio.) If my ratio was like theirs (let’s say 40/400 or one out of every 100) I’d drive myself nuts wondering what I did “wrong” that the other 99 didn’t say anything. Instead, I learned to appreciate my minuscule traffic and low comment counts as signs that I have an audience that I connect with, which is something I don’t think the A-listers like Dooce will ever have.

  12. Dave

    “If I wanted fewer readers, I could just do it the old-fashioned way — by publishing poetry!”
    My favorite line of the week so far.

    And you’re spot on about comments and blogging and all. (Of course, I might just be thinking that because I too am a Pisces. Albeit one who thinks astology is a total crock.)

    You should defect to That way you can get rid of most of the rest of your followers, too. And we have real conversations there. The geeks seem mildly impressed by our atavistic passion for poetry.

  13. Neil

    It is OK to say the poem sucked too. We really didn’t put that much work into it. We just emailed each other back and forth for a day. It was more an exercise of working together. I think there could be a strong argument that this is just a plain dumb idea because poetry is “personal.” To be honest, if you asked me what the poem is about, I would say, “I’m not sure.”

    But I think I learned a lot because she knew so much more than me about rhythm and “slant.”

  14. ACG

    i had no idea blogging was so serious. mine is just random verbal diarrhea in text form. now there is a description that should bring the readers in 😛

  15. Memarie Lane

    I read about thirty blog posts a day. And by “read” I mean “skim through and pick up key words and phrases that will give me something to comment about.”

    My mom always told me I had to love someone BEFORE I had sex with them.

  16. AnnieH

    # 15. Yes!! In well under the cut-off. Like the poem, but then again, I like poetry thus the 2 readers I have:>) And, it has the word magpie in it–what’s not to love there?
    But really what I want to say is how much I enjoy reading your postings. It’s fascinating to me. Writers are fascinating to me. I’m a nurse. I make my way in the world by putting thought into physical action.Expression and emotions into physical movement.Started writing as a way to debrief from seeing some of the things that I see but don’t really want to put down in words again in the same way that I saw them. Follow?? I don’t really want to write about seeing someone’s brain tissue oozing onto their pillow. Plus there’s the pesky federal HIPPA law. Enough said.
    Success is tricky. What is successful enough? In ICU’s we go around thinking that we save lives, but there are plenty of those days that I do not believe I’ve done anyone any favors.My goal for everyday–do one nice thing for someone else, learn something new. I try to get that done by 9am so I can slack off the rest of the day and be a bitch. I believe in setting the standards bar low.
    PS. FINALLY read this Dooce of whom you blather on an on about…are you joking?? Don’t underestimate yourself, Neilochka. You have something different. Don’t try to make it fit a wrong mold.

  17. Chris

    Great post! I’ve been discussing this with my husband – the bizarre emotional roller coaster that is blogging.

    I don’t get the whole Twitter thing. Time is so valuable – I wonder who’s paying attention to the world, life, the kids, the house, if everyone’s twittering.

    I don’t love you, but I sincerely enjoy your thoughts.

  18. Neil

    Chris — Twitter is very addictive. I think we are becoming junkies for immediate attention. If you get to know enough people, or if you comment is interesting enough — all you have to do is make a statement, and several other people are “listening” to you and replying. Try that with your spouse or children, and then you’ll understand why people would rather be on Twitter than dealing with the real people in their lives! I know I do… sometimes.

  19. sarah g

    I would gladly comment on someone elses, but your comments aren’t labeled. Am I number 30? Do i win a prize?

  20. sarah g

    darn…this only makes 20. apparently, they are numbered. drat.

  21. Finn

    I want to see you all dressed in black (with a beret), reciting that poem in some coffee house in the Village. With a bongo drum.

  22. DutchBitch

    I might not comment very often but I LOVE reading your blog! I don’t read any of the supposed A-list… I think…

    I just read the DBL (DutchBitch Loves) list… And you are on that one… Not sure if that helps but I am NOT taking you off there nor off my Twitter nor off my Facebook… there! Heh…

  23. kenju

    Sizzle is right! I have over 140 blogs in my feeds, but luckily not all of them post everyday. I’m mostly retired, so I have plenty of time to devote to it – as long as I don’t feel the necessity to clean, cook and sleep.

  24. kenju

    Oh, and the poem is good.

  25. Kristabella

    I think once you become a big blogger, your writing can start to suffer. Dooce writes about her dogs and her baubles.

    I’m content with my core of daily readers. I feel like I know them. I’d much rather have 15 people I like and know reading my blog and commenting than 150 idiots writing a bunch of “haha! Funny post!” comments.

    And also, I do not love you.

  26. DaveX

    Neil, if I loved you, I’d be prepared to let whether or not you read my blog slide.

    But since I don’t love you, I can feel free to be a commanding a**hole– get to reading my archives for June & July… and be prepared for a pop quiz!

  27. DaveX

    Alright, quiz time. What? You’re not finished? You’re so SLOW!

  28. melissaz

    Just got in under the 30.

    That’s my personal rule as well. And I can’t stand that I’m not able to comment and stuff the way I think I should. You know, because I have a LIFE! Sounds like that William Shatner SNL skit doesn’t it?

    Anyway, I’m a pisces, too.

  29. churlita

    thanks for helping me find Dana’s blog again. It was private for a while and I couldn’t figure out how to be able to view it, but it looks like it’s public again. Yea!

  30. Noelle

    I usually don’t comment if I see someone has more than 30. I figure it would be just too much of a pain for anyone to read all those comments.

    I also don’t read most posts that are more than one paragraph long.

    That being said, I’m sure it was a lovely poem.

  31. Neil

    Sarah G — I would give you a prize, but since I’m not A-list or a mommyblogger, no one ever gives me anything to give away. The only time I had a contest, I gave away a DVD copy of Tootsie, and I had to buy it from Amazon like every other freakin’ loser out there. It’s hard enough blogging for free. I’m not gonna go into the red giving away prizes that I pay for by myself. I will send you a copy of my fifth grade report card that I found in my closet if you want that as a prize. But you have to pay the postage.

  32. Neil

    Buy the way — make believe someone was really writing a scene where a guy gets his penis caught in the trunk of a Toyota Prius. Would that be the type of movie you would want to see?

  33. Edgy Mama

    You posted it anyway!

    I’d totally watch a movie where some guy gets his penis caught in the trunk of a Toyota Prius. Although I’m trying to figure out the subtext here.

  34. Neil

    Edgy — You don’t count. I KNOW you would see that movie. I’m talking about the more regular moviegoer.

  35. Jenny, Bloggess

    I love you and will love you even if you unfollowed me. My love is not one built on what I get from you. It is one built on your banner. It calls to me like a siren. So I guess what I’m saying is that you should never change your banner.

    Also? You can totally unfollow me on twitter. I don’t even follow myself.

    PS. Nice poem.

  36. Deb

    I love what you two wraught. Did. Wrote. Poemed.

  37. Neil

    Jenny — That banner — in fact my entire template — is exactly the same since day one. I need to talk to my therapist about this. It definitely shows a fear of change. I thought of putting a new header up there. Secret Agent Josephine even said she would draw me one. But what if I put something new up there and no one likes it, like the design of that girl who got booted off of Project Runway last week for designing a hootchie dress for Brooke Shields to wear on her TV show. I’m more like — if it ain’t broken, don’t screw it up. That’s not a succcessful attitude. Look how you take chances. I would never have enough nerve to get drunk and go head to head with the mightiest mommyblogger. That’s why you have the “right stuff” and I just look at the same banner for three and a half years.

  38. Neil

    Deb — After writing that comment, I went to your blog and you are completely redesigning yours. You don’t fear change either! More power to you.

  39. sarah g

    neil neil neil,
    i bet you could have come up with a better prize. geesh! and I wasn’t the 30th anyway 🙂
    and…are you really using your ‘you’ time to clean out closets?!

  40. brandon

    i know that you and dana and i discussed this a little, but i think shutting down a well-established blog and starting over is a lot like having long hair and deciding it’s just not worth the trouble and then cutting it all off. not as many people like it, but it’s easier to manage and MY GOD IT FEELS GOOD. plus, theoretically it will grow back if you let it. plus you can get extensions.

    but only if you use firefox.

  41. Chris

    I understand why Twitter appeals to so many people – discussions in our home revolve around social media and “cognitive surplus”. Check out this video if you’re interested and have time:

    The internet, blogging, Twitter are very addicting – clearly filling a well for many (myself included – except Twitter). It can become distracting to the point of unwellness for some – not all. I know friends who are slinking around their office, working on a blog post, commenting, responding to comments, Twittering, falling behind on priorities because of the immediate stroke (I like it too – I get it). Stay-at-home parents, with laundry piling, kids ignored (again, not throwing stones in a glass house here), etc…

    Some days I suppose the well’s emptier than others. Ultimately, I think it’s a good way for people to use their minds, share thoughts and socialize.

    I’m done. I still won’t Twitter though.

  42. Neil

    Brandon, thanks. I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to link to your small little blog.

    And I thought this would amuse people — SOPHIA just called and insulted most of my readers, calling them liars. She said this poem was — and I quote — “THE MOST PRETENTIOUS PIECE OF SHIT I’VE EVER READ! It wasn’t bad enough to be good.” And then we both laughed for ten minutes. I assume she was talking about my contribution to the poem, and not Christine, who usually writes terrific stuff.

    Can you see why it is so hard to get over a woman like that?!

  43. wordnerd

    Another Pisces here, and I’ve just about bailed on everyone lately. I just don’t have the time nor the energy to read and/or comment.

    I am really interested in the power these A-Listers have over the internet — so many bloggers now set the bar by how many readers or comments someone else has. Recently, an A-Lister wrote something about how to Twitter, and suddenly everyone stopped using “@messages”. Puhleeeeze. If we can’t be ourselves online and constantly have to make sure we’re doing it right, what’s the point?

    At any rate, I read you more than I read Dooce or any of the others. Because you actually have something to say. (And you write a pretty cool poem.)

  44. wordnerd

    Crap. “…the time OR the energy,” NOT “nor.”

    Idiot out.

  45. Joe Crawford

    Why turn blogging into high school? With cliques and “most popular.” Fuck that man, I think it’s slowing down your writing.

    Be true to yourself. The trick would be, for you though, that you have to know who you are.

    Keep up the poetry and follow your weird, and I’ll keep reading.

  46. V-Grrrl

    I used to be a writer. Now I’m just a mess.

    I already know about how writing poetry and posting art slams the sitemeter into the ground and cut your readership by 80 percent. Blame that on the psychopaths that cyberstalked me and ruined blogging and made me question not only my writing but my whole life.

    Hmmm. But change is a good thing. Questioning is a good thing. Shedding dead relationships is a good thing. Shifting focus is a good thing. Re-writing my life–a good thing.

  47. ali

    as long as you don’t delete ME 😉

  48. Pamela Detlor

    I don’t love you – I’m commenting past 30 – You don’t have to feel obligated to post comments on my site, or even go there for that matter. Here’s why I come around: You’re funny and honest. This combo is harder and harder to find.

    Jane Devin ROCKS! I’m going to check out the other gal you blame for your blogging.

    Penis in a car door: OUCH! But it would make a better movie than “Mirrors.” What a piece of crap!

  49. Mik

    I liked the poem, I don’t use Twitter so don’t worry about getting “unfollowed”. I’ve thought about using it, but spend too much time as it is on blogging.

  50. AnnieH

    ha-ha. Sophia has obviously not read my poetry. Good for her!
    And, how could she tell I was lying from so far away?? Is she a gypsy?? still luv ya, man

  51. mp

    BIG bloggers..ROCK STAR BLOGGERS..kinda like my post from the other day. See for ME.. you and Jenny the Bloggess visiting was having Rock Star Bloggers visiting my blog.. There are good Rock Star Bloggers and Bad Rock Star Bloggers..the good ones are having fun and reading and commenting as well..the Bad ones may be funny and smart but they only have time to impress..and not to be friendly. Your are still good Neil. You need to have fun.

  52. Neil

    MP — I think I started thinking about this after reading you post — and then I forgot where I read it —

  53. sassy

    I just noticed the blogcrush thingy… thank you Neil, that’s very sweet. (Even if you do only love me for a day… (; A girl will take the lovin’ where she can get it, eh?)

  54. sassy

    OK I just realized that my post has a picture of a naked woman wrapped in a snake – maybe that’s what it takes to get noticed !

  55. tiff

    Wordnerd! You haven’et stopped loving ME< have you? Are all the comments a lie? 😉

    And Neil – you’re on to something with the ‘over 30 comments’ thing. I really like some people who are over the top popular, but won’t comment on many of their posts because…well…who cares once you’re topped 50 of ’em?

    Quality vs quantity. That’s the real thing.

    And I liked the poem.

  56. Jane

    That poem sucks. Yes, I know 5000 Citizen of the Month fans say otherwise, but then they’d probably also tell you your farts smelled good. As your de facto sister, I’ll tell you straight out that your poem and a fart smell very similar.

    As for screwing with your head, Neilochka, I’m simply encouraging you, the often brilliant writer, to get off your duff and write something other than tweets, a blog post or collaborative poem. It pisses me off that you have all that talent, and some good resources, but don’t put them to work where they’d really count — like in a novel.

    I took singing lessons once, because I really really love music. After the 3rd lesson, the instructor took me hand and said “Jane, some people make good musicians, others make good fans. You are going to be a great fan.”

    I tell that sad story because there are very good singers that rarely sing, and very good writers that don’t write. I love writing as much as music, but mine is not the kind that sells. Yours would be, if you ever got off your tukus and focused.

    So, yeah, get off your butt. Or break my heart. Or write a novel. Or just kill me now.

  57. Neil

    Jane — Both you and Sophia just didn’t understand the poem.

  58. Undomestic Diva

    All I know is that if you don’t come to my blog rightthisminute and comment back, I’m going to feel worthless.

  59. HeyJoe

    I’ve been away for the simple reason that you state above, I just don’t have the energy to read so many blogs, and frankly you were wearing me out man.

    But I still check in now and again, and I usually enjoy what I find.

  60. formerlyfun

    Neil you’re lying. You want all of us to love you, not like you, loooooove you. You love your harem of literate, witty women,(and a few guys, aren’t there usually eunuchs in a harem? not that I’m calling your male readers eunuchs).

    Anyhow, a good chunk of the most talked about blogs are inane and miles from well written. The main reason to aspire to Dooce-like blogosity is to be able to hang with your bitches all day and make a sweet, sweet living doing it.

    We love you, and for good reason, you’re our straight David Sedaris, you’re our safe fantasy, you’re our literate, witty Captain Anthony Nelson, “Yes, Master?”

    Admit it, you love it.

  61. pia

    You and Christine? She’s one of my favorite “new” bloggers (As in I only met her this past year)

    I have been lurking as I enjoy your posts and saw you leading up to this post. I lurk a lot as I only read people I truly enjoy and want less and less to do with blogging

    That said I’m having my blog redone but more because, sadly, it’s a sort of resume

    I loved it when my technorati was between 2,500 (for about an hour) and 7,000.

    Then came Twitter and it just seemed so pointless to me. I could write a book about blogging’s growth and stagnation

    I’m doing a complicated move–due to close 10/01 and actually leave New York for good and that’s bittersweet

    I don’t think you’re looking for bloglove in this post. Most of us reach the point of….something.

    I do look forward to the next stage of Neil Kramer

  62. cog

    I don’t twitter, but I believe twitter will save blogging, because it will eventually separate those with something to say from those who want something to do.

  63. Nat

    62 comments, that’s a lot of ego stroking for you. 🙂

    I’m sure it’s been said. I just want you to go read my blog. 😛

  64. Neil

    Nat — I think there is some truth to that. I know I frequently comment just to let the other person know I was there — and hopefully persuade him to come to my blog. I wonder why no one has come up with a widget where u can tell a blogger that you read and enjoyed his post, but aren’t in the mood to comment — sort of a button you can press that sends a message into a database saying “Neil was here!” or something like that.

    But then again, that would suck, wouldn’t it? — with everyone just pressing buttons all over the place.

  65. Dana

    “Sometimes I wonder about poetry that way. Do the authors really mean what they say or are they just playing with us?”

    Both. We are serious AND we are playing with you.

  66. jenboglass

    There was a time (the length of about 2 months) that I really wanted to get serious about blogging. I wanted to research it, find a larger audience and make money at it. All it did was make me uptight and nervous about who would be reading me. Now, I just write for me and my family. I have only about 2-3 comments per day, mostly by the same folks, but I have found some great friends and people to look up to (Bloggess). I’m content. If I read some of the more popular blogs, I can see that people only comment (and early) to get noticed and more traffic. Part of the game. But I don’t want to play. I can honestly say I don’t love you, but I’m in like with you. This post came at a time when I needed it the most. Thanks. I’m bookmarking it to look back on later when my comments stop. Thank you. Thank you.

  67. cog

    oh, and a confession: I like your writing, Neil, but I also use your comments section as a sort of living blogroll. I pick random commenters and follow on to their blogs, always looking for a good read.

  68. Miguelina

    Way to use reverse psychology.

    And GOG’s comment? Ouch.

  69. piglet

    i like the poem. it isn’t something you can “capture”, and will provide different meanings depending on where a person is during life.

    i’m not poetry expert, i mean pablo neruda is one of my favorites.

    that’s good writing for a virgo, oh and before i forget, i love you.

  70. melanie

    my blog is an insignificant area of space that only I am concerned about. comments are never a burden. I couldnt keep up after a certain amount but I have ADD and apathy. 🙂

    from sister pisces to brother pisces, just cuz youz wrote poem don’t means yuz post it. lol.

    happy twittering. I couldn’t keep up anyway. Too much therapy still to accomplish.

  71. Di

    I had to comment, compelled to watch the counter click over to 71… was this your intention, wicked man? 😉

  72. Di

    I don’t even know what twitter is, just btw. Sorry, a second comment as I read my way back up the comments.

  73. Neil

    Di — Human nature. No one comments until you tell them not to. And stop sending me money in the mail! And your bras!

  74. V-Grrrl

    If you received one of Di’s bras in the mail, you’d REMEMBER.

    Ahem. Just sayin…

    #74 woo hoo! Take that bitches!

  75. Dana

    I like this quote from Bob Rosenthal: “Collaborations lift the need to be great and reveal the need to just be together.”

  76. Mir

    Okay, so I feel like you and I are sort of having a conversation about this in bits and pieces (and now I’m your blog crush! that totally deserves a picture of my bra!) today. I think that… different people have different expectations about what it means to leave a comment on a blog and what the writer’s “obligation” then is. While I’m not an A-lister by any means, I often get well over your suggested max of 30 comments on a post, and yeah, I don’t have the time/energy/brain cells to respond to everyone.

    So… I don’t. I have noticed over time that occasionally people who were once ardent commenters wander off, and certainly some (all?) of them were pissed that I didn’t respond. I do respond to commenters, sometimes (depending on what they said or how much work is on my desk or the mood I’m in or the phase of the moon), and I feel badly if people feel slighted when I don’t, but this is how it goes.

    And while I’m grateful for every single person who takes the time to read what I’ve written, the whole “OH I JUST LOVE YOU” thing is… weird. “I love your writing!” = warm fuzzies. “You and I are exactly alike!” = creepy.

    I also feel like anyone who can’t understand that a personal response to every comment is often logistically unfeasible and not in any way a personal slight probably needs to take a little time away from the computer, y’know?

    Okay, shutting up. Um, bra pic’s in the mail.

  77. justrun

    Ah, the blogging/reading/commenting balance.
    I completely agree with Sizzle.

    And, I’d add, we can only do so much. And by do I mean care.

  78. christine

    Lord have mercy man, 77 comments! All because you wrote poetry, hee hee!

    You must be a fairly super human blogger. I totally relate to the emotionally draining part. That’s why I stopped with all the memes, and most of the linking to prompt sites. Must save self from degradation. You really are funny, even if you are now a poet.

  79. gorillabuns

    As a fellow Pisces, I understand the problem: we act like it doesn’t really matter about being popular and adored but in reality, it does.

  80. G. Savant

    Penis stuck again,
    In the trunk of a hybrid.
    Prius loves me back.

    There’s a little haiku I wrote for you. Enjoy.

  81. Peeved Michelle

    I don’t love you. I hope we can stay friends, though. I know everyone says that, but I really mean it. I do.

    Stop calling me.

  82. Chag

    Prius? PENIS! Prius? PENIS!

  83. Sarcastic Mom

    In direct defiance, I shall comment (far) over 30 comments, and tell you I love you.

    But you’ll see right through that, since it really is true… I only ever fall in love AFTER sex.

    How’d you know?

  84. Monica

    Since we’ve had sex repeatedly, I’m allowed to say that I love you. And I’m allowed to comment even if you’ve already got one thousand. I’m special.

    Ahem. I really like this post. There isn’t one single time you write something, anything, that doesn’t make think and feel connected. And relate. It feels good. Oooooooohhhh aaaaahhhhhhhh!

    I can’t get enough of you, Mr. harmless lover boy 😉

    (As charming as you are, I seriously doubt the ‘harmless’ part)

    God forbid you were ever Mr. Dooce. What a nightmare. My happiest times blogging was when I had about 15-20 everyday readers who I really connected with, learned from and more importantly had time for. There’s always more than that, but those were always there. And they connected between themselves, so the conversations were never-ending. Sure, readers don’t have to be friends. But. I like it better that way. With all the depth, that is. A small but faithful readership is my ideal. I know they’re there because they want to hear whatever it is that I have to say, good or bad, boring or not, and not because I can be (or can I?) entertaining. Or funny. I’m so not funny.

    It comes as no surprise to me you’re so loved, mr. charming. You’re full of inspiration.

    PS: Don’t come and comment on my post with no comments. Really. Don’t. I was born a loner *lmao*

  85. VDog

    That would be so hawt if you flirted with me inappropriately.

    But I guess that would mean that first you’d have to think I was a hot mommyblogger. Hmm.

  86. TRO

    I’m late to this game, but if you are gonna get your penis caught in a vehicle at least get it caught in a real car like a Chevy Tahoe or a Vette.

  87. Helena

    Neil, you’re ridiculous.

    Barful of strangers trumps wife ANY day.

  88. Crys

    you are taking this verra seriously. i blog because i want to verbally barf somewhere, because sometimes the barf wells up to your throat part and that’s when you know it’s gonna blow. and so then i blog. lots of it is utter rubbish and some of the people who comment are concerned, encouraging, disdainful or sycophantic. i don’t care because it’s about the barf.

    i normally don’t like talking about barf, but look how many times i just said it in this comment. THAT’S progress. that’s growth!

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